The Failure of the Rich

(Upbeat music)

So this is a convergence of several
different things that have all happened.

I heard a story, it
was on the Internet and

it was about a meeting
at the white house.

So this is basically, we’re
gonna talk about millionaires

and billionaires and how to
attach the air from reality.

I think everyone knows
their detached from reality

because they live in a different
world than a normal person.

So they think about things a different way.

And the story was that Jeff
bezos was at the white house

with Obama and John Stewart was there.

John Stewart is a comedian
that I fell in love with

on the, he was former host of
the daily show fort trevinoa.

And I think I watched every
episode of the daily show that he did.

And he was socially
conscious and he was incisive

and politically aware and then all
those were all very appealing traits to me.

So he was telling this story.

Jeff bezos is at this meeting.

So of course Jeff bezos is
there because he’s super rich.

I think of that probably the
richest man in the world at that time.

And the story goes that he
was talking about the future

and the way he saw the
future that there would be

like a cabal of billionaires
and industries and services

would all be catering towards
the needs of these few people.

They would essentially
be running the planet

and everything would be geared
towards making them happy.

Now, John Stewart pointed
out that this is horrendous.

This is,

Jesus drops in more Dave.

Yeah, content irrelevant, more
Dave, but more Dave is good.

I’m thinking I’m hoping he’s
gonna take a nap while I do this.

It actually ruins my posture.

If you look at my shoulders,
man, this is ridiculous.

So Jeff bezos has made the statements that

the future of the economy is
not going to be about people.

It’s going to be about
multi-millionaires and billionaires.

And John Stewart then speaks up and says,

“this is one step away
from the French revolution.

This is one step away from
people taking away all their wealth.

This is one step away from
basically a new form of monarchy

where several big companies,
it’s all the dystopian books.

They always have three major
corporations are at war with each other

with private militaries
and stuff like that.

And Jeff bezos is talking
about that like it’s a good thing.

And Obama agrees with John
Stewart that this is a bad thing.

And so that got me
interested in Jeff bezos.

So I listened to two episodes
of behind the bastards.

Where they talked about Jeff
bezos’s youth and his history and stuff.

I’m not gonna go into that
because if you want to listen to that,

you should absolutely
subscribe to behind the bastards.

I shouldn’t be
encouraging people to

subscribe to non-chompe
beef chess podcasts.

But let’s do both.

Subscribe to behind the bastards.

It’s a very good podcast.

I got into it because of Steven seagull.

I wanted to see if
there was anything that

they brought up that
I didn’t already know.

I knew everything.

I was obsessed about it, man.

I’ve listened to like a
cadaphy and a bunch of people.

Basically I picked out all the
people I were interested in.

I was interested in and I listened to
those ones and I was very happy about it.

It’s very thorough, very smart.

It’s really good stuff.

This is Chuck mcbeath chess, c. Mcbeath.

Not to be confused with the, I
believe it’s Brazilian military operations

that also has the same name.

I’m actually gonna try to start beef
with them, which seems a really bad idea.

But there’s a c, c-m-c-b, which is like,

I think it’s Colombian
military, something base.

And so I believe it’s a training
program and they have their own podcast.

So there’s two c-m-c-bs in the world.

One is this where I talk about
just the most random stuff

and one is some very
serious people who

probably want to be
like professional police

or in the military.

I also produce news news Japan.

News news Japan is about news from
Japan, but you’re not there for the news.

You’re there for the color
commentary that I give about it,

which is how I, you know,
I’m a very thoughtful person.

I feel so fucking stupid saying that.

There’s also, it’s like a one-off
thing called daily affirmations weekly.

So basically it’s an affirmation you
can listen to every day for the week.

The longest ones may be a minute.

So they’re usually about 10, 20,
30 seconds long, which is great.

There’s Montana ldablo, which
is a choose your own adventure,

which you’re not allowed to
say ’cause I can get sued for that.

So it’s a user-driven narrative experience.

That’s four projects that are
all relatively active in some way.

And then there’s the old velocity
podcast, which has been retired,

seemick b replaced that.

But also behind the bastards, which I have
nothing to do with, but it’s very good.

And since I’m talking about
podcasts, three being salad,

it’s the most British thing ever.

So it might not be for everyone,
but it is my favorite podcast.

And it’s what I would like to do
’cause it’s just three people sit down

and talk about something, but
they just basically shoot the shit,

but they’re all really funny.

So those are my recommendations for now.

Anyways, write all that
down, go into your podcast.

Oh, you listening to your
podcast right now, kind of.

So you should probably just open your
podcast app and subscribe to all those.

So anyways, Jeff bezos is a
psycho, but he’s lived most of his life

in a world very different from this world.

So I kinda get it.

Discord just went off,
so I’m gonna silence that.

Just give me a second.

But it got me then thinking
about millionaires and billionaires.

And again, they’re so
different from regular people.

How did they live that way?

Or how did they get that way?

So I went on to, not on purpose though.

Like this all sort of,
again, this was a astrology.

This was a conflation of planets
coming together and aligning.

So I had all this information
hit me at the same time.

This was written by someone
on the anti-work subreddit.

I do enjoy the anti-work subreddit a lot.

The title is, “I’ve written several books

with multi-millionaires
and it made me understand

something critical about the
world of work and business.”

And so that was where,
it’s like, oh, this is interesting.

This is relates to the
Jeff bezos question of like,

how does he live and
what’s going on in his head?

I believe that they’re surrounded by
people who wanna make them happy.

It’s the same thing that happens to stars.

I think about Justin bieber.

Justin bieber was a kid, he got famous,

and then he’s surrounded by people
who tell him he’s great all the time.

And that actually isn’t good for you.

But these businessmen
probably are at the same point

where they’re surrounded by people
who are so desperate to make them happy.

So they can make money that they spend

mostly their life thinking, everything I
say is smart, everything I say is good.

I’ve seen and met the president
of the company that I work for.

Now, he is not a tuned
in guy, and he’s not

like one of these
multi-millionaire dudes.

He is rich though.

He runs a fairly large company in Japan.

I wouldn’t trust him with anything.

If I’m being really honest, I wouldn’t
trust him to do the most basic tasks

that need to be done properly.

And I think that seems
to be like a universal idea.

But then how are these people
so important and so fond upon?

But this was interesting.

I wanna go through sort of the
main points of this anti-work thing.

‘Cause this is quite long.

And I don’t wanna read the whole thing.

I just wanna get the main points because
it sort of illustrates the next points

that I wanna get to.

I’ve been working as it
goes right or for some years,

and over this period I’ve written several
books with entrepreneurs and businessmen.

Several of these clients were extremely
wealthy, not in the Elon Musk league,

but easily rich enough to invest their
money, have a very comfortable income,

own at least one property
and never work again.

But of course, none
of them were doing this.

Now I will never hit that level of wealth
because the instant I came close to it,

I would start minimizing
how much work I do.

And I think that might be a
very normal instinct people have.

A normal person doesn’t wanna work.

I weirdly do though.

So if, like you think about what I
do, today is Tuesday, it is my day off.

I wake up in the morning, I drink
water, ’cause I like to hydrate.

I take day for a walk, I come back, I go
over my notes for an engineer’s Japan,

I record an engineer’s
Japan in the morning.

Normally in the afternoon, I
would then make and eat lunch,

and then I would record
c-micb in the afternoon.

I’m actually recording this in the morning

because this afternoon, i’m
talking to a guy on another podcast.

I then later in the afternoon,
edit an engineer’s Japan,

and if I feel like I have time, I’ll edit
the c-micb, so I’m ready for this week.

And then I’ll play video games,
which I will stream on twitch.

And then I will make dinner for my family,

and then probably after
that, just play video games,

and then go pick
up my kids from their

various things that
they’d do in the evening.

All of that is unpaid.

I don’t make any money off the streaming,

I don’t really make any
money off the podcast.

I’ve sold a couple t-shirts,
I mean, that’s great.

But I mean, when you think about,
I’ve been making podcasts for years,

the $30 I’ve made off t-shirts,
isn’t really compensating my time.

So I do have the work
ethic for creating stuff.

So given the opportunity to quit my day job

and do something like
creating content, writing,

stuff like that, I would
absolutely jump at it.

So I might do that work forever,

but it’s because I would find
that work personally satisfying,

whereas most people, these
millionaires that are running companies,

do they find running those
companies personally satisfying?

Now they are surrounded again, I
said by like, yes men, and those yes men,

probably it feels good
to have people tell you

your genius, your genius,
you’re really smart all the time.

But at the same time, work isn’t fun.

But it seems like I think what they wanna
do is make money and that money is status.

And so this isn’t, I’m not
actually creating podcasts

to create status, I create
podcasts because I like making stuff.

And I like putting it out there,
and I like interacting with people.

These billionaires want wealth and status.

So that’s the first, I haven’t even got it

this second paragraph yet,
this is gonna take forever.

Over time I’ve become more
and more fascinated by the factors

that drive people who are wealthy
to attempt to accumulate more

and endure experiences that
aren’t in any way enjoyable.

So that’s my point.

They’re doing work that they don’t enjoy,

that is painful or takes huge
amounts of time or is very stressful,

whereas I’m doing stuff
because I enjoy writing,

recording, I enjoy editing,
I enjoy putting it out there

and moving on and making the next thing.

There are many characteristics that in
my view underpin this, including narcissism

and the love of attention.

Now I can’t actually say
I’m different from that.

I want my podcast to be successful.

So I must have a desire for attention

and that includes a certain
amount of narcissism.

But I think it’s on a more
normal level where it’s like,

I want people to like the stuff I’ve made.

I want to interact with those
people, but I’m not seeking fame.

If I was seeking fame, I would
have given up on this year’s ago

’cause I’ve been doing
this literally four years.

Insecurity, obsession with
status, attempting to compensate

for some perceived weakness or
inadequacy, upbringing and social example,

and just simple lust for money and power.

So those other ones, I, people do
not accuse me of being insecure.

I have been accused of anything.

It’s gonna be overconfident.

Obsession with status, I,
to a degree, is choose status.

I am sort of the leader
of a team at my work.

I don’t really like being the leader.

I like helping other people.

So when my team needs something
done and I do it, I feel good about that.

But I don’t really like
being the boss, per se.

I am not particularly worried about having
a perceived weakness or inadequacy again,

’cause that comes with being overconfident.

My upbringing and social
alization is pretty normal.

I do not have a lust for money and power.

Other than I would like to have enough
money that I don’t need to work anymore.

So that I could do
creative stuff and have fun.

I also believe that making money simply
becomes a form of compulsive addiction.

And if heightened attention or being placed

in some form of pedestal is added to
the mix, it can become highly potent.

But through interviewing
successful entrepreneurs,

I realize something critical will
have a business people generally.

If you want to be successful in business,
it’s a disadvantage to be intelligent.

Probably most people
have realized that

there is no correlation,
let alone causality,

between intelligence and business success.

But I would argue that intelligence
is actively disadvantaged.

Now that was where
this got really interesting.

‘Cause what they’re saying
is that to be a successful

business leader, being
smart doesn’t help you.

By virtue of not being
intelligent, number one,

they don’t question whether or not
they’re what they’re doing is worthwhile.

So I do question that.

Now, worth whileness comes
from in my view satisfaction.

So I make podcasts that, I mean, my most,

in interviews with Japan is the
most successful podcast I make.

It makes about, it has a core
audience of about 800 people,

maybe a really big one will get 1,000.

I put a cmeb on YouTube
that got 11,000 views.

It was on the movie triple r.

But I made no money off it.

So is it worthwhile?

It was worthwhile because
I had a good time doing it.

But they don’t question that
because that’s not relevant to them.

So if I considered it not
worthwhile, I would not do it.

Number two, they’re
less likely to feel empathy

for people that they exploit trample on.

This is more debatable,
but there is some evidence

that intelligence correlates with empathy.

I would love to get a Dave cam.

That might be the next project is some,

a camera pointed at the
bed he usually sleeps in,

and a second camera
that somehow points down

at my lap right now
because he’s unconscious.

Because he’s lying on his back
and I’m just scratching his belly.

This is very bond villain old school stuff.

I think I can say I have
average intelligence.

Maybe I’m a little smart.

I managed to do a bunch of stuff.

But I would never say I was really smart.

I think I have a shallow
knowledge of many things.

Am I empathetic?

It’s weird.

I think I can turn it on and off.

But I could say that overall, I don’t want
to abuse other people to be successful.

I think that’s very important to me.

So I don’t know if that’s empathy.

But I think there is a moral implication

to putting down other people or
abusing other people to get ahead.

I don’t think I could really
do that consciously or well

because that’s not in my nature.

I love to do stuff by myself.

So that’s, again, this
whole podcasting project,

making it, producing it,
editing it, putting it out there.

I do that all by myself.

And then adding
people in, I would never

want to do that to
someone else’s detriment.

So number three, critically,
crucially, they don’t get bored.

They can talk about business for hours and
hours and hours, and they never get bored.

Trust me.

They never get bored.

And that, again, business– I mean,
there are interesting aspects to it,

but sort of like the day-to-day
stuff– I couldn’t talk about it for hours.

And so that is interesting because it
means they can focus on something.

I think that’s basically the
premise of the rest of it.

It was only through having meetings with
several rich people that I realized this.

If I’m not doing something
creative or actively enjoyable,

so I think I relate to the author in this.

I get bored extremely quickly.

The Internet has probably
contributed to this.

But I think its a tendency
is inherent within me.

I remember that when I had a
conventional job, all I ever used to do–

all I ever used to think about at
work was when I could go home.

I am not that bad.

But what I do want to do is go home and
make stuff or stream or do other things.

Conversely, the capacity to hold meetings

and talk for hours about
stuff that doesn’t even

need to be discussed can
only be described as heroic.

Meetings are the literal
bane of my existence.

It is insane how many meetings people
have and how pointless they could be.

I usually go to meetings,
and then I write up notes

and distribute those to
my team, demonstrating

there is no need to have
a meeting in the first place.

Because if I can just type
it up and send it to my team,

all that stuff could just be typed up as
a report and sent to me in the first place.

And then I would actually
have something to reference.

So that’s terrifying.

That’s why it’s a major disadvantage
to be intelligent if you want to succeed

in the capitalist rat race.

Because not only will you
question whether or not

it’s worthwhile, clearly
it isn’t worthwhile.

But what you have to do to succeed will
become utterly tedious, extremely quickly.

Whereas less intelligent
people are able to concentrate

on these boring
things, these activities

that are a benefit of
any form of creativity,

that are bereft of any form
of creativity or engagement

for inordinate amounts of time.

While I’m skeptical
about some of the claims

about the extended working
hours, it’s also partially

explained by business people are able
to invest such punishing hours in work.

While this is physically
tiring, tiring, the main reason

is that it’s hard to do is that
it becomes mentally draining.

Your eye could never do this
because our brains would tell US,

you’ve been doing the same
thing all day, this is boring,

it’s all pointless, stop doing it.

But that never happens to them.

This is also why they can’t
understand why everyone isn’t like them.

And I think that’s another important point.

The author of this talks
about the lack of empathy,

but lack of empathy also means
a lack of ability to relate to others.

So it’s the idea, I don’t understand
why you don’t think like me.

And this is something you see
a lot is that the ceo is confused

as to why workers don’t have the
same investment in the company

that they have, despite the fact
that they don’t take a moment

to realize they’re not getting the same
reward for being successful as the ceo.

So we hear about CEOs make like,
i– man, I wish I had the number now.

It was like the top CEOs
of a certain set of companies

made the entire year’s
salary of their employees

by 9/30 the first day of the new year.

Something like that.

Because they make so much
money within the first hour,

they had already outpaced
every worker that works for them.

Here’s a quote.

They want obedient workers,
obedient workers, people

who are just smart
enough to run the machines

into the paperwork
and just dumb enough

to passively accept all of
these increasingly shittier jobs

with the lower pay, the longer hours,
the reduced benefits, the end of over time

and the vanishing pension that
disappears the minute you go to collect it.

Because they want to be able to abuse you.

And so that’s the conclusion
here is that these are the two

main characteristics that separate
the owner class and the working class.

The owner class usually born into it.

Secondly, they’ve worked out that it’s
better to be the owner than the worker.

That’s not like we didn’t work this out.

But you just can’t just be
born into something anyways.

A vast majority of these
people who love to work

at any level succeed
in the corporate system,

they are just smart enough
to fill in the paperwork

and just dumb enough to never get bored by
doing it or question why they’re doing it.

That’s the perfect
person to work in business.

So that gives US like a framework
of what the successful rich person is.

And then I got to this
other article, which I found

very interesting, which shows the
failure to really understand their value.

So the super rich preppers planning to
save themselves from the apocalypse.

This is a very long article.

And I think it’s from a book.

So let’s get down to the bottom
and give some credit to the author.

Let’s do that for the other one as well.

The author of this was
on Reddit user wub1234.

So maybe– oh, that’s got to be like–

like a second account because
they don’t want to get in trouble

for ripping on rich people.

It’s actually very smart.

Don’t do that.

The author of this article
is, this is an edited extract

from survival of the
richest by Douglas rushgolf.

So I want to make sure people
get credit for the stuff they do.

But I found this interesting
because my first thought was,

they don’t see how this is
going to work out for them.

Now, I was thinking about
the movie don’t look up

with Leonardo DiCaprio, where
they’re predicting an asteroid

is going to hit the
earth and kill everybody.

And then all these super, super rich
people– I’m going to give a spoiler.

So if you haven’t seen
it, it’s post-credit scene.

So that’s not the end of the movie.

But the post-credit
scene has super rich people

have actually managed
to get to another planet.

And they land on the other planet.

So it’s going to be politicians, rich
people, famous people, was all like that.

The people have enough money to get
on their ship and get to the other planet.

And it shows them getting off the planet.

And they’re looking around
and it’s all new and beautiful

and wonderful and they walk out.

And then it shows like
dinosaur-like creatures

coming in to kill
and attack them all.

That actually, to me, was
not what would happen.

Because in that situation, they didn’t
bring anyone who had any survival skills.

A rich– you take Elon Musk or Jeff bezos,

and you plop them in
the middle of a forest.

They would die in a day or two because they
don’t know how to take care of themselves

because their life has revolved around.

I order something.

I say something and it comes
and appears and it happens.

Which is actually how
they run their companies.

I say I want this to happen and
then the engineers make it happen.

Elon Musk is the ceo of
six, seven companies now.

The interesting part to me of
that– someone commented,

I believe it was on Twitter or something,

said like, if you can be
the ceo of six companies,

it actually makes it very clear
that the ceo doesn’t do much.

You go around and get
saying like, it was bill burr,

had a comedy thing and it was
like everyone idolizes Steve jobs.

But all he did was say, take my
cds and put it in this little box.

And then like 50 engineers
went and made that happen.

But he got credit for it.

Just like Elon Musk gets
credit for a bunch of stuff

that he didn’t do any of that stuff.

Someone he ordered to do did it.

But that’s the world they live in.

That’s what they understand.

I say it and that it happens.

And that leads me to the failure
of these super rich preppers.

And what they’re doing
is they’re saying like, we’ve

seen that the climate crisis is coming.

We’re going to build bunkers.

We’re going to staff those bunkers.

And we’re going to live in them and live
out through the apocalypse essentially.

So they’re talking about
mad Max being real.

We want to get ahead of
that so that we don’t suffer

the consequences of a lot of
the things we’ve actually created.

We’re going to skip the intro.

It was quite good, though.

They sat around the table
and introduced themselves.

Five super wealthy guys.

Yes, all men.

Not a surprise.

From the upper Echelon
of the tech investing

and hedge fund world, at least
two of them were billionaires.

After a bit of a small talk, I realized
they had no interest in the speech.

I’d prepared about the
future of technology.

They had come to ask questions because
they don’t care what you have to say.

They care to have
their thoughts reaffirmed.

That’s the yes men
mentality of the billionaire.

They started out innocuously
and predictable enough

bitcoin or ethereum, virtual reality

or augmented reality, who will get to
quantum computing first, China, or Google.

Eventually, they edged to
their real topic of concern,

new Zealand or Alaska, which
region would be less affected

by the coming climate crisis.

It only got worse from there.

Which was the greater threat,
global warming or biological warfare?

How long should one plan to be
able to survive with no outside help?

Should a shelter have its own air supply?

What was the likelihood of
groundwater contamination?

Finally, the ceo of
a brokerage house

explained that he had
nearly completed building

his own underground
bunker system and asked,

how do I maintain authority over
my security force after the event?

The event?

That was their euphemism
for the environmental collapse,

social unrest, nuclear explosion,
solar storm, unstoppable

virus, or malicious computer
hack that takes everything down.

And so they talked about
that for the rest of the time.

And I think that is, again,
where they fail to see

that their authority only comes
from their economic wealth.

They have no value in themselves,
and therefore the instant–

so one of them, down later,
says like he has a group of Navy

seals that if he gives a command,

they’re all going to go to the
bunker and then ride it out.

But once the event
happens and the Navy seals

and this tech billionaire,
technology, again, is gone.

Technology does not exist anymore
in this post-apocalyptic world.

What value does that person have?

So the maintaining authority
is actually the question.

Because you’re paying these
guys, but there is no economy.

So paying the money doesn’t mean anything.

Crypto doesn’t mean anything.

What would stop the guards from
eventually choosing their own leader?

And that’s the bit they’re missing.

They can’t stop them.

Once the world falls apart, they’re
not going to be valuable anymore.

They’re going to say,
I want this and people

are going to go, who
fucking cares what you want?

I actually know how to survive.

I actually know how to do things.

I actually have real world skills.

All you have are a few ideas
that are part of the old world

and they don’t mean anything anymore.

This single question occupied
US for the rest of the hour.

They knew armed guards would be required
to protect their compounds from raiders,

as well as angry mobs.

One had already secured a
dozen Navy– oh, there it is.

Doesn’t Navy seals to make their way to
his compound if he gave him the right cue.

But how would he pay the guards
once even in his crypto was worthless?

What would stop the guards from
eventually choosing their own leader?

The billionaires considered
using special combination locks

on food supply that only they knew were
making guards where disciplinary collars,

one of the most stupid
Sci-Fi ideas they’ve ever had.

Because again, basing this on technology
when technology’s failing means they’re

going to figure out how to get it off.

In some kind of return for their survival,

or maybe building robots to
serve as guards and workers,

if that technology could
be developed in time.

I tried to reason with them.

But if we look back at the previous article
from anti-work subreddit, they’re not

going to accept any other idea.

They have an idea they want it to happen.

They want to push it through.

They’re not going to think about you.

They’re not going to think about empathy.

They’re not going to think about
anything to make the world a better place.

I made pro-social
arguments for partnership.

In solidarity is the best approach to
our collective long-term challenges.

They’re not going to understand
that because it doesn’t benefit them.

They don’t understand that
because it doesn’t have empathy.

The way you get your guards
to exhibit loyalty in the future

was to treat them like
friends right now I explained.

Don’t just invest in
ammo and electric fences

or collars, invest in
people in relationships.

They rolled their eyes at what must have
sounded to them like a hippie philosophy.

This was probably
the wealthiest, most

powerful group I had
ever encountered yet here.

They were asking a marxist
media theorist for advice

on where and how to configure
their doomsday bunkers.

That’s when it hit me.

At least as far as these
gentlemen were concerned,

this was a talk about
the future of technology.

So that’s really, again, you can see
where all the failures are going to happen.

By not caring about
other people, by not

caring about the future,
other than your own,

by not caring about the environment, by
not being divested or invested in society

or social systems, these billionaires have
actually set themselves up for failure,

but because they’ve never failed,

because they’ve surrounded themselves with
people who, complete every idea for them,

they can’t understand or see
how that failure is going to exist.

They can’t understand or see
where the future is actually going,

where the first instance,
because these guys are dicks,

these military dudes who want
to just protect their families

or whatever, going to string
them up and get them out

of the way so that they can take over,

and probably actually create
maybe a militaristic system,

but one that’s actually designed
to care about other people.

But it shows, again, I
have actually had episodes

in the past and stuff where
I’ve talked about economists

and economists talk about
growth, endless growth,

and that endless growth is not realistic,

but they won’t accept it
because it means there is a limit

to how much power or how
much money they can make.

These guys, these billionaire preppers
are actually suffering from the same thing.

They’ve fallen apart from realite thinking.

They think they are separate from society

when they’re actually
just a part of society,

and when society falls down,
they’re going to fall down with it

and they can’t accept it.

(Upbeat music)

(Upbeat music).

The Pornhub Year in Review

I mean, we’re talking about #statistics of naughty topics, so you should know what you are in for with this one.


Do you have a little more time?


Because this is something I don’t
know if it’s going to work, so I think it

would be good to do now if it doesn’t work.

We can just abandon it.


I have the porn hub here in review.


I throw that on the screen.

There you go.

The porn hub 2022 year review.

So this is all the information.

So we don’t really care.

Top searches is interesting.

Top searches in porn stars.

Traffic in time.

Popular categories.

Gay searches.

Men versus women.

Demographics, devices.

TV characters.

Video game searches.

Holiday is an events affecting traffic.

And top game searches.


So I kind of want to look at all these.

This actually could be huge or nothing.

That’s the problem.

But topping this year’s trends is reality
porn, which I found really interesting.

The reality category grew by 169%
— 169% — what does reality mean?

Well, so I think that means amateur —
no, because that would be virtual reality.


Well, it says the amateur category dropped.


So I theorized as much as amateur
models become full-time performers.

So that’s what you’re saying.

Amateurs are not amateurs anymore.

They’re full-time performers, which
means they’re not really amateur.

So people are looking
for visitors are still

seeking a real homemade
porn experience.

But with higher quality.

Well, no.

The higher quality ones seem fake.

So this is what people are looking for.

Homemade style.


So in fact, the searches for real
amateur homemade grew by 310% in the

United States and 179% worldwide.

So people are looking for less produced
stuff, which I found really interesting.

Real people.


Because western porn
stars don’t look real anymore.


They don’t.

They look like hyper real.



They look like cartoon characters.


So why do you think people
are looking for homemade?

This is what I was actually interested in.

Why do you think homemade is taken off?


You have to come up with a theory just now.


Because I think that people are
looking for something they’re not getting.



I mean, besides all
of this, I’ve just read

a lot about a lot of
countries birth rates

are down.


Like time at home during the pandemic
hasn’t like indeed people to each other.

It’s made people more like tense, I think.


I think that’s true.


Because a child abuse
and domestic abuse went up.

But I’m thinking, my thought was
though, if you’re in a, if you’re in a,

have an abusive person and they’re around
more, it’s going to get more abusive.

Like there’s no way that gets better.


But I was thinking that
people want, they want reality.

They don’t want to, they don’t
want like a fake experience anymore.

So the, the common
homemade search terms are

homemade swingers and
homemade threesome.

So I think that fits in
with what you’re saying.

They’re not getting threesomes
and swingers at home.


But they can see it.

But they also want it to be
not fake like three porn stars.

We’ve all been paid and they’re all like
make up on it’s little made of plastic now.


Women view reality porn 37% more than men.

So I found that interesting.

No, I don’t really.

You don’t find it interesting.

No, oh, sorry.

You said interesting, surprising.


Yeah, that’s okay.

Yeah, I don’t.

I heard surprising.

Even though I did hear you say interesting.

I mean, I guess I find
just all this interesting.


And homemade grew 33% among gay visitors.

Only four countries had reality is
their number one category, Ukraine,

Belarus, Kazakhstan, and Kyrgyzstan.

Oh, wow.

Those are the last three though.

Those are pretty strict
countries on everything.

Morals, I guess would
be the most interesting.

Well, I said the Ukraine’s, I
said the, I left Ukraine out.

Ukraine’s more western to me.

Yeah, but Belarus is basically Russia.

Kazakhstan is kind of middle east.

They’re sort of stuck in the middle between
Russia and the middle eastern countries.

Kyrgyzstan, I actually don’t know
where that is if I’m being honest.

It’s around there.



No, I’m fair enough.

I liked this transgender
category grew by 75%.


I think the most popular
category worldwide.

It’s most of you in Brazil.


So I think the third most
popular in the United States.

And Italy.

See, porn tells the real
picture of what’s going on.

I made a joke with the end of the
Indian news, Japan the other day.

Because I know the number one and
number two searches are both Japan related.


But I was like, people are
honest with their porn searches.

I want to find the thing
they actually want to see.


So I might go out in public and lie
like, I hate transgender people, but

then I go home and
search for transgender porn,

which shows that deep down inside I
kind of want it to be a good thing and I

think to see.

Is that like what is it that
cognitive dissonance right

where it turns me on, but I
feel bad about it or something.

So then I have to go
out in public and hate it.


So ftm female to male searches
were eight times more popular.



And transgender threesome and transgender
surprise were among the topsours.

I love the idea of transgender surprise.

So the guy goes home with a really
hot girl and then there’s a… surprise!

So now they’re not just writing like Thai
lady boy, right in transgender surprise.

Men view transgender
video 22% more than women.


Like that isn’t surprising either.

Trans male transgender was a hundred
and fifty fifteen percent more than men.

Women watch that.

I’m not 100% sure what
trans male transgender means.

I think they just means trans male.


I guess I think they’re just
over complicating the search.

Yeah, that seems…

That would actually end up confusing me
as to what I was supposed to be looking at.


Like I went to a man and then
I transitioned back to a woman.


So I am a second generation
transgender woman.


That’s true.

Yeah, I mean I’m going to have to
believe you because I do not know.

No, I just… no, I
just don’t know.

No, I just don’t know.

25 to 34 are transgender videos are
up 34% more than other age groups.

Gen x, 35 to 44, 25%.

So basically the younger you get, the
more sort of open and honest they are

about transgender being
attractive, which is cool.

I found that ftm female to male searches
grew 202% among visitors at porn hub gay.

Non-binary gender x and androgeness.

Yeah, this is the thing.

I’m now so old a lot of this
stuff doesn’t mean anything to me.

I don’t know what gender x means.

I don’t know gender x either.

Never heard that one.

I understand gender androgeness.

I actually think that would be interesting.


Something that looks in
between a male and a female.

This to me is a korean pop stars.


Korean pop stars are very androgeness.

I’m often like male and female at
the same time, but still it’s kind of sexy


So three sims are really popular.



I found that interesting.

I think that… would
you do a three-sem?


I have not.

And I think I couldn’t successfully.

And I think that… I want
to focus on something.

I want to… my version of sex is
making the other person happy.


So I don’t think I could
make two people happy.

So I’d always feel like I’m ignoring
someone or as someone else is getting

more attention than the other person.

And I feel like it was unfair.

So I actually have like a
performance issue where I’m like…

I need to satisfy both people.

Can I do that?

Which I don’t think I can do.



I don’t… I don’t
think I could… yeah.

I don’t know.

I can’t view sex that casually.



I think again that’s a
different mentality though.

So the searches…
Oh yeah, go ahead.

No, yeah, you go.

I was just actually…

Well, you were talking, I was looking
ahead and I got to positioning and I

wanted to talk about it.

Well, so the ones…

We can skip a bunch because group
sex and gender reality, that’s fine.

Outdoors, I thought, was interesting.

People… because that’s
got to be like amateurs.

Well, I guess not necessarily.

But like people… just… outdoors is so
vague because I guess it’s just public sex.


But is it like, oh, we’re out in nature?

I want to know if it’s out in nature
or like we’re sneakily doing a blowjob

in a restaurant.

Oh, travel is in there.

So I guess it could just be
like, oh, we’re going to a place.

Yeah, because the third one is camping.

So camping is just… you’re not assuming
you’re not really going to get caught.


Positions though.

Sizzaring grew by 96%
worldwide and 151% in the US.

And then, positions like Amazon,
cc9 and calgary also increased.

But Amazon, I actually only really
found out what that was recently.

No, that’s what I wanted to talk about.

Amazon is… it’s such like
a submissive male position.


And actually, I can
understand why it kind of grew.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That was one of the few things
in sort of sex that just knew to me.


Because when I grew
up, that was not a thing.

And I don’t even experienced
it as a concept recently.

Because I only learned about it maybe
this year or last year, to be honest.

I’ve known about it for a couple of years,
but I’ve always found it fascinating.

Because it’s like…
To me, it’s like letting…

You found a woman who wants to
have sex and wants to like control it.


And it’s so the opposite of
most people’s experiences.

Which I think would be really
a big release for some men.

Yeah, like, oh my god.

She wants to take control.

She wants to lead this.

And so I can find that position.

I’m very curious about it.

And I don’t think I’ll ever have it.

Because I don’t think I could
ever convince my wife to do that.

It’s one of those things where…

I think part of the appeal from the
female version to the male is that the

male wants her so badly.

Whereas men don’t generally experience
that because the women take on a more

passive role.

And this is like, she wants me, which
is a very sort of rare feeling for men.


Like, she wants me so bad
she’s going to pale my ass.

But we get down to fendham down here.

Fendham grew 28% pegging though.


Was the top trend.

Cuckold grew by 18% and
bondage joins the top 20.

I think pegging in cuckold just became
such common words the last couple of

years as well.

Cuckold was used as
an insult for a long time.

At the last decade because they
were using it as like a liberal cuck.

I don’t really care about
group sex and stuff.

Oh, that’s just describing the each one.


Feet grew.

Among females though.

That’s the weird part for me.

Well, this is the details about feet.

So let’s look at that.

Searches for love her feet were trending
throughout the year making foot the

most popular fetish-related term in 2022.

If the category was viewed 38% more
over the previous year, which included a

hundred and forty-five percent increase
in popularity among women and ten

percent of romance.

So that’s huge for women.


So back last year it was
almost the same as that’s a mate.

So something has peaked
women’s interest in feet.

Oh, I know what it was.

Yeah, I don’t know.

Again, this is a huge culture thing.

I haven’t said where though this.

Yeah, so this is the culture thing.

This is one of the interesting things
was the top two searches in the world

were hentai and Japanese.


But in america, hentai was number
one, but Japanese was like number ten.

So there’s a whole bunch
of stuff that took the middle.

But america is the dominant porn hub user.

That’s actually going to be in here later.

Oh, here we are.

The most search terms of 2022.

This is universal.

So hentai Japanese.




Penet though.

Oh, specific.


But I feel it’s just like
searching for Japanese.

And then the next one’s Asian and
step mom and then it gets into sort of the

regular stuff.

Wow, Asian.


Just, I mean, I guess if america is
the heaviest user, maybe like white

dudes want an Asian.

They want hentai and they want Japanese.

Oh, yeah.

That’s just the top two.

Oh, yeah.

Well, penet is a Filipino.


Filipino, yeah.

I think it is.


So that’s very telling.

I found that really interesting.




I don’t care about the
most popular performance.

Close play.


There’s a lot of.

And then the amateur models, yinli
on like this is I actually found this

interesting because

I was like, these are no way
they’re amateurs, but I was like, I’d be

interested like how
they’re lives, but whatever.

The state of the union.

So I think this is just america, yes.

So lesbian become the favorite search term
in the United States replacing last year’s


So I would just look at the chart.

So it’s lesbian, hentai, ebony.

That’s in latina Asian.

This is all very, like these people know
what they’re looking for, like a flavor.


So quite, yeah, like just ebony
latina Asian all being grouped together.

It’s basically non white.

Non white.


Don’t want no carons in my porn.





















But this is the one, this is the one
actually thing Jade was interested in

is the searches
by state in america.


Let’s go.

So I am weak on my states.

Maybe Jade will help US out.

But we have up here.

That is Washington state in California.

I forget what this one is.


Washington state.



I would not want to watch that.

That is actually the
bid I found interesting.

California is just Asian.


I get it though.

Indiana in Wisconsin.


Texas is panties.

Texas is very uptight.


The bid I found interesting right
here is the most racist area of america.

Black, black, black.


Big ass.


I mean, this is all just we hate
something, but we really want to see it.

I don’t know this state here.


Is that like south Carolina that’s gilf?


Or it’s like my state’s not
great either, but holy shit.

I just know that this
area is generally racist.


It’s a whole black, black, black,
black, which I found awesome.

Anime right there in the middle,
hentai right there in the middle.


I like golf.


Wait, where’s Wisconsin and Indiana?

I don’t know.

I think it was about those.

So Wisconsin’s like
up north, right, isn’t it?

Maybe this big square one.

Big Booty.

See, this is the problem is I don’t know.


Which one choose a moment?

Yeah, no, but that must be
whatever it is where salt lake city is.



Utah’s in this area.

Wisconsin is above Illinois.


Okay, let’s know.

Let’s be clear.

You’ve just said something
is above something.

Is you talking to a Canadian and someone
from the UK who do not know the state?

So yeah, I have a vague.

Mormon is Utah.

Okay, so we I guessed right on Utah.


Thank you.

That’s so we Illinois is dirty talk.

Okay, cool.

Let me tell you.

Oh, it’s always good.

It’s baking.

Wisconsin is baking is awesome.

Oh, here we got our
furry up in here though.

Which I was surprised.

It’s the one that’s just sucking dick.

That is Michigan?


It’s south of this, Toronto.

Indiana is directly in east Illinois.

Okay, Michigan.

All right.

Yeah, sucking dick.

So they really want to see that.

It’s so weird.

Because I just assume that most
people using pornhub are men, right?


Like the ratio is going
to be the heavily male.

So that’ll be down in the in the thing.

We have I did like
Dominican is very specific.

Like that is a really specific search term.

That’s not even where I
would have expected it to be.

No, I assumed Dominican would be down.

Would be like Florida.

Yeah, where you could actually
maybe meet a Dominican person.

I guess this is sort of close to new York.

New York has a very
big Dominican population.

But down here in Alaska.

Is that like row with Rhode island?

Is that the state?

Rhode island is a state.

Is it?

I don’t know.

I’m trying to think the new england.

New england?

Is that it?


I can’t.

I think we should just give
up on the states to be honest.

Wait, is that Hawaii with amateur wife?

Amateur wife is white, but what is this?

Breast expansion.

I don’t even know what that is.

It’s Alaska.

So weird.

I don’t even– I honestly
don’t even know what that is.

Is it breasts that expand like balloons?

Is that like a balloon thing?

Or is it like, I don’t know what that is?

Wait, pmv is porn music video, right?

I’ll take your word for it, sure.

I mean, I’ve seen it, where
it’s just like so and so pmv.

And then it’s– well, thanks
for explaining that, Jade.

No, no, no.

It’s good.

Yeah, ok.


Yeah, they put clips of porn together.

And then we just play music over it.

That sounds quick.

I know.

I think it’s kind of like those videos that

have like the edging thing,
where they have like a beat that’s

going, and then they match.

And they’re like, ok, and then
it slows down and whatever.

I think it’s like that.

But it’s just like a more modern version,

where it’s just music
instead of like instruction.

This is also weird shower.


Because I know this is a desert area.

So they really–
they’re signs of Phoenix.

California, Arizona?

Arizona, sorry, yeah,
Phoenix is a city, right?

Phoenix is a city.


And then– and then this is another state

where they’re trying to
get rid of latino people.

And they want to
watch a lot of latino porn.

It’s just– it’s so funny
how ironic half of these are.

But yeah, gilf is quite funny.

Gilf is an area.


Yes, new Mexico, yeah.

New Mexico, ok.

Man, Jade, you came in at the right time.

Thank you.


Top 20 countries by
traffic, again, United States.

It’s not a big surprise.

United Kingdom, France,
Japan, though, being number four,

almost entirely illegal,
because it’s unsensored.

Oh, yeah.

Not supposed to watch it
in Japan, because it’s illegal.

Look at the difference.

Oh, I know.

Like, United States is more
than the next 10, 15 put together.

But that would also
have to do with population.

Because the population of Japan–
no, but the population of Japan.

Yeah, but the
population of the united

kingdom, France, Japan,
is equaling the states.

Like those three countries.

Yeah, Japan’s like 170 million.

The UK’s like 77 million.

France must be close to that.

America’s only like 300
and something million, right?

I don’t know.

I guess.

But that’s crazy.

That’s crazy to see if
there’s any surprises.

There’s no real surprises after that.

Yeah, no, they spent a lot of time on.

Poor no.



Egypt is interesting.

I think– it’s moved
up seven places.

Any Muslim country on
a pawn site is interesting.

But they’ve moved up seven places.

It’s increasing.

France went up a place.

Japan went down a place
because they’re so busy right now.

Mexico and the United States–
maybe Japan and the United States–

Japanese people were
getting something this year.

I don’t know.


Time spent per visit is interesting.

Nine minutes, 54 seconds.

So that actually gives you an idea.

Because when you do– oh, Japan–
Egypt and Japan are the longest.

They spend the most time.

Because they probably watch
the story bit at the beginning.

Or it takes them a while to
find something that they like.

Yeah, because it’s a busy, not per video.


That’s actually interesting.

Minus one second.

That’s so in detailed.

Yeah, I love to keep up with it.

So Jade says that and
smooth looking for a good video.

I agree with that.

Yeah, yeah.

10 minutes or so.

Well, it takes you 10 minutes
to find the video in the 12



Because you’re so ready for this.

It’s my experience.


It takes me nine minutes to find a video.

And 48 seconds to finish the video.

Jade says, it takes me longer
than that to find a good one.

That shows you have more discerning taste.

Because we’re at– yeah.

I just need something now.

I’m ready to go.

I would be interested in
the shortest time per visit.

They don’t have that time.

I don’t think so.

I don’t know.

Again, because they’re
focused on the most time.

Sweden went up 26
places from– wow.

Different people.

Different by eight.

Oh, this is good.

65, they’ve increased by 73 seconds.

It takes them that much longer.

18 to 24 went down by 58 seconds.

They’ve gotten more
efficient in their searches.

Well, they’re all searching
for transgender stuff.

Yeah, they all figured out what they want.


My age range has been– yep.

No, 14 seconds up.

Oh, we got 14 seconds, though.

That’s a weird amount
of time to go up by, right?

I think 14 seconds doesn’t mean anything.

But again, down to
america, I do like shortest.

That is actually what I was interested in.

No, I’m not saying anything.

I just earlier in the list, trans
was like the most growth– yeah.

Well, just one of the most
growth areas searches.

It was super interesting, that’s all.


Because yeah, gender.

So just for Jade, transgender
category grew by 75%

become the seventh most
popular category worldwide.

Number one, most viewed in Brazil.

That’s all– so we talked about
that for a bit before you got on.

And how transgender three-semin’s
surprise were top searches.

Yeah, super interesting.

Yeah, exactly.

That’s the kind of stuff
we were talking about.

All the people that like
outwardly say one thing.

And then it’s been the same
with politicians for years, right?

But they’re like, no,
they’re going to write.

And then they’re caught in a gay orgy.

In a bathroom, so I can sum do it on.

Ok, so I was interested
in the shortest times.

Ohio, they got the shit locked down.

Yeah, they know what they want.

They know what they want.

But that’s actually an
increase of 38 seconds.

So they’re the shortest, but they’ve
actually increased the amount of time.

So before, I guess, 2021,
they were just busting it out.

But I guess in these state times include
the average of men and women, right?

I would guess.

I would guess so, yeah.

Yeah, because I would feel like women
would be on the site longer than men.

Well, I like, yeah, just–
here’s the best part.

So gay is the most popular
date of visit for a night.


Yeah, because you got to
get one out before church.

You don’t want to go to
church with your bad thoughts.

You have to take care of that.

Friday has the lowest, because you’re
most likely to be out doing something.

The hours people prefer to watch porn.

10 P.M. to 1 A.M. I get that.

That’s when you’ve come home.

You’re getting ready for bed.

You got to take care of some business.

Tonight for me, it’s after the gym.

Oh, it’s because you’re adrenaline.

Yeah, you’re adrenaline.

You test those low-peak.

Oh, there you go.

Favorite times.

The lowest is 5 A.M. on a Tuesday.

That’s awesome.

And in Monday, 11 P.M., I get that.

You’ve had a tough weekend.

You just went back to work.

You’re like, got some tension.

You want to take care of.

Yeah, I totally understand that.

I don’t know anyone who would
be awake at 5 A.M. on a Tuesday

if they didn’t have to be.

But is this based on just their local time?

I would assume so.

Yeah, it could always have to be adjusted.

It couldn’t just be one like so.

Is it based on every
time zone put together?

It has to be.


And then this is worldwide.

Yeah, because 2 A.M.
is a good jerk off time apparently.

It’s up there.

That’s weird.

All right.

We’ve kind of actually hit this.

The other big gainers plus
5 for transgender plus 7

for outdoor plus 18 for babysitter 18 plus.

I’ll tell you what the
Internet says in that.

18 plus.

18 plus 21 for reality.

Well, hentai stayed the most
searched term worldwide.

That’s– I don’t know.

I just– the guy– he
didn’t make me do that.

–I’ve never watched any hentai porn.

So now I feel like I should watch
one just so I know what they’re doing.

I mean, I’ve seen it.

But like, did I feel anything?

No, not really.

I think I want to watch like, what is it?

Bible black is the most famous one.

I should watch one episode
of that and see if I get it.

Most viewed categories, lesbians.


Have any of your Japanese recently?


None of these–

like, there’s literally the only like
country that is on there as a search.

Pull a Japan.

Well, it’s like Japan now is
forever linked with pornography.


Watch something better.

I had made it to Bible black, please.

Well, if you have recommendations,
I’ll take recommendations.

Because like I just said,
I actually have no idea.

I did find this interesting.

Popular with women is a category.

So I as a man could go find a
video that’s popular with women.

I think that’s really interesting.


That’s a category popular with women.

Yeah, yeah.

That’s what I mean. 793 00:27:39,360 –>
00:-17:-2,-70 like all these other categories I kind of

could guess, like gang bang and 794 00:-17:-2,-70
–> 00:27:43,800 reality and even babysitter.

I’d be like no surprise.

Popular with women is a category.

I actually think that would be one
of the more interesting categories.

What just spit boy, you think it is? 799 00:27:52,640
–> 00:-16:-48,-70 I think because there’s a

couple companies that make porn that are geared 800
00:-16:-48,-70 –> 00:27:57,200 towards women and.

They tend to be like
more loving, more caring.

Well, there’s a lot more
like kissing and stuff.

Because when they actually
do this act, it’s just the same.

It’s like pounded away.

The only thing is pounding.

Like some of that stuff is like aggressive. 807
00:28:13,400 –> 00:-16:-27,-900 like it looks like

they’re trying to teach the vagina a lesson about 808
00:-16:-27,-900 –> 00:28:17,400 something like how.


Jade says it’s all
sorts of stuff in it now.

And that might be the thing.

Like it would just be
interesting to me to see.

Yeah, I’m fascinated
about what that would be.

Because yeah, like women, like
that’s like saying popular with men.

But I don’t know.

Like, you know, what
women is all individually?

What’s popular with men is
lesbian, ebony, Japanese, three.

That’s what’s popular with the evil.

The world’s most viewed
categories is the other one.

Yeah, so poppers are sex is like
kind of my image of what it would be.

Yeah, you’re right.

That’s a really good way to put it.

So Canada, lesbian, america, ebony.

I love that.

Because again, all we get is news about.

And then all kind of lesbian.

I’m fine with Canada loving lesbian.




Oh, just east Asia.

East Asia is just Japan.


Just want to say what we did.


The middle east is kind
of that’s India Pakistan.

The other kind of.

I love India.

It’s just searching for India.

They know what they like.

They want it to work.

That’s awesome though.

And then you got Russian and Russia.

Yeah, like that’s a big surprise to me.

I don’t know.

I feel like Russians are very patriotic.

Yeah, but it’s your porn service.

There’s nothing to do with patriots.

It’s not even then.

Even then.

Like my penis only stands up.

For a Russian, for a real Russian woman.

But bush come to me now.

It’ll be a… kylf.

About bush ahead like to fuck.

A rylf.

A bavook.

So I… in the Africa
searching for ebony.

Yeah, not love that.

I think that’s great.


What’s that called?

They’re trying to show US by colors.



Ainal is really popular in Europe.

Yeah, yeah.

It’s all up in here.

What’s that tree?

Anel and lesbian.




Like Israel.


Or… or… no turkeys
above that, I think.

Turkeys up there.

They have a… no
turkeys, ainal as well.

Oh, ainal, okay.

There’s a little blob
of red of milk in there.


Oh yeah, I don’t know.

It’s like Israel or something around there.

Oh, I think Israel’s higher.

Israel’s probably lazy.

I just found this block of
ainal was really interesting.


Oh, so… yeah, wow.

So what, there’s one block of red.

I said, I said, I said, because a little
ainal going on out there in the water.

This one block of milk in
Europe, which I find interesting.

Right there, I thought that was good.

I like the one little one, like by itself.


Just like… nope.

In the ass, please.

We like something different from you.


All right.

We’re going to get through… so,
category… I would like Spain is…

Spain is a lesbian, but Portugal is ainal.


Just this one we kind of went over.

Reality went up 169%.

That’s the most interesting.

Sizzling went up 164% baby sitter.

Oh, yeah.


This I liked, category is viewed
the longest, mature 18 minutes.

They’re really… tattu…
Tattu… I like a tattooed woman.

I find that really exciting.

Why did they go to turtle?

Was the… they’re
taking their time.

They’re rushing.


Strap on.

I do like… I do like the
shortest muscular men.

I would actually bet
that’s mostly gay dudes.

Just like I want to see a muscular
man gets me off right away.


I wonder if that means
because they talk faster.


Or… I actually think the whole view the
shortest would mean I know what I want.

Yeah, like I found it immediately.

Like I like redheads.

I see a redhead I’m done.

The virtual reality.

Yeah, maybe.

Is that… you watch
a virtual reality?

I’ve seen those videos
that this like split.

Like you have to put a headset on.

Okay. 950 00:32:28,880 –> 00:-12:-11,-870
like you know you can get like the cardboard

ones that you put on your phone 951
00:-12:-11,-870 –> 00:32:32,880 and stuff.

You put your phone in and
then it like splits the view.

Yeah, I think… you should have may…
You should have may do the same list.

You two should talk about it as well.

We could then combine
the two streams together.


Becoming you category on porn hub.

They never cross the streams.

Yeah, no, that’s what life is in as well.


Mail pov.


We’re getting down to the
most searched for gay terms.

Oh, we’ve got the porn hub gay.

So, hentai, twink, pinoy,
straight, black, anime.

None of these are really big surprises.

Oh, doctor.

Doctor, daddy.



Glory, hulk.


Top trending gay searches.

Big dick.

Not a big surprise.

A loud moaning though.

No, that was pretty good.

They want to hear it.

Straight guys, most viewed gay category.


That’s so rude.

That’s like a pigeon fruit.


Straight guys are black.

A black doesn’t surprise me.

The straight guys, I think, is funny.

And then all the other
ones are not really much.

Men’s favorite Japanese, ebony.

Women’s favorites, lesbian Japanese.

So the Japanese kind
of alternate there as well.

It’s interesting that
women’s favorite is lesbian.

But also that women
just like Japanese, what?

It’s Japanese porn, man.

Yeah, but what?

It’s just, Japan knows how to do it right.

That’s so weird to me.


So this is, I think, the one
we were most interested in.

Viewed more by women compared to men.

Scissoring being number one is interesting.



Trans-male transgender.

Doesn’t surprise me as
much as I thought it would.

Solo male.

They want to see women.

But a lot of this is the actually
want to see women getting

taken care of, but the
muscular men’s down in there.


But the solo male surprises me.

That’s when you actually would
really just want to see a dude.

He’s taken care of himself.

I get that.

The scissoring, I don’t.

Watching two women go out at I
thought would not be as exciting to women.

But I guess that might
be lesbian women maybe.


But pussy licking.

My understanding is that
scissoring wouldn’t do anything.

My lesbian friends have told
me that scissoring is not real.

I don’t know.

I have watched some videos and
it does look like they are rubbing.

I don’t think it’s as good, but
it’s just a way to like be intimate.


Another way in general.

We can actually look at it.


These are the most popular.

Devon trez.

I am not that name.

I’m sorry, that first name
is enough to do it for me.

This dude looks like a asshole.

Adam Russo looks like a dude.

Tyler wu.

Don’t take kolei’s pretty.

Pretty good looking.

Josh Moore looks nice.

Yeah, he does.

He’s a cute little smile.

Victor rom looks like
a fucking bomb villain.

He shit.

Sounds like one too.

Proportion of female visitors.

So female?

Oh, the Philippines is almost 50/50.

That’s cool.

Yeah, right.

We just dropped.

You know, it’s just massively.

The United Kingdom, 28% women,
72% men, Canada, 29% say so.

That’s all the same.

It put Japan being.

It was 30/50 around the same.


Age demographics.

Where are we?

I’m 45 to 54.

I’m purple.


I’m purple.

I am purple.

Oh, this is cool.

This is all for Jade.

This is the young people.

So 38% of the Philippines is 37% Egypt.

That’s neat.

Brazil, 41% young people.

What’s the highest proportion
of old people, I guess, is 15?

Yeah, down here, Belgium.

15 Belgium.

Belgium is pretty even.

It’s 14, 18, 21, 17, 14, 15.

It is pretty even.


It’s split across the board pretty nicely.

Same with Spain, 14, 15, 20, 24, 15, 12.

Spain and Belgium, man.

Everyone likes it.

Pretty equally.

Everyone wants something.

That is like liberal European attitude.


To watch more of my whole life, it’s fine.


Probably watch it with my kids.

Well, you and I are both gen x.

Apparently we like cream pies.

I do not.

I do not.



Okay, milk, not really.


So you’re not really.

You’re not fisting absolutely not.


Not of that.


You’re not maybe.



I never would have searched for that.

I would not have searched for any of these.

I would have searched for it.

I would have searched for it.

I would have searched for it.

I would have searched for it.

I would have searched for it.

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I would have searched for it.

No, I mean, yeah.

Like, I got like a 43-inch.

I’m not going to watch him pull on that.

No, we’re good.

No, we’re good.

Most of the search characters,
Harley Quinn, totally understand.

Not really my thing, but I’m fine with it.

Star wars, 365 days.

What’s that?

I don’t know.

Black widow, wonder woman, Sonic.

I know people don’t.

Catwoman, avengers,
Princess… elastagirl.

These all make sense to me
though, basically, except for the…

Sonic, and I don’t know what 365 days is.

Sonic is weird.


Power rages.

I had a crush on trini, the yellow
power ranger, who turned out in…

When they switched to fighting,
it was a little Japanese man.

Most of the search for video
games, let’s see what we want.

Yeah, and this other look
from… I’m very curious.

I’m not a big surprise.


Not a big surprise.

It gets an impact.

Not a big surprise.

Not a surprise.

I’m actually like, have
I played resident evil?

I’ve played GTA v.

I’ve played sky room.

There’s some… college do we?

Well, some of those
operators are kind of hot, right?

Cuphead porn.

Yeah, cuphead, roadblocks, minecraft.


Minecraft, I don’t see the
porn being particularly good.

I guess this would be a kid
searching what they know first?

More than anything else?

I think what… 1246 00:40:40,880 –> 00:-4:00,-130
but you know, it takes all sorts of things to

think the world go around and 1247 00:-4:00,-130
–> 00:40:45,880 some people get off on like…


…squeed, inanimate
objects being sexualized.



Mortal kombat.

Mortal kombat, yeah.

Mortal kombat, yeah.

A lot of the girls are hot.

Oh, here’s specific characters.

Overwatch divorce.

It’s Batman.

Overwatch divorce.

Yeah, I bet.

Resident evil.

I’ve never searched
for it and I’ve seen it.


Because it’s just…
Yeah, we don’t make it.

Ah, dima trescu.


Mercy tracer.

I was all over.


Fortnight chun Lee.

No, it’s different franchise dipshits.

Ah, yeah, but some people’s first
exposures to chun Lee is from fortnight.

I like, I’ve seen people go, like
Wolverine, you know, from fortnight.


Oh my god.

I don’t really know a
lot of these characters.

Oh, final fantasy tifa.

I wonder if that got traction
before or after that Italy thing.

World cup match.

Ah, yeah, they… they… wow.

I bet they… oh, do you
want to do a buddy UK?

Ah, I don’t really.

Most of the terms for the UK?

Yeah, come on then.

Oh, I probably saw it.

Okay, number one is
milf, lesbian, hen, tie, three.

So… Indian
doesn’t surprise me.

No, the lot of Indian people in the UK.

And a lot of like white dudes.

There’s a joy again, j.O.I.

I don’t know what it is.

I’m gonna have to look it up
after when we’re not on stream.


Top point stars?

Mia Collin-French.

She’s retired.

She only did like three,
four movies or something.


That’s amazing she’s
still as popular as she is.

Trending searches,
837% up, trans, fox, girl.

300 season naked wrestling.

Ah, kind of like that.

Naked wrestling is pretty funny.

Naked wrestling.

Oh, Japan, actually one.



Oh, joy is an acronym
for jerk off instructions.


Oh, that’s… Jade
put that in the chat.

I just didn’t put it together.

It’s… oh, yeah.

She did.

I thought it was just like…
I thought it was a joke.

Because we were reading about porn.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I thought it was a joke.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Most search firms
were telling… oh, wait.

I just even got the
characters that… wow.

So in English people search
for Japanese in Japan.


So most search for terms in Japan.

Number one Japanese.

Number two uncensored.

All these people were making the law.

All these people were making the law.

Amateur masturbation, hen-time
married woman animation.


I think that’s going to change
that world eventually as well.

All right.

Like Japan’s going to like ease up on US.

This is one of those
things where they did it.

And they just like… we don’t
want to admit we made a mistake.


Top porn starts.

Eva elfie.

I don’t know what that is.

Oh, I know who she is.

She’s this little slip
of like a European girl.

Oh, I guess elfie kind
of makes that happen.


754% up.

Car sex.

You and me, cammy.


600 and cc 7% up.


The fuck?

Not even wife, face writing, and one piece.

I wonder if that’s the cartoon or
like a one piece bathing suit dress.


Because they use that term in Japanese.


I think he’s probably the anime.

Oh, okay.

I don’t want to look at
many other countries.



I think we’re done.

I think that’s enough.

I’ve talked about porn enough.

The level of detail they’ve gone
to in this is actually astounding.

I love it.

But it’s too much. 1378 00:44:31,880 –> 00:00:-10,-240
well, now they’re going just through country

by country, which if there was 1379 00:00:-10,-240
–> 00:44:34,880 a country you were interested in.

But we’re done.

Do you think they
actually have a statistician?

No, they must.

Because all the details, because
it’s a company driven by traffic.

So they want to know what’s trending.

They want to know who, what people like.

They want to know all that stuff.

They have someone’s job.

They just crunch all those numbers
so they can do this presentation in their

office and be like,

“well, we need to increase the
amount of transport on our website.”


Like that’s just…

Because the owners of pornhub are
like the owners of lots of porn companies

as well, right?

Yeah, they basically, I think almost
every major porn site now is just pornhub.

Yeah, just in a different skin.


And they own a lot of the companies
that produce the porn anyway.

Now it’s almost monopoly.

So that’s probably why amateurs
pull up popular because it’s different.

And fascinating.

That whole industry is fascinating to me.

But is a final thought?

Love yourself.

Yeah, like, I mean, and don’t be
afraid to talk about this shit, man.


That was really interesting.

This is the end of the year I love
the stats, but the pornhub stats are

always fascinating.

I like how ironic all the
American states are.

Yeah, I mean, america is so far
america is such a fascinating thing.

Oh, you know, it’s amazing
how the like, “I hate this.

I’m gonna go look at that at
home in about 20 minutes.”

Yeah, it’s half.


All right.

I think I’m gonna end the stream there.


Against the Steven

So this is the last podcast I will be releasing this year. CMCB has been going for about a year now, it's about a year and a bit, where this is episode 59 or 60, so 52 weeks in the year, I probably started a year and a couple months ago, as I transitioned over from the old podcast, Velocid Podcast. If you listened to that, and you listened to this, if you transitioned with me from Velocid Podcast to CMCB, first of all, thank you. Thank you for hanging out for a year, thank you for listening to all this old stuff, thank you for just listening to me diatribe about some of the dumbest shit in the universe. 

But you may have noticed, if you've been around for any length of time, that every year or so, I fall into a deep spiral of Steven Seagal. Now this happened on the last episode of Ninja News Japan, where I found that there was a Steven Seagal song I had not heard before. So I was listening to a podcast called Behind the Bastards, it's a very good podcast, they look at awful people, and then just go through their lives, and they don't even get particularly critical about how or why they might be awful people, and this is to acknowledge that sometimes they've had shitty lives, sometimes they haven't. 

They did a two-part episode, two hours on Steven Seagal, and I was wondering primarily, is there anything I haven't heard that might make me hate Steven Seagal more? And there wasn't. All the rumors and news and all the things he's done, I actually had heard them all before. I decided I know everything about Steven Seagal's life, really, all the stuff that matters, and I heard this song, and the song's awful, it's just terrible, it's like the worst thing ever, and I thought, you know what, I need to wrap up my obsession with Steven Seagal. I need to not have this part of my life anymore. So I thought for the last episode of CMigbee for 2022, the last full year I've done this podcast, it would be good, let's look at this song by Steven Seagal and then never speak of him again. 

Now, this might be hard. If some news comes out where Steven Seagal does another awful thing or is just particularly stupid or bad, I may be drawn back in. It's not a resolution, I don't really believe in resolutions, but I've decided it's worth trying to move on, and maybe I can hate someone else, maybe I find a new person that I can dislike just as much, if not more, because isn't that what dreams are about, are exceeding expectations, trying to strive and achieve new things more and better, hating people more thoroughly than I hate Steven Seagal? Is it even possible? There's only one way we'll ever know, and that's if we try. So I'm going to try to essentially wrap up my hate of Steven Seagal in a nice little package, put it in the emotional incinerator of my heart, burn it up so there's nothing left but ash, because quite frankly, fuck you Steven Seagal. 

The song I'm going to be talking about is called Strut, and it is a reggae song. Now you might be thinking, oh, Steven Seagal's band, do they do reggae? Well, they do whatever he thinks needs to be done, I think. Dave's up in the background too. Woo! Look at that, look at that beast. So Steven Seagal, I would say, is not of the reggae delineation, denomination, I don't know what to say. It's not sort of his genre. His band is a blues band. Now they are, I would say, in general, talented people. They're there for the paycheck. They're getting paid to do what Steven Seagal wants to be done to make him happy so he will give them more money. This song, Strut, is in a collaboration with a reggae artist called Lady Salt. Now I didn't look too deep into her background, but I just knew without looking at anything, she's there for the paycheck. 

I'm sure reggae is a valid artistic format, but it's only going to make you so much money. So if a guy like Steven Seagal comes along and he says, I'll give you X amount of hundreds of thousands of dollars to do this song with me and pretend you like me, it would be worth taking the money because it's not going to diminish your value as an artist. I think everyone's going to understand what happened and why. And we should all be just taking Steven Seagal's money, if possible, anyways. So if you ever get a chance in the rest of your life, from this point onwards, to take some of Steven Seagal's money, you should take Steven Seagal's money. So I'm going to throw the lyrics up on the screen. This is from a karaoke version of the song. Now what I noticed immediately is that Lady Salt has an introduction section, which I honestly have a little bit of trouble understanding word for word. 

It doesn't actually write out the lyrics until Steven Seagal comes in and they do a little sort of duet back and forth about how much they're infatuated with each other's very specific parts, maybe is the way I would want to say it. So as a thank you to everyone for hanging out, for staying with me for another year of podcasting joy, I'm going to play for you the intro of Steven Seagal's Strut. And then when we get into the lyrics, I'll stop and we'll do a little mini analysis of each part. What I... Yeah, I mean I can't... I don't want to preamble too much. Let's just get into it. So, immediately, you'll notice that Lady Salt has immediately thrown to Mr. Steven Seagal. I shouldn't do the accent too much. That's sort of one of the colonial issues that comes with being as fair complexioned as I am. But it's hard not to because Lady Salt, she's got that really strong accent. It's really attractive in its own way. And you want to kind of join in. This is one of the problems of being a white person appropriating culture. Now, you could say I'm doing that by accident, but let's be really clear. 

Steven Seagal's about to come in and sing. And do you think he's singing in his blues white guy voice? His white guy voice is also copying some cultural appropriation there. No, he's not. So the lyrics here become amazing. And so that's why I can't... Again, you can see I'm barely contained here. I'm so excited about the rest of this song. Okay. So I like that there was a little back and forth. There's a little call and response. She speaks, he speaks, she speaks, he speaks in the very last line. They do it together. That's nice. They do it together as sort of a combination of talents. You will also notice that every time he sings, it's like he's trying to make sounds that are song-like, but I would say not actually. But it is hard to hear. Steven Seagal's normal speaking voice is pretty poor. His singing voice isn't much better. So I'm going to speak the lyrics to strut for you. And then we can maybe... If there's nothing to analyze, what am I talking about? Anyway, it starts out with, girl, what you really want all night. And she replies, me want the buddy. Now, buddy was a new term for me. So at first I was like, not 100% sure what that meant, but I kind of already knew what that meant. Make me feel nice. 

Boy, what you really want all night. It's good that they're checking with each other. This is sort of a consensual relationship, which Steven Seagal does not do. Let's just be really clear about that. Steven Seagal has multiple sexual abuse cases, accusations. He also has human trafficking, where he kidnapped a woman. He said, come be my personal assistant, locked her in a room, and tried to keep her as a sex slave. When that case came to time to be prosecuted, he left. He left that state, and then afterwards he left the country. I think he lives in Russia now. I know he has a Russian passport. But at least in the song, it's consensual. Probably because he couldn't get Lady Saw to do on a song that's non-consensual the way he thinks it should actually be done. Me want the punani. See for make nice. She want the buddy. Him want the punani. And me know it nice. I was wondering if Steven Seagal had written those lyrics. I always imagine with songs that I dislike or I think are stupid, the person sitting down and actually writing out the lyrics themselves is Steven Seagal in his author's den with a roaring fire and maybe a glass of brandy. Writing out the lyrics to me want the punani, see for make nice, she want the buddy, him want the punani. 

Now my suspicion is that maybe he didn't actually write this. It's because, as I said myself, I've never heard the term buddy used for the male appendage. So that makes me think Steven Seagal probably doesn't know it either. I just assume Steven Seagal is less culturally aware than I am despite him having traveled around the world a lot more than me. So I think this was either ghost written or Lady Salt had some input about the words that would be more natural for this style of reggae. Let's continue on in the adventure that is Strut. When I hit this part I was confused. There's a little bit of verbal Aikido going on there. He's not only an Aikido master physically, he's also an Aikido master of words. So let me just show you what happened when the girls start to strut. That's pretty straightforward. You could look at her, but you shouldn't do that. What we're missing here is a comma. We have to interpret what's going on. You could look at her, but you shouldn't do that if you put a comma after her. You could look at her, but you shouldn't do that. 

Or he did the verbal Aikido and blend that into one sentence. You should look at her, but you shouldn't do that. It leaves the listener going, oh, I thought it was going one way, then it went another, and that's what Aikido's all about. Think about just that because her clothes are just as pretty. That sentence barely makes sense to me. They're not just to cover her kitty. So don't look at the physical woman herself. Just enjoy the clothing she's put on. She's a beautiful woman. I think that's the message we're trying to get across here. Those are not just to cover her kitty in this case. 

Okay, there's a little bit more. So the lady saw has a bit of a breakdown. Then we get back to Steven Seagal's lyrics, which are painful at this point. Girl, what you really want all night, me want the buddy. That's a repetition of the line. Make me feel nice. Boy, what you really want all night, me want the punani. See for a make nice. Baby the way you walk is so hot. I don't think that's what he says in the song. It's what's in the lyrics, but I don't think it's what's in the song. Then there's actually a typo in this, I believe, because it says, baby the way you waik is so hot. I'm not sure, it's just a typo, it's supposed to be walk. Let's have a shot of rum. Let's get you good and drunk because it's the only way this is going to work out. Then I can make you come with me to the ocean. So you see another bit of that verbal Aikido gets thrown in there. You can't, he is the master of all these things. I can make you come, that's a very sexual thing, with me to the ocean. It's not sexual at all. 

My mind is blown by the depth that Steven Seagal takes. I could not have written a line so good. There is the same trick done by a Canadian boy band that never got popular called, I think it's 3B or something, it's 3 Boys. The line they have is, make you come over to my house. That pause really makes it work. He pulled the same thing here. A group of manufactured teens who are making terrible pop music and Steven Seagal working on the same level. That would be phat, P-H-A-T. I think again, I don't think Steven Seagal wrote that line. You could be my bow cat. Again, I don't know that slang. Nice ittle breeze, bring you to your knees. We are jammin'. There's more to the song. It's halfway through but they just repeat. There's another breakdown by Lady SSAW. I'll just play it a little bit more but I'll probably cut this part out. Say my name's Steve, tell me all that. Lady SSAW's working hard for her money and she's earning it and she's awesome. This is the thing, even if you have zero talent, you can't surround yourself with talented people if you have enough money. 

You'll notice I'm in this room alone, not because I don't have friends who are talented but I have no money to pay anybody for anything. But regardless, I'm not going to play the rest of the song. Again, it just repeats about the vague sexual innuendos and it does the same thing. You can see the talent there. The good part of the song is Lady SSAW and Steven Seagal comes in and mumbles his way through as he does with every movie he's made in the last 15, 20 years. I think the fact that I will never speak of him again will be good for me. It'll be good for society. Maybe it's time to move on and maybe I can find someone new to obsess over about how they don't deserve any of their fame or fortune. I do always wonder, I have a little black spot in my heart that makes me go, am I jealous of Steven Seagal? Because I don't think it's jealousy. I think the problem is his fame is undeserved in his movies. Any accolades he got, he only had two mediocre films at the peak of his career. 

Again, all undeserved. Anyone who thinks he's good at anything, that's undeserved. Then maybe I am jealous because I feel like I didn't get my chance to make shitty action movies, which I absolutely would have loved to do. We need a palate cleanser. I can't leave you like that. It's the end of the year and you've just heard half of one of the worst songs ever written by one of the worst men who's ever existed. We can't end like that. We need to find joy. I recently watched a film called Miami Connection. It is considered one of the worst films ever made, but it has a spirit that makes people like it because I watched it with two coworkers, two friends, and we all really enjoyed what we were seeing. Now, it is about a band in Miami and they get a gig working, I assume regularly, at this bar. 

Now, the band is focused on music and taekwondo, which is a very specific set of interests. Clearly, this is a vanity project. The relationship link between these two things, Steven Seagal's music career, vanity project, and this movie, also a vanity project. One, awful. Every aspect of it is disgusting and gross. The other one, despite it not being very good, the sincerity comes through and you end up kind of liking it anyways, which is what I love. It's even more so for the music. The person who wrote the song, who wrote the musics, the songs, I got to get my plurals right, the person who wrote the songs, the music for the movie, did an amazing job. They are actually very talented. They write good. It's a very 80s product. It was made in the 80s, but for the 80s, this is like peak music and it's stupid, but enjoyable, and the music's catchy and it sticks in your head and you're going to be thinking about this song called Against the Ninja for a very long time from the film Miami Connection. 

I'm going to have to stop for a second. I was supposed to stop a little earlier, but I actually got a little excited about this song. Let's hit the lyrics for this one. Let me point out, in the movie, it's opened with a ninja group attacking what is a drug deal. One of the realizations I had is you can almost judge the quality of the film by how well their fake drugs are packed within the film. Like a high quality film, they'll have those bricks that are doubled, triple taped, and they have to cut it open with a knife and then maybe the policeman who finds it, he tastes it and goes, that's good cocaine. Then other ones, the lower tier, they'll have Ziploc bags that are full. Lower tier beneath that would be a Ziploc bag that's only half full. 

There is one point in Miami Connection where there's just a pile of cocaine sitting on top of a table, which would of course blow away because they're outside. That again gives you a sense of the quality of the film we're talking about. The ninjas come in, they attack all the people doing the drug deal, which made me think that the ninjas were the good guys, but then they just stole the cocaine and went off on their own. This is reiterated in the song. The band is singing this song. It's kind of our introduction to the band Dragon Sound. The problem I have with this song is that at this point in the film, they are not introduced to any ninjas. To sit down and write a song about ninjas, not necessarily knowing ninjas exist, is already a really weird thing to do, but then to make your chorus, Tai Kwan, Tai Kwan, Tai Kwan, Tai Kwan, is just a level above. 

This guy sat down, he wrote down Tai Kwan four times. As you can see in that song, it kind of works. This song, in its own way, kind of slaps. It's really hard to argue. I would love to see some modern artist remix this into a new song, take elements of this and make it into a modern version of Against the Ninja that would have some bass in it, some dubstep, but that's already 15 years old. That's how old I am. I was watching a video the other day and they were making fun of dubstep. That's actually probably why it's in my head. They were talking about an old video game and if you like dubstep in what I assume like 2005 to 2010, it would be in this game. Anyways, let's analyze the lyrics. Against the ninja, we will fight the battle to win, which is always a good idea. You don't want to fight it to lose. Against the ninja, we will fight to battle the sin, which I found a very interesting lyric because the inherent necessity of including sin is sort of implicitly implying that the ninjas are just evil from within. Then we get to the chorus, taekwon, taekwon, taekwon, taekwon. 

Now, you know there's not a little bit of satisfaction there. Trust me, that's coming soon. I'm going to actually rewind this just a touch so we can get that next part. Okay, om doors my god. Okay. Oh my God, I'm worked up. I honestly am. It is just so much fun as a song, but let's hit it. So there's fire in their eyes. This is the ninjas. There's fire in their eyes. There's no mercy in their hearts. These are not people who are going to give in or be kind to you. They tell their dirty lies to finish what they start. This movie has designed a very specific kind of ninja, and it's just an evil organization. Evil is their drive. Hell-possessing souls. Again, very connect that to the sin from earlier on, and you're starting to see an interesting trend where these ninjas are being compared directly to Satan or demons. War keeps them alive, fulfilling twisted goals. The twisted goals in this film initially was to steal cocaine, and then secondary, to beat up a band that took place of another band in their sort of their regular gig. We will stop the senseless killing. We will end this evil war. We will stop the senseless killing. We'll even out the score. 

Now, again, they didn't make it clear that they knew ninja existed at all. So there is one point later in the film, which was quite funny because the ninja just roll up on motorcycles, because there's nothing more stealth than motorcycles. They stop the car and then they just say, ninjas. And that tiny moment, that single word of exposition made it clear because this song had set up what the ninjas were in this Miami connection universe. But we're getting onto the next chorus where you get a lot more satisfaction. So let's hit that. Against the ninja, we will fight the battle to win. Against the ninja, we will fight to battle the sin. We strive for worldly needs to stop the vicious fight. Our sanity would cease. Taekwondo is our way of life. We will stop the senseless killing. We will end this evil war. We will stop the senseless killing. We'll even out the score. 

Okay, that was a lot because we got the chorus again, but I couldn't stop the chorus. And it blends into the next set of lines very well. So against the ninja, we will fight the battle to win. Against the ninja, we will fight to battle the sin. So that's just a repetition of earlier. We strive for worldly peace. Excellent. To stop the vicious night. Hostility would cease. Taekwondo is our way of life. And something I learned from the movie Miami Connection, that Taekwondo is here and here. It's in our hearts. We will stop the senseless killing. We will end this evil war. We will stop the senseless killing. We'll even out the score. Then we hit the chorus again. Then we hit the refrain again. But I got to let it go for the rest because for the duration, there is one part that is super important that I'm not going to ruin for you. 

So let's just... I'm going to sing along a little bit. If you're at home, you've got all the lyrics now. You can sing along too. And I think if you're in your car, sing as loud as you want. Just really get that Taekwondo spirit out there. Against the Ninja, we will fight the battle to win. Against the Ninja, we will fight to battle the sin. Against the Ninja. Against the Ninja. Against the Ninja. Against the Ninja. Taekwondo, Taekwondo. Taekwondo, Taekwondo. Taekwondo, Taekwondo. Taekwondo. And this is the part I really didn't want to end it. The guitar solo. You cannot have an A-Solo without a guitar solo. We will end this evil war. We will stop the senseless killing. We're leaving not the score. Against the Ninja, we will fight the battle to win. Against the Ninja, we will fight to battle the sin. Against the Ninja. Against the Ninja. 

Like every great 80's song, it just ends. They're just like... And then we're done. We're all exhausted now. By looking into the writer of the music, because all the songs are good. Like that song is good. It's just weird that it's about Taekwondo. But all the songs are good. And we looked into the guy who wrote the songs and did perform the songs. I think he played every instrument on them. The band is up there as all the Taekwondo friends. Also ironic, I don't know why I forgot, but they're also all orphans. Just to make it that much more cartoony in what they're actually saying. But he went on to write a whole bunch of Christian music. So the interplay of the religious sort of iconography, the imagery, the religious imagery in this song against the Ninja is not accidental. This is how this guy thinks. Like he thinks in good and bad, God and the devil, Taekwondo and ninjas. And yet it still works. 

You can actually take this exact song, swap out Taekwondo for Jesus, and the ninjas for the devil, and it would just work exactly the same. You now got a Christian hit. Which I think that's how that guy made his career for the rest of his life. And good on him, because that song is awesome. And it has completely erased the concept of what I was speaking about earlier. Because now we've hit that point where I will never say his name again. I will never speak of him again. He is essentially a ninja. And we are against the ninja, and they are gone. And I know one thing going into the new year, and I think you know it too now, deep down in your heart, Taekwon, Taekwon, Taekwon, Taekwon, Taekwondo. So that is our end of year edition. Hopefully we will get another episode out next week. It will be a new year. We are starting fresh. I hope you had a good Christmas, if you celebrate Christmas or whatever holiday you celebrate. I hope you have a good new year. Take care of yourself. Take care of other people around you. And just remember, Taekwon, Taekwon, Taekwondo.

When ChunkMcBeefChest and MrWarmHands fight

Okay, so open the screen. So this is an audio format, so we do have to be very clear about what we're saying. There is a chart, and on the chart it says, which animals could you beat in a fight? And I can hear my own voice off your screen. No, you can't. That's your own head. You're imagining it. 

The echo in my brain is so loud. It was just a brief moment of schizophrenia. You should get that checked out. Do you know in schizophrenia, so in North America, I think it would be the same for the UK. A lot of it's negative. Whereas in parts of Asia and India, people with schizophrenia, the voices are friendly. Oh, they're like, oh, hey buddy, how you doing? That's why there's less incidences of schizophrenic sort of breaks in Eastern, I don't know about India, Africa, but certainly in Eastern countries. The voices aren't negative, so it doesn't drive you to this sort of extreme behavior as much, which I found really interesting. Yeah. There's got to be some cultural reason to that. 

When I played Senua's Sacrifice and the voices would say nice things, I was like, oh, this isn't so bad. Yeah. And then they come, you scum. You die like the worthless maggots you are. I heard a bee sound before you cut yourself off. Yeah. That was nice. All right. So the chart on the screen, so we have to sort of read it out for the listeners. Which animals could you beat in a fight? And it says, which of the following animals, if any, do you think you could beat in a fight if you were unarmed? 

I think that is very important. Yeah. But we're not going to go down the list yet. No, no. Well, I want to- Introduce them one by one. Yeah. Yeah. And just say that this was a survey between Brits, British people, and Americans. I was going to say that. And then I want to read this stuff at the bottom. It says a survey of 2,082 GBs of Great Britain adults from 2021 and 1,224 US adults also conducted in April. That's the total amount of people in those countries that could read. The education system in England is much better. So there's a consistency in the chart though. And the consistency is that Americans skew to more, I could beat the animal in a fight every single time. 

The Americans have got those big hairy balls. Big American balls. Everything is in American. Yeah. And English people just have those tiny little tea bags. That's it. I just imagined it like- It's pathetic. Yeah. Fucking. Yeah. That's what we do. Now, the lowest is zero and the highest is 80, but nothing ever actually hits the 80%. So it looks like the highest one, which is the first one, I say tops out in America at 72. 72. Yeah, 72. Early 70s. Yeah. Okay. So it is the common rat, I assume. And it's one-on-one. One-on-one. 

Only 72% of Americans think they can be a rat. So this was a question to me of, do you understand what they mean? Because I guess people freak out. You were unarmed as well, right? So the point is you can be in a fight, but only with your hands. Well, so my first thought if I'm going to fight a rat is to stomp on it. Well, yeah. But I guess a lot of people are scared of rats, right? Oh, yeah. No, but that was my point. Like the almost 20 to some percent of people who say they can't, they're just panicking right away. They say they can't beat anything all the way down the list. Yeah. All those people would be like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. So what yourself? Have you ever fought a rat? No, no, neither of I've had a rat pet one. I had a pet rat too. What was yours called? Ricky. Oh, that's quite nice. Yeah. Ricky the rat. 

Mine was Dimitri Dimitri. Yeah. Rats Kolnikov from Crime and Punishment. Rats Kolnikov. Oh, I didn't do that. I wasn't smart enough. Oh, come on. It was right there. It was right there. And you still wait and you reacted like you still hadn't thought of it all these years later. 

I hadn't. Oh, my God. No, no, because I didn't name him to be clever in any way. I named him after the character of the book I just read. Oh. But now, so I wasn't. Now I'm double disappointed. I wasn't trying to make a pun. You would have been very disappointed with 15 year old. As so many people were in so many ways. I was about as disappointing as a teen could get. Oh, but you could have beaten a rat. Oh, yeah. So, yeah. I did have that North American big ball confidence. Yeah. I think if this included Canadians, there would be a lot more on the higher end. It depends certain animals. 

So I have it. This is interesting because there's the animals I've necessarily sort of encountered. Yeah. I haven't that are just almost mythological to me. The feeling is different for those. Myths of my. Come on. No, no, because like I've never encountered a gorilla in the wild. Yeah, like in any capacity other than a zoo where it's like not like it's not even real. It's in there. Yes, I know it's real, but there's no interaction. It's not like it could do anything to me. Yeah. So in a way, they're not real. Whereas a rat, I've come across a rat. I said, were you particularly excited that day? You couldn't wait until you got home. I've lost track of the conversation because my wife interrupted. Because you came across a rat. Oh, good Lord. Yeah. That's one hot rat. Oh, look at it. Oh, man. Mangy hair all knotted together. Oh, God. 

When I lived in Seoul in Korea, it was the late 90s and there were rats everywhere. That's that's racist. No, the rats were sort of okay. I wasn't. Ah, okay. I didn't say anything bad about the rats. It was clearly like there was a volume difference between other cities I'd been to. Yeah, no, I mean, big cities anywhere, right? The rats are going to be like, what's up, boys? And then the greatest rat movie ever, Ben. I've never seen or heard of until you mentioned before. I don't think you should see it. No, I'm not going to waste my precious time on this earth watching that movie. Ben, my only friend. Come on. All right. Number two on the list. Housecat. Yeah. I mean, what? 

I can't believe that people less people think they could be a house rat. House rat. I mean, basically house cat in a fight over a rat. Yeah. I mean, a feral cat jacked that number up a little bit. Yeah. But still, I think, again, an animal you can stomp on is not particularly threatening. Like I know they can do damage and it is scary. Yeah, but it's so superficial, right? Yeah. It's going to scratch you and stuff. What particularly amazed me about this one, looking at the chart, is that the drop from Americans is quite large, really. Like it's like 68, 69 compared to the 72, 73 for a rat. Whereas in the UK, it looks like a percent drop. Like one. It's consistent. 

Yeah. So everyone in the UK, the people who think they could beat a rat pretty much think they could beat a cat as well. Yeah. Whereas Americans like, oh, I don't know, it's way bigger than a rat. Cats are like two, three times larger. Oh, God. Cats are probably way more than that. Plus, if you've seen the way they look at you, fucking psycho. Because if it said cat, the house cat is domesticated. Yeah, it's domesticated. Yeah. Useless animals. Pretty much. Like if you didn't hand them food, they die. No idea what to do. 

They only hunt to toy with things. That is actually something I respect though. Did you hear about the, I read somewhere it was like a British thing where they're responsible for the deaths of like two and a half million birds a year. House cats. Yeah. And they don't kill them or anything. They just. No, they don't either. They just fucking kill them. Like toy with them while they die. It is awful. But I did see one of my cats when I was a kid jump up into the air and nail a bird out of the sky. It's impressive. 

Yeah. It's, you're just like, what I'm watching now is horrible, but that was awesome. It like basically back flipped up into it. It's like, and you've never seen a cat like your pet cat do anything. No, he's just like stroll around with his butt hole winking at you. So I think, I think this is more interesting one, the next one, because we have them and I have encountered them and they are scary. Well they're everywhere aren't they? And that's why they've had this horrible reputation. So the next one on the list for the listeners is a goose. So the Americans dropped down to just over 60, so maybe 61%. The British, they know what they're getting into. Yeah. Fuck that shit. It has dropped below 50%, 45%. Like this is a common problem in the UK. A goose. They're everywhere and they are territorial AF. Yes. And I didn't even know how bad it was until I saw a picture of inside of their beaks. Yeah. That is a horror show. So it's essentially barbs. I don't know how to describe it. Yeah. It's all barbed and serrated and just, Oh God, it's like, it's a war crime. It's designed to like, if you pull it would, you would tear your skin. 

Yeah. So the only way to actually do it properly is to push your arm in until it opens its beak more and then like wrench its mouth open. Yeah. Oh God, but they just come at you. Yeah. They have no fear. Such ferocity. No God. That's I think the thing that changes the attitude because like a rat, it's fighting for its life. It's scared. A cat probably would be similar. A goose is not afraid of you. Nope. A goose will come at you first. Yeah. Have you ever fought a goose? I have never fought a goose. No. I had a goose chase me away when I was a kid. I never, I didn't fight it. I can't take any, like I'm not, I'm not going to have any sort of fake bravado going on. I ran away. No, I think I would too. I was not a little kid either. I was a pretty big, like I wasn't full grown, but I was still young, but I took off. I ran away. Yeah. I was terrified. Absolutely. But okay. So now you're in a room and you got to fight the goose. What are you going to do? I'd go for the neck. Yeah. It's pretty big, obvious. Yeah. Yeah. I'd go for the neck and just keep it. 

I think it's the same with like a snake, right? Yeah. I don't know. I try and get it beneath its head. Yeah. And then I'd be like, okay, I can deal with it from here. Pretty good. Yeah. Yeah. You too. I have, yeah, there's no, I don't think there's another choice. You have to go for the neck and you just punch its face. But then I think you punch his face and then try to grab his neck. Yeah. And like it'll flap. Yeah. I remember hearing, oh, you know, their wings are so strong they could break your arms. I don't think that's true. I mean, I don't know. Like not all of them are that big. Maybe there's some breeds that are pretty. Probably some giant ones, but we're not, again, we're not dealing with those I don't think. I mean, they'd be in your neck as it would. Because if you go down two notches, I think that's what they're talking about. I don't want to after this. No. All right. So I'm pretty confident about goose to be honest. I wouldn't be happy about it. I wouldn't be happy about it. 

No, but I think I'd stand my ground now as an adult, but when I was younger, I think I'd probably be just running through the front and then run away. Just laughing. Yeah. Yeah. Not like terrified, but like, yeah. It's a goose. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So here's an interesting one. They chose this very specifically medium sized dog. So I'm trying to think of a breed. Like a cocker spaniel. I think medium. I think they're small. Nah, they're medium. I think it's a small labrador. Nah, labradors are big. They're bigger than spaniel. Like they're not terriers are small. A collie. Yeah, like a collie or a spaniel. Okay. Okay. So what do you think? Oh, the chart says that Americans were solid on 50%, maybe 49. And the Brits were dropping below 40. So we're in the 39% range. Yeah, a medium sized dog, I think is no big deal. I am actually very confident about beating a dog, even a large dog. See the thing is I've been attacked and bitten by three dogs. And they were all larger dogs. But I wasn't prepared for them. So I think this is also the second part. It sounds like beating a fight, it's almost like organized as formal. 

Yeah, this is like, promoters, ring girls, referee, everything. But yeah, I think the surprise attacks from these other dogs has just put some doubt in my mind. Even though I could probably do it, because I think it's very similar again, you just go for the head. Well, my understanding, and I think this is universal, is that a dog will basically attack the thing that's sticking out. So the strategy is you stick out your arm, and when it goes for the arm, you like sweep its legs or try to hit its neck and push it down on the ground. Once it's on his back, you're pretty much over. You're trying to kill it. This is not like, I'm trying to subdue the dog, you're trying to kill it. So you're in a really good shape there. Oh, and just in case Peter, like not you, P E T A is listening, this is all hypothetical and for self defense. We do not condone. Nope. We do not condone the murder of animals. I don't actually really like animals. Dave's sleeping in the background. Unless they're delicious. And they all are. Chicken. Human. What? Oh, the next one down is an eagle. Wait, do you not want to hear my dog story? Yeah. No, I thought, I thought, I didn't, I didn't want to trauma. You just, you skipped over them. Like they meant nothing to you. I'm really, I'm offended. I'm not going to tell you now. It's not for me. It's for the listener. Oh, okay. Well, I care about them. Yeah. You can go fuck yourself. 

Yep. Yep. I'll put my mic on mute now. You can go ahead. Yep. So one of them was this Dalmatian. I really liked this dog. I knew it. It was a friend's dog. And then just one day I was going around the friend's house. I opened the gate and the dog was outside in the yard, the back garden. And I closed the gate, started walking up and it just looked at me. It just ran at me and just bit into my thigh. Oh, like a territory thing. Yeah. I was like, what, 11? So an 11 year old kid with a Dalmatian, like they're pretty big. Yeah. That's, that's, that's the large end of a medium sized dog. Yeah. And I was totally freaked out cause like I knew that dog. Yeah. Cause you thought it was a friend. Yeah. I have no idea what happened. Another one was, uh, I can't remember the breed of it now, but I was in the park playing soccer football. I almost said soccer. I've lived in Japan too long. You son of a bitch. My English has been corrupted. I was playing football with some friends and I just felt the sharp pain in my butt cheek and a dog had bit me. It just run up and on my butt. I was like, what? Yeah. That's insane. Yeah. And just all this old lady was like, Oh no, he's got off his leash. And I was like, what? Cause they're useless about getting their dog under control. 

Yeah. My mother, we had a black lab that was overweight because my mother fed it and it had been sunny. So in a warm summer day. Yeah. It was super hot for the dog. Uh, and saw a squirrel or something, got up and ran and immediately fainted. Oh God. My mother lost her mind. And I'm like, you're useless. You're absolutely, if this was a real emergency, that thing would be dead. Cause you are, you are garbage. It, it was just so funny. Cause I was upstairs and all I hear is, and I'm like, that is not the appropriate reaction. You need to deal with the issue. And the dog was by that time already woken up and fine. Yeah. Cause the blood curdling scream woken up from its fat coma. Better than the smelling salts. And then the last dog that bit me was, uh, it was a Staffordshire Terrier, like fairly big muscular dog. Yeah. And, uh, it bit me on the ankle. That's like a kind of pre pit bull, isn't it? Yeah, it is. Yeah. Yeah. And this guy who lived on the, the same neighborhood as us, um, had, uh, three of them. And one of them just had jumped out of the yard. And again, just me happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. And this dog just bit my ankle like big old bite. Yeah. So, uh, I've got a few scars from, from dog teeth on my body, physical and emotional. I mean, I still love dogs. Yeah. That's good. It's good you haven't taken it personal. No, like I get it. Like sometimes dogs are just, they're having a bad day. They need to take care of someone. What was it? Uh, the Australian dude, he said, like, if you've got bit by a stinger, he's like, what's what they do. It's what they do. They're animals. Yeah. Like, you'd be angry at them for doing the thing that they do. Yeah. I mean, I guess you can to a point because like all of these dogs were clearly not normally like that. 

I mean, I was on the Dalmatian, the, the dupe, my friend's dad got it put down. I felt terrible. Because of that? Yeah. He put it down. He's like, no, he's like this, this dog lives with me and my son who's same age as like you. And he's like, it's unacceptable. Like this, he's never done this before. And where's it going? I can't trust this dog anymore. That's awful. Okay. I know like as an adult now, I fully understand what he was saying. Well, I understand what he did. Yeah. But I felt, I felt terrible as a kid. I'm like, it's my fault. I'm like, why? I did something. And he's like, no, no, you didn't. Don't think we never really hung out anymore after that. Cause I felt really bad that I killed his dog. Yeah. I felt like my got my friend's dog killed, but the dad was right. He's like, you know, why did he snap? I literally had done nothing. I just opened the gate to walk up to his door. Yeah. Anyway, what's next on the list, Peter? Is it something else that's bitten me? It is not. I hope not. I think it's an eagle. So the Americans put it at 30% and the Brits were at just under 20. So maybe 18 or 19. 

I think people don't really, I think eagles are another one. Like you said, mythical kind of. Yeah. I've never encountered, I've seen an eagle at a great distance, but I've never seen one of those. Yeah. Like I can't even picture how big they are. No. And I know they're probably massive. I don't think they're as big as that. Well, so eagles actually quite big cause I'm sure there's tons of eagles cause there's like the little ones that, you know, dive really fast. But let's just go with the American eagle that's on every picture from America. Yeah. Does not sound like what you think it sounds like. It actually sounds like a seagull. Yeah, no, I remember. I remember finding that out too. Yeah. I thought it was interesting. That noise is not an eagle. A different bird. I soundly at zero almost for me. I could not beat it because I have no idea what to do. I mean, it's coming down at you from the sky. It's got claws and talons. But again, it depends on the context. Like if this is where like in a room in a perfect situation where it's contained in an area, just get its feet or its wings and just hold its wings back. I don't think I, yeah, I don't know. I, this is, this is, you can see the difference. 

I'm just like, I have no idea what to do. I have no strategy. So like, I mean, I just thinking about bird, like what, what's a bird? A bird without its wings, right? Yeah. Like, and if you're behind it, like what the fuck is a bird going to do? It's a dinosaur. Well, yeah. I tell you what I wouldn't want to take on is a fucking cockerel. What's a cockerel? Oh, like a, like a parrot? Male chicken. Oh yeah. Yeah. Okay. No, no, no. I saw a video of a falcon or something and it was a, it was a hen with like three or four chicks. Yeah. The, the, the falcon type bird came down. It was just going to take one and fly away. This hen went ape shit. And yeah, if I know we, we sort of put our emotions on animals, but the look on this thing's face was like, this is not how this is supposed to go. Yeah. It's a bird. It's like, what the fuck is going on? I'm looking at the hen going, you are not supposed to be scaring me right now. I'm supposed to just take one and leave. This is not the deal. 

And it's just like, cause it's the hen can't really hurt it, but it's like, fuck me. This thing is going to, this is way out of hand. But if the hen could, those things can do some fucking damage man. When chickens go mad. But it'd be like, it's like chicken versus like higher, higher level predator. You just assume the chicken's going to lose. But it was just, it was an amazing video. Cause I was just sitting there going like, yeah, you're just going like, whoa, this is not what I was ready for. Like, I thought this was going to be an easy lunch. We're out. It's crazy. So I actually put my number for Eagle way, way down because I am just so unsure of how to handle the situation. I just think they go for your eyes too. I think that's like a thing. But I don't know what they would, I mean, what would they know what to do against a human? Yeah. That's what I mean. Just go for the eyes. I don't think it matters what animal. I think they just go for the eyes. 

Yeah, maybe. I think I just keep my arms out grabbing its wings. Like if I could just keep it away from my face, I'd be fine. I think. Okay. So your number is higher than mine. I'm not going to say an actual number, but it's no, but I'm more confident than you are on that one. Definitely. So I'm confident against medium sized dog. You're me too. I'm confident against medium size. The next one, however, yes, we have next one is large dog. Is it like 22 for Americans and we're down like 13, 14 for the Brits. No, I'm around there. No. Yep. I think I would just be like, no, your jaws are powerful. I think I'll just respectfully back away. My strategy stays the same though. That's what's like, that's because the way dogs think is the same throughout is why I have some confidence. Yeah. Unless they're trained differently, right? Like just a dog would be very predictable. 

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Since we went with house cat, I'm just going to go with regular dog, regular dog, regular domestic dog, not some fucking like army trained attack hound, which would like juke you to death and then rip your eyes out. Actually knows how to fake you out too. Yeah. All right. So we can move on to this one. Now, I think everyone who's answered this question has probably overestimated their abilities. I think so too. Okay, good. So it's a chimpanzee. The Americans were sort of high teens. So let's say 18 and the Brits are solid on 10%. Yeah. I think to beat a chimpanzee, you would have to get lucky. I don't think you could beat it. Because it's not a monkey. I think people like chimpanzee and then they just picture a little fucking spider monkey or something. Yeah. But chimpanzees are ripped. Like in the fact that they don't do anything and they're ripped. It's just this weird genetic thing. 

If anyone wants to really know how scary a chimpanzee is, just look up hairless chimpanzee. Welcome to your future nightmares. Oh God, yeah. And then there's just the story of that woman whose face got ripped off by a chimpanzee. And it was so famous because everyone's like, what? That oh, there you go. There's the picture I actually remember. Oh, fucking man. It's like a horror. Look at his shoulders. Like he has never worked out. Yeah. Look at those delts. Like imagine if like this is this was this next step for me. Imagine if a monkey worked out. Yeah. Holy shit. I'll check out that one. He's got like his his his triceps are bigger than mine and he's never never exercised. It's amazing. Yeah, that's a good one. That's good. Oh, God. No, he's just a British dude in a pub. Yeah. Yeah. Just a Saturday night. 

Yeah. Typical Saturday night. No. Yeah. No, I would not. I would not place myself very highly. I'm down under five percent, maybe again, if I got lucky. But what's this five percent like five percent chance of you winning winning? Oh, OK. Like I'm still thinking that's pretty generous. I know I give I give myself like because remember, we he might have the musk, but we've got the bulk like we got we got size on our side and length of limbs. So we do have advantages where he doesn't. So I don't know if I can five percent. I definitely would put him like higher odds than me. It's just it comes down. I think a lot of winning a fight in any situation comes down to confidence. Yeah. Confidence against a chimpanzee would be very low. That's true. Yeah. If you go in thinking fuck, then you probably lost already. Yeah. Yeah. That would be the biggest problem. Yeah. All right. So all right. We both are not very confident. 

I'm I'm way down on the chimpanzee scale. King Cobra is an interesting one. The Americans are still 17, 18. The Brits are sitting on 10 percent. Well, I think Americans are more confident because snakes are probably more prevalent there. Like we just have fucking like adders and shit like nothing, nothing to worry about. And so we're like, I have no idea how to deal with an aggressive, poisonous, venomous snake. So King Cobras don't spit. No, but they they bite. Right. And it's like, well, all snakes bite. Well, I guess constrictors sometimes don't. But if it's a biting snake, it's going to rear up and then it's going to lash out at you. So, yeah, this is where I would I'm actually way more confident because I understand how to sidestep. I'm not saying I could win, but it's way higher than the other animals. I don't know if I don't think I know I'm not confident at all about that. I don't trust my reaction speed. I think if it bit me, I could get it. But then the snakes already won. 

So I mean, there's no there's no like do we have side team? Do we have like a medical people? There's no criteria for how this this organization was laid out. Let's assume that this fight is in the middle of a jungle. OK, then the snakes already won in India. In India. And I would just call on my friend Beam who would charge out of the jungle. Oh, he carried me on his shoulders and give me some shotguns. Yeah. Oh, OK. All right. I know that's a triple R reference. I've not seen that movie to see that kangaroos an interesting one. So, yeah, Americans are about 15, 14. The British are we're getting down to five. Maybe. I mean, I've seen a few videos of Australian dudes punching and fighting kangaroos. So the kangaroos rear up and kick. And yeah, it can break your ribs. But I was like, yeah, a lot of things can break your ribs. Yeah, like falling in the basket, breaking your ribs, using really hard. It doesn't mean I'm not going to get in a bath. So I my confidence against a kangaroo is actually quite high. I think again, after watching some of these videos of these guys, I saw one where a kangaroo is attacking his dog and this this dude is like, fuck that. 

And he just went at the kangaroo and the kangaroo was like, what? That's the one where he walks up, punches it and then takes on like a boxing stance. Yeah. I love that video. And the kangaroo is so confused and just takes off. No. So again, I think I think it doesn't want to fight. So I think it wants to fight less than we do. Yeah. I think I think a kangaroo would be more likely to just like, fuck this, I'm out. Yeah. So my confidence is high. I think I feel more confident against kangaroo, too. Yeah. Then even more than a king cobra. Oh, way more than a king cobra. Again, I don't think they I don't think kangaroos bite. Like they can punch and kick and the kick is like their arms aren't that strong. No, but yeah, they can lean back on that tail, right? That big just like chunk of muscle that's a tail. Yeah. I think I think strategy wise, I'm again, I'm pretty confident. Yeah, no, I think we can move on from that one. Then we both sound fairly. 

Okay, wolf. Oh, God. So the British or the Americans were at just over 10% and the British are still sitting around four or five. Yeah, I'm with I'm with I'm with my my compatriots. I think I think the people who think they can beat a wolf in a fight have no idea how big a wolf is. Yeah, it's not a dog. It's not a dog. It's not it's not a husky either. It's so so much bigger. Like the biggest dog you've seen. It's probably that big. Like a maybe bigger again. I think the biggest dog you've seen plus maybe 20 30% for a lot of people, I think because the biggest dog let's say you've seen a Great Dane, but Great Danes aren't actually bulky. No, they're just tall. A wolf would be bulky. Yeah, wolves. Yeah, actually kind of terrifying. The wolves are scary. I want I read about this guy and they have wanted a wolf. It's probably for like a Jeep commercial or something like, Oh, we want to get it to do to bear its teeth. We want to go like that kind of thing. And then the guy's like, Okay, you have to clear the set. We can do this once. If you don't get the shot, we can't do it again. And they're like, What do you mean? He's like, because that's it. Like once you make a wolf that angry, we got to put it away for a couple of days. For a really long time. And I was like, Oh, man, I didn't know that. That made me think about like the nature of a wolf. Yeah. I'm just like, yeah, that day would fucking destroy me. There's no chance. No, I don't think I know. Not unarmed. Unarmed. No way. From this point on, except for the next one. 

My thinking is if you get its eyes by accident, you might have a chance. Almost all the rest of them. The next one's interesting, though. So I'm almost zero for wolf. Maybe I win by accident. Even then it would be a survive by accident. It wouldn't be with Yeah, maybe like a flail that accidentally knocked the wolf out or something. Yeah, I think you accidentally hit its eye and now it can't really see. Maybe I'd have Yeah, but I think even then just on primal instinct, it would take you Yeah. The next one, though, I think is interesting crocodile. So Americans are sitting just under 10. So maybe eight, 9% and the British are two or three. Yeah. What do you got with that? I'm actually pretty confident about a crocodile if I have some control over this situation. I see. I feel kind of the same as you. I've just seen so many things of people wrestling crocodiles. If you aren't taking it on from the front, I think you got a good shot. Like because they're big and powerful, but they're not like they have so many weak spots and blind spots. 

Yeah. They don't strategize. Yeah. I feel like if you can just get away from that jaw, you're kind of okay. I think you could get on top of it. Because when you talk about a wolf, a wolf will think and come up with, it's like, oh, it's doing this. I'm going to do something else. No, yeah, they're hunters. A chimpanzee would think to a degree. Crocodiles just like, oh, it's in my mouth. I'm going to bite now. Whereas if you can just like, I just keep going around to the side. My friend grew up in Florida and they learn you run serpentine because crocodiles are animals and alligators can't turn very fast. Whereas other animals, you just run straight away if you're going to run. 

In Canada, you'll learn the lighter the bear, the more dangerous it is. So black bear, there's this little song I don't remember, but there's a black bear will do a false charge. It'll charge at you. If you run away, it'll keep going. If you just stand there and go like, rah, it'll actually turn around and run away most of the time. Yeah. Because they're not that big, right? Black bears? Yeah. Yeah. The biggest black bear is probably my size. Yeah. And then the lighter the color, though, the more dangerous it is. So like the brown, like a grizzly? Brown bear. Yeah, brown bear. Yeah. A brown bear is more dangerous. So you just try to like make yourself big and make it so that like, I'm too much of a problem to fight. Just, I know. Yeah. It's not worth your time. Yeah. Yeah. Bears are generally relatively, they don't actually want to fight. Yeah. But like a Kodiak, which it is a lighter, they're bigger. They're going to be at like six, seven feet tall when they stand up. Oh. Yeah. They'll just, they're angry animals. Okay. And then like a polar bear just kills you for fun. 

Yeah. I heard about them that if you've seen it, then you're basically dead. If you have seen the bear, then it's already on its way. Yeah. It's on its way to you to kill you. And you just should just give up now. Yeah. I'm, my confidence with a crocodile is pretty high. Probably I overestimated my ability. No, I think I'm with you there too. I would be fucking oiling myself up, stripping to my pants going, come on. Tarzan. Yeah. Okay. A gorilla. Nope. Dead. I'm dead. Zero. Yeah. Okay. We're on the same page there. Yeah. There's no way. If I don't think I could be a chimpanzee. No. Come on, a gorilla. So I used to, I don't, I haven't checked my grip strength lately, but doing judo, you have really good grip strength and I used to be very proud of it. 

So I think over 50 was really strong. It's cause it's like pounds per square inch. Oh, okay. So there was a machine in the arcade and you squeeze it and I got like 60 something. I was like, Ooh, I'm really manly. Yeah. Basically I was like living off that for a couple of weeks. They threw, they put one of those machines in with a gorilla and it broke it. Like it just, it wasn't even trying though. Yeah. It was just like playing with it. Like, ah. The physical strength of a gorilla is one of something that we can't conceive of. No God. No, their muscles are way denser than ours too. Yeah. Crazy. Yeah. It's crazy how strong they are. So yeah, I just think it's zero. Like I could even like I could hit it as hard as I want. It wouldn't even notice. No, I like even if, even if like I could go somewhere and they'd be like, this gorilla is completely tame. You can go up to it. 

Yup, I'll stand very, very far away and look at it between me and a big barrier. Thank you very much. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Okay. God no. The next one is a lion. I'm also dead. Yep. Zero. Okay. I'm also dead. Anyone who's saying not zero, I'm concerned about. It's a lion. It's a lion. It's a lion. It's a one thing. It's a killing machine. Like if you give me a spear or a gun or something, I have a chance. But since I don't know how to use a spear or a gun, I mean, but you still have better odds than unarmed. That's what I mean. I would have a chance. Whereas without those, I have no chance. No chance at all. No. The next one is interesting. But do you think you could use judo moves against it? You know, like you use people's momentum. Like yeah, if like, cause a lion pounces and stuff, right? Like could you like roll and throw it? Theoretically, because the problem is how heavy is a lion? Actually, I don't know. 

Like there's got to be pretty hefty, right? Like 100 plus kilos. How heavy is a lion? Okay. The weight of a lion is 330 to 575 pounds. So 150 to 260 kilos. Yeah. Okay. Holy shit. So we're talking I'm 88 right now. Wait, but that was a female lion. Female lions are lighter than male lions. On average, female is between 265 to 375 pounds. So that's a big male lion is 575. A female lion would still fuck you up. Oh, yeah. Yeah. No question. Oh, they only live 14 years though. So maybe I could outlive it. Just keep running for 14 years. An interesting thing it was about what humans were designed to walk. So like we can't outrun a horse, but we can out walk a horse. Humans can out walk almost any animal on the planet. And so if you think about it, it's actually one of those terrifying like the animal runs away and it's exhausted and then the human like an hour later, it comes up over the horizon and it's just walking at a steady pace and then they run away again. But they can only run a little. They run less quickly because it's tired. Each time a human is still just like it's like we're the stalking animal. We're the terminator. We're Michael Myers. Yes. Just never stops. Never stop coming. 

I could walk briskly away from the lion for 14 years. It doesn't work the other way around. So yeah, I would love to find out what the people I don't think it would work. All of these people are from Florida. Yeah, they're all Florida man. That's that's all it is. The sheer weight and the power. Like again, if I if I could train up to it, maybe. But no, no, even then, like there's no amount of training. You start with the house cat. The house cat around. I've got this one. All right. Oh, wait. No, I know you could do call up call up beam. I'll get beam. I'm just holding a lion with just two tusses on actually. Yeah, I saw that. All right. The next one. Inconceivable to me because what are you doing? How are you taking this down unarmed? So the Americans, it's still not zero. 

So the Americans are sitting at again, eight, nine percent. I think maybe the British actually for these last four or five are all sitting at zero. It's not I mean, I guess it's not it's not on zero. It's like one or two percent. There's one guy in a pub for just one guy. Yeah. You take it. Yeah. How much have you had to drink today? Well, like 15 pints of cider. Enough to kill a fucking elephant. Yeah. So I was looking at this and I was like, OK, you would have a better chance of beating a gorilla, even though that zero because you could try to do something. I was like an elephant. It's inconceivable that you with your body could do anything is the way I think about it. There's no way I could hit or injure. 

I feel like I disagree there. Like I don't I think there's no way that you would have more chance to be a gorilla than an elephant. Well, OK, because a gorilla's face is within reach. Yeah, but you're never getting close. I know. I know. I agree. But an elephant is a big animal. And you've got some scope to like run around it. You think it's a Dark Souls boss? Well, kind of. That's where I'm going with it. You walk around and you just start slapping that booty. Punching him in the nuts. Punching him in the. Yeah. My understanding is they just stomp on you. Yeah, they stomp at you. They scoop you up with their tusks and slam you down. And I've seen I've seen an elephant like destroy an alligator. 

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because that's what rhinos do. Not rhinos, hippopotamus. Hippopotamus grab you, pull you into the water and then just stand on you until you drown. Or you either get crushed to death or drown. Probably both at the same time. I'm not saying that it's feasible. I think you could put up more of a fight against an elephant than a gorilla. I think you would still lose. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm agreeing with that part. You're going to lose either way. I'm like, again, it's like I'm thinking sort of like the eagle. If I could get his eyes, maybe I could do something like just the fact he's got arms. I know an elephant's eyes are kind of out of reach for an average human. I can't reach them to do anything. So what am I going to punch him in the tusks in the in the in the trunk? And it's just like hurt my hand. Yeah. I'll make that sound. Yeah. I mean, I would already be making that sound the second the fight started. Tell my family I love them. 

I find this last one very interesting. Grizzly bear. So yeah, again, the Americans, they're not at zero. They're like five percent and they have like one or two. The British haven't moved since we hit gorilla, I might add. Yeah. It's just the same. It's the same people all the way down. Or yeah, because it was it was it was two thousand British people. Yeah. And it's like two twenty. No, two. Two hundred. Two hundred. No, no. Twenty. Twenty. Like twenty. Twenty is one good pub. Yeah. Let's take twenty people that have all just gone. Yeah. No, I've done it. Yeah. Yeah. Did it. Did it last night. Yeah. Just came back from killing one. No, it was. What do you think it was the last one is grizzly bear. Now I again, I would put grizzly bear under gorilla and elephant even though I'm going to lose.

You know what I mean? Oh, as in. No, I don't know. Like I'm like there's a store in where I live that has a moose, like a life size model of a moose and a life size model of a grizzly. And every time I walk in there, I think, thank fuck, I've never seen one. Oh, because those things are terrifying. Yeah. Yeah. And I know if I saw one looming over me and I'm six four and I feel like a child next to that thing. So grizzly bears, though, again, they're very simple in the way they fight. So again, this might come from having even some semblance of understanding. Of course, it's not real. It's that they basically only do a couple of things and they sort of lumber at you and then they try to bite you. When they rear up, they're just trying to hit you with their paws and stuff. So they have claws, right? As well. Again, I'm still at zero, but I'm like, because I understand something, gives me that 1% of confidence. Gives you an edge, right? Yeah. I got an elephant and a gorilla, I got zero. Got nothing. I'd love to see a gorilla fight for real. Just to see what it does. Did you not watch that documentary where he fought that big, one fought that big lizard? Oh yeah, I did see that. That was really good. Yeah. I was impressed that they managed to capture that in the wild. What was amazing was Hong Kong. They just smashed the whole place and it was fine afterwards. 

Yeah. Was it Hong Kong? I think it was Hong Kong. I don't know. I was just too focused on the raw, primal action. So for you, what is the one that is again, the most mythical to beat? Because for me, it was pretty much elephant. No, I think it's gorilla. Ever since I saw that hairless chimpanzee. And then I just worked up to, well, gorillas are huge too. Yeah, they're bigger than that. Again, I think a gorilla would just grab you and squeeze and you're done. Yeah, it could do anything. It could pick me up and just overhead press me for days. It would never let go and I just die of dehydration. The scene in the measures where Hong Kong is smashing Loki into a ceiling. Oh, he smashes him into the floor, then picks him all the way up over his head and smashes him to the floor on the other side and he goes back and forth like three, four times. Yeah, a gorilla could do that to me. He could just pick me up and just smash me into the ceiling repeatedly. And just yawn. Yeah, it's not breaking. 

No, I can't even think about it. So you did mention moose. Moose is not on the list. I have seen moose multiple times in real life. They are- They're like the size of a truck. People don't understand. So this is it. People don't get moose, their legs are usually about six feet. So my height, like I could probably walk under a full grown like bull moose. And then they've got a tree on each side of their head. I think if a car hit them, everyone in the car is dead. And the moose goes, what the fuck, man? Because moose will get angry and they're angry animals because you got to imagine anything that lives in a forest with big things on its head is bumping into trees. He's pissed off. He's like, fuck man, why? Oh God, I hit a tree. Fuck. All the time. Yeah. So- That's like me, I bump my head every day and it puts me in a bad mood. And that's what a- I don't understand why that animal's in the forest. I really don't. They should be on planes and stuff. Because they look like trees. 

They can disguise themselves as trees. To avoid what predator? I have no idea. A whole pack of wolves might take them down over time, but I bet half the wolves die. Just of old age. Yeah. It's like 14. So for me, moose would be interesting to put on the list because I bet the number would be really high because most people don't get how big a moose is. No, they're ridiculous. So what animal would you put on the list? I think I could be, or that I definitely couldn't. Just an animal to see what people would say. Yeah. Because I would like to add moose to the list to see what people say. Because I think every- this was like chimpanzee. I think everyone's wrong. Like you just don't know. You just don't know. Yeah. And again, I guess like, if are we fighting these animals? Let's say all of these fights take place in the animal's natural habitat. Yeah. And then it's an orca. Tuss threw in the chat, you can take on a whale. 

Wow. Like not if it's an orca. I don't- yeah. Like those things amaze me. They are psychopaths. And they hunt for fun. They hunt for fun. There's a bunch of animals that actually hunt just for entertainment and orcas are actually the ones- that's how they got the name killer whales because they would go around and just kill stuff and be like, huh. Huh. Killed it. Yeah. It was a good Friday night, lads. Yeah. Apparently they're all British too. That's weird. Rugby. Rugby lads on tour. Yeah. Cool. No. Well, that was an entertaining ride through a really weird poll run on it. That is one of the weirdest poll runs. Ugov website. Yeah. So, if anyone has comments, you can send to slash chunkmcbeefchest or an email to at I would like- yeah, I fucked that up. That's okay. Yeah. Or if you want to know who'd win between me and Peter. Yeah. Yeah. It's not who you think. It's Dave. It's Dave. Fuck. It's Dave. It's Dave.

This has been done before

When you make stuff, people try to exploit you. And don’t listen to anyone.

  • So I wanted to talk about making stuff. So I think in the modern parlance it would be content creation. But this primarily goes back to last month I released Montana LD Ablow. I used to choose your own adventure in audio format, which was something I had to write🎙 00:00:00.00000:00:31.240
  • the book and then record the book and then post it online. And then I did about a month’s worth of promotion and it got… But a couple of thousand people downloaded it, which is pretty awesome. So I was really satisfied with that.🎙 00:00:31.24000:00:42.768
  • It was not a short process to get there. Like I’m not even like a massive success yet. But it took, you know, two years to write the book because I have a full time job and a family and stuff and then I got sick.🎙 00:00:42.76800:00:55.569
  • Last year and that was a month in the hospital and then all the recovery time, you know, a whole bunch of people thought I had just given up on it, which was interesting because that sort of reflects on what they think of me as a person that I would just give up on🎙 00:00:55.56900:01:09.489
  • stuff. Loren was very careful starting this incident to come back to me to take care. it and finish it. And I did and I was very proud of myself. One of the things I realized though, because you’ll talk about, I watch movies and stuff about artists and musicians🎙 00:01:09.48900:01:22.302
  • and things and they won’t talk about, especially writers maybe, they won’t talk about works in progress. And I never understood why, because of course, why wouldn’t you talk about the things you’re making? There’s actually two reasons. One of them is the psychological🎙 00:01:22.30200:01:35.942
  • reason. And the psychological reason is that when you talk about something, it gives you a false sense of progression. you’ve actually done something, which you have not done. So it’s important to not talk about it too much🎙 00:01:35.94200:01:49.385
  • because then you might spend so much time talking about it, you don’t actually spend your time doing it. So you gotta shut up, sit down, and actually put in some work. But that’s not something I suffer from too much.🎙 00:01:49.38500:02:02.265
  • Like again, I make things for fun. I am happy when I’m being productive. So that’s a big thing for me. The other reason is the people you talk to often will be discouraged. And it’s a question of whether they know they’re doing it or not.🎙 00:02:02.26500:02:20.590
  • But I feel like really, if you’re trying to do something or make something, a lot of other people who aren’t making something, their natural instinct is to try to diminish what you’re doing. And I’ve run across that a lot in my life and it’s become a point of contention for🎙 00:02:20.59000:02:37.150
  • me, if I’m being really honest, is when I say like, oh, I’m working on this new idea, I’m working on this new idea, and they just go, that’s not going to work. It’s a bad idea. They don’t say it, they never say it that bluntly.🎙 00:02:37.15000:02:46.350
  • The one phrase I’ve heard more than once is, that’s been done before. So I said, oh, I’m writing a choose your own adventure. Oh, well, that’s been done before. Now let’s follow that nugget of logic to its end conclusion would be, well, you shouldn’t🎙 00:02:46.38800:03:08.668
  • write a choose your own adventure because a choose your own adventure has been done before. Well, mine’s actually unique in that it’s written for adults and it’s comedic. Well, that’s been done before too.🎙 00:03:08.66800:03:17.268
  • So then I can’t write. Choose your own adventure By extension, then I can’t write a book so I make podcasts will podcast have been done before they’re actually at this point saturated There are millions and millions of podcasts, so you shouldn’t be making podcasts because they’ve been done before I can’t make music🎙 00:03:17.26800:03:36.294
  • Music’s certainly been done before any genre of music unless I come up with my own completely original one Which I can’t do because music’s been done before I can’t create art art has been done before🎙 00:03:36.29400:03:47.494
  • Basically anything people do has kind of been done before all you can do is maybe take a new variation on it, your take, your unique point of view. My idea of making a choose your own adventure that was comedic for adults,🎙 00:03:47.49400:04:03.498
  • putting it in audio format, putting it online so that you could listen to it through your podcast thing or you could stream it through the websites or whatever. That seemed like a slightly unique take.🎙 00:04:03.49800:04:14.738
  • I went out on the internet and looked and I hadn’t found any other choose your own adventures presented in the same format. So that seemed like an original aspect to the thing I was doing. Even if I…🎙 00:04:14.73800:04:24.578
  • cared? Because the thing is, even if I didn’t do an original thing, even if that had been done before, it’s still worth doing. It’s worth doing stuff literally just for the creation of stuff’s sake. Because you’re doing it kind of for yourself first. If it gets popular🎙 00:04:25.03800:04:41.138
  • great, if it doesn’t, well, I had a good time making it. I actually had a really good time making it. I would talk about it with some friends. And that’s where I say like the risk is. But the problem you run into the next problem you run into is that humans are social🎙 00:04:41.13800:04:54.878
  • samples. I am. maybe less social than other people, but I am still a human being. I’m still, I still crave human interaction and social interaction. And I do want support from people around me. So that’s something hard to find.🎙 00:04:54.87800:05:09.808
  • So I’ve realized what I have to do is like, I’ll talk about something and if the person isn’t supportive, just stop talking about it. And you will start to find a very, very small group. So of all the people I know,🎙 00:05:09.80800:05:22.688
  • there’s about three or four people who are legitimately excited and supportive about what I was trying to do with the Choose Your Own Adventure. Worth all of this stuff. on that. Talking to those people built me up. I would get more excited about the thing🎙 00:05:22.68800:05:35.588
  • I was doing when they would say, oh, that’s a funny idea. That’s a neat idea. Or you should think about this. Here’s some other ideas. They never tried to tear it down or say, oh, you know, that’s been done before. It’s a derivative. It’s funny that the people who🎙 00:05:35.58800:05:48.628
  • are, you know, being negative about this stuff never use the big words. So find the people who are legitimately excited and only talk to them about it. So these other people who are trying to tear you down basically. Again, I don’t think it’s that like.🎙 00:05:48.62800:06:02.068
  • intentional, but that is what’s happening. They will see you talking to other people and they’re excluded. And those kinds of people, they want to be included more than anything else. I’ve actually something I’ve kind of realized. They will either do one of two things to try to get into🎙 00:06:02.12700:06:16.847
  • that conversation. They will either change their opinion and suddenly become more supportive so that they can share in the attention that’s going around, or they will get like more abrasive. They’ll🎙 00:06:16.84700:06:31.087
  • sort of take their stance a little stronger and try to actually start. to argue with you and stuff. That’s actually a benefit. If they try to be fake supportive, you can just like, I understand what’s going on here. I will accept it and then just move on.🎙 00:06:31.08700:06:43.382
  • But at least you’re not being, you know, destructive with your attitude. But when they when they sort of like start getting like harsher, because I have actually seen that happen as well, what you get to do is you have the opportunity, you can either step out and just stop talking about it,🎙 00:06:43.38200:06:57.702
  • which is usually what I do. I usually just stop talking. I find that’s just an easier path. Or point out that they’re not being supportive. which is very demotivating for you and you don’t want that in your life.🎙 00:06:57.70200:07:09.301
  • And then they have a problem because then they have to either admit that’s what they’re doing or they have to justify their position. Now of course they never want to admit what they’re doing so they have to start justifying🎙 00:07:09.30100:07:18.301
  • their position and the best my favorite one is when they say I’m just trying to be realistic because they’re never really trying to be realistic. Being realistic if it was to be definitive about it would be how do we solve the problems🎙 00:07:18.30100:07:33.301
  • you’re going to be facing going forward. So you’re trying to write a book. Have you organized your time and when you’re going to write, is it a schedule you can stick to? I was going to record mine. Do I have everything in place, sounds, background music, stuff like that, that I’m going to use in it?🎙 00:07:33.30100:07:50.680
  • I had already decided I was just going to use my singular voice because I knew my limitations and I knew about time and money that I did not have. So I’d already decided that. When you put it online, have you figured that out? Those are realistic things, problems that need…🎙 00:07:50.68000:08:05.680
  • to be solved before you proceed to that thing. Have you thought about everything? Are you going to buy the domain name? Where are you going to post it online? Who are you going to try to show it to? That would be someone being critical in a realistic way, trying🎙 00:08:05.90500:08:20.585
  • to help you solve the problems. That to me is realistic. It’s been done before. There’s nothing realistic about that. It’s actually because it’s unrealistic to expect me to come up with something that has never been seen in the history of mankind. That is unrealistic.🎙 00:08:20.58500:08:36.145
  • So… As a piece of feedback, it’s been done before, serves no purpose and has no benefit. So that’s how you can actually deal with those people. This actually got me to how I was dealing with other people.🎙 00:08:36.14500:08:52.337
  • Right now, the way I record this is I stream on Twitch. I record the podcast. I take the video and I put the video, I edit it, and then I put that on YouTube, and then I take the audio and I put that on the podcast.🎙 00:08:52.33700:09:04.337
  • Here’s actually where most people listen. And I ran across a… a new kind of vulture in the Twitch environment, which was very interesting. And it’s the person who comes to you, I mean, there’s the graphic people,🎙 00:09:04.33700:09:20.736
  • and they’re not so bad, because they usually like, I make graphics, do you want graphics for your channel? I just don’t answer them, or I say no very politely. And then they don’t tend to bother you very much,🎙 00:09:20.73600:09:30.576
  • because they’re just, they’re actually just graphic designers trying to get their art into the world. I’m not offended by that, but I don’t have any money to put into this. I’m not. giving you any money. There are other people though and they come and they this🎙 00:09:30.57600:09:43.503
  • is the vultures and they talk about I can help you grow your channel and so what happens is you get someone subscribed to your channel usually say thank you and then you get some DMs later and so I’ve actually saved some that I🎙 00:09:43.50300:09:58.823
  • can read to you because I have to actually go on my Twitch page so I can see my own shit in the background. Okay so I got two recently that I dealt with. The most recent one. is, hello, how are you doing today?🎙 00:09:58.82300:10:14.611
  • I’m applied good, I’m just working on my podcasts. Wow, that’s cool. How is streaming anyway? So what they’re trying to get you to do is admit that what you want is to become a famous streamer. You’re trying to build your audience,🎙 00:10:15.61100:10:28.851
  • or they want you to say like, oh, I found this very frustrating that my audience is so small and I’m not growing. I already know this because I’ve had this experience multiple times, so now I know how to say it.🎙 00:10:28.85100:10:40.051
  • I don’t really stream some, oh sorry. Let’s get it so it’s really clear my reply. I don’t really stream for any purpose. I just use it to capture video. So it’s fine Really cool. Are you affiliated? I?🎙 00:10:40.05100:10:53.397
  • Am affiliated but only because my friends watch regularly not because I’m popular so you can see I’m already putting like little Tinks in the argument that they’re trying to throw out there I’m already saying I’m not popular. I only stream to my friends. I’m not using this to get famous on Twitch🎙 00:10:54.05700:11:09.937
  • I’m only using it to capture video Then comes the question really? What is the aim for your channel? And then I reply, no aim. I use it as a platform to record video. Really? This person put in really all the time.🎙 00:11:09.93700:11:22.991
  • Because what they’re actually still waiting for is like, I want to be super famous, I’m desperate for fame. Do you know the benefit of being an affiliate and partner give you? Do you know the benefit being an affiliate and partner give to you?🎙 00:11:22.99100:11:34.991
  • Yes, I just don’t care. That’s not why I’m streaming. Okay. Well, I’m a channel broadcaster. I can help you promote your channel to get you real followers and live viewers. There’s a lot of spelling mistakes.🎙 00:11:34.99100:12:14.991
  • to worry about those. And then I reply, thanks, but Twitch isn’t my focus. And this is really, this is undermining everything they want because they’re trying to sell you a way to get famous on Twitch. And what I’m trying to say is I don’t want to be famous on Twitch, which🎙 00:11:49.21200:12:03.372
  • they can’t understand. They can’t understand that because as far as their experience is, everyone gets on Twitch to get super famous so that they can stream full time. I know I’m not going to be streaming full time. So that’s fine with me. So I said, thanks, but Twitch isn’t🎙 00:12:03.37200:12:20.492
  • my focus. They can’t let that go. Then what’s your focus? Why make podcasts? Yeah, I can also help you build and grow up a community. And that way you can have more of a fan base. So then, and this is it, they’re saying like, you want to make your, your podcast bigger🎙 00:12:20.49200:12:36.127
  • if you have more of a fan base here on Twitch, that will build up your podcast. So I shoot that one down. I already have a very solid fan base with my podcasts. Thank you for your offer. And they didn’t respond after that.🎙 00:12:36.12700:12:47.687
  • Which was, that was a very polite interaction. I wasn’t being rude, but I was just each step of the way. I was shutting them down because this happens regularly because that was when did that one start that was October. Oh, this is actually the one🎙 00:12:47.68700:13:02.258
  • Previous to that was sort of bugged me. So I did a little research on to it. This person subscribed After I’d finished streaming they go hey buddy Don’t call me buddy. That’s actually the first thing is do not call me buddy. I’m a video games fan🎙 00:13:03.07800:13:17.798
  • I love watching different games and I see your video in the way you play you play perfectly and it’s lit fire emoji I like the content. Keep the good work up bro. Thumbs up emoji That actually implies to me that they did not watch my channel because the way I talk the way I interact is not🎙 00:13:17.79800:13:36.287
  • Does not match the way they’re speaking to me the way If they’d watched my gameplay they would know that my gameplay at best is mediocre. I’m not a great Streamer player if you would come to watch me you would come for the commentary the jokes or something that I would🎙 00:13:36.58700:13:56.127
  • Or me talking with my friends. That’s why you would come to watch this Okay, so I reply. Thanks. I really appreciate that. I just hang out with my friends and mess about. So there you go. So I’ve already said like, I’m only on here to goof off.🎙 00:13:56.12700:14:10.356
  • I’m only on here to have a good time. Then he says, oh, can I ask you one question? Sure. How come your channel haven’t expanded to get more public visibility and engagement and you know streaming without engagement is really frustrating?🎙 00:14:10.35600:14:24.596
  • What could be the reason buddy fucking called me buddy again. I like at this point I actually dislike this. person because the way they’re speaking to me is actually inappropriate. They clearly haven’t realized like I’m fucking 50 years old.🎙 00:14:24.59600:14:34.110
  • Um, he’s already set up his argument. He’s saying streaming to know people is frustrating. Aren’t you frustrated? Now the thing is, again, I know what he’s doing. So my response is I don’t really promote.🎙 00:14:35.43000:14:48.950
  • That’s what not. So I big truck going by. That’s not why I’m streaming. I started because I wanted to record my podcasts. They have a large audience in podcast format. So you can see I’m already pre-empting his like, I can get you a big audience.🎙 00:14:49.35000:15:03.110
  • I’m like, dude. I already have a big audience. It’s just not here. This isn’t why I’m here. And then I put also I live in Japan. So I tend to stream when English speakers are asleep. Twitch is primarily a recording platform for me. I make some game videos as well.🎙 00:15:03.11000:15:17.224
  • I think most people come on here to get famous and make it their dream job. I just found it a convenient way to capture video. So I have preemptively shot down all the arguments he’s going to try to make. I got you man. Most people say most people you are saying they come🎙 00:15:17.22400:15:34.344
  • here to become famous at that. somewhere, a thousand miles start with this whole thing. Okay, let me read this really slowly. I got you, man. Must people you are saying they come here to become a famous that somewhere? 1000 of🎙 00:15:34.34400:15:48.642
  • miles start with a step. So maybe not a native English speaker or maybe just typing too fast. But what he’s I think he hasn’t read anything I wrote because I wrote too much. And I’m saying most other people come here to be famous. I did not come here🎙 00:15:48.64200:16:02.402
  • to be famous. And he’s like, yeah, but that becoming famous, I can help you get there. There’s something I would love to show you. And if you can try to get this done, it will really helps you a lot and your channel will be growing.🎙 00:16:02.40200:16:13.856
  • My friends and I just hang out and chat with people who drop in. It’s a way smaller group, but it’s also more fun. I got you, man. See, this is it. Like, he’s just ignoring everything I say. I’ve actually run into this. I actually had a thing with an investment company, which, if I can remember to say at the end, I’ll talk about that as well.🎙 00:16:14.85600:16:31.856
  • But it’s the same thing where you say stuff. They just blow past that altogether and don’t take it into account at all so they can just continue with. their sales pitch, which is exactly what this is.🎙 00:16:31.85600:16:44.697
  • I got you. Will you like to see what I’m talking about? It’s really effective and organic. As I said before, if you can get it done, it will help you a lot. So I’m like, I actually want to see what bullshit this guy’s up with.🎙 00:16:44.69700:16:57.257
  • So, sure, my plan works by expanding your channel to reach your targeted audience that are interested in the game you stream. First problem is I don’t stream one game. I’m very much a variety streamer.🎙 00:16:57.25700:17:07.377
  • I stream whatever I want to do in the moment. And again, I’m mostly not streaming games. I’m actually mostly streaming podcasts. This extra boost your channel engagement like this is all caps active followers serious live stream viewer long time subscribers and also your channel will gain viral exposure by distributing your content through placing of converting ads to grammar community. I think gamer blog posting constant channel checks and all this are manual and organic so🎙 00:17:07.37700:17:37.713
  • I’m not going to trust someone who barely makes sense in their sense and with their statements like so what he said so far doesn’t actually make any sense. Because all you said is like we’re going to take your stuff and spread it out and then you’ll get lots of🎙 00:17:37.71300:17:53.023
  • viewers and followers But there’s actually no Thing in there that’s in any way different from stuff. I wouldn’t have done myself And it’s a hundred percent real and legitimate and it’s working for my present clients. So I can tell you it’s a hundred percent guaranteed🎙 00:17:54.02300:18:08.263
  • Which is if someone says a hundred percent guaranteed to get famous on twitch or something. That’s bullshit So, okay, who are your present clients? So I wanted to see check your Instagram inbox Let me show you some proof.🎙 00:18:08.26300:18:20.619
  • So let me go over to my Instagram and get that chat up. So he’s actually sent me a series of screenshots. Now those screenshots, as far as I know, have been manipulated. I don’t know if they’re real, but he sent me the account🎙 00:18:20.61900:18:37.019
  • and the account started with 309 followers. This is when I started working with him and then he circles. It’s 506 followers. That’s probably like the next day. This is where we are. This is where we are at and we are still moving.🎙 00:18:37.01900:18:52.484
  • And then it’s like a little interaction. That sounds interesting, but first I need to set up the affiliate. I just hit it last night. Crazy amount of viewership and commentators boosted my channel and then there’s like the email🎙 00:18:54.76400:19:09.244
  • that you get when you become affiliate. Law, whenever I tell you something, just believe it. So now you see how mighty my service are and I’m not capping. Check your Twitch. Last video did has insane number of viewers.🎙 00:19:09.24400:19:22.204
  • I see it has almost 300 views. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. That’s crazy as hell not gonna lie. I never saw myself matter of fact. I was. growing this quick in a matter of hours. So this is supposed to be a real conversation🎙 00:19:22.20400:19:34.414
  • between him and one of his clients. And then he says, check the feedback of my servants service. What do you think about it? Hey, buddy, that’s like the next day. Cause I didn’t answer. I didn’t answer because I went to the account that he was supposedly representing. And I🎙 00:19:34.41400:19:48.694
  • looked at it. And the last video he had that person was more than six months ago with only three views. So they had either manipulated that conversation. which I doubt. I bet they actually did some fake thing to get fake viewers up over the course of🎙 00:19:48.69400:20:06.076
  • a day. That person got affiliate. I bet that was all real, but it wasn’t sustainable. And what I’m doing is very sustainable because all I’m doing is working on projects that I enjoy. If people come🎙 00:20:06.07600:20:16.316
  • in and they want to join in and they want to participate and they want to see the same kind of stuff, they’re welcome to my growth on everything has been very slow. My growth on the podcasts has been incredibly slow, but it has been consistent. And I’m never going to be huge. I’m never going🎙 00:20:16.31600:20:31.836
  • to make millions. off it and that’s fine because I’m not really doing it for that. I’m doing it because it’s fun to send these messages out and have people respond and talk to those people. But what I actually am hoping to do with this podcast today, if🎙 00:20:31.83600:20:45.220
  • you’re making podcasts or you’re making Twitch or your streaming, yeah, or if you’re streaming on Twitch or you’re making anything, you’re gonna run into people who are negative and then you’re gonna run into people who are gonna try🎙 00:20:45.22000:20:55.540
  • to manipulate you. This will at least give you hopefully the awareness that you know what you’re going into. If you start talking to someone and they get negative, You know what’s going on? They’re trying to tear you down because your🎙 00:20:55.54000:21:07.000
  • Productivity makes them feel like less than they should Fine, let them feel that way just walk away from it or call them out and see what they do You can play with people but you have to be in a very confident position to actually play with other people like that🎙 00:21:08.18000:21:20.300
  • If you’re gonna be on something like twitch and be streaming These vultures will come in and try to manipulate you What you can do is like follow my argument logic and start preemptively saying I do not want the service you’re selling and they’ll keep trying to sell it to you.

Speed Dating with MrWarmHands

  • Look at that. Hey, like and subscribe. Drive time radio. I would love to do some drive time radio. Wob, wob, wob, wob, wob, wah. That’s right, Peter, Peter and the, the, the, the warm and the chunk.🎙 00:00:00.00000:00:14.780
  • All way to work. The warm, the warm chunk is down your ear. I was just about to say, feel the warm chunks on your prime time drive. There’s to be somewhere disgusting there, like on your person. Feel the warm chunks wash all over you.🎙 00:00:14.78000:00:32.420
  • Yeah, Do they have? Drive time radio in England. They must yeah, yeah So is it the same is it the same like cheesy bullshit they make fun of it? It’s less Now than it was why I actually haven’t listened to it. So it might be exactly the same, but it was not ridiculous🎙 00:00:32.42000:00:48.246
  • Ridiculous North America, but it was getting less when I left This is essentially a new segment on the podcast and it is going to be you and I having conversations and we thought it would be a good idea to🎙 00:00:48.24600:01:17.961
  • introduce ourselves. So we found some you look, you suggested speed dating questions and then I they were all dog shit. So I went and found some other ones. You went and found some other ones. That’s a matter of opinion.🎙 00:01:17.96100:01:31.601
  • Yeah my opinion. Sometimes opinions are wrong. Well sometimes they’re right. But I found a list and the first it has subsections the first subsection is creative. funny questions to ask. Now, here’s the most creative funny question because it’s number one on the list.🎙 00:01:31.60100:01:52.994
  • What’s the weirdest movie you’ve ever seen? Which does not seem particularly weird or creative. No. That is a general theme with all of these questions. No matter what adjective you put before, like, question, they’re all the same questions.🎙 00:01:52.99400:02:06.994
  • And they’re all super vanilla. I have realized, maybe, that the world is so bland. That it’s like, I was trying to imagine someone like, ah shit, I gotta go to a party. I’ve never been to a party before because I’m a loser and lonely.🎙 00:02:06.99400:02:23.994
  • And I’m going to my first… I gotta be really charming. Okay, I’m online now. This is gonna be great. Okay. What’s oh, what’s the weirdest movie you’ve ever seen? I never would have thought of asking that question. Oh my god. No one’s ever asked me that before and then just like blowing🎙 00:02:23.99400:02:37.632
  • The mind. Okay, would you like number two? We’re not gonna answer these? No, no. What was the first question again? I forgot that’s how good it was. Yeah, what was it? What’s the weirdest movie you’ve ever seen?🎙 00:02:37.63200:02:47.252
  • The weirdest movie I’ve ever seen and I’ll stand by this. I’m sure there’s weirder ones. Pie by Darren Aronoski. The first ones. Lion in the boat, the tiger in a boat? No, no, no. That’s life of pie. Oh, this is this is mathematical pie.🎙 00:02:47.25200:03:05.252
  • I don’t think I’ve seen that. It’s all in black and white and it’s just bizarre. Like I can’t even… really describe it. A mathematician kind of thinks he hears the voice of God through numbers. Yeah, it’s… Nothing weird about that. Yeah, I think it’s his best movie. Like, I tried to🎙 00:03:05.25200:03:26.392
  • people gush about the other one, the drugs one, with Heath Ledger. The drugs one. Yeah, because it’s all about drugs. Like, I know what it’s called. People do love their drug movies. But I didn’t… Well, this one’s not like… Like, um, what’s the Matthew McConney? Like,🎙 00:03:26.39200:03:42.792
  • he’d be like, cool if you did that one. I don’t know. It’s all about dope and being like a high schooler. Oh, I actually think I know what you mean. days and confused. Yeah, people love that movie. I because it’s but it’s not like that this that🎙 00:03:42.79200:03:59.097
  • money is all about masturbation. It’s no because so there’s people who do drugs make media about doing drugs. Like the people who smoke marijuana everything they do events write a book or something about marijuana. I’ve also found that there’s authors and they write there’s two more categories🎙 00:03:59.09700:04:15.657
  • that works is authors who write books about authors and then movie creators so a director let’s say who makes a movie about making a movie and I’m like you’re just you’re just jerking yourself off at this point.🎙 00:04:15.65700:04:29.253
  • Okay, a bit too meta for you. Well, it’s, but it’s not. It’s actually so direct line. Just self indulgence. Yeah, it’s like, if it was meta, it would be like unrelated to your life somehow, but this is like, oh, I’m going to say how hard it is🎙 00:04:29.25300:04:44.973
  • to be an auteur because I consider myself an auteur. Okay. I’m going to talk about the trials and tribulations of being a movie director and how hard it is and no one understands it. No, no, no.🎙 00:04:44.97300:05:16.213
  • And then he’s doing that as he’s pulling his pants down. Oh, God. No one understands me. I’m going to make a movie about how hard it. Yeah. No, that’s just, that’s, I hate that. So my first question to you, my, my potential future life partner,🎙 00:04:58.14100:05:15.101
  • what’s your spirit animal? A raccoon. OK, elaborate. No, I think I’ve told you this. No, I’d like to. No, I’ve finished. Fuck off. That would be the best speed dating. Answer the question and then just go, no.🎙 00:05:16.50100:05:34.911
  • I will not explain it. I’m not that’s it. Look, the timer went off. It’s time to switch questions. Hey, you didn’t say it. You had to, what is it? You have to fucking interpret it yourself. There’s no way I can explain this to you.🎙 00:05:34.91100:05:44.951
  • I had the experience in university. I got wicked, wicked drunk. And I think we were drinking on the university golf course. And I do believe I tried to put my penis in a golf hole. I think you could just say bull for a second.🎙 00:05:44.95100:05:59.151
  • I was like, no, no. I think I basically tried to have sex with a guy. of course. And then on the walk home and you know that like seven hour drinking session walk? Like you are going so slow. You can you struggle to to move and pulling your legs.🎙 00:05:59.15100:06:21.157
  • Yeah, your your basis is so I so I’m still on the university campus and the one I went to was huge. Like it was like a 15 20 minute walk across campus and that’s not including like extra stuff. So in the middle I was just like I.🎙 00:06:21.15700:06:32.677
  • I gotta sit down and I, there was, this is the potential of where you fall asleep. When I sat down and I was just like, doing that drunk breathing like, oh, oh. I think that you’re breathing right now.🎙 00:06:32.97700:06:44.257
  • Yeah. Oh, it wasn’t. Okay. It wasn’t picking up. I was doing that drunk breathing like dead silence. Like, oh, she’s dead. But I do know people that drunk breathe like that. There’s two, there’s two kinds of drunk breathing.🎙 00:06:44.25700:06:56.897
  • There’s, I’m so exhausted because my body’s still processing alcohol and it shouldn’t be. And I’m about to throw up. Because I was on the train because it’s deep. Oh, it’s yeah, because they do deep breaths when they’re trying to stave it off.🎙 00:06:56.89700:07:10.988
  • But then when your body like sort of is ramping up to it, I was on the train and there was these cute drunk guys gone on the train and they had just they gone out buying shoes and then got drunk, which is a weird combination.🎙 00:07:10.98800:07:20.828
  • And then one guy started doing the, and I’m like, oh, he’s going to puke. He’s going to puke. And then I was like, he’s going to puke somewhere on the train. We’re not making it to like the door open.🎙 00:07:20.82800:07:30.068
  • He puked into the bag where his new shoes were. And these were sneaker heads. This is like clearly what they had done that day specifically was to go out and buy shoes. Imagine how much money those sneakers probably cause.🎙 00:07:30.06800:07:43.627
  • Easily, yeah, cause you know, if you’re a sneaker fan, you’re buying 120 bucks is the minimum. Minimum. That’s like fucking nothing, yeah. Yeah. So anyways, I was doing that exhausted drunk breathing🎙 00:07:43.62700:07:56.987
  • and just like trying to regain enough energy so that I could actually make it to my dorm or I think I lived in a dorm at that time. This is all after humping the golf course. Oh, that had to be peak drunk.🎙 00:07:56.98700:08:08.507
  • Okay. Pre or post. You were out on the top of the… but the mountain of drunkenness. Yeah, no, no, I think the only way I would try to have sex with a golf course is when I was like, this is a great idea.🎙 00:08:08.50700:08:18.996
  • And then like 10 minutes before or 10 minutes later, you realize it’s not a good idea. Yeah. So how far after the next week? This would have been been an hour or two hours later. An hour, okay. Because the walk’s gonna be 30 minutes.🎙 00:08:18.99600:08:32.076
  • Okay, you were like just barreling down into the valley of fear. Yeah, my body is shutting down. And so I was sitting on this stair. and a raccoon came up and sat down next to me and started looking at me and I was drunk enough to realize that🎙 00:08:32.07600:08:48.814
  • It’s a wild animal, but I shouldn’t touch it and then I started talking to it I was like this is again. This is drunk logic. I was like I’ll tell it my problems And like my my my wishes and desires in life and I talked for like in my head🎙 00:08:49.29400:09:03.914
  • It was like ten minutes. I think it might have been like five to ten minutes And then and then two hours it could have been two hours, but it did sit there I don’t think that wild animals gonna sit there for two hours and then🎙 00:09:03.91400:09:14.054
  • I mean it wasn’t really well, so this is this is actually the second part is so I so I tell him all my problems and he listens Yeah, now everyone’s like you do this thing to you. I was like no. No. I’m not saying he understood🎙 00:09:14.18700:09:27.047
  • he listened and Then the raccoon got up and touched me on the shoulder and went away No, no, I was sitting on the I was sitting on the ground. I’m sitting on basically stairs going down somewhere They just gotta fun its hind legs got how unlike and put his little paws on my shoulder and kind of like🎙 00:09:27.70700:09:47.227
  • and then left. Yeah, basically. And like, everyone’s like, that didn’t happen. So I was like, no, no, I’m not saying like, it understood or it meant something. I’m saying, this is what happened.🎙 00:09:47.99400:09:57.914
  • Even in my drunk state of mind, I’m like, that’s not like him talking to me. And people really, really doubt that story, which I find weird. And then I went home and I, and. And you were like, I’m drunk, not a fucking lunatic.🎙 00:09:57.91400:10:09.114
  • Yeah. Yeah. So that was, that was my spirit animal. Yeah, you realize right there and then that you were connected to me. I’m connected to raccoons. At some level with the raccoons. Yeah. I was gonna say with spirits, which is the whole other.🎙 00:10:09.11400:10:25.061
  • I’m tempted to just do my list, but I should go through the list and find the good ones. But creative, funny questions to ask. What’s that question? No, I don’t know. I’m gonna I’m gonna read text missing.🎙 00:10:25.06100:10:38.181
  • I’m gonna read it to reiterate the title so that people know how bad these questions are. Ritten, who wrote this? I’m now going to find out it’s actually yourself. Nataline Mejia sucks. Okay. Oh, sorry.🎙 00:10:39.38100:10:53.301
  • Creative, funny questions to ask. Number two, what’s a pizza topping? most people hate, but you secretly love. And I would tack onto that. Why are you keeping this a secret? Yeah, why, what? Who are you?🎙 00:10:53.30100:11:07.142
  • I don’t think that’s a question. There’s like a guilty pleasure kind of thing, which I don’t agree with as a concept. Yes. I don’t, yeah, I think, I think a guilty, who gives a fuck? Yep. If you like something like it.🎙 00:11:07.14200:11:21.382
  • Yep, people go, you just go, you’re a shallow minded bull bag. We’re gonna have to come up with a list of things that we use on the podcast. I have run into people judging my food, and now I take great offense at it,🎙 00:11:21.38200:11:39.934
  • and it’s Japanese people. Because eating in the staff room at work, I would go by lunch, and then I used to be addicted to caffeine really badly, so I used to have a Coke every day. And then I bought sushi and a Coke,🎙 00:11:39.93400:11:54.854
  • and my Japanese coworker was like, you can’t eat those together. Continental sin. And I was just looking early going. Yes, I can. She’s like, well, no, no, but they don’t go together. And I’m like, well, if I put them both in my mouth, they do.🎙 00:11:54.85400:12:08.919
  • Yeah. The argument was just like, this is what I want. This is what I want to eat. So fuck off. And she got super judgmental. I was like, I was like, what is it about Coke that doesn’t match? And she’s like, well, you should drink tea.🎙 00:12:08.91900:12:20.559
  • I’m like, but you people drink beer. She’s like, oh, beer’s okay. I’m like, well, why is beer okay? And not this? She was like, well, this is- It’s carbonated. Yeah, but she was like, this is traditional.🎙 00:12:20.55900:12:27.839
  • I’m like, beer’s only been in Japan. Like eight weeks, what are you talking about? Like, so I got, I now get really, really pissy about that. I know. a fan of that. What would you say is the weirdest food or the most unusual food🎙 00:12:27.83900:12:44.553
  • you like? The most unusual food. Yeah, because the secret part is the part I actually disagree with. I don’t know. Do you take a hard stance on any food? No, not really. Yeah, me too. I’ll try anything once. I figure you should eat🎙 00:12:44.55300:13:01.213
  • what you like. Yeah, just eat what you like and it’s not weird. Like, I mean, again, I think as a middle-aged, white, western man, I should look at the world and think pretty much anything that any other country eats is weird.🎙 00:13:01.21300:13:28.233
  • Yeah. But I think it’s great, you know. I’m happy that the world develops all kinds of different things to eat. And I want to go around and experience it. Yeah. Yeah. Food is the best. Food’s amazing, man.🎙 00:13:17.73400:13:35.294
  • Have you ever tried something that was just absolutely horrendous? Uh, yeah. I tried like a Chinese duck head. Uh, things with faces I struggle with. Well, it was like… kind of it’s weird because I think you’re supposed to eat the brain but the texture🎙 00:13:35.29400:13:53.313
  • was gross and then I just like sucked on the beak a bit and was like I mean I’m glad I tried it but never again yeah yeah I because that’s I don’t like Natto which is a very common thing but it’s not even a taste or the smell for🎙 00:13:53.31300:14:08.693
  • me it’s actually the texture yep same yeah I actually find I can deal with the taste is actually kind of nice like I like it it’s okay that texture just like the like it gets to like the back of my throat I’ve realized I don’t like🎙 00:14:08.69300:14:22.093
  • anything slimy it just feels like a massive booger in your mouth, to me. So my image though, because when they mix it and then they like lift it up and put it down and it’s like the strings they’re expanding and contracting the strings.🎙 00:14:22.09300:14:36.012
  • I always think of like an alien, their mouths ooze, clearly. I was like, an alien baby birding you. That’s how I think of what I think of that though, which is why I can’t eat it anymore. You can eat it, yep.🎙 00:14:36.01200:14:50.072
  • Okay. All right, my next question. Yep. What’s expensive but worth it? It’s actually a lot of things. Shoes? Yeah. I mean, you should pay more for shoes because you walk way more than you think.🎙 00:14:50.07200:15:11.074
  • Wow, you sound like my mum. Well, you should buy good shoes and a good bed because if you’re not in one, you’re in the other. Oh, actually that’s pretty good advice. Yeah. Shoes is pretty good advice.🎙 00:15:11.07400:15:23.314
  • Especially if you’re anything where you walk or stand a lot. You need good shoes. Because it affects your back, it affects your, like, shoes are important. I know people who buy cheap shoes and they’re falling apart during the day🎙 00:15:23.31400:15:34.659
  • and they’re like, dude, you look like an idiot. And then by default, I have to buy expensive shoes because of size on feet. Look here in Japan, I know. Yeah. So how do you get shoes? Because I order from England.🎙 00:15:34.65900:15:48.219
  • Yeah, online. Sometimes they get lucky in stores and they have sneakers discounted because they’ve randomly got big size on soon. But it’s pretty rare. Because I buy solo ver, which is the original makers of Doc Martens.🎙 00:15:49.61900:16:20.219
  • the Doc Martin company got bought out and then they started making their shoes. So these are more Doc Martin than modern Doc Martens, which is interesting. Say Doc Martin again. Doc Martin. And again?🎙 00:16:05.35400:16:17.674
  • Doc Martin. And again. Doc Martin. No, say it twice. Doc Martin, Doc Martin. I love it. Why? Never stop. I don’t know. There’s like a weird like glottal stop between your Doc. Ah, that is the North American flap T because I don’t actually say T sounds.🎙 00:16:17.67400:16:33.354
  • Yeah. I don’t know. I just, it’s sexy to be. It’s also my name. Doc Martin. Doc Martin, Doc Martin, Doc Martin. Doc Martin. Doc Martin, I should go to the Irish with it. You’re going to get her some Doc Martin.🎙 00:16:33.35400:16:50.307
  • What? The card? The card? No, I don’t know what the fuck I’m just talking. Cling on now. I’ve also, I hold on. That’s what Cling on is. It’s a super strong Irish accent. I would go more expensive.🎙 00:16:50.30700:17:07.907
  • So I bought a cheap microphone. Like, it depends what you’re doing. So things you use all the time, it’s better to buy a better quality. So I had a microphone when I started the podcast and I got a cheap one.🎙 00:17:07.90700:17:19.221
  • And then it wasn’t really designed for the computer and this and that. And I was like, and it had problems. Whereas as soon as I bought the mic, I’m using now the hyper X solo cast. Should you want to sponsor the show?🎙 00:17:19.54100:17:29.601
  • Zero problems since. So like that just saved me trying to like, Oh, I’ll try to take that sound out in post or I’ll try to do this. And I was just like, no, I just record it and I go now, which is amazing.🎙 00:17:32.02100:17:42.001
  • So like if you’re on the computer as much as you and I. You should buy mid-tier computer parts. I actually think high-end is usually ripping you off. I mean, but you and I both become fans of Razer.🎙 00:17:42.00100:17:56.797
  • Yeah, and I think Razer is mid to high, but I don’t buy the high-end stuff. I buy their mid stuff, and it’s great. Yeah, I’m really happy with what they provide. I actually think you should not go cheap on most things because the problem is it all wears out and explodes on you when you’re not ready.🎙 00:17:57.19700:18:14.897
  • I’m looking around my room going like, no, everything’s… I don’t I don’t I don’t spend extra money, but I’ll spend money on trying to get a good one Like for example, I love listening to music right and I buy🎙 00:18:14.89700:18:27.486
  • reasonably like expensive headphones for like for me like family man. Yeah, I don’t have massive amount of Expendable income, but I like to buy nice headphones. Hmm Yeah, it always just lasts like a year to 18 months and then all of like the🎙 00:18:28.20600:18:46.406
  • The fabric covering on like the cushioning starts to come off. I And then they slowly just disintegrate Yeah, and it doesn’t seem to matter how much I spend I Would what kind do you getting like overhead? Yeah overhead? Yeah, it’s a cans because I I was buying headphones🎙 00:18:47.00600:19:04.796
  • Yeah, a pair every year and I was slowly creeping up in price and I was like I’m still I’m spending like five thousand yen and still it’s only lasting a year and then I got the bows Bluetooth Headphones that are I spent like three years now. Maybe more and they’re not like disintegrating🎙 00:19:04.99600:19:21.676
  • The pads Dave to them. So I, but I went online and just replaced them. Yeah. So it was just the pads. It’s not like the issues. I thought the battery was dying, but I think just the charging thing I was🎙 00:19:21.67600:19:34.963
  • using wasn’t very good. So the batteries find like three years later, the batteries still find everything. Yeah, I love those. But they’re expensive. They’ve cheering them. They never know. Centigrade. No, I think it’s because they use better🎙 00:19:34.96300:19:45.203
  • materials. I think because I’m buying like look like I spent like 12, 12,000 yen on my headphones this time, which is not cheap, but it’s all. So not high end. Yeah. And I think they’re just still cutting back on costs in the fabric.🎙 00:19:45.20300:20:01.822
  • So maybe I’ll just buy some. I’m going to try buying slightly more expensive ones next time. Because these these the most ones I have, they’re like 25,000. Yeah, it was my birthday present for my wife.🎙 00:20:01.82200:20:14.362
  • I think they’re more than that. I maybe she got him at Costco though. Oh, OK. Because yeah, I don’t think I’ve seen both or anything under three. Oh, she she didn’t pay that much. I guarantee. But the guarantee.🎙 00:20:14.72200:20:27.148
  • No, no, no, no, no, because… Shh. No, no, no, no, because I was looking at them and like, ah, I think I might buy these. I think I might buy these. But I was thinking of buying them because they were at Costco and they were like 25,000🎙 00:20:27.14800:20:40.068
  • yet. But again, now that’s three years, one or two more years and they’ve paid themselves off. I would have spent that much on replacing other ones anyways. Yeah, every year. So that’s what I want.🎙 00:20:40.06800:20:52.708
  • I don’t want to keep replacing them. Yeah. So… I finished. I’m satisfied with your answer. I’ll be fine. Alright. Wow. Oh yeah. Cool. Alright. Cool. Yeah. Alright. Finished. I’m satisfied with your answer.🎙 00:20:52.70800:21:09.468
  • Oh, good. Alright. Wow. Alright. Cool. Oh yeah. Cool. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Alright. More people to see, come on. Oh, okay. I’ve gone a shit. We really fucked up speed dating, man. Fun icebreaker questions is a separate list.🎙 00:21:09.46800:21:12.135
  • Oh, yeah. So I thought this was- Oh, is that your question? No, no, I’m just trying to give you the content so that we can make fun of how about these questions? I’m not insulating at the end. Fun icebreaker questions is a separate list.🎙 00:21:12.13500:21:22.375
  • I’m Canadian. Okay. The Canadian question is something you should start researching because you’re not gonna be able to communicate. If you want, I’ll start doing the fun. Icebreaker questions, eh?🎙 00:21:22.37500:21:33.055
  • haha Okay? because that’s the problem is because they say a as an I said starting a list there and then the next would be be yeah so the the name of this list is fun icebreaker questions the first one is🎙 00:21:33.05500:21:46.587
  • one of the least fun icebreaker questions I’ve ever seen so I want to do the first two okay because the first one’s not going anywhere I can pretty much guarantee are there any interesting things your name spells with the letters🎙 00:21:46.58700:21:59.007
  • rearranged my head I take no I know my first response was no no to me or you. No, no, is there anything my name spells with the letters rearranged that’s interesting? You’re thinking about your name?🎙 00:21:59.00700:22:18.641
  • Yeah. The answer’s no. Who are you asking yourself? I’m asking you now. Oh, okay. I guess ATM. That’s it. Other than that, yeah. Yeah, no, absolutely dog shit. Who wrote the real short shit names?🎙 00:22:18.64100:22:34.121
  • Who wrote the short shit names? I can’t think of many people whose names were. Heather Harper, get your shit together. Occupational psychologist from the University of Manchester. clearly a wasted degree. If you think that is a fun icebreaker question, you are a boring, sad🎙 00:22:34.12100:22:49.085
  • individual. I really hope you don’t see this in your feelings. The second question though, in the fun icebreaker questions, if you are a potato, what way would you like to be cooked? Actually, maybe influenced by living in this country, but I’d like to be dropped in a deep fat🎙 00:22:49.08500:23:07.485
  • fryer hole. So, my… Okay, really? I don’t know, just because I live here and people say, like, fried potato and now I… I think that’s hilarious. Mm-hmm. It’s like, because who else is gonna say that?🎙 00:23:07.48500:23:23.916
  • Yeah, just drop me in a deep breath, right, a hole. Don’t cut me nothing. Maybe my problem is I’m too literal. You asked me that question I immediately went, I would rather not be cooked, because it’s like murder.🎙 00:23:23.91600:23:33.316
  • I would rather be left in the ground to live my life as a happy potato. I think both of us basically give answers that women would go, oh. Oh, for fuck sake. Oh, for fuck sake. Fuck sake. Yeah.🎙 00:23:34.35600:23:48.356
  • Oh. This game is shitty, but it does. You’re fucking wise. Let’s just drop. me in whole what the fuck you on about oh leave you in the ground yeah you fucking troglodyte get away from okay so any way you prepare potato you have to skin it🎙 00:23:48.35600:24:02.443
  • I do not want to be skinned and then you like slice it up I’m like no I don’t want to be dismembered and then you deep fry it well hopefully by that time I’m dead but see I think a potato if it had a consciousness yes would not exist🎙 00:24:02.44300:24:15.363
  • within the particular confines of the potato I think it would be like whoa attached above so it would be experiencing it even post-death well I don’t think it would feel pain I think it just experiences things.🎙 00:24:15.36300:24:31.615
  • So when the potato is cut up, is it then split consciousness? Or is it one consciousness now spread out amongst several? Because let’s say you cut the potato in half and I give you half the potato🎙 00:24:31.61500:24:41.735
  • and you go back to Fukushima. Does the potato, is it aware of where the plant is? It’s now quantied. The entangled. But it’s separated, yes. It’s separated and quantied me entangled. So if I wanple my potato and punch it,🎙 00:24:41.73500:24:55.415
  • then maybe your one will just start wobbling. And brought back violently too. Have you ever read about starfish? And you cut the starfish in half and then you separate? and you wiggle one arm, because they grow back, yeah?🎙 00:24:55.41500:25:11.082
  • But you wiggle one arm. How do they? Like sponges. Yeah, I think if you cut, I think you have to be careful. I think you could kill them. Oh, wait, because they grow back. Yeah, yeah, they grow like, so if you can cut one in half,🎙 00:25:11.08200:25:22.082
  • you’ll get two starfish, eventually. Oh, that’s cool. But if you wiggle one, you wiggle one leg, the other leg will move, supposedly. I don’t know if that’s true. That’s the thing I read. I mean, yeah, scientists on an off day.🎙 00:25:22.08200:25:35.722
  • It’s internet information, so I’m always a bit weary. But what are you saying about sponges? Like sponges, you can blend up two or three of them in a cup and just leave it to sit at the contents afterwards.🎙 00:25:35.72200:25:48.682
  • and they will separate into their the three original parts and reform really? Yep, yeah, sponges are metal as fuck. Yeah, they know. That’s actually pretty cool. Yeah, that’s terrifying. It’s also terrifying, like if they become sentient and decide to take over🎙 00:25:48.63300:26:08.553
  • or someone harnesses that technology. Yeah. That power because yeah, you can blend them. And they will reform. That’s what. Yeah. Anyway, let’s move on before my mind. Your drips out my nose. I just realized we’re actually doing the Joe Rogan experience.🎙 00:26:09.35300:26:42.553
  • Oh, are we? Yeah, we’ve got to talk about apes now. Oh, do we? So he has a couple of… It’s how apes are crazy and evolutionary, and then he talks about ayahuasca or some drug or microdosing, and then he talks about MMA.🎙 00:26:29.80400:26:48.284
  • That’s the formula. But we’re really close to bordering that right now. I mean, not really. It was just a side topic. Yeah, we got to do it for two and a half hours. And then we’re doing the drill broken.🎙 00:26:48.28400:27:00.604
  • I think your turn. Yes, I did. I did. I did. I did. Yeah. Your turn. Yeah. Okay. What title would you give your biography? I’ve just ruined this be dating because I can’t answer. Yeah. It’s a biography. I’m writing it.🎙 00:27:00.60400:27:23.261
  • It’s not. It’s an autobiography or it’s a biography written by someone else. And I’m titling it. That’s already confusing. I’m a bit pedantic for these questions. I would not do well speed dating.🎙 00:27:23.26100:27:54.261
  • Yeah, sit the parameters. I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Come on. Let me know. I need to know. If it’s an autobiography, then I would naturally make fun of myself. If someone else wrote it, they might be more complimentary or derogatory.🎙 00:27:34.36900:27:51.489
  • I would say something relatively serious and then make fun of it. So it would be chunk McBeef chest, a life in dire straits. Sort of. I’d make something. stupidly long title that was actually off-putting it so that it didn’t sell.🎙 00:27:51.48900:28:10.393
  • I can’t, yeah, that’s really hard because I’d have to actually, I think you’d have to go through and get the stories and is there a common theme other than just I’m in it, like struggle or something and then you’d pull the title from that.🎙 00:28:13.59300:28:27.753
  • I think I called my Matt Gibson from G to Ibsen. That’s actually pretty good. That’s snappy because you came up with Seamik. I was like chunk of each s let’s add 10 more words to make it so that people never can search for it🎙 00:28:29.51300:28:46.933
  • And you’re like no, I was like no it has to be simple has to be simple I always do this wrong has to be simple and then you were like just don’t say the whole fucking word now I was way better. I Never would have thought of that I see me when I struggle. I always start adding🎙 00:28:47.27300:29:02.653
  • And making fun. Yeah, but making fun of the other thing. I just did Yeah Alright, I like you go sure if you wrote an autobiography we do would you be complimentary to yourself do you think I I know my my my last sentence would be like at the end at the🎙 00:29:03.23300:29:25.247
  • end of the day he was a piece of shit yeah my might be at least he tried yeah at least he tried is pretty good I don’t know I think I’d be generally complimentary I think I’d just be honest and then within that honesty I’d🎙 00:29:25.24700:29:43.747
  • probably be a little brutal so yeah I don’t know. Ah, there you go. So now we’re making better questions. You got some? No, there was my phone telling me to work out. Okay. Because normally I do.🎙 00:29:43.74700:30:01.466
  • Um, I had a question there and it’s gone now. But we’re making better questions, right? Well no, I immediately started thinking of better questions. Like, like, yeah, summarize your autobiography or the final line or something would be a🎙 00:30:01.46600:30:14.646
  • slightly better. I see your embarrassing list has the funniest thing you’ve done while drunk. But I think you’ve already answered that. Oh, I’m sure I’ve done worse. Yeah. Trying to have sex with an entire golf course is pretty epic though.🎙 00:30:14.64600:30:28.218
  • And then like speak to a raccoon like it’s my dad. You’re a dad not my dad. I’d be way more open with your dad than I would be with my dad. Yeah, yeah. So this is the second. So these are broken up into bits which I quite like.🎙 00:30:28.21800:30:45.258
  • So this is we’re back to what’s her face. Nataline. This is her second set of questions, is embarrassingly funny questions to ask. But I mean… In fact, we are more fun. Then these aren’t bad if Heather sucks🎙 00:30:45.25800:30:59.650
  • Maybe that’s on her list. Do you suck at us? Email me Do you have an embarrassing nickname? What’s the funniest thing you’ve done? Yeah, what’s the funniest thing you’ve done? Well, drunk is pretty good. What’s that? Well, we you could do yours now. What’s the funniest thing you’ve done? Well drunk or just I mean I can’t know🎙 00:31:02.29000:31:19.090
  • I’m literally can’t say for legal reasons. How about embarrassing nickname do that? I’ve never had people give me a nickname Unfortunately, I have. Oh, really? What do you think? All right, so I guess this kind of ties into being drunk.🎙 00:31:19.09000:31:35.939
  • It was all drunk with my friends while we were too young. And we kind of drank a lot and then fell asleep in my friend’s garage. It’s the best place to fall asleep. Yeah. And I start having a very vocal dream.🎙 00:31:35.93900:31:55.699
  • Oh, wow. Yeah, well, I was telling Mr. Magoo, the detective mole, to get on with the case. Oh, wow. And if he needed anything to come back and see me. So you were like the chief? Yeah, I was like the chief for Mr. Magoo,🎙 00:31:56.81900:32:11.139
  • the detective mole. My friends, this is before. Account. Cell phones or anything right yeah, so there’s no video evidence. I’m so glad I grew up in that fucking day I can I just say oh no no me too because fuck me I🎙 00:32:11.13900:32:24.776
  • I don’t think I would have been anything anymore Yeah, I don’t think I would have been like is I either I would be like a tik-tok star because I’d done so much dumb shit Or yeah, I would be a social pariah🎙 00:32:26.31600:32:36.236
  • There’s no in between though like you don’t get in between it’s either You’re awesome because you do this stuff or everyone’s I can hate you because you do this There’s no there’s no middle ground. So what was the nickname that came up it though?🎙 00:32:37.25600:32:48.127
  • Yeah, mr. Magoo. Oh, just mr. Magoo. Yeah, so then my friends just called me Magoo forever And I I kind of hated it, but I so don’t mind it. I I had some weird ones of my friends. It was Julio Smolio🎙 00:32:48.44700:33:02.407
  • Carlito spoon toe staco one eye Jesus and captain Huh? Captain’s all right. Yeah, is any because his dick was always wet. That’s all right. All right, yeah. Make sure you mark this as adult.🎙 00:33:03.24700:33:31.400
  • I mean, it always has been. I mean, the last episode probably was me talking about with the astronaut, like the gun. That’s on here. That’s on here number 12. What’s the best, uh, no, no, no, no.🎙 00:33:31.40000:33:45.000
  • What’s, what’s, where’s the meme on? Oh I mean, I did see that on the previous one. What’s the most obscure meme? Yeah, what’s your favorite kind of obscure meme? I struggle with what a meme is though.🎙 00:33:45.00000:33:55.341
  • It’s a picture. I know, I know. It’s a picture. But then like everything’s a meme now, I think. Everything’s a meme now, yeah. So like what’s your favorite thing on the internet? Yeah, basically the internet is for memes.🎙 00:33:56.34100:34:12.141
  • That song has now changed from porn to memes. Mm-hmm. The internet is for… Awkward funny questions to ask. The first one is very awkward. Oh yeah? Do you like standing up or something? I don’t know if I want to know.🎙 00:34:12.14100:34:26.020
  • Really? Go on, answer. Me, I bidet, this shit out of myself. But you don’t wipe at all. Oh no, no, no, no, it’s still wet, so you got to wipe. And then you got to check you got it all. But I am usually just pat drying, basically.🎙 00:34:26.02000:34:40.300
  • But it sits down. Yeah, because you’re not standing up getting bideted, right? No, no. The bidet in my house is so powerful. I actually have to go into the next room or it will shoot me into the next room as the people.🎙 00:34:41.22000:34:51.940
  • I want to grip onto the walls. I’m gripping the door. And I’m just trying my hardest to stay in position so that I don’t get blown into the other room. Biday is like the best thing in the world. And so like you do have to like check that you got it all🎙 00:34:51.94000:35:09.258
  • and dry yourself. You don’t want like a sopping wet butt before you pull your pants up. That’s gross. I don’t like it. Yeah, I get it. Yeah. Honestly. I just, I neither want it to go inside me.🎙 00:35:09.25800:35:25.718
  • Just whoa. I see you. Nothing at all. I don’t know. Like maybe we’ve opened up a whole lot of years. You can like really stretch your butt cheeks apart and get it up there. It comes out your nose.🎙 00:35:25.71800:35:36.986
  • I have a really runny nose today. I don’t know. Me too. I have been dating too hard. Yeah, yeah, God. It just went all the way through. It got up into my sinuses, but I mean, I’m starting to breathe really well now🎙 00:35:36.98600:35:49.746
  • since I’ve been bedaying. Like while we’ve been talking. Yeah, actually this chair. What is this? The blouse hood. It’s just pumping right in. Yeah, I actually just have like a rose. I know it’s yeah.🎙 00:35:49.74600:36:04.401
  • It’s not even bidet anymore. Have you ever been enemod? No. OK. I kind of want to, though. I want to get a coffee. I had to, oh, that’s too much for me. I had the enemod, but I think I’ve told that story🎙 00:36:04.40100:36:18.121
  • like a million times. Yes. Awkward funny. Yes, that is actually awkward to start with. Have you ever blamed a fart on someone else? Constantly. I have children. Yeah, it was literally the reason I had children. I didn’t have children. I get a dog🎙 00:36:18.12100:36:34.468
  • I mean, I’ve only heard Dave fart once and I’ve I blame him for every fart in the house He’s got some of the worst there they are he he’s really quiet. He’s goes like but I fart and he starts barking🎙 00:36:34.46800:36:47.268
  • and then He was like what the fuck is that and then the The other night I was editing a video and he was barking in the background of the video and he started barking at him barking It was like this weird inception🎙 00:36:48.54800:37:02.228
  • Hmm, oh this list now, I’m gonna ask you some of them. Okay I can see him because my list is basically done. I think most of them are not crap Would you rather pee every time you laugh or shot every time you sneeze?🎙 00:37:02.22800:37:16.036
  • I Would choose the shart only because I laugh a lot more than I sneeze. Yeah, I would go the same logic man But is the shark this again? I can’t do I can’t answer the question without setting the parameter🎙 00:37:17.07600:37:30.956
  • So I understand it fully like when they say shart is it like you fart in a tiny bit of poop comes out Or you like literally shit yourself the entire time Yeah, yeah, I guess. Because if it’s like a massive, like, I sneeze and then I like blow my pants off because I’ve🎙 00:37:30.95600:37:44.869
  • shat so much, that’s a problem. And then P, is it like a little P or a lot? Because if it’s just like a tiny, like… If it’s P though, you could wear an adult diaper and just get a cutie day. Or wear a tampon.🎙 00:37:44.86900:37:59.109
  • No, tampon. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Take the tampon and just stretch it over the top of your penis. You’d have to be like rock hard all day to keep it on though. See, I went the other way. Oh, stick it in there.🎙 00:37:59.10900:38:12.509
  • Okay. I actually, I did condom covering. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, I think… I feel as if it’d be a better… Oh god. This is literally just a question of poly… That’s what I meant. No, no, no. We just…🎙 00:38:12.50900:38:27.046
  • You need volume before you can answer that question. If I laugh and a drop of P comes out, I wouldn’t even notice. If I sneeze and I like poo is running down my leg, I would notice. Yeah. I might sneeze some more.🎙 00:38:27.04600:38:45.046
  • Awkward text you once sent to the… wrong person. We were in an office chat and I was complaining about my co-worker and because we were complaining about my co-worker I’d clicked on her name. I was literally just sending her🎙 00:38:45.04600:38:56.723
  • the shit I was unhappy about. And she’s sitting across from me just reading the chat. She knows this is not going to her. And I’m just like, are you sure you’re not getting these messages? She’s such a f***ing… And then about about 10 messages in I realized what I’d done. And then I was like,🎙 00:38:56.72300:39:13.043
  • look, okay, I was like, I was like, okay, I can save it. I was like, okay, done venting. I really have a serious conversation about, you know… and just adjusting attitude. And everything was fine.🎙 00:39:13.04300:39:23.963
  • Uh, yeah. She never had a problem ever again. Yeah, she quit that year. No, it wasn’t better for all of us. Yeah. Okay. What’s the worst thing you’ve ever smelled? Oh, cause you know you’ve smelled stuff🎙 00:39:23.96300:39:40.443
  • and it makes you like choke vomit. I’m trying to think though. Cause I feel like regular answers, the stuff like other vomit poop. Yeah, cause I pick up. I pick up dog shit and so every now and then you get a really strong dog shit you oh🎙 00:39:40.44300:39:57.036
  • You get one of those I don’t know. I’m kind of immune to it. Oh now. I’m just saying like Sometimes yeah, it’s pretty rare now, but it has happened like I remember when I was a kid And I had to like clean up the yard🎙 00:39:57.65600:40:10.056
  • It was just like ten things of dog shit and it was like number eight was fine and then number nine You’re like oh, oh, oh, oh, like I don’t know what happened that day, but I Yeah, and like vomit. I’m okay with🎙 00:40:10.05600:40:22.036
  • I’m alright with my family’s vomit. I think knowing where it came from. This is also you’ve had kids know Your relationship to poop and vomit changes when you have a baby. It so does. Because I basically poop doesn’t bug me anymore at all.🎙 00:40:22.03600:40:37.549
  • I’ve had it all over my hands. Yeah, under my fingernails. I remember the first time I got under my fingernails. I was like, oh, I did the third time. He just like, oh, yeah, I got to clean that.🎙 00:40:37.54900:40:47.549
  • Some mushrooms smell really bad. You know I love mushrooms. Yes. Now everyone else does too. Some of them smell. Whoo! Deepish funny questions. We’ve actually done 40 minutes. We’ll do a little more.🎙 00:40:47.54900:41:03.549
  • Oh, holy shit, really? Yeah, it goes pretty fast. How long would you survive? Seriously though? How long do you think you would survive in his zombie apocalypse? I think I would survive reasonably well because I know how to survive in the wild.🎙 00:41:03.54900:41:20.990
  • Oh okay. I was a very good boy scout. Very good. My dad was in the forces. He always took his out in the wilderness. He taught me how to catch his skin rabbits, how to fish and cook. This is Joe Rogan.🎙 00:41:21.71000:41:48.190
  • Yeah, okay. He’s a big bow hunter. Oh, okay. I listened to Joe Rogan before he went completely off the rails. For like two years he was really good. And then I still only listened to the people I was interested in, but because they are🎙 00:41:41.28900:41:58.109
  • like two, three hours long. Then he just got like his podcast and Conan O’Brien got into they stopped being interviewers and now it’s just a platform for them to speak. Just, okay. He talks more than the guests sometimes where it used to be he was like, I understand I🎙 00:41:58.10900:42:14.029
  • don’t know as much as you do. So I’m going to ask you questions. And then by interviewing lots of people he thinks he’s related knowledge. Yes. But he was an anti-vaxxer and shit. So. Which makes me think he’s a fucking one.🎙 00:42:14.02900:42:27.106
  • I sell something I talk about a lot actually though because like my family never want to go camping the way I want to go camping. Yeah they don’t understand. Like I mean I want us to have fun camping but I kind of want to teach them how to do🎙 00:42:27.10600:42:41.946
  • stuff. How to do stuff. Yeah. Yeah. How to be like I don’t have this thing and then how to make it or do it or get it. So I think I do alright. How about you? I think over confidence would be my downfall.🎙 00:42:41.94600:43:00.346
  • If It’s okay. I can’t see and that’s always going to be the problem if I lose my glasses my glasses break or my eyes deteriorate Oh shit. I’m fucked. Yeah Because I actually had a friend said like in a post-apocalyptic world🎙 00:43:00.34600:43:16.152
  • Peter would do really well if you could get his hands on things Because I know I can kill stuff with my hands really really well But I have to but then if you think about the process of getting something in your hands. I can’t do it🎙 00:43:17.03200:43:28.672
  • No, and it’s risky. Yeah, and there’s zombies around so zombies. I Actually think I think I would think I’m gonna do good and then get fucked pretty early on. I think I’d be one of the zombies pretty fast because I probably try to fight🎙 00:43:28.67200:43:42.661
  • them in some premise. Yeah, maybe even like to be noble. Yeah, but seriously, I probably would. And then zombies get up and then there’s yeah. And then another one bites me from behind because I’ve never fought like eight guys at the same time. So I think my overconfidence🎙 00:43:42.66100:43:57.501
  • would be my downfall. And so actually, I think I would do really well. And then I would die in the second or third day with confidence. I would die with confidence. you could come and stay with me.🎙 00:43:57.50100:44:10.938
  • Oh, yay. So you can trap stuff and then I’ll kill it with my hands. Nice. Ah, we keep them around. Number six, let’s do number six and then we’ll finish. Okay. Yeah. Oh, shit. This is the same.🎙 00:44:10.93800:44:27.738
  • I, okay. So the question is what funny saying would be written on your tombstone to describe your life, the life you lived. I again, I’m going to ruin the question. So you go first. On my tombstone.🎙 00:44:27.73800:44:59.418
  • I think I think uh, no, I want to have some kind of pun and now I can’t think of anything That one that went anything boring like like here lies Loving father and husband better fuck that shit maybe just something like like🎙 00:44:41.45100:44:58.731
  • Like inhale. It’s always a heavy battle party I Don’t want a tombstone. I kind of want to be for don’t want a tombstone either Yeah, I don’t want to be buried and have like a specific place that people feel like they have to come to🎙 00:44:59.45100:45:14.411
  • Creamate and throw it away. Yeah, like, but if I read me with a new tree, oh, that’s nice. Yeah, something if I had a tombstone. I Would want to have some side a gimmick on it like says something relatively serious, but it has a flap you can lift up🎙 00:45:14.41100:45:29.638
  • Or like an LED screen. So but no, no, but something something’s like I actually weirdly would want to make it interactive Like oh wait, there’s something you can do and then it’s like ends up or make a gamer🎙 00:45:30.57800:45:39.898
  • Like I don’t know I would want to make it so that it looks really boring But if you take the time to look at it, there’s something really cool there. So like one of those sliding puzzle things. Oh yeah, like that or a door and then🎙 00:45:39.89800:45:52.673
  • door like a door you open the door. Yeah, something. I think that that’s that actually sums me up. Like I would I would want looking on the outside but but if you go in there, got some shit, it’s great.🎙 00:45:53.31300:46:08.673
  • Right. Okay, yes, we will stop there. So I’m in the stream. Yeah, now you know all about us. You know exactly what kind of people we are. And then from this point forward, we’ll do topics. We made some topics.🎙 00:46:08.67300:46:40.433
  • Yeah. We would appreciate more. Yeah. If anyone’s listening, anyone, anyone, please help me. Send some time. Send topics. Yeah. That’s like, send nudes. But send topic. Send nudes. No, let’s not take that off the table.🎙 00:46:24.14100:46:44.381
  • Send nudes. Men or women, I’m just, I just want to be, I just want to say I got nudes. Yeah. I don’t even want to look at them. That’s what I say I got. If you’re a raccoon, listening. Send nudes. You have to fuck an animal. Go.🎙 00:46:44.38100:47:01.735
  • Three, two, you can’t, you’re taking too long already. No, open. Oh. Same answer. Yeah. So mate. Okay. That’s a perfect place to stop. Alright, God. You

Fantastic Poops

  • Music CMcB is an examination and so what I like to do is to sort of find a topic and issue and get deeper into it and what we’re going to get deeper into today is superhero butt holes. You might not have thought that’s where that sentence was going but that’s why.🎙 00:00:00.00000:00:30.600
  • You see me? be as always a magical rainbow of joy, because you’ll never know what’s coming at the end of any sentence, poop. See? And this was weird because we, I started talking to some friends about the Fantastic Four,🎙 00:00:30.60000:00:47.631
  • which is a comic I never read, and I actually know very little about the Fantastic Four, except for the characters therein, who they are. I used to read Spider-Man, the comics, and the Fantastic Four lived in the same city.🎙 00:00:47.63100:01:02.751
  • and there was only one I remember and it’s because Spider-Man encountered a space fire oriented hero, anti-hero, and he couldn’t beat him. And so it was a three comic arc where Spider-Man was running away🎙 00:01:02.73800:01:20.098
  • from this, I think it was Fire Star, but the idea was that he needed to not engage with him so that Fire Star wouldn’t hurt innocent civilians and he tried to get them to this area. He lured him into a building and then collapsed the building, but it didn’t🎙 00:01:21.21800:01:38.103
  • kill him and he knew he’d just like power level wise he couldn’t beat him. And then in a final act of desperation, Spider-Man just like literally just starts physically punching him beating the shit out of him. Firestar never having actually been punched in the face before🎙 00:01:38.10300:01:54.083
  • couldn’t take it. And Spider-Man puts him down and then the fantastic four show up. So I think it’s some earlier point he’d called them for help. That’s that’s all I know about the fantastic four is their kind of friends with Spider-Man.🎙 00:01:54.08300:02:04.643
  • man. I mean, that’s that’s literally it. So there’s the thing. Now, the thing is covered in rocks. Now, I don’t know much about that. I think he has like enhanced strength. I don’t know if it’s because of the rocks. That’s that’s actually a question, but he’s very tough exterior because🎙 00:02:04.64100:02:25.041
  • his exterior is now covered in orange rocks. I don’t know what those orange rocks are made of. He’s not happy about his life. I know that that he doesn’t want to be covered in rocks. And it’s it’s made his life more difficult. And I think.🎙 00:02:25.04100:02:38.001
  • one of the ways he’s made his life more difficult. And this is what set off this conversation is he has to poop. He still is a human inside. He has to eat and he has to poop. But if I have a dog that I clean up his poop🎙 00:02:37.67600:02:51.356
  • and you pick up the poop off the rock, it’s usually concrete or cement. We’re on the road, let’s say. It’s very easy to pick up. You don’t wipe. Now there are two possibilities here. One is that.🎙 00:02:51.35600:03:08.316
  • his butt is covered in pebbles or rocks or something. And that means it’s relatively smooth and the poop would come out without much trouble. So you wouldn’t have to wipe that much. But more logically speaking,🎙 00:03:08.69900:03:25.459
  • because if you have to squeeze poop out as we all do, he would have to clean up afterwards. Now, this would imply to me that the thing does not wipe. He must bidet. Now, if you’ve ever bideted, it’s not particularly powerful.🎙 00:03:25.45900:03:42.059
  • It’s designed to be comfortable for a human butthole, but again, this is a human who’s covered in orange rocks, or in this case, maybe smooth pebbles. So I’m wondering if a bidet would be strong enough.🎙 00:03:41.17300:03:56.013
  • We know the absolute minimum, the thing must bidet. But realistically speaking, to really get sort of all the crevices and whatnot, he probably has to power wash, which would mean either he has a uniquely created bathroom which Mr.🎙 00:03:56.01300:04:12.613
  • Fantastic could say. He’d set up, he’d been being a genius inventor and scientist. He could create a bidet that was powerful enough to clean up the things but, or he has a jet set up in our special room that’s sort of just like a shower room where he can like🎙 00:04:12.61300:04:31.736
  • kind of position himself and just set it off. Or he has a very friendly associate who is willing to do this for him and actually just power sprays his butt hole. There is another alternative. There is another possibility is that the things digestive system has been changed.🎙 00:04:31.73600:05:09.876
  • So again, not knowing enough about the characters. I don’t know what he eats. So maybe he eats rocks and poop dust or pebbles Which would be very easy to clean up then. I don’t know Maybe he eats rock and then with the pressure of🎙 00:04:50.00800:05:06.848
  • The things powerful digestive system that is now rock oriented Poops diamonds And that is actually a very real possibility So this is something this is something that again and when you watch superhero movies🎙 00:05:07.32800:05:19.788
  • stuff. You follow your favorite Marvel heroes. Do they poop? How do they poop? So Spider Man is just a kid. He’s gained super powers. He poops completely normally, I assume. Daredevil, just a guy, has like echolocation of sorts. Poops normally. Now the Fantastic🎙 00:05:20.08400:05:42.644
  • Four also has a character called the Flame. I don’t actually know if that’s his name. I know he has fire based powers. This was interesting because really if you think about it, you are… flame and you poop.🎙 00:05:42.64400:05:58.138
  • You don’t have to wipe. So he’s in human form. He goes to the toilet and then he just goes, flame on. I know that’s the only thing I know. He says flame on. Flame on and then he would burn any poop particulate away🎙 00:05:58.13800:06:12.278
  • because it’s outside his body. It doesn’t explain what happens internally which leads me to an interesting secondary question because let’s say the flame gets coronavirus or a flu or something. A fever is designed to kill the…🎙 00:06:12.27800:06:56.798
  • virus in your body. If he flames on, does that immediately kill all the virus within his body? Is he’s not immune? He can catch it, but he can catch it every single day. Flame on. He’s burned it. He’s killed all the virus in his body because we don’t know anything about his internal temperature🎙 00:06:31.01300:06:51.933
  • because logically speaking, if his internal temperature gets that high, it should actually like burn his heart. So his heart and all his internal organs must be somehow immune. to this incredibly high temperature.🎙 00:06:51.93300:07:03.836
  • So it would say to me that he cannot get a fever because his body’s immune to high temperatures, but he does have the ability to flame on, turn his body into a human torch. Oh, it’s the human torch, not flame.🎙 00:07:03.83600:07:22.396
  • I would like to point out that I did not do a significant amount of research before I did this. You think if I had done any sort of research, I would know the names of the character. factors, which I do not. I did look up one, and it was the laziest name I’ve ever come🎙 00:07:24.15600:07:39.932
  • across in all of history. But the human torch must be immune internally to high temperatures, which means he can’t get a fever to fight the virus, but he could flame on and then burn it out. I know that there’s an interesting thing if you get syphilis. What you can do🎙 00:07:39.93200:08:01.332
  • is get malaria, and the fever from the malaria is so hot. it actually kills the syphilis. And then hopefully you survive the malaria. You can go off and get syphilis again. I don’t know why it’s a weird loop. When I learned about🎙 00:08:01.33200:08:15.970
  • that fact, it was a weird loop that stuck in my head that if you get syphilis, go get malaria and then you can go get syphilis again. You just loop that forever. And no problem. So do all firepower people, people with firepower have this ability? Or there is the second🎙 00:08:15.97000:08:34.710
  • dairy alternative. that once the virus, if it’s strong enough to get into the human torch’s body, that because he cannot generate a fever physically, that he’s actually really, really susceptible to diseases,🎙 00:08:34.71000:08:51.728
  • which I would be very surprised by. So that’s something to take into account when you think of the human torch. Then we move on to Mr. Fantastic. No, Mr. Fantastic. Stretchy powers. Let’s look okay in comics.🎙 00:08:51.72800:09:08.689
  • I’ve actually never been impressed by stretchy as a power. So we have Mr. Fantastic and then the wife from The Incredibles. A Last a Girl, I believe is the name. Again no research done at all before him.🎙 00:09:08.68900:09:22.689
  • But our poop themed questions. The last of persons, the last of people, Mr. Fantastic has the ability to stretch his body in all kinds of almost magical way. So stretches arms really far stretch really wide and block bullets🎙 00:09:22.68900:09:42.694
  • Become incredibly flexible. I assume we also become rigid Which almost makes me not want to talk about when mistering fantastic poops He’s able to there’s two choices again. I came up with Able to flex the internal organs and body in such a way that it could come out in an incredibly🎙 00:09:43.41400:10:07.974
  • fast single powerful move that maybe there’s no wiping needed necessary. No wipes needed. Or, and this was to me the grosser one, could descend to such a degree that the fecal matter would just drop out and no🎙 00:10:07.97400:10:29.574
  • wiping would be necessary. Once I started thinking about this, this is the problem is once you have the thought, I started thinking about the things poop, wiping, and how problematic that would be. It then led me to extrapolate on every character in that team and then of course expand into🎙 00:10:29.57400:10:48.202
  • the greater superhero pantheon. I hate stretchy abilities. I actually, as soon as you start thinking about what they can and cannot do, it’s really gross. Everything they do is kind of gross. And I know they’re in planning a new Fantastic Four movie, but stretchy powers just don’t🎙 00:10:48.20200:11:07.242
  • look cool. And that’s a problem with Mr. Fantastic is even if Mr. Fantastic is. is a cool character, stretchy powers don’t look good. Now we get to the final member of the Fantastic Four, the fourth member, Invisible Woman, which I actually looked up to check, because I🎙 00:11:07.24200:11:24.457
  • was like invisibility girl or something. It’s Invisible Woman, which is the laziest name. So you have the thing, the human torch, Mr. Fantastic, and Invisible Woman, which is like an afterthought. So I feel really bad calling her Invisible Woman. We need a better name. Even like…🎙 00:11:24.45700:11:43.897
  • invisibility girl. No, that’s still pretty lazy. I think when you put woman and girl in it, it’s a bit. Yeah, the thing, human torch, Mr. Fantastic. You could have a Mrs. something. That would be better. I feel like the writers dropped it on this one.🎙 00:11:44.18800:12:04.988
  • So perfectly normal human being can turn invisible. When they poop is the poop invisible. It’s really the question, the only question. We think all the other functions must be normal. You got a YAP.🎙 00:12:06.02800:12:33.708
  • you got a bidet, you want to do whatever you want. So we actually don’t have to talk about that, which is weirdly good, but I had an extended conversation with my friend, Mr. Warmhands, about would the poop remain invisible🎙 00:12:19.45600:12:35.496
  • or would as the poop left the body become visible as it left the body if an invisible woman decided to be invisible while she was pooping? Now I realized really quickly. Invisible woman doesn’t have to take off all her clothes to become invisible.🎙 00:12:36.61600:12:55.558
  • She can wear those clothes, which means that the invisibility isn’t limited to the skin of the person with the power. It’s not the only person to have invisibility powers. But it does mean that it’s a surface level thing that you almost generate a field around🎙 00:12:55.55800:13:15.198
  • you that creates invisibility. So it’s like I’m wearing my clothes. the bubble goes around my clothes. So I think of it as a bubble that goes around you, that creates invisibility, which would mean🎙 00:13:15.19800:13:29.219
  • that the poop is invisible until it leaves the bubble. Now that could mean, again, so let’s say, if you just look at the, well, again, you know, in a video, this is a podcast. I can’t talk about it like on video.🎙 00:13:30.11900:13:41.399
  • But right now I’m wearing a t-shirt and a jacket, and a very light jacket, but it has a hood. Now I don’t want the jacket to be invisible and the hood visible. So, the bubble must encompass everything around me that is in contact with my body completely.🎙 00:13:41.39900:13:59.281
  • I’m wearing glasses. I don’t want when I go invisible just my glasses are floating in the air. So, anything that’s in contact with my body, which would actually just be the sort of horns in the nose bit, but these edge bits still need to be invisible.🎙 00:13:59.28100:14:13.001
  • So, the bubble has to be almost aware enough to cover the entirety of my glasses, the entirety of my t-shirt and jacket. I don’t want just a jacket because if it has to be touching my body, t- Technically, my jacket right now, if I’m wearing a long-sleeve shirt, isn’t touching my body,🎙 00:14:13.00100:14:28.741
  • you would just have a jacket floating in the air. So the bubble, I don’t know if I would be conscious of it as the user or if it’s just an intelligent bubble that covers anything that is on my body, which would mean the poop🎙 00:14:28.74100:14:42.361
  • remains invisible until it disconnects from the body and in this case falls away. So then it would become suddenly visible when it’s in the air. and no longer connected. So that would be like, I’m invisible🎙 00:14:42.36100:14:58.098
  • until I take off my jacket and I throw my jacket away. As soon as I let go of my jacket, the jacket would become visible, I think is what we’re talking about in this situation. Now I started extending the pantheon a little bit🎙 00:14:58.09800:15:10.458
  • and talking about it, thinking about other people. And Superman is the ideal superhero. I find him very boring because of that. Superman technically is powered by the sun. It’s almost like a form of photosynthesis.🎙 00:15:10.45800:15:26.298
  • Photosynthesis is very… efficient, there is no sort of waste matter connected to photosynthesis. But I have actually never seen Superman eat, like canonically. So does Superman eat? So does Superman have any waste products?🎙 00:15:26.29800:15:44.267
  • Is actually the first question. There is the possibility that Superman eats, but his body is so efficient, because again, that’s supposed to be sort of a God super level person, that there is no waste matter🎙 00:15:44.26700:15:59.427
  • every bit gets used. But because the primary source of energy is the sun, it would actually lead us to the question, does Superman have a butthole? Because it’s completely unnecessary. And we also know that when something is unnecessary, generally evolutionary speaking, it sorta🎙 00:15:59.42700:16:19.314
  • disappears. So Superman, by extension, I believe does not have a butthole. Now, I did watch, I have a comic I read once, and it was Superman. It was sorta to play on the idea that Superman is an alien.🎙 00:16:19.31400:16:57.754
  • and it was the first time Superman and Lois Lane were going to have a sexual intercourse. And he takes off his shirt, he has the perfect chest and body and Lois Lane’s like, ooh, she takes off some of her clothes and then he takes off his pants and then she reels back in shock🎙 00:16:34.53000:16:48.770
  • and says, why does it have pincers? And he says in response to grab you because of course Superman is an alien and therefore his genitalia, his physiology is all very different. But we do know that Superman’s species reproduces.🎙 00:16:48.77000:17:09.463
  • We didn’t don’t know exactly how. We’ve never seen it like a sex scene from Krypton. But because everything else is human-esque, there is an implication that Superman has a penis and could reproduce that way.🎙 00:17:09.46300:17:21.943
  • So let’s just give him that. But if he’s powered by the sun, there’s actually no reason for him to have a butthole because he doesn’t expel any feces because there’s no feces to expel. I did like the idea, though.🎙 00:17:21.94300:18:07.503
  • He’s so efficient, he doesn’t poop. So he eats a pizza. Every bit of the pizza is used perfectly within the body system, but then that also would imply that there is no poop. That actually offsets old theory I did🎙 00:17:38.76600:17:58.406
  • in the old podcast, Velocipodcast, is how does Superman fly? And one of my theories that it was that you’d need something pushing away from the body, a jet stream. which I think would be an extended super fart.🎙 00:17:58.40600:18:12.549
  • Now, I could just be a single system where Superman opens his mouth or brings Aaron through his nose, goes straight through his body and pushes it out. So it’s not like a stinky fart because it’s not sort of fermenting in the body at all.🎙 00:18:13.74900:18:27.309
  • But that’s actually how Superman would fly. He pushes himself through the air on a jet stream that comes out his butt. That’s why he flies in that way. Like you always see him. He does float like he hovers like a.🎙 00:18:27.30900:18:41.709
  • Osprey, but that just means his butt is aimed downward. And he’s always got his legs in a sort of odd position, and that’s to make sure that he can be like, but of course Superman being Superman doesn’t make fart sounds.🎙 00:18:41.62200:18:55.742
  • It’s just a perfect jet stream shooting down. And then you notice when Superman takes off, there’s always like a away from his feet. Something’s creating that force. No, it’s not a jump. Jumps don’t do that.🎙 00:18:55.74200:19:11.142
  • There’s just be some sort of jet and that jet, there’s only one thing in that area, and that’s his butt hole. That means the fart actually makes a lot of sense. But then it sort of contravenes what I just talked about where he would have no butthole.🎙 00:19:11.14200:19:23.891
  • But he could have a butthole just for flying because that is again evolutionary, very useful thing for someone to have. If you would like me to talk about the buttholes of any of your favorite superheroes, feel free to send me a message. You can send an email to chumpoficechest at🎙 00:19:23.89100:19:45.331
  • or you can send a message. I do prefer this system because I get to hear your lovely voice. slash Trump and beef chest. Leave a message. Do you believe your favorite superheroes have buttholes? Would you like those buttholes examined because let’s face it at C. McBe🎙 00:19:45.33100:20:04.332
  • Podcasts, I am more than happy to take a deep look into your favorite superheroes butts.


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