Podcast – Page 3

Unfun Statistics

So I came across some stats.

You know how much I love.

Comedy and stats.

I was thinking I should, I have all these
great ideas for projects, but I don’t have

the time to do the research
to make the projects successful.

You do a comedy show based
almost exclusively on statistics.

So you take statistics
and then you make jokes

about statistics and you statistics
jokes to make more comedy.

Statistically that would be humorous.

I don’t know.

I don’t, I don’t, again, I
will see, I’ll see a statistic.

I’ll think of some funny things.

And then I’m like, oh, you could
extrapolate that into an entire show.

You could if you had a research team.

I’ve had lots of ideas
like that where the

problem, the success
would have relied on having

a team in place that
could actually do the thing.

That’s not what we’re talking about today.

Well, we are talking
about some statistics and

it comes down to red
versus blue in America,

which is dominant in
the news because it is

fascinating how they
will sacrifice their own

self interests, hurting themselves
to prove a political point.

And I think that might be it’s more
true on the red side than the blue side.

I of course have a significant bias.

I’m not going to pretend I don’t.

I am a very liberal
person from a very liberal

country living in another
very socialist oriented country.

So I’m Canadian.

I’m a liberal Canadian, which is
essentially a communist socialist bastard.

I live in Japan, which is a very
social socially oriented country.

A lot of the programs.

You pay high taxes, all that other stuff.

And I’ve reaped the benefits.

That’s probably what
has kept me so so same.

Also I’m relatively poor.

I mean, I’m not.

I don’t know.

What am I?

I’m not poor.

I don’t even think I’m middle class.

I may be lower middle class.

Anyways, I am a target voting
demographic in most countries.

Sub Japan, which doesn’t
want foreigners to vote.

If you watch Ninja News, Japan, the other
day, I was actually talking about how there

was a town and they
said, we’re not going

to give foreign residents voting rights,
but we’re going to call them citizens.

96% of the people in the
town were like, fuck that.

We don’t want to call people
who aren’t Japanese citizens.

That’s just ridiculous.

So, I mean, there’s a lot of things
that need to be improved in all countries.

I don’t want to even claim the things that
I believe are the places I like or perfect,

but we are talking about America,
which is deeply, deeply flawed.

And the politics is
making it worse because

the politics have now
become message is more

important than the
reality of people’s lives.

And what am I talking about?

It has a lot to do with being
anti-vax and anti-vaxination.

I don’t believe you should
be forced to take a vaccine.

I don’t think you should be forced to
take anything that you don’t agree with.

But, there’s always going to be a but.

If you refuse to take
the vaccine for anything

and you catch that
thing, the state should

not then be burdened by your illness,
which is where the problems arise.

So, vaccines in oculations, all these
things, they are done for the greater good.

And that seems to be, again, the
individualistic nature of politics in America.

I think I’ve talked
about this before, but

you have the theory in
America is individual rights.

The problem with individual
rights is they cannot

exist in a world with
more than one person.

So, if I have my individual rights,
I have the most important thing.

And then you’ve
been taught that your

individual rights are
the most important thing.

If we fall into the same realm
of existence, we cannot agree.

Because how can my
rights be the most important

thing and your rights be
the most important thing?

Therefore, one of us must
be wrong if we disagree.

There can’t be any middle ground
and there can’t be any compromise.

I think this might be the major flaw
in American politics in modern times.

That said, should you be forced to
take a medicine that you don’t agree with?

No.

But then, I don’t think you
should receive help if you get sick.

This is something I think it was Sweden
tried to do this during the pandemic.

You don’t have to get
the vaccine, but if you

don’t get the vaccine and you catch
COVID, you don’t get to go to a hospital.

So essentially you die.

And I was like, I kind
of agree with that

philosophically, but
the reality of letting

people die, I don’t
think I agree with that.

So this is the problem.

This is what I’m saying.

There’s a philosophical level you think on.

And then there’s the reality of
humans suffering in front of you.

So where do you draw the line?

Philosophically, I think
if you don’t take the

vaccine and you catch the
disease, you should just suffer.

Honestly I believe that philosophically.

If you said this person
who did not take the

vaccine is sick, should
we give the medicine,

my inherent instinct
would be, yes, let’s give

the medicine, let’s give them all the medical
care we can and try to save their life.

So that’s that’s
sort of the first set of

issues I run into that
there’s a philosophical

realm that I believe
in, but then there’s also

reality, which requires me
to care for other people.

So that’s when you
get into, well, since we’re

going to have to take
care of the medically

in real life, we should
force them to take the

vaccine and you can see that to me
is where the divide becomes difficult.

The anti-vax movements has been
going on in America for quite a while now.

And I think to me, this
is one of those forms

of rebellion where
like again, Americans

seem to want to be
rebellious, but that rebellion,

the foundation of
that rebellion, rebellion

I think inherently means
you have to do something.

And so like something
like anti-vax, what

you’re actually doing is
nothing and then saying

that me doing this nothing
is a no, sorry, my dog

is just coughing right
next to the microphone.

I’m assuming it’s picking it up.

I’m going to wait till that’s finished.

Okay, he’s laid down again.

I died that threw me off.

So the anti-vax movement is a group
of individuals who want to be rebellious.

They want to be noble.

They want to have a cause, but
they don’t want to actually do anything.

So this is like the laziest form of social
resistance is where I’m going to not do the

thing and then tell everyone I’m
being super noble by not doing the thing.

Art I great.

You should all not do the thing with me.

We should actually all do nothing
and then everything will get better.

Now I fundamentally
disagree with that, but

again, we’re talking about
the philosophical realm.

I do enjoy statistics
because they pull the

philosophical into
the reality, which is

kind of what I actually
wanted to talk about.

Republicans did very much
push the anti-vaccination

message ironically
because it was under

Donald Trump’s introduction and fast
forwarding of the vaccine being produced.

So Donald Trump could
take credit for pushing

through the vaccine, getting it done,
getting it made, getting it out there.

But then his party was turning around
and saying, don’t take the vaccine.

So that’s, again, you can see
philosophically, problematically.

You’re saying like, let’s
be anti-establishment

wherein the problem is at the
moment we are the establishment.

How do we do that?

Well, we want everyone
to not take this

medicine that we put extra effort into
getting it done, getting that medicine made.

So I didn’t enjoy
that again, it’s sort of

like an irony in the
American political system.

So Republicans pushed sort
of an anti-vaxx regime ideology.

And the interesting thing
for me, and immediately

was like this puts the people who vote
Republican at greater risk of catching the

disease and therefore
at greater risk of dying

from sort of the
complications of the disease.

So if your political voters are not
being vaccinated and the disease is real.

So I’m going to go ahead
and assume the disease is real.

I’ve had a couple of people come at
me and say that COVID’s not a thing.

It’s just a flu and some other stuff.

I’ve had that argument multiple times.

Sorry, I just, I can’t, I can’t deal
with both of those at the same time.

If COVID is just the
flu and it’s a more

communicable flu
that it kills you, the fact

that it’s not called the flu and
it’s called COVID, does not matter.

I mean, nomenclature
in this case is not

the important issue
we should be looking at.

It’s whether or not it’s killing
people and it was killing people.

The number of people
at risk increased if you

were politically
Republican leaning because

you’re more likely to
not get the vaccine.

That I think is a
statement if COVID is real.

Now this actually goes
into another secondary

set of issues that in America, healthcare
costs because healthcare is not socialized.

If you catch COVID, you’re more likely
to catch COVID if you’re Republican.

If you catch COVID,
you then have to pay

into the privatized healthcare system,
which is very much broken in America.

I mean, the most common
stories you read on

the Internet are about
people going completely

bankrupt all the time because
their insurance won’t pay out.

Their healthcare isn’t there.

They won’t take them
to the hospital unless

they’re in their provider, which I
don’t even know what that really means.

My assumption is you
have a company you deal

with insurance wise
and only certain hospitals

will take you if you have
that insurance and whatnot.

I’ve never lived in a
country that did that.

If I get sick, I go to the closest
hospital and that’s pretty much it.

I mean, in Canada, that’s
the way it worked in Japan.

That’s the way it worked or they take you
to have some pretty horrible stories about

hospitals being closed because of the
hours in stuff in Japan and separate issue.

If you’d like to hear
more about that, you can

drop me a message
and I’ll look into a whole

bunch of stories and put them together
and do a special scenic view on that.

But Yale, which is a university
in America, did a study.

And it was focused
primarily on Ohio and Florida.

And they were focusing primarily on
counties with lower vaccination rates.

And these counties
were primarily Republican.

So Ohio and Florida,
Republican states, and

they were saying,
“Let’s find the Republican

counties within those
states and we’ll study

vaccination, COVID,
transmission, and deaths.”

So they ended up with 538,159
people that were kind of studying.

The first year of the
pandemic, if you were a

Republican or Democrat,
you had a similar death rate.

So in the first year of the
pandemic, we did not have a vaccine.

Everyone was in sort of
the same risk category.

They were saying wear
masks, don’t wear masks.

I mean, this actually
in a weird way proves

that if you were a
Democrat and you’re following

all the rules and you’re wearing
masks and stuff, it didn’t really work.

If we’re being honest, I still would wear a
mask because the number of flu cases did

drop, so you say like, “Well,
it doesn’t work for COVID.”

Well, if it works for every other
disease, it might still be worth doing.

But that’s a separate issue.

That’s not what they’re talking about.

But maybe the Republicans
were wearing masks

because the companies
told them to maybe not.

Maybe no one was wearing a mask properly
because we didn’t know about masks.

We certainly didn’t know about good
masks and how masks should fit in stuff.

There was a very big conversation in Japan
about like, you get the medical masks.

Should the sort of, what do you call it?

It’s not a string, the elastic that
connects the mask to wraps around your ears.

Should that, the
connection point beyond

the outsider, the inside
of the mask because

you want to create a
seal around your mouth?

That was a whole
conversation that went on

during the first year of
the pandemic because

people didn’t know the
right system or the right way.

Way, there were double
masks and all this other stuff.

But the first year of the
pandemic, the death rate

was relatively similar
regardless of political lines.

One month after the
vaccine became available, this

is a quote, excess
mortality was significantly

higher for Republican
voters, like up to 43%.

So what they’re saying
in that first month,

most likely Democrats
were getting the vaccine,

Republicans were not
getting the vaccine and

the death rate either decreased into
Democrats or increased in Republicans.

They didn’t actually look
at what was killing people.

So maybe for that month after the vaccine
was introduced, Republicans were jumping in

front of trains at an exorbitant
rate, something like that.

We don’t know specifically.

But we can say there’s
some causation, some

correlation between
people getting vaccinated

and people not dying during
that initial first few months.

Another study, June
2021 to March 2022, found

234,000 deaths could have been
prevented if people had been vaccinated.

So they’re saying these
vaccines, the people

who got them, they
were not dying people who

didn’t get them in the
same situation, 234,000

people died when they
didn’t necessarily have to die.

People from pro Donald Trump counties
were three times more likely to die.

Again, not specifically saying from COVID.

So you want to say
COVID’s not real, that’s true.

But there was a trend
that after the vaccine was

introduced, Republicans,
pro Trump Republicans

specifically were
dying at a higher rate

than non pro Trump
Republicans and Democrats.

So if you can come up with another
explanation for that, I would love to hear it.

It would be very interesting
to hear someone’s

other point of view
on what was killing

all these pro Trump
Republicans during this period.

In some places in Florida,
some small counties,

the death numbers
are so high they actually

outweighed the number of
votes you would need to do in.

So you have 48% Democrats in this county.

You have 52% Republicans,
5% of the Republicans

in that county died
because of something during

this period when
vaccines were available,

which meant the next
election that comes up,

that county would then
flip from red to blue.

And that to me is the core issue.

And it’s not even a
core issue of again, the

philosophical realm of
should we morally make

people do things they don’t
agree with and things like that.

It is more a case of if I’m a
politician, I want people to vote for me.

And if I want people to vote for
me, those people have to stay alive.

So it’s actually in
my best interest is a

positive politician to
provide my voters, let’s

say we’re going to be really awful
about it and only do this for my voters.

If you vote for me, you
get better health care.

If you vote for me, you get the vaccine.

If you vote for me,
you get all these things

that will keep you alive so that you
can keep voting for me in the future.

That to me is the
philosophical divide between

the reality of what is
happening with the way

this group is thinking and the
reality of how it’s going to play out.

If you’re thinking, do
you never get a vaccine,

never do these things
to take care of yourself,

never increase the
quality of health care.

Because Trump’s one
of his first platforms

was going to come out
with a new health care

system that was going to replace a
bomb of care and it was going to be better.

And that never manifested.

That never happened.

You said you’re going to be
able to choose your doctor.

You’re going to be a better deal.

I don’t, again, there were no specifics.

He’s going to be able to
be more likely speaking.

He says he has that plan in place.

He says that plan is possible.

So if that is the truth,
Donald Trump could

still in this moment reveal that plan to
everyone else and they could vote it in.

He could say, here’s my plan.

It’s the greatest plan that was ever made.

Let’s put it out there in the public.

They’ll still get credit for it.

Maybe he’s Biden’s
president and then it

will actually make
Biden look really stupid.

Why didn’t you come
up with this brilliant plan?

He’s working on his
platform for the next election.

Here’s the health care plan.

I’m going to put it into place,
but let me give you all the plan.

The biggest problem
with him is he never gave

any details of any plan
he ever came up with.

So it always came down to
this dude is just making shit up.

Hi, man.

Yeah.

I want to conclude in
a not wholly negative

way, but the whole
anti-vax movement in this

case and these numbers
don’t lie, it has nothing

to do again with the
philosophical differences.

Like I actually believe if you
don’t want to get the vaccine,

you shouldn’t have to get the
vaccine, but let’s make real clear.

The vaccine came
out and people just who

took it, they were dying less
than the people who weren’t.

And the anti-vax
stance of the rebellious

nature of I just want
to be counter culture.

And none of those
people were dying that that

philosophy was proving itself
to be faulty from the beginning.

I don’t, this is a huge downer to end on.

What a shitty story.

I was interested in the numbers.

I’ve said this many, many times.

I got to work on my conclusions
before I start because I don’t script.

I write notes so that I get my facts right.

I don’t script.

I think I got to start scripting and
ending or at least have an ending point.

Jesus Christ, what a downer.

I don’t know how I end.

How do I end?

This is it.

I talk about stats and people dying.

This is the problem.

So in the engineer’s
Japan, I have adopted a

philosophy of I don’t
talk about people dying.

Now I get pretty gross stories in there.

I actually do that less than I used to.

But because you
can’t end in any sort of

positive way and I don’t want
the endings of, this is like an elbow.

You make an elbow.

You don’t want the
last song to be a downer.

You want the last song
to be a great up note

so that you are willing
to play the album

against you put all your
sad songs in the middle.

I don’t know if that actually happens,
but it was a philosophy I’d heard about.

I need to adopt something
similar for the podcast.

I don’t want to end on a downer.

I don’t want people to
walk away going, man,

I listen to Chuck with
you just this morning

and God damn, do I feel
bad for the rest of the day?

I guess this whole story was about
moves all downers all the way down.

That’s the problem.

But I do talk about just shit all the time.

Like I can just ramble.

Like I am right now.

All I need to do is have Dave
in my lap, scratch his dumb face.

I’m just keep talking.

And there’s the positive note.

For those of your
political leanings, you can

get a stupid little poodle, stick him
in your lap and scratch his dumb face.

Can we get Dave in there?

This is the problem.

I had the mic up here and it was a really
good position, but it seemed to echo.

And so I had the mic down here.

Because it’s a front facing mic.

Because it was below
my mouth, depending on

where my head was, it was
picking up different levels.

So now I’ve put the mic down and angled
it so that it’s aiming sort of at my face.

I’m hoping this is the first time I’ve
done it, so I’m hoping that sounds better.

I’m going to stuff around my room.

I seem to have managed
to create a small echo,

which I think most
people wouldn’t notice,

but when you edit your own
podcast, you hear all this stuff.

What I really want to do
though is get down to Dave Cam.

Check that out.

That’s actually pretty good angle.

Because I worry about my
hairline because it’s so bad.

I do think the mic
and the nerd stuff in

the corner is more
interesting than my face.

People are always like, “Oh, you
got to do a video for the podcast.

You got to do it on YouTube.

I never wanted to do that because I never
really wanted to put my face on camera.”

But if I could get just
Dave Cam, if I did it from this

angle, actually that I think
that looks pretty good.

You get my mouth moving.

So there is motion in the image.

You get the dog.

I think the tech setup, the
mic and the pop filter and stuff.

I like the way that looks, but that’s
maybe just because I’m into this stuff.

This might be my… If Dave’s on
my lap, this might be my setup.

I might do that.

I can just… My
beard’s now big enough.

I can actually run my fingers through it.

Who’s so sexual?

I was going to do a
bit on the alien reveal,

but all I have to say
is that I don’t think

anyone gives a shit because
it’s not going to impact our lives.

Because the fact that aliens are really
real statistically is not a surprise.

The problem is everyone’s
life is so shitty right now.

How does aliens being
real help make us better?

So this is what I was doing before.

When you would comment,
I would actually just…

All I was saying is if aliens are
real and they crash into earth.

Man, they are shit-oilers
despite their ETL travel.

So this was my
thinking for when I do an

international Japan and when I do CMEB
is I put the voice on in the background.

Because I can then
just… It’s in a browser.

I can just turn it off.

But then you comment,
I can actually respond

to you like we’re
having a conversation.

I know there’s still like
the four-second delay.

I’ve turned the delay down as low
as possible, but it’ll make it more.

Because what I was
doing before is you would

write a comment and I would read it
and there would be a pause in the podcast.

The pause was long enough, I
could then drop that voice chat.

Like I could actually just
do it through an online thing.

And I did the last
couple episodes and I

actually really liked it
because it meant you

would say something
I could respond to it,

but it sounded more
natural because I didn’t

have to read it out
because often I’ll read

it and not realize I
haven’t set it out loud.

But I mean, aliens being real
is not a big surprise to me.

Everyone’s coming to
Earth is more of a surprise,

but they didn’t actually
say aliens came to Earth.

They were very specific in their language.

It was, “Does it contain alien biologics?”

I’m going to look into this a
little more, maybe do it next

week because I didn’t have
anything planned for next week.

But alien biologics, I mean,
it said, “Non-human biologics.

I have a non-human
biologic in my lap right now.”

So it doesn’t actually
mean it was an alien,

you know, green-headed little
dude who came down to talk to us.

I can encourage statistically
unlikely that no aliens exist.

I think factually speaking,
they’ve already found on

Europa the moon that goes
around, I think it’s Jupiter.

Under the ice, there’s Amoeba.

So I mean, I know that’s not
exciting alien life, but it is alien life.

I did a whole episode on that,
one of the old world podcasts.

And it wasn’t that
aliens don’t exist, it was

why aliens wouldn’t
bother coming to Earth.

Because you wouldn’t
come to a place, you

wouldn’t come to Earth,
you would send a probe.

And so that’s it, these alien
spacecraft that they’ve caught.

I don’t think there’s alien aliens in it.

I think it’s probably just
like a satellite or a probe.

And one of those crashing
actually makes perfect

sense because it got too
close to the atmosphere.

There’s a lot of shit
going on and it crashed.

That makes sense to me.

So the guys said they covered crash ships
and sometimes in a crash you find pilots.

Yeah, they recovered crash ships.

Again, ships is unspecific as
to what they’re talking about.

And again, they said biologics, they
wouldn’t actually say pilot or anything.

And the only question
that was interesting

is have, has the US
government, and not well

doing their FTL and
smacking right into the Earth?

Well, that you’ve made
an interesting assumption

that they’re using an
FTL that we understand

it because we’re bound by
our ideas and science fiction.

Their understanding of physics
may be different, first of all.

But a very interesting
concept that most

people don’t think about
that I hadn’t thought

about until I have a friend and
I talked to who studied physics.

He has a masters in physics.

And he was saying the
vastness of the universe

is so great that
there is the possibility

that if you get further, far enough away
from Earth, the rules of physics change.

And that I was like that
blew my mind because

basically he’s saying
if you get far enough

away, maybe gravity doesn’t
work the way we think it works.

If you get far enough
away and there’s enough

black holes, time just doesn’t
work the way we understand it.

So our complete
understanding of physics

and reality and time
and everything is based

on our area of space,
but space being essentially

infinite means that
within space there

is the possibility that
everything is different.

And so these guys
having existed in a different

place with different
rules of physics means

that their version of travel
may be completely different.

Whereas they just, you
know, it’s heart powered,

so they’re like care
bears and then they

use the care bear countdown
and then they’re in Earth.

Like that’s it.

So there’s no FTL, there’s no machine
involved, it has to do with passion.

And the more passionate you are,
the more distance you can cover.

The problem is when
they get here, maybe the

care bear countdown
doesn’t work on the way back.

So because again, the
rules of physics here

and the rules of physics
there don’t match up.

And that is something
like as I just assumed

as a kid, as a high
school student university

student, the physics
was a thing, it was a

rule and it just everything
would follow those rules.

I hadn’t taken into
account that just the

simple fact of distance,
great enough distance

meant the rules could
possibly change over space.

And that was something
I really, really enjoyed.

The math behind war drives is feasible.

They could be fourth
dimensional, which would

also fix the problem, but we’d really
struggle to perceive them coherently.

Yes, I cannot argue with that.

I mean, I know I like the, because I follow
all the science fiction shows and so they

all have their own theories on
how faster the light travel works.

Star Trek, basically
they encompass the ship

in a bubble and then
they fold space around it.

And then they did the
discovery show and they

had a whole different
system where they did

like these wormholes
that they essentially

created on the fly and they
just move through those.

Power wars, you basically bounce off suns.

So that’s why they
have to do, they actually

do a lot of like we
can’t fly until we do

calculations because
basically we’re going to

slingshot around different
gravities throughout

space and then as the
slingshots go, it’ll get

faster and faster and
faster, which is pretty cool.

And that’s why the Kessel
run for the Millennium Falcon.

So it’s whatever it
was, 12 parsecs and

parsecs is not the
classic nerd thing is those

made of measurement of
time, it’s a measurement

of space, but the Kessel run
is a race around a black hole.

And so the person
who gets closest to the

black hole is going to
use actually the least

amount of distance, but then
also be able to win the race faster.

So the Millennium Falcon got closest to the
black hole in 12 parsecs and survived and

pulled out because
the problem is if you get

too close to the black
hole, you get pulled

in and destroys your
ship, you don’t win the race.

So you have to find that line where your
ship could survive the distance to and from

the black hole and still win
the race, which I really enjoy.

So that was one of
those things, it was a

nerd thing where it
was like does not speed,

just tell me, or distance, and then I
was like yeah, but why is it distance?

And it turns out because
it’s a race around a black hole.

So the closer you get,
the less you have to,

you know, distance you have to travel,
but also the risk you’re up it comes.

And Han Solo being
Han Solo in the Millennium

Falcon, dude’s taking
some bitches risks.

Bad and slow, that’d feel.

Oh God, idea.

I don’t know how anything
would feel in space.

Space has been a big fantasy for me.

I mean, close to a black hole.

But they did, look at
these face, I’m sorry.

We’re going to stop
talking about space and

just look at these,
these little tongues out.

He’s getting his head scratched.

Ah, this is the best thing in the world.

Fuck aliens and space and
Republicans and Democrats.

It’s all just Dave with his tongue
out getting his head scratched.

Ah, I do this shit and I’m like, ah, I can’t
put this into the audio podcast because

for me, podcasting is still a
audio format, not a video format.

So this goes into the YouTube video.

It doesn’t go into the podcast, which is
too bad because all those people miss out.

And my audience is still primarily audio.

Podcast not video.

I think I get like maybe
20 views is a good video

on YouTube for me, which
is almost feels pointless.

But then I had the, the triple R video.

It had 15,000.

So that was like, for the scope of
what I do, that’s like a huge blow up.

It’s really cool.

Oh, Dave, how, how is
it that you do nothing?

They should be on the line recording.

I think, I think a lot of people are.

I need to, if I really want to do that, I
would love to set up a better schedule.

But because I have so
much shit to do, it’s very hard.

It’s nice during the holidays because
I can now just sit here and hang out.

But then my kids are at home.

So I do have to take care of my kids.

But taking care of my
kids because they’re older

now literally just means
making sure they get food.

And I like making them good food.

Oh, just get that all.

Then the nose massage.

Oh, this is like asthma if I would shut up.

Get the microphone down into Dave’s
face and just listen to the scratches.

Future Law

If I have Dave on my lap, I can aim that
camera down and you get way more Dave time.

But it means the microphone is
a little farther away from my face.

That looks alright, yeah?

Let’s try that.

[Music]

So I’ve… The theme for
this episode is sort of law.

And some interesting
laws or issues with law

that have come up recently
and things, you know,

you should be aware of how laws work
and how the world works around you.

The first one being a very interesting law.

But the court… This came from the
court of the King’s Bench Saskatchewan.

And Canadian law sounds cool.

I mean, that actually… I’m sorry,
the court of the King’s Bench…

I mean, the bench
isn’t the most exciting

part, but you know, all
the laws in Canada are

still representative of the King,
so that’s interesting in itself.

The court of the King’s
Bench and Saskatchewan

oversaw dispute between a
farmer and a grain buyer in 2021.

That seems like a very
mundane issue, Peter.

Why are you bringing up and seeing people?

We’ll get there,
because there’s a modern

twist on this ancient,
ancient issue of farmer

selling their grain to grain buyers
and they’re being legal disputes.

So this guy wanted to
purchase 81 tons of flax.

And then the farmer was like,
“Here’s an image of the contract.

He sent it to his phone.”

So the guy looked at
his phone and he saw the

contract and he sent a
thumbs up emoji in response.

The defendant said he sent
this thumbs up emoji as a

receipt of the image, not as
an agreement to the contract.

The farmer says the thumbs up emoji
said that he agreed with the contract.

The sender sent a picture
and a text, “Tec-no.”

The sender, the farmer
sent a picture and

text asking for confirmation
of the agreement.

So he didn’t just send an image of the
contract and the guy sent a thumbs up.

He said, “Here’s an image of the contract.

Do you agree to this contract?

The buyer sent a thumbs up emoji.”

The court acknowledges
that the thumbs up is

a non-traditional means
to sign an agreement.

Under the
circumstances, it is a valid

interpretation, which means
if someone sends you a

contract in Canada,
specifically Saskatchewan

at the moment, and you send a thumbs up
emoji as response, you are agreeing to the

proposed contract held
in that text message.

In the past though, there
was precedent for this.

It wasn’t just like a one-off thing.

In past the two, so
the farmer and the grain

buyer had agreed to contracts and
the buyer had posted looks good and yep.

The emoji being just
one step away from what

he had sent previously was then
considered an acceptance of the contract.

But if you’re accepting
contracts with yep, this

is obviously something
you do fairly regularly.

It’s obviously something you
two have worked together before.

Unless the contract
had changed significantly,

it seems weird that he
would be disputing this.

I’m assuming something
else actually happened.

The defense though, they actually started
talking about the precedent that this would

set, which is again the more
interesting part of this court case.

The court, because
he’s like, “You could send

an emoji and then the
emoji has interpretations

to it and then once you’ve interpreted
the emoji, now anything can be accepting a

contract, I honestly don’t think you
should be sending contracts over text.

I think you still should get a signature on
it, but again, modern technology has made

that maybe that’s an
antiquated way of thinking.”

So they’re saying like, “You’re going to
open the floodgates for court cases now.”

The court was like, “Laul 100
fire emoji times change fam.”

That’s not exactly what they said.

But that is the message they sent.

They said, “Look, technology
is changing the way we do

interactions, interactions, legally
or not have to be considered.

So going forward, we have to take these
communications as legally binding or not.”

And we are saying that these
communications are legally binding.

Some other interesting
Canadian law specifically.

Back in May 2006, British
Columbia introduced the Apology Act.

This was because
Canadians naturally say

sorry so quickly that people were starting
to say, “We’ve had a car accident.”

He said he was sorry, therefore
that’s an admission of guilt.

That admission of guilt means he
is now responsible for the accident.

Now this, again, because
this is sort of just

a natural aspect of
Canadian conversation

in speech, they actually
enacted a law saying

that an apology does not
constitute an admission

of guilt and cannot be used
as evidence to prove liability.

So basically you get
into a car accident and

then one of the guys
goes, “Oh, sorry, eh?

Oh, sorry, this happened.

Oh, I’m so sorry.”

That doesn’t mean he’s saying
he’s responsible for the accident.

He’s saying he’s sorry
the accident happened.

Maybe he’s still
saying he’s responsible,

but he’s still sorry that
this thing happened in itself.

It is classified specifically as an
expression of sympathy or regret not guilt.

Most provinces have
since introduced similar laws.

So if you say sorry after an accident,
it cannot have any bearing on your case.

So if you do get an accident in Canada, you
feel free to get out of your car and say

they’re sorry to the other driver,
but you’re not saying it’s my fault.

You’re saying, “I’m sorry, you’re so stupid
that you actually cause this accident.”

The insurance adjuster
will not base their

decision on what you
say, either a party, but

on all available evidence,
so they’re going to

go with CCTV, they’re going to get witnesses,
they’re going to try to do other stuff.

But what I say should not impact what the
insurance adjuster thinks in what you say

should not impact what the
insurance adjuster thinks as well.

There are two other
Canadian laws, which I think

is very Canadian in representing
the way the country thinks.

It is illegal to scare the king.

So if I jump out, the
king, that’s the king

Charles is in Canada,
and I jump out of a closet

and I go, “Boo,” and he’s surprised,
that can get me up to 14 years in prison.

So the fact is, yeah,
if you’re in Canada

and the king is there,
don’t scare the king,

be really careful because
they take that really seriously.

Scaling the king, I guess
there is a secondary

thing like Queen
Elizabeth was sold when

she died and King Charles is
quite old as he’s taken the crown.

A good scare could kill
them, could give them

a heart attack and kill them, so this could
be some kind of regicide defensive act.

So just getting murder
aside, just scare in the

king or queen in Canada,
I can get you 14 years.

If you then intern scare
them and they have

a heart attack and die, you
might be charged with regicide.

I don’t know what the time is for that.

I’m going to assume it’s a lot.

I kind of messed up my middle bits anyways.

Another thing is illegal.

I’ve actually read this
online where someone

gets a bill and they
don’t agree with the

bill and they decide
it’s sort of a malicious

compliance thing
and they pay the pill.

They pay the bill in pennies, thus wasting
the person’s time or it’s incredibly heavy.

Well, actually there’s a law in
Canada saying you cannot do that.

So it is illegal to make a
purchase with too many coins.

What are too many coins?

Well that has to be defined.

So that was the interesting bit to me.

In the law, this has
been defined in Canada.

You can pay with up to 25 pennies.

100 nickels.

It’s actually quite a lot of nickels.

3/4, 25 looneyes, which is the $1
coin, 22 nickels, which is the $2 coin.

In a single transaction.

So you couldn’t know someone by paying them
in these sums of money every single time

you do a transaction with
them and they can’t say anything.

But you can’t go over
this in a single transaction.

There’s no penalty.

So there’s no legal recourse.

But the restaurant, the business,
whatever, has the right to refuse service.

They have the right to refuse
the acceptance of these coins.

And you go, “Well, this is legal tender.”

Well, tough ship dipshit.

You’re actually kind of breaking a law.

Again, it’s a law that
doesn’t come with a

punishment, but I can’t be
punished for refusing you service.

So an interesting sidebar.

We have the right now, the writer’s
strike and Hollywood is going on.

So the writers and actors are saying,
“This actually has a lot to do with AI.”.

The studios want to
take the ideas, let’s say

I’m a writer, I’m in a
writer’s room, I create

a bunch of ideas,
they want to plug that

into AI and then have
AI generate more ideas

off that, but not pay me for
any of the ideas the AI generates.

One of the things
that came out that was

really, really interesting to me is what
they’re trying to do with background actors.

So basically, extras.

So they want to be able
to, part of the contract,

is scan background actors
for use and perpetuity.

But then I, as the background actor,
only get one day pay, no residuals.

So if they use my face again in the future,
I don’t get anything off that either.

And they get your image forever.

So here we have me, most background extras,
actors, they want to be famous actors.

I think that’s pretty fair
to say, maybe they’re out

there just having a good time
one day and they don’t care.

But a lot of those people are trying to get
into the industry, they’re trying to get

in with other people who are into acting,
they’re trying to get producers, directors,

whatever, to know them,
they want to do a good job.

The studio is saying, like, oh,
we’re going to scan your face.

And then if we need another scene in the
future, we can use your face in that scene.

Let’s say I am the next Brad
Pitt, the next Bradley Cooper.

I’m starting my career
and you have a scan of my

face that you’re allowed
to use in perpetuity.

But that means I quit, I don’t
get a job with your studio.

I get famous working
with a different studio.

Your studio still technically owns my face.

Now I’m famous and you decide, well,
let’s make a movie using this guy’s face.

But they don’t have to pay me for it.

They don’t even have to pay me for the
right to use my face in a second project.

So they use AI.

They stick my face
in another actor, that

other actor does a terrible movie
that I would never be involved in.

They make that movie,
clearly my face is on it.

So they’re selling it using my
face and that movie’s terrible.

So it damages my reputation.

What happens now?

I’ve actually signed
away my rights in

perpetuity because I was
a very poor background

actor who needed whatever,
like the $200 I would

have got that day for
standing in a crowd scene.

Now, a tiny percent
of people will be

successful, but that’s
what they’re banking on.

The percentage of actors
who will be successful

at some point in the future are going to
be these extras in these background scenes.

They still will own that face.

There’s also the secondary
issue of the writers and then

the AI learning that writer
style, so a Sam Raimi movie.

Let’s say he or every script has the twist,
but then the AI learns how to do a twist.

We don’t need Sam Raimi anymore.

We start just generating scripts.

I don’t think that’s
going to be a successful,

I think it’ll be so
boring independent

movies would actually get things,
get like sort of more traction.

But the problem is,
the reality is these big

budget movies are already
kind of cookie cutter.

Like Marvel films, hero films.

I mean, there’s no
surprises in them really.

Like if someone dies,
that’s the biggest surprise.

And then they might just come back later.

The AI can learn how to do that.

That’s problematic.

Studios basically want you to work one day
and then be able to plug that work my face

or my writing into AI and have AI generate
new things off that and give me new money.

I actually did read
about, there was this, I

assume a writer she
had written a show about

her life and she was
shipping it around in

Netflix, wanted to pay
her a million dollars,

which sounds really
good, but they wanted to

own everything which meant they could then
take her story, plug it into AI, do spin

offs, take her writing
style, make more shows,

more episodes, use her face, take
her face and put it into other things.

And she refused in good honor.

I mean, a million dollars is pretty hard
to refuse, but it’s nothing compared to the

entirety of your career
if you’re successful.

Now, am I never going to be successful?

That’s fine, but I want
to make sure that at

the end of the day, I
own everything I create.

So this podcast, this face, the
dog I got right here, it’s all mine.

If you want to use it, you
need to pay me money to get it.

But I think that’s fair.

And this is what actually a big
part of what the strike is about.

If you read the news
recently, they cut down,

the studios cut down all the trees so
that the strikers would have no shade.

And of course it’s summer in
California making it really difficult.

But it turns out they were like, oh,
well, this is just like a routine thing.

We have to cut down
the trees a certain amount.

We have to prune them every year.

Turns out they did it the
wrong season at the wrong time.

They did it illegally.

So of course they’re
going to have to pay

fines, but those fines
are going to be nothing.

But really, this was
just punitive to try to

punish the people who are striking to
make striking less comfortable for them.

And it just shows the level of
shittiness these companies are going to.

There’s a couple of
studios in Japan and they

want to use AI to
generate manga scripts.

Manga already is one of
these most abusive industries.

They have people working
incredibly long hours

making animation and drawing
and they get paid very little for it.

If AI can do that, that’s
going to be hugely problematic.

And already AI, already
anime is really formulaic.

Sticking that into AI is just
going to make it more formulaic.

Which means the good
ones just, they’re going

to be flooded out with
the absolute tons of crap

that come with AI
generated scripts and stories.

So the most recent bit of news is the Italian
courts have caused an uproar in Italy.

And it’s they’ve decided that groping for
less than 10 seconds isn’t really groping.

So this actual story is
there was a high school girl.

She was going upstairs and it
says she was pulling up her pants.

Now, I’m assuming
that they actually kind

of mean adjusting her pants or maybe they’re
loose pants and she was pulling them up.

A janitor walked up
behind her, slid his hand

down into her pants
and then grabbing her

underwear and lifting her up,
essentially giving her a wedgie.

He claims it was a joke.

Now caressing her
butt ox is pretty sexual,

but giving someone a wedgie
I would actually say is not.

So it’s a reasonable defense.

I don’t believe it’s true.

Let’s just get out there really clear.

I’m not on the janitor’s side on this one.

I think he should be punished
for groping a high school girl.

He says it was just a joke and it
was so brief it couldn’t be sexual.

Well the Italian court
accepted that because

it was less than 10
seconds to commit this act.

It is no longer considered groping.

I think they just let them go.

What happened was Italian comedian went on
TikTok and started like going, “Ahhh, ah,

if I can find that I’ll
plug it in but I don’t

know enough for telling
it to maybe to type it in.”

With a 10 second
countdown and then saying

after the 10 seconds over if that wasn’t
grossly sexual and I don’t know what is.

And this is started this
huge trend on TikTok

in Italy where everyone’s groping
themselves for less than 10 seconds.

Sort of in support of
this poor girl who got

groped and then the interview with the girl
is like, “I do appreciate the amount of

support I’m getting but at the
same time this is all very, very gross.”

And the last one is shines
copyright infringement.

It’s so egregious that
instead of just like

going after and suing sort of, and
again they’re using sub-compens to do it.

Instead of using those companies to go
after them, they’re using the United States

Rico laws which were
designed to catch organized

crime who were using
fraud and what not

to, as the basis of
their lawsuit, they’re so

aggressive that it’s actually
considered racketeering.

It’s called dishonest and
fraudulent business dealings.

So shine has grown rich committing
individual infringements over and over again.

They actually basically have a system where
what they do is they’ll have a company that

company steals a designer’s
picture and then they’ll

put it on clothing or
a t-shirt or something.

They will steal clothes
from other designers

and producers and they will
throw it into their systems.

These sub-compensies do the theft and then
feed it up into the shine system because it

has to have so many
sub-compensies, even if

they sued the sub-company,
they’re not actually suing shine.

Shine could just say, “Well, we’re going to
shut down that company, start a new company

tomorrow and it will actually
damage our business at all.”

They produce 6,000 new
items a day using multiple

companies to rip off
artists and designers.

Three companies directly have accused shine
of ripping off their designs, be it like

art or the actual
designer they’re clothing.

Having said, we will
vigorously defend ourselves

against this lawsuit and any
claims that are without merit.

If you actually dig down
into that sentence a

little bit, you get a
little interesting thing.

We will vigorously defend
ourselves against this lawsuit.

So we’re being sued by
these three companies,

we’re going to defend ourselves
and any claims that are without merit.

So any claim that is without merit, we will
defend ourselves against and this lawsuit.

So what they are
inadvertently saying is that

this lawsuit has merit,
which I don’t think

is what they mean to say,
but it is what they actually said.

Shine is trying to go public this year.

The Rico Act being
used against them, I’m

pretty sure is going
to make it so that they

can’t go public this year,
which is really, really good.

I didn’t know about
shine until very recently.

I read the news about
the TikTok influencers

going to the being
paid to go to the shine

factory and just go, oh,
oh, this is so wonderful.

It’s also clean.

It’s also modern.

All the workers look so happy.

They are also being
accused of having factories

where they have like
essentially sweatshops.

What is it?

The Urgar people in China.

They’re being focused for abuse.

So shine seems to be really abusing all the
laws and then using everything you can do

to get people to shine that turd for
them so it doesn’t look as bad as it is.

There are accusations of forced labor.

So I guess that’s just sweatshops.

We know in China, forced labor.

I mean, it could be if you
don’t hit a quota, you die.

It’s important to know the
laws in different countries.

So the Canadian laws
sort of introduce a

sense of some of the
differences in how law is

handled in Canada, which may
have an influence on other countries.

We always get our law from
essentially American media.

And that gives us a weird view
of how the law works because

in America, specifically, they
talk about individual rights.

Individual rights take the forefront
in American law quite often.

And I’ve actually found
it one of the reasons

why America is so
lawsuit happy, sue happy.

It’s because if I
have individual rights

and you have individual
rights, those cannot

exist in the same space
without there being

some kind of conflict unless
we agree perfectly on everything.

But if I have my individual
rights on the most

important thing and
your individual rights

are the most important
thing, then they cannot exist.

So the protections
of individual rights in

America causes a lot
of the problems because

this is the easiest way
to be like you have a

conservative in a Democrat
and they are in the same space.

Well, if my individual
rights are the most

important thing, then
you must be inherently

wrong because you don’t
agree with me and vice versa.

So that causes an
escalation of conflict

because you’ve been
taught your whole life that

what you believe is
the most important thing.

Canada’s rules actually protect groups.

There are rights to personal
liberties to a degree, but the

actual individual doesn’t take
precedence over the group.

So that makes it much harder to have
the same attitude as a Canadian citizen.

You can see like this
malicious compliance of

paying back money and
coins, they put a limit on that.

Yeah, you can try to
be a dick, but you can

only be so much of a
dick because you’re going

to be inhibiting another person’s
business if you’re too much of a dick.

The writer’s strike actually plays
into the thumbs up emoji as well.

The thumbs up emoji is a
new way of saying I agree.

I agree to this contract.

It is now legally binding in Canada.

Specifically in Saskatchewan, but I
bet other courts in Canada follow suit.

What the studios in
America are trying to do

is say we want to take
something from you,

your face, your writing, your art and
hold on to that aspect and perpetuity.

Never pay you again, but if you get famous,
if you get popular, we use that with AI to

create new products that we
profit off of that you get nothing from.

So basically they could
take all these podcasts,

put them into AI
and learn how to write

an engineers Japan
episode, a C-McBe episode.

And then if I get popular and they had paid
me that money in the past, they could make

new spinoffs, Italian news Japan, American
news Japan, not a ninja news Italy.

We have to be in the UK.

So we have a ninja news Japan.

I’ve just doing this joke
on the flies and possible.

I have to actually go
back and riff it a bit.

We have ninja news Japan, so we
want to have pizza news America.

Because that’s me, cliche
hamburger news America.

I’m on, that doesn’t work because
then I can’t use pizza news Italy as well.

I’m going to have to go
back, I can’t do it right now.

I would have to go away
write some vaguely racist

things, some stereotypes from the different
countries and then news in that country.

But they could do
with AI, a spinoff in a

ninja news Japan that
does all these things.

They could do a spinoff of C-McBe that uses
this writing style talking about different

topics and then make
a purely anime oriented

channel using my
style of speaking, doing

a purely news related style
linking all these stories together.

AI could put that together.

AI could use AI to
generate a million daves

and make it a movie and it would
be the best movie in the world.

But then I wouldn’t get any money
back, Dave wouldn’t get any money back.

Dave needs his million dollars.

I need my million dollars.

That’s just how it works.

So be afraid of big
corporations like shine,

of companies wanting
to use your image, your

art, your creations
and perpetuity like the

studios and be careful
about new technology,

not just AI, but how
you use new technology

because that could
actually end up you agreeing

to a contract that you don’t
necessarily intend to agree to.

[Music].

Trial By Congress

Maybe I should buy Tommy
and Mike for his birthday.

Well next year.

No last year.

I don’t get him any.

I don’t, this is the thing.

Everyone’s all shit like birthday’s all.

But this is my whole point.

Like how many of his
birthdays have I missed?

Like 30.

Yeah.

So I just get him one
for his eighth birthday.

His eighth birthday.

Here you are.

It’s a bit late son.

Yeah.

But I mean, he gets a present.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Actually, because I’m from
Canada, my interactions

with police have all
been incredibly positive.

Yeah, you have to shout up
at them from like the horses.

I actually got pulled over
by a mountain on a horse.

Yeah.

It is the weirdest thing.

So like, because you could
hit his horse with your car.

Yeah.

And he and the horse would be fucked.

So I was a, there’s
Stanley Park in Vancouver.

So which you would be too though, right?

Only, okay, hogs.

But only if he gets like, but this is it.

I’m assuming if I hit
his horse and him hard

enough, he wouldn’t
remember my license plate.

Yeah.

So there’s Stanley Park.

It’s this giant park in
the middle of Vancouver.

And there’s a road that goes around it.

And I think I was going 50 in the 30 zone.

I was going too fast, fair enough.

And he started riding his
horse slowly out in front of me.

And I went around his horse and kept going.

And then I just heard this, stop.

Like in the loudest voice
I think I’ve ever heard.

And I just stopped my car.

Like I easily could have just kept going.

It was, it was a very interesting
effect I thought about afterwards.

He said it was such authority.

I did what he told me to do.

Shit.

Yeah, that guy’s, that guy’s the boss.

And then he, he, he
treindled up on his horse.

I don’t know what slow.

I guess it’s not, trotted.

He, he, he.

Driesaged.

He just sized to my car.

And, and then he like leaned down.

He had to lean down past
the horse’s head to talk

into my car and be like,
you’re going too fast.

Don’t be an asshole.

And I was like, I’m sorry.

Oh, sorry, sorry about that.

Sorry, sir.

I won’t do it again.

And then he just let me go.

He let me go with him warning.

It’s quite nice.

I think if I kept going, I would
have been a lot of trouble.

But I think because I stopped he
was like, oh, he didn’t mean to be a dick.

He was just a dick.

That was, oh, that was me the other day.

Went 7-11 and I bought
one of the buy ice-caffey lati.

But I picked up the ice coffee
cup and didn’t think about it.

And just paid for it, went
to the machine, put it in.

Ice-caffey lati.

And then the, the dude that sold
to me, what were our new site?

That’s a nice coffee lati.

And I was like, yeah.

And he’s like, this is a nice coffee lati.

And I was like, is there a
problem with the machine?

I don’t, what, yeah, what are you doing?

Why are you talking to me?

He’s like, what is going on?

And he’s like, you bought ice coffee.

And I was like, oh, shit.

Oh, shit.

I’m really sorry.

He went, ah, it’s all right this time.

I think obviously like he could
see the realization in my face.

Yeah.

Yeah, I’m sure they get people to do that.

No, no, that was an interesting story.

Really?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There was this guy who consistently
bought the cheaper drink and fucked off.

And then the manager like confronted him.

It was one of those ones
where like the manager

ends up on the top of his
car and he’s driving away.

Oh my God.

It was fucking ridiculous.

I don’t know how long ago
it was, but I remember that

story because it ends up
like in a near death situation.

Over over over, like, excuse me.

Less than 10.

Yeah, yeah.

Like a ridiculously small amount of money.

And my wife was like,
well, how would he know?

And I was like, well, he
sold me the coffee cup

and then I assumed on
the back of the machine.

It’s telling them.

Yeah, I’m sure there’s something.

It has to be.

There has to be
something that’s going like,

hey, this guy is
buying the good coffee.

Well, I mean, if it was busy, I doubt
that they would have chance to notice.

It was like night time and it was quiet.

So yeah, I felt like a dick.

And he’s like, I don’t worry about it.

And I saw a guy when I
bought like a nice latte and just.

And then got another one.

I was like, did that fix it?

I don’t think so.

But I just bought one and got another
drink anyway because I’m saying, I’m sorry.

But one of those ones
where no one gets killed.

So I was all right.

Because that’s it.

If you’d like run out of this punch
him in the face and run out of the store.

I wasn’t like, I wasn’t aggressive.

I was just like, what?

Because you’re confused.

This is actually the
problem is he thinks his

initial thought is you’re
ripping him off on purpose.

Your confused so your
reaction is almost the same as

someone who’s pretending
they don’t know what’s going on.

Because you’re trying to rip him off.

But then the clarification of like, no, I
actually have no clue what’s going on.

He’s like, oh, okay, then it’s fine.

I saw him the next day and I said,
I’m really sorry about the other day.

I went, oh, I’m sorry.

I don’t speak English.

Oh, that was like the word about it, bro.

And then you saw him some English lessons.

I made millions off this guy.

And then went and stole another coffee.

Oh, wait, what?

No.

Then I fucked his life.

All right.

So the podcast, I
found an article and I

thought it would be fun
to go through together.

I was going to do it by
myself, but I thought a second

point of view would make
it just that much better.

So a better point of view.

Yeah.

Ah, not necessarily better.

More just just an
alternative slightly different.

Maybe slightly worse.

Yeah.

Who knows?

We’ll find out second rate.

So I’m going to read bit by bit.

And then we can just have a little chat.

So this is an article
about some history

history happened in
the history of bit by bit.

No, the history of the French impotence.

I got to say that word right if I’m
going to do it for the rest of the podcast.

Just as intimidating to many
men were the French impotence

courts of the 16th and 17th
centuries in France when

husbands could be charged
with erectile dysfunction

were obliged to prove the
virility before witnesses.

Oh, okay.

So you can see where
this is already starting.

Yeah.

It was very difficult.

It would be the French.

Of course, it’s the French.

But this was it seems like
this was constructed to give

women an Avenue to escape
a marriage through divorce.

Because there weren’t
in a 16th, 17th centuries.

It was really hard for a
woman to get a divorce.

Yeah.

So this was this was
something they could charge

their husband with and
therefore then get a divorce.

Okay, I’ll do the first paragraph.

A husband’s inability to perform
was one of the few reasons

that the church would allow
a marriage to be annulled.

So disgruntled women
who could afford the legal

costs could right would regularly
charge their husbands with.

This is in quotes.

Injurous nonconsumption.

Injurous.

Before ecclesiastical courts.

Like illegal tradition dated back to
the 1300s when theologica, theological,

Jesus Christ, theologica,
theologica, theologica, jogged, jogged.

Can you say it?

Theological, theologica guns,
guns, theologians, theologians.

Fuck me.

Agreed that.

Can I maybe?

Maybe.

Theologians.

Can I not read?

Self-realization at the same time.

I do.

You know, those words
you’ve read your whole

life and then you’ve
never said them out loud.

Like I know the word.

Yeah.

Theologians, I can say, but theologians.

Seems weird.

Anyways, agreed that the true
aim of matrimony was procreation.

This is a very American.

Tommy just jumps in the chat
because you’re both saying it wrong.

Well, I guess one of us isn’t
here to pronounce it properly.

I guess fuck that guy, right?

Theologians.

Oh, he jumped to the chat.

They say it’s aologians.

Theologians.

No, no, no.

No, gians.

Just theologians.

Theologians.

Why didn’t they spell it right then?

Yes, seriously.

Take that eye out and
I would have got it right.

I would have theologians.

Oh, theologians.

That’s my chance.

It’s theologians, but.

Oh, that’s awesome.

He fucked in to fuck us
off and then fucked off.

Yeah.

All right.

So theologians, thank you.

Thank you, our friend for correcting us.

Theologians agree it was the truth.

I’m going to start this whole bit again.

Okay.

A husband’s inability
to perform was one of

the few reasons that the church
would be allow a marriage to be annulled.

So disgruntled women who could afford
the legal cost would regularly charge their

husbands with injurious
non-consumation before a cliche.

Ah, fuck.

A cliche elasical.

Oh, the church people.

Yeah, before the church man.

Yeah.

The legal tradition dated
back to the 1300s when

philosophy people agreed that the
true aim of matrimony was procreation.

This was a very, to
me, actually interesting.

This is a very American
idea at this point

because the church in
most countries to me has

diminished its power and value.

And so like marriage
for procreation isn’t as

much of a thing, but
in America with their,

like, let’s roll back the abortion
rights and things like that.

I think this is now an American.

This is a talking about like a 1600s
European sensibility and it’s modern America.

There’s some interesting
parallels there that I pulled out.

Yep.

So why, what do you
think this was like, I

want to do some questions
every now and then?

What do you think the
purpose of marriage is?

Why would you get married?

Because you’re married.

I’m married.

We got married not to
each other unfortunately.

Fortunately, yeah.

Yeah.

What is the purpose
of marriage to you to

spend your life with a
person that you want to?

Like, there’s no purpose
beyond that for me.

No, okay.

Because for me, it’s just taxes.

Because you can spend your life
with someone without being married.

Yeah, common law marriage.

Like that’s a thing.

So for me, marriage
is to bind your finances

together for tax reasons
more than anything else.

And you would only do that with one
person and it’s the person you truly love.

So it’s a weird romantic financial idea.

But for me, marriage
is a financial institution.

It has nothing to do with love.

I don’t know.

For me, I never thought
about anything else apart

from like, I want to spend
my life with this woman.

And like, everything in my culture told
me that I should be married to do that.

I’m not, yeah, okay.

And so I did it.

And like, I might get married as fun.

I enjoyed watching her enjoy it.

Yes.

Fuck.

Yes, I agree with that as well.

I did not give a fuck
about getting married.

Not the ceremony or
anything or any level, but

I enjoyed seeing her
dress up like a Princess.

And I did.

I actually did.

Yeah, no, I agree.

I think I took more
pleasure in the pleasure

of my wife getting
married than I did myself.

I think that’s fair.

Because this goes
to the argument of gay

marriage of like why
they shouldn’t shouldn’t.

If the purpose of
marriage is procreation,

then you could say that
gay marriage is wrong.

But if you take sort of my
philosophy that it’s really about

finances and taxation, then gay
marriage is not an issue anymore.

Because you’re just binding
your finances together so

you have certain rights
that other people don’t have.

Because it’s definitely changed, right?

Marriage wasn’t about taxes in the past.

It was about like ownership, right?

Yeah, I think that’s true.

Yes.

Yeah.

Because especially, especially in
modern times, I think it’s about the taxes.

And again, like the rights, so
like your partner’s dying and the

right to go see them, that being
denied is like I, that’s just cool.

I guess that’s why like prenups
is such a big deal in, in America.

Yeah.

There’s a soccer player.

Fuck it was awesome.

So they make tons of money.

So European soccer player, he’s
like Premier League’s top level.

He’s making millions and
millions and millions of dollars.

He has that salary go to his mother.

He gets married.

His wife doesn’t know.

So they get a prenup or
they don’t get a prenup.

I guess they don’t get a prenup.

And after X-Men years, they get divorced.

And all of a sudden, she’s like, I
should be getting millions of dollars.

Like, well, no, he doesn’t have any money.

His mother has all his money
and she just gives him an allowance.

And he just, she just pays for everything.

It’s not boy.

It was, it was a very interesting thing.

We are at the legal traditions, they
dated back to the 1300s with theologians.

Philosophy.

I know I did.

Philosophy people agreed that the
true aim of match money’s procreation.

Statistics are vague, but by
the 1500s says French historian

Pierre Darmal, Pierre
Dormal, in his detailed account,

damning the innocent courts were
faced with a tidal wave of accusations.

So in the 1500s, suddenly women realized
they could do this and started doing it.

The honest was, yeah, I know
that’s actually pretty insane.

Do you agree from it, but reverse?

Well, it’s, it’s actually, yeah.

The, the interesting thing to me is
it does only rich people could do it.

Yeah.

So that was interesting.

The honest was placed on the husband to
demonstrate his powers of erection before

an expert team of priests,
surgeons and midwives.

These learned observers would carefully
examine his equipment to reach an opinion

on its elastic tension
and natural motion before.

demanding proof of ejaculation.

Did he have to Jack in
front of a group of people?

So yeah, but I mean, it
looked like the group of people.

Priests, surgeons and midwives.

I would say not the
hottest group of people.

No.

I mean, yeah, not if I would have
been young, they would have been old.

Yes.

So like, I’m, and so
that they’re saying is like,

okay, you get a bowler
and we’re going to look at it.

Now.

So now you do in the next
two minutes, get a bowler.

We’re going to check elastic tension.

I have no idea.

This is it.

You’re going to touch it.

What is it?

Do you think that means touching it?

I have no idea what that means.

We have to get like,
they could just like, I

think a life that they
could just look at it.

And that would be enough.

But I bet it isn’t the
last attention to me.

Okay.

So maybe they like push
it down and what to get.

That is closer to what I was thinking.

I was thinking like if you like,
yeah, moved it, if it bounced back.

Yeah.

So like, essentially elastic tension
to me sounds like, is it hard hard?

Not is it like floppy?

Like, yeah.

Like you get like a semi semi.

I think we need to just
mispronounce everything going forward.

I’m okay with that.

I mean, because I do it naturally anyway.

Okay.

So what do you think?

So we have elastic
tension and natural motion.

What do you think natural motion means?

Natural motion is it hard?

Not as in the previous part.

I so, so when you get
a boner for anyone who

doesn’t have one or know about
them very well, you can move them.

They can, you can flex
your sort of like, he goal.

And they will, and they
will move back and forth.

So that to me was natural motion.

Unless they’re talking about hip thrusting.

Maybe yeah.

Which is insane.

Oh, actually put this on screen.

Like like just like like air humping.

I guess.

So natural motion.

Yeah, to me was was a crazy.

I don’t know what that that’s it because
they, we have these phrases and stuff,

but there’s no explanation
of what they mean.

So elastic tension.

I don’t know what that means.

Natural motion.

I don’t know what that means.

And then.

The last one we do is very clear
what it means proof of ejaculation.

Yeah.

And like the first one
you can like elastic tension.

You’re like, okay, I can.

Oh, you know, you know, you
know, you know, you’re pretty good.

Yeah, that has to be humping.

Oh, yeah, I’m just saying anything.

Like show us your technique.

Reif ejaculation.

So that means you have to ejaculate in
front of a crowd, which I do not want to do.

Like honestly, this is
the serious question.

So you are stood in front of a priest.

It sounds like a joke.

A priest, a surgeon in a midwife.

And they’re like, okay,
ejaculate for us now on command.

I couldn’t do it.

I’d give it like if
I can scout, try.

Oh, I don’t think I would even get halfway.

I don’t know something
about someone telling me

with the I don’t think I
would even get halfway.

I don’t know something about
someone telling me with pid out Jack off.

I’ll be like, oh, the
priest does it for you.

Okay.

Can it be the midwife?

Nope.

I get your British.

You have that British background.

So the priest, the priest is
the one who’s getting it for it.

No, it was a proof of ejaculation.

I think it’s impossible.

Fine.

I think just maintaining a direction.

If I could go, this is one of those things.

You’d be like there you’re like
community leaders or, you know,

and they’re like, come on, show me.

Show me where.

Yeah, it’s weird.

Now get it hard.

I need to blame it.

Can we need to see you pretend
hump and then you have to.

And then I want you to see you.

Yeah.

I think I would fail this test.

That’s all.

That was my first thought.

Can you see that being a thing?

If I could go away to a little
room and come back with

a cup, I bet I could
manage it, but I still don’t.

I’m not on percent.

That’s tough.

Anyway, so like his next
next part, many men found

their powers would
fade on first examination.

So this is again, your first time in
only fans, I bet your show isn’t very good.

Yeah.

I think that’s fair.

All right.

Just looking at you makes
me shrivel one humiliated

husband, moan to his
tormentor, which fair enough.

That’s again, that’s
my thinking is like just

seeing you guys makes
me not able to do it.

Any man who failed this test had one
recourse to avoid becoming a laughing star.

He could demand trial by Congress.

Great.

Carry on.

Okay.

I think he’s a part of
his conjugal duty before

a team of experts as 100%
proof he could perform.

So basically, if you couldn’t get
it up and masturbate in front of a.

priest, a surgeon and a
midwife, and to completion,

you could then try to
have sex in front of a group.

I mean, I maybe you’d
be better, but I don’t know.

So the only difference here, right?

I had stories of lots of dudes
who just can’t perform the first time.

So I’m thinking that the only changed element
though is that there is a woman there.

The problem is this is the
woman who is angry at you.

Yeah.

So like if it was like, okay, let’s get a
hot woman and have sex in front of a group.

I think there’s a possibility,
but let’s get your angry

wife in here and have
sex in front of a group.

I think that is almost just as bad.

[laughs]

Yeah.

Like, especially like wives, right?

There’s a lot of…

Well, there’s a lot of
psychological issues that

go in there beyond to
just sheer raw sexual alley.

That’s what I’m saying.

Like, if it was just sex, I think
you have a better shot than you.

have now had this relationship
that’s clearly gone sour.

And that makes it 10 times harder.

All right.

So as recounted by a string of
contemporary accounts, this astonishing

piece of legal pornography
would take place in

a neutral territory
agreed upon both parties.

That, again, what do you
think is neutral territory

to have sex in front
of a group of people?

In the courthouse?

It has the park.

Oh, you just look at a park.

Yeah, okay.

Let’s get everyone around and watch.

Like, in town center.

[laughs]

I swear it has to be… My
guess they would have to have…

They would like, let’s get a bed.

So it must be like an inn, a local inn.

Yeah.

Glin’ yeah.

Okay.

So the married couple
were examined by the court

to make sure they were
not concealing any devices.

So this was like, I don’t have a fake
heinous with fake ejaculate in it, I guess.

Oh, we’ll keep reading.

Men were known to smuggle
tiny vials of blood into the scene,

which would fool observers
into thinking that the wife’s

maiden had been taken
without actual penetration.

So this is also assuming
that the wife is a virgin.

Mm.

And so basically you get into
bed, you spill some blood on the bed,

and you’re like, look, I
have taken her virginity.

It doesn’t say.

The cause of the time, yeah, this is hot.

Like she’s not going
to let it happen, right?

She’s trying to get out of this marriage.

And he’s trying to like
prove that he’s done it.

This is like legally sponsored or like
state-sponsored rape at this point.

But she has to agree to it as well.

So I guess it’s not.

Just to agree to participation,
to prove that he can’t do it,

and he has to agree to participation
to prove that he can do it.

It’s insane.

So then ordered to the conjugal bed.

So they actually have a bed.

They go to the bed, and
they’re supposed to try to do it.

The male surgeons and
priests repaired behind

a partition to enjoy
discrete observations.

So they went behind
like a sheet of paper, her?

Okay.

And the female midwives, purchased by
the pillows, watched every move like hawks.

So this is like mid-summer.

You see that movie?

Oh, but this is the
drug a guy, and then the

he’s like in like almost
like a zombie state,

and they bring him into this
room with all these old ladies

and a young lady who
wants to get him preginated.

And they he just does what it.

So there’s a scene of one of
the old ladies like pushing his butt.

back and forth to make him hump the girl.

Oh my god.

It was that movie is very weird.

I do like that movie though.

But yeah.

So you’re trying to do
it to prove that you can.

She doesn’t want you to be successful.

And there’s like old women perched along
the pillows watching what you’re doing.

Yeah, like with a magnifying glass.

Yeah.

And they’re like, “Okay,
you’re not very good at this.”

Mm-hmm.

So with the husband
and wife longest dreams,

the wrestling beneath the
sheets would be far from amiable.

So this is kind of my actual point.

That psychological element
is the biggest barrier to me.

Yeah.

Beyond physicality.

She’s like, “I don’t want this to work.”

Oh my god.

Yeah, I hope he can’t get it out.

So there was bickering in
harsh words with one wife crying

that her husband had
put his fingers there in

to dilate and open her
by such means alone.

So to basically like he’s
faking it with his fingers

as opposed to actually doing it.

Is he?

I mean, I’m not going to interpret that as
he’s trying to at least like get it open.

So get her started.

Yeah.

Okay.

My base assumption is
that he can’t get it out.

My base assumption is that she’s resisting
with love free fiber of her being.

I guess both are probably true.

Sure.

To be honest.

Okay.

One critic of the trials noted
that it would take only a marvelous,

marvelous determined man and
even brutish to not turn flaccid.

So yes, you have to not care about
your wife, not care about the person

you’re having sex with, not
care that there are old ladies

perched on your bed, not
care about there are other

men in the room listening
to be able to perform.

One hell of a kinky bust.

Impossible.

Yeah.

Just a guy who just does not
care about anything or anyone.

After one or two hours hours, the
experts approach the battle scene.

I do like this.

Whoever wrote this pretty good approach
the battle scene with candles to establish

whether or not there have been
penetration and suitable emissions.

So you have to have
like a sufficient wet spot.

Yeah.

One defeated husband, a
certain most yield to Bure,

although his member had been
declared by the doctor’s big stiff red and

long in place and in good
order lost his case as

he only scattered back
we see it upon the mattress.

So his ejaculate was too liquidy
for him to be considered a man.

Oh my God.

So he was able to get it up.

It was some turgid.

I’m actually thinking in the place
because the examination before they said.

it’s big stiff red and long, which
means he got it up in good order.

And then like, I agree.

Oh, he’s got it.

Yeah.

And then he does it with his wife and
they’re like, Ah, but the semen is pretty.

Come on, buddy.

Oh, can you see more cucumbers?

Yeah, a bit more protein
than you die at buddy.

Oh, so that’s it.

So he even like seems to have passed
the first test and failed the second one.

Okay.

The women who had the
funds to start impedance

trials were almost all
from the restocracy.

Almost said that wrong as well.

So it’s not surprising
that each new charge.

How did you see you did say it wrong?

I was a vistocracy.

No, I’m not sure.

I was a Christi.

I was a aristocracy.

A aristocracy.

There was some word we
were doing the other day.

And it was the British people and
the American people said it differently.

Really?

I can’t remember the word no though.

It was lost.

Okay.

Rooster, Chrissy.

No.

I was talk.

I was right.

The accent is on the O.

Yeah.

Oh, there’s another word coming up.

I’m not excited to hear pronounced what?

Salacious?

Nope.

Pen for the tears.

Oh.

I’m having that’s a weird
struggle I’m having right now.

Anyway, is he trying to read it fast?

I am.

And I had a quarter ball
of B-feeder for lunch.

Oh.

Okay.

Anyways, the women
who had the funds to start

the impotence trials
were almost all from the

aristocracy.

Fuck off.

aristocracy.

So it’s not surprising
that each new charge

provoked a salacious
scandal that was disseminated.

who disseminated by
Parisian pamphletiers, the

predecessors of the
modern tabloid press to

a bemused wider audience
by the mid 17th century.

Oh my god.

This would be like just the average focal.

What the fuck are these?

Fuck are these people doing?

And we get to read about it.

Yeah.

Oh my god.

Like this is like the most famous,
what’s the most famous couple to you?

What would you mean like now?

Yeah.

Modern couple.

Like most two famous
people who’ve gotten together.

Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds.

Okay.

There’s no judgment.

I’m just interested
because for me it’s excellent.

I think of.

Yeah.

The first one that comes to mind for
me is Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez.

Because they’ve been together and then
they got made fun of these two together.

They’ve broken up and
gotten together a couple times.

And I think they’re together right now.

But the only reason they come to mind very
much like this is they went to have sex in

a trailer and one of them still
had a hot mic on or in the room.

And then Ben Affleck starts
going like, are you sure you’re okay?

I don’t want you to poop
on me again like last time.

So she had had some
some diarrhea or something

while they had sex in
a previous encounter.

Oh my god.

I hadn’t heard about that.

Oh, it’s pretty funny
because the guy it’s

just like a sound
engineer is like, oh my god.

His mic is still hot.

And then he realizes they’re
about to get down and dirty.

And then they start
having this very, very

personal conversation about like, are you
okay to have sex because you pooped on me?

No, I’m purpose.

No, but still.

Wow.

But used wider audience.

Yeah, that was me in that moment.

I was the bemused wider audience.

Yeah.

Okay, so by the mid
17th century, a carnival

atmosphere was attending
the trials as that should be.

I shown by the case
of the handsome young

nobleman, René de Carl
Dio, the Marquis de Langlé.

I can do the French bits.

Okay.

I mean, La Re.

I’m courted in detail by the contemporary
chronicler of the Parisian life, Tlemo de

Rieu accused of impotence
by his wife of four years in 1657.

So he was pissed.

But so the assumption is that they never
had sex or that I think that’s what I mean.

Like this actual part doesn’t make sense.

Maybe it’s that they had sex,
but they hadn’t procreated.

And if the purpose of marriage is
procration and he can’t do it now.

Okay.

She’s like, carry on though,
because they kind of aren’t.

The Marquis appeared
to have an open and shut

case when the first
examination suggested

that his wife was not a virgin, but
there was lingering doubt and innuendo.

So the Marquis decided to restore his
sullied reputation through trial by Congress.

Trial by Congress.

This is so good.

I know because like I’m so used to hearing
like American Congress and then it’s like,

okay, so they’re going in front
of like a meaningful of senators.

Yeah.

In just for the case.

No, no, it’s just a bunch of the old
French men to watch some people.

Fuck.

Yeah.

And then like judged them for it.

Yeah.

Oh, he was he was in there and
doing okay, but not vigorous like me.

You know, his natural
emotion disappointing.

I was disappointed in his natural
emotion and his semen was acquiesced.

You know, I don’t like it very much.

His wife should be free from him.

So I can treat her right.

This might be like a weird kind
of like white nighting going on.

Oh, God.

It’s the beginning of the
the nice guy movement.

I might be the guys judging her like,
oh, I can save her can save her in Paris.

Betts were laid on the outcome of the trial
and dirty songs composed because people in

Paris were like me.

Because I would bet I love.

Yeah, but I 100% would have bet on
the outcome and sit there, et cetera.

I’m writing dirty songs.

Oh, it was so much fun.

What was his name again?

The Marquis de
la He likes to party.

I need a friend who plays
guitar and who I can write

shitty songs to who I actually
like play the guitar form.

Because I would do that.

I would if I had that, I
would write a song for this.

Okay.

I don’t have friends with talent.

Yeah.

Um, society like no.

Oh, society ladies,
fairly with the Marquis.

So this is a handsome dude who’s
attracted like women are attracted to him.

Society ladies for
flirted with the Marquis

with a certain madam
de l’olle declaring openly.

I would so like to be
condemned trial by Congress.

You saucy slot.

When the feuding couple appeared
at the site, a luxurious bath house.

So this is now we’re actually getting
the details we didn’t have before.

Servants had to add neutral neutral.

Neutral territory is a bath
house and luxurious bath house.

It’s pretty awesome.

It’s couple.

Yeah.

Servants had to force a path
through the crowd of curiosity seekers.

So not even a walk of shame.

This is the walk up to the deed.

You had to walk through
a crowd, which is insane.

Is that, is that still a walk of shame
if everyone knows where you’re going?

The walk of shame, my understanding
is, I guess you’ve done it in your walk.

Because my version of that,
you’ve got the same clothes on.

Yeah.

Kind of leaving someone’s everyone
knows what you did is the shame part.

Yeah.

But everyone knows what you’re going to do.

It’s like pre-shame.

Yeah, but like they all show you.

You must still feel
shame then at that point.

You feel, yeah, you feel shame
before you’ve even done it.

This is like, this is like in Game of
Thrones where you’re walking up and they’re.

like, shame, shame, shame.

All right.

The mob sympathy was squarely
with the dashing de la Jay.

So the guy’s got everyone
on his side right now who

was thought to have been
falsely accused by a heridian.

I don’t know this word.

So the other words, I know and cannot
say I actually don’t know this word.

So I want to look that up actually later.

Heridian.

The wife was loudly booed against
her performance is not on trial.

So that’s actually annoying.

The wife is loudly booed while the marquee
strutted arrogantly before his admirers for

all the world as if you were
already in such a great quote.

Haradin is Haradin is a strict
bossy, belligerent old woman.

I can now use that word at
the office and walk away, smugly.

Yeah, you are a giant.

John, telly.

Ter, as if I were already in.

Okay.

As he slipped beneath
the sheets with his wife,

the long age jauntily
yelled at the doctors,

bring me two fresh eggs that I
may get her a son at the first shot.

Oh, I do.

Okay.

Yeah.

He’s this is the pre fight where the guy
gets cocky and then gets his ass kicked.

So as soon as he
started talking too much,

you got to go in and be
like, I’m going to do my best.

I mean, I hate the guys who are like, I’m
going to kill them in like the first round.

I’m going to knock them
down and then get wrecked.

But disaster struck.

The marquee was heard by the doctors to be
grunting, cursing and finally praying after

two hours to Langley
gave up crying, I am ruined.

Dude could not perform in front of a
crowd and that to me is the core issue.

Yeah.

Whether you could do it or not at home,
put a bunch of people out there, scrutiny.

Yeah.

You can’t do it.

Like trying to have sex in
front of your grandparents.

Oh, God.

That’s what it would be like though.

Yeah.

Oh, no, it would be terrible.

Okay.

We’re in the last paragraph.

The chalk waves rippled
through the crowd outside

the female admiration and the female
admiration for Delongley to discord.

So because he couldn’t do it, they’re
all like, oh, he’s gross and pathetic.

His request for a
retrial was denied and in

France, his name became
a byword for flaccidity.

Imagine that.

So we got whiskey dick and
they got the marquee Delangi.

Yeah, he turned all Delangi on me.

Marquis retired to the provinces where
he married again and fired seven children.

Huh.

So he was capable when Delangi boasted
of this to a former enemy, the man, Archley

replied, but sir, nobody has ever
had any doubts about your wife.

Oh, like again, these these high, high brow
fucking one line is totally evading me.

Really?

Yeah.

So what the fuck does that mean?

Like he’s he’s bragging
that he had seven

kids and like, dude, no one ever
doubted your wife could have kids.

We all doubted your ability to get a boner.

Yeah, but he clearly did doesn’t make
any sense because they have seven kids.

So he clearly because this
has nothing about reality.

This is about reputation.

Oh my God.

No, but it is sexual prowess.

Yeah, yeah, it is though.

Oh my God.

All right.

Let me get some credit to
the guy who actually wrote it.

This is Tony Petrolte.

I don’t know if that’s actually, I said
that right, but just make sure someone gets

some credit for
actually writing this thing.

This is taken from a book
called Napoleon’s Privates.

So, amen.

Two thousand five hundred
years of history unzipped.

Oh, interesting.

I actually am vaguely
interested in this book now.

So in conclusion, I could
not pass a trial by Congress.

I don’t believe.

No, glad shit like that doesn’t exist now.

Yeah.

And there was a TV show in the
UK called the box or something.

Oh, it would go on and then have sex in
this box with like Mariela Fostrop, like sat

outside and then they come out
and they talk about the experience.

But they were couples or
they didn’t know each other.

No, they were couples.

Okay, who wanted to
go and have said like,

I’m like, like, A, the premise
is just asking for exhibitionists.

Yeah.

And B, I bet most people
didn’t actually even fuck in there.

Oh, yeah.

I guess I mean, maybe
someone tried and

couldn’t and then just came out and lied
because they didn’t want to look bad on.

I don’t know.

There’s a whole lot of
like, it’s weird TV show.

I mean, and this naked
attraction, you know, that one?

Yeah, you walk out nude.

It’s just one of those ones where
they’re like, are they all your covered?

And then they start
like your feet and then

they slowly go up and
up and reveal your body.

Hmm.

When the face being
the last thing you actually

see, so you made a
ton of judgments before

them, which is weird.

On TikTok, you see
a lot of clips of these

like dating shows, but it’s from
like a bunch of different countries.

They had one in Korea and it
was two incredibly attractive people.

And then like 10 seconds
and like they want to fuck.

Like just looking at
each other like he got

his shirt off as quickly
as humanly possible.

And then he had an awesome body.

Like he had like the eight pack and
like the the cum gutters and stuff.

And then she was
like, Oh, they’ve, I’ve

pulled a card that I can
go change my clothes.

She’s come back in a made uniform and
he’s like trying not to stand up and stuff.

I guess human nature hasn’t really changed.

[MUSIC].

Fair is only fair if you are rich

[Music].

So I didn’t want C McBeats to
end up the anti-billionaires podcast.

But all the news, all the
stories that have been

coming out are built
billionaires that sort of

catch your attention and
stuff. And they live this very

different lifestyle. So of
course that I think in itself

is going to be kind of
fascinating. But it’s the

level of ignorance they
seem to actually live in.

And I think this is again the result
of insulating themselves and living

this sort of stratified world where
they are separate from everyone else.

They start to not realize that their
lives don’t equate to everyone else’s life.

So of course the billionaire of billionaires
right now is sort of the poster boy.

And the fact that we all know
I’m talking about Elon Musk before

I even say anything shows
you that he’s actually messed up.

A really good billionaire, you’re
not going to know his name. You

stay behind the scenes, you
stay out of the spotlight and stuff.

You don’t start your little cult following.

There was a story I did a few months ago.

And it was about
billionaires building bunkers to

protect themselves from the
upcoming ecological disaster.

Because last week we hit the hottest Monday
or the hottest day globally in the world.

And they’re talking about crop
failures and this is something

that passed that Mark and
basically we’re all going to die.

And then Tuesday happened
and we had another super hot day.

So these billionaires
are like we’re going to

build bunkers, we’re going
to stock them with food.

Of course I’m going to need people
to protect me from the rabble rousers.

Things like that. Not realizing
that the people they’re going to

pay to protect them are might turn
on them because they’re assholes.

And so they were having an actual meeting where they
were like well how do we get these guys to follow our

orders when we are essentially useless because the only
power that billionaires have comes from their wealth.

And then when money, when
the financial system collapses

they have no wealth, they only
have what they can contribute.

And a group of military
guys that they’ve hired.

I mean it’s more sensible for them to
be like well just pop one off on this guy

and then we have the bunker and we don’t
have to listen to this bullshit anymore.

And actually everyone in
our group will contribute.

So they were like literally
talking science fiction

shock callers and stuff
because they’re so fucking dumb.

They don’t realize that the
solution to that problem is to be nice.

The solution to the
problem is fix the

environment so there
is no ecological collapse.

If you want to build loyalty
among a group of people you be

nice to them and build loyalty
and actually care about them.

And then the amount of money
you have won’t matter anymore.

That was all inconceivable
from that article.

So Elon Musk and again this is this
disconnect that I’m finding the most

interesting part because these
guys talk about like leading the world.

But they’re trying to lead a world
and they don’t seem to understand

that there’s people in it and
they have to be taken care of.

On a much lower level Elon Musk
gave an interview and he’s talked

about people needing to return
from work from home to the offices.

This has been a big push.

Now there’s a couple of reasons.

There’s an interesting side notes.

The push to go back to the
office is not about productivity.

They are now coaching it
in that it’s more productive.

Your teams work together.

People work together.

It’s better for you.

There’s all these actual
financial papers being written.

I mean like newspapers articles and stuff.

And they’re talking about like how it’s
unhealthy to be at home alone all day.

It’s unhealthy to have like this
kind of disconnect and working

through the Internet and how
you talk to other people and stuff.

Except when you talk to people who work
from home, they all say they’re happier.

They all report gains in
happiness from working for home.

So there’s got to be another reason.

One of the main other reasons
is real estate, financial real estate.

If everyone is working from home,
all those giant buildings, the towers

they’ve built to represent their
their falliveness, those have no value.

So we’re we’ve probably
locked into contracts.

We got that we got to pay for this
building for years and years and years.

We’re locked into it.

What are we going to do?

We got to bring everyone
back in the office to justify the

cost that we’ve already put
out to build up this building.

It’s a dumb shit like that.

Also control.

So I don’t care if you’re less productive.

I don’t care if you’re less happy.

As long as if you’re
sitting in the desk because I

told you to sit at the desk,
that’s what’s important.

My job recently, this
is not the same level.

My boss was actually very
nice about it, but my team

tended to leave earlier
than a lot of other people.

Because we were more valuable
at the beginning of the work day.

So I actually my team
came in earlier than

the normal work day so
we could prep anything.

They would be present
for the beginning of the

work day where they
could help other people.

And then that would mean their work day
ends before other people’s work day ends.

Now, I was asked to
have my team present, a

member, not everybody, a
member of my team present,

till the end of the work day to answer
phone calls or something like that.

So we did that.

We sat down.

There’s five of us.

So it’s like, okay, everyone take one day.

It’s not a huge burden on anybody.

I made sure, again, trying
to be the good team leader.

I was like, I don’t want one
person to work late every night.

I don’t think that’s fair.

So I wanted to be fair.

Fair is very important to me.

That’s probably again why I’m fascinated
by the business billionaires and stuff.

Because for all their talk about
competition and capitalism and

stuff, they don’t actually ever
worry about whether it’s fair.

And when they use the
word right, which is what Elon

Musk does in the article,
I’m going to talk about,

I don’t think he really gets it
because it’s just fair and honest

and good is what he wants or
what all these billionaires want.

Dave’s enjoying the cool
floor, floor back there.

So, yes, my team was like,
okay, we will have one member of

the team available and stay
till the end of day every day.

So I’ve been staying late on
certain nights, just like everyone else,

because it’s not like I separated myself
from the other members of the team.

Even though, again, I probably
could have gotten away with it.

And I have yet to get a phone call or have a problem
that could have been dealt with that needed to be

dealt with right away in the evening, which is why we
ended up with those early shifts in the first place.

So, anyway, that’s irrelevant, I
guess. But it was like, again, my way

of looking at it was like, this isn’t
about actually solving problems.

This isn’t about efficiency
or work. This is about

everyone gets annoyed
that your team leaves earlier.

So, we have to make it look like
you’re here with everyone else.

So, we are. And again, not a big deal
because we did it as fair as possible.

Elon Musk is talking about work
from home and how he doesn’t

like work from home and everyone
should get back in the office.

And he doesn’t make an
argument like, this is what I want.

He just, he jumps to, it’s a moral
issue. And it’s unfair that people,

other people are getting away
with this thing that he doesn’t like.

That’s really it. Okay, so, I
pulled quotes from multiple articles.

So, some of it’s quotes from Elon Musk,
some of it’s the writer of the article.

So, Silicon Valley,
laptop classes. So, he’s

already said, this
is a class of people.

The people who work from home are laptop
classes. So, they get their own grouping.

Again, to separate them from all
other workers. And that’s not accidental.

He probably doesn’t realize he’s
doing it, but that’s not accidental. That’s

like, I want to talk about these group
of people that I’m angry at right now.

So, if I’m angry at them, we’ll fuck them.

They need to get off their moral high
horse with their work from home bullshit.

This is all very Elon
Musky kind of talking.

And actually, I saw, I thought he
was smart until I listened to him talk.

I think he has ideas,
but he puts those ideas

into engineers’ hands
who are smarter than him.

And they make those
things happen. So, Tesla,

I’m not saying it’s
a good car, bad car.

I’ve never driven one. I know it
has one engineering fault where the

back window, so the boot or the
trunk, depending on where you’re from.

If you open it and
it’s raining, the water

goes, it hits the roof
and goes into the trunk.

That’s an engineering
fault. I don’t think they’re

going to admit that’s
an engineering fault.

But it was one of the more interesting
aspects of the Tesla to me that

they’ve talked about how advanced
this car is, but at the same time,

it’s got this very obvious
thing that could be fixed

through a little more
engineering, but whatever.

I saw him on Joe Rogan.
This is before I quit Joe Rogan altogether.

I couldn’t listen to the man
talk for more than five or ten

minutes before I was like,
“This is just inane rambling.”

But everyone takes him really dead
seriously because he’s got so much money.

And I actually think if you took
away his money and he talked

to everybody, “Dude, shut the
fuck up. You are so annoying.”

I work with people like
this. We’re just constantly

talking about their great
ideas to make everything.

And then they have an opinion on
everything. They haven’t taken any

time to think about it. They just
shoot their mouth. That’s musk.

So musk was discussing return
to office and paratives, but have

caused significant concern among
tech workers in Silicon Valley,

across the US, many
of whom were promised

generous remote work
mandates by top executives.

So this is important. He’s talking about a group of workers who are
made a promise that they could work for home, and now that the situation

is changed in some way, again, I think mostly about real estate,
they’re retracting that promise, and they don’t see a problem with that.

So we’ve promised you can
work from home four days a

week, five days a week. We’re
not going to take that away.

And if you keep working for us and keep productivity high, people took
that promise, they took that deal, they’re working from home, they’re

keeping their productivity high, and then they’re like, “You know what?
I kept walking through the office and it was empty, and I don’t like it.”

So we’re going to take back that promise. And this is something that
executive classes do, and companies do, because they make promises

and then feel that it’s perfectly acceptable to retract those
promises later on, and despite the effect it might have on the worker.

And then it would get annoyed
if the worker complains or

quits that the promise that
they were made wasn’t fulfilled.

Whereas if it happens in the opposite side, this is
again, I think about fairness more than anything else.

If a worker promise made a promise to a company and
did not fulfill that promise, they would be fired.

So an executive makes a
promise, and this sort of goes into

the hole like rich people can
do stuff that poor people can’t.

Changes their mind goes back on that promise, no fallout.
Maybe employees quit, but probably enough of them need

their jobs at the enough quit stay. Enough of them actually
stay that it doesn’t negatively impact the company enough.

If we’re going to talk about Twitter, which I
don’t want to spend too much talking about, Twitter

is just lost all status in my mind. They did
the 600 tweet limit for reading the other day.

I’ve never read 600 tweets because I’ve always gotten so
frustrated Facebook and Twitter and all this stuff. I am

three, four minutes in and I’m like, I don’t want to be
here anymore. This just isn’t how I want to absorb media.

He’s people are saying like he’s
purposely trashing that company, but it

doesn’t make sense to purposely trash
the company because it’s just his losses.

So I don’t know what’s really going on.
But I think this might actually be he makes

decisions. He makes those decisions
happen. He’s not listening to anyone else.

He thinks he knows what he’s doing and he
doesn’t. So he’s actually running this company

into the ground. Threads just is coming out
now from meta and it’s the Twitter clone.

I was vaguely interested in just what it looked like,
but then I just stopped. I’m like, I don’t want to be

on another Twitter. I don’t just don’t want to do these
things anymore. I’m not a big fan of social media.

So this social media conflict is really
driving me away from social media overall.

So then we get to the statement that I’ve enjoyed. I think
the whole notion of work from home is a bit like the fake

Mary Antoinette quote, let them eat cake, must set. It’s
not just a productivity thing. I think it’s morally wrong.

So he’s saying that the fact that employees may be
productive from home, maybe even more productive

from home than they are in the office because
I certainly I work in an open concept office.

Most Japanese offices are and I actually find it’s very hard to get
stuff done. If I have to write something or create something, I cannot do

it in that office because there’s people talking around me. There’s people
who like just turn around and start just talking to me all the time.

Completely, an unimportant stuff that could wait.
They don’t notice that you’re working. So you

being always accessible and available means they
are always accessing you even if it’s unnecessary.

Because there’s no
effort on their part.

They just turn around
and like shout at you.

L’orley wrong is weird. He does
say people should get off their

goddamn world high horse
with the work from home bullshit.

But that doesn’t explain why. Like
why is it morally wrong for someone to

work in a more comfortable environment
than to go to the office and work?

And a lot of articles, I actually looked
at about four articles and none of them

actually put in the secondary quote. So I
found another article that I actually did.

And they did the full-on let’s not edit his
quote. It’s like really you’re going to work

from home and you’re going to make everyone
else who made your car come into the factory.

Musk said you’re going to make the people who make your
food that gets delivered that they can’t work from home. You

know people that fix your home. They can’t work from home
but you can. Does that seem morally right? That’s messed up.

So Elon Musk has created an
equivalency in all employment. So

he’s saying construction workers
don’t get to work from home.

So you shouldn’t get to work from
home. People who work in factories

don’t get to work at home. So
you shouldn’t get to work from home.

People who, but then I’m
like, why do you get to work in

an office if everyone else
has to work somewhere else?

So the equivalence falls apart when
you go in the other direction. So why do

these construction workers have to work
outside because they’re building stuff?

Why do you get to work in an office? You could get your
laptop and go sit out in the sun and type on your laptop

and be just as productive and it would be super
uncomfortable because you’re sitting out in the sun all day.

But these, it’s morally wrong
for you to get to sit in an air

conditioned office while construction
workers are outside in the heat.

The factory, factory is depending on where
you are in the world. We have sweatshops.

Why do you get to work in an office
while other people work in factories?

So his justification is equivalency falls
apart because the thing he’s saying like

you should have to work in an office
because other people don’t get to stay home.

But why do you get to
stay in an office when other

people have to stay
outside? Or work in factories?

So his equivalency falls
apart when you actually

try to make, like when
you try to equalize jobs.

So everything should be fair. That’s
morally right. So we’re going to take his

argument. We want to make it morally
right. We want to make everything fair.

When? How is it fair?
Because the problem is the

nature of certain jobs
in certain industries.

So tech jobs require a computer.
You need to work on a computer. You

actually to be productive in that
way probably need a quiet environment.

It’s the construction worker bit and
the factory worker bit and the office

bit are not equivalencies. They all
have to leave home to go to their jobs.

But the jobs are different. So I work on a
computer, a construction worker works outside

building stuff like actually putting, you
know, wood and corn concrete and putting.

Girders up. Why does one worker get to work
in a air-conditioned comfortable crane?

Well, another one has to like pour concrete
in the sun. Because they have different jobs.

And they kind of know that going in because they’ve applied
or worked for that job. And one guy has actually got a

license to run a crane and the other one hasn’t. Why do I
get to work on my computer working for whatever company?

In a technology position and the
guy who delivers my food has to leave

home to deliver my food because
he’s taken a job delivering food.

And the nature of delivering
food means you have to go places

to bring the food to the people
who are paying you to do that.

But that’s an inherent agreement upon the creation
of employment. And it actually is part of the

promise that the company makes like the company
is like we’re going to pay you to go outside.

We’re going to pay you this much money to go
outside and build a building. We’re going to

pay you this much money to take food from the
restaurant to this guy who’s working from home.

And yeah, it sucks that guy who works from home and I have to
drive around all day delivering food. And there are people,

there are social people and stuff who do want to work in the
office. I’m not saying they shouldn’t work in the office.

I think really what it is is these billionaires and stuff.
There is a secondary reason that they can’t say out loud.

And I think again it has a lot to do with downtown and rent
and big buildings that they own. More than anything else.

It has very little to do with morality,
which is what they always claim.

So the second part, which actually
relates to my introduction, is the boss of

Cartier. Cartier in my head is jewelry
and watches, but I don’t actually know.

When we come to luxury fashion brands,
I actually don’t know what I’m talking

about. So anything I say about
this, very possibly could be incorrect.

But the multi billionaire
owner of the luxury, oh jewelry

company, okay, I got that right,
has revealed his greatest fear.

Robots replacing workers and the poor
rising up to bring down the rich. Speaking

to the financial times business of
luxury summit in Monaco, I mean fuck me.

That title, financial times
business of luxury summit and

where in Monaco is one of the
richest things I’ve ever heard.

The fashion tycoon told his fellow elite that he can’t sleep at night
at the thought of social upheaval, he thinks as imminent. So this

relates to the billionaires building a bunker and he’s saying the
problem is what we’re going to do is put so many people out of work.

This is actually judge dread.
So the judge dread story

line, the premise of that
world, is they have a 90 to 93%.

Unemployment rate. So they
have to feed everybody so they feed

everybody to keep them
alive. Again morally, that’s right.

But everyone’s so bored, crime is through
the roof and there are so many people,

so much overpopulation that the death
penalty is just dulled out all the time.

So the punishment for
like very small crimes

is death because
human life has no value.

But that of course creates riots and stuff. This guy,
Johann Rupert, told the conference to bear in mind

that when the poor rise up, the middle class won’t want
to buy luxury goods for fear of exposing their well.

Now what he’s not necessarily failed to mention but probably hasn’t taken into
account, the middle class is shrinking. The divestment of funds is so great

that you’re only going to have super rich and poor and there’s going to be so
many poor, they are going to take you over, they are going to take you down.

He said he’s been reading about changes in
labor technology as well as recent Oxfam figures

suggesting the top 1% of the global population
now owns more wealth than the other 99%.

How is society going to cope with structural unemployment
and the envy hatred and the social warfare he said? We are

destroying the middle class at this stage and it will affect us.
It’s unfair. So that’s what’s going to keep me awake at night.

So my thought was let’s look at his statements
and see if we can solve his problem. He’s

saying that the changes in labor technology
are going to make more people unemployed.

There could be other ways we could
employ those people. You could create

social programs of middle class
or poor people helping other people.

We could talk about education, we could just talk about
training, we could just talk about how do we have all these

machines, how to maintain these machines. Now you might get
to the point where the machines take care of other machines.

That means there’s going to be more need for social welfare
and more need for social workers. So you actually could

end up with a society where the machines are doing all
the labor and then people are taking care of other people.

This idea has not entered this man’s head. How is
society going to go? So the Oxfam figure suggesting the

top 1% of the global population now owns more than
wealth than the other 99%. Here’s a radical concept.

You could give away some
of your wealth. That is the bit

is inconceivable to them.
So you have 99% of the value.

wealth in the world. And
you are concerned that people

are going to kill you because
you have 99% of the wealth.

It is very possible. You could give
away 20% of your wealth and not get killed.

The idea of generosity, the idea of
caring for other people, the idea of taking

care of society as a whole, they are
completely devoid of that as a concept.

How his concern is like I have 99%
of the wealth. How do I stop people

from getting angry at me and
killing me for having all the wealth?

Again, I didn’t even suggest he give away all his money.
I’m saying if you were generous, if you took care of the

people around you, if you spent 20% of your wealth giving
back to society at large, you would be seen as a good person.

And then when the revolution does
come, they are like we are going to kill

Elon Musk because he made us go
back to the office if we didn’t want to.

But this Cartier guy, man, he created social
programs, he educated children. That guy

put me through college. He is still rich,
but he is a good one. Let’s leave him alone.

People would actually protect him
from the other people. Let’s say this is a

good one. He could use his 99% of
wealth in the world to take care of people.

And again, that is inconceivable
because then if you are doing that, you are

not holding onto the wealth. It’s not
your wealth. You don’t have the power.

The power to positively affect
society is inconceivable because it’s not.

The only way you
hoard that much wealth is

because you never want
to give any of it away.

So how is society, and again when he says
society, he’s not talking about society,

how is the elite billionaire society going
to cope with structural or unemployment?

So his usage of the word society is
already a misnomer because he’s not

talking about society. He’s talking
about rich people and poor people.

Society in his view, this would quote,
was very revealing to me, is only rich

people. So the people who are not in
that society who are not rich do not count.

That’s why he doesn’t think about like, hey, maybe I should
take care of poor people. Maybe I should raise up the

lower classes in some way. Maybe I should do more training
and education. Maybe I should create social welfare.

Because that, again, do it in a
completely self-interest reason

because that means I can protect
myself. That would be valuable.

Protecting myself is
valuable, but they don’t see

that because I got to do
that and keep all the money.

So how is society, how are
rich people going to cope with

structural unemployment and the
envy hatred and the social warfare?

You could start doing now something
to stop the envy and the hatred.

So either make poor people
rich or start taking care of poor

people so that they don’t hate
you. Those are the two choices.

And it’s really obvious to me as a middle
class person that if I had more money,

if I had enough money to take care of
my family, I didn’t have to worry about it.

The next step with the
more money I have would be

like, well, let’s see what
I can do for other people.

Now that’s not necessarily true.
That’s my attitude now. Whereas if I got

rich, maybe I’m like, oh, I got all this
money. Maybe I can give more money.

And I end up joining this
society that he’s talking about.

He does say this is the most self-aware
part. We are destroying the middle class.

And at this stage it
will affect us. So he’s

saying like we are
destroying the barrier.

The barriers, we need a
healthy middle class is better for

the economy. That’s actually
something I learned a while ago.

That the problem with having an elite
strata group that has all the money is

when you have an economic issue, they
cannot spend enough to solve the problem.

What you want instead of a billionaire
spending a million dollars, you want

a million middle class people spending
an extra couple thousand dollars.

And then you will
make up the difference

significantly and that will
actually fix your economy.

The foreign minister
of China was one of the

most interesting men
I had ever read about.

It was not the current one.
This was one of the previous ones.

And he didn’t interview
and they said, you’re putting

a ton of money into Indonesia.
Why are you doing that?

He’s like, oh, people in Indonesia
are too poor to buy our products.

So we want to raise
up their economic level

so they have enough
money to buy our products.

And so he was saying, I’m doing
this incredibly kind generous thing.

I am taking the base level
of poverty in Indonesia and

moving it upwards so that
everyone in society has more money.

For a completely self-interested
reason, so they can buy stuff from China.

But he’s being completely
honest about it. He’s like, look, I am

doing a great morally correct
thing for a completely selfish reason.

But who cares if everyone in Indonesia
now has a higher standard of living?

They’re not going to be unhappy about
the fact that they buy more Chinese shit.

So we are destroying the middle class at
this stage. It will affect us. It’s unfair.

That’s actually not
true. It’s not unfair.

This again, we are
destroying the middle class.

Dot, dot, dot. It’s unfair. If
you’re doing the destroying,

it’s not unfair that the
consequences affect you.

So that’s again where it falls apart.

Like you can see that
he doesn’t understand.

I am rich and
amazing and awesome.

Everyone should love me.
I’m destroying the world.

It’s unfair that people
might hate me for it.

And then his final sentence.
So that’s what keeps me awake at night.

And I think it should. Because
again, he’s essentially talking about

inevitability where the economic situation
we live in now is not sustainable.

Billionaires have created
themselves as a separate hated class.

If you listen to last week’s Seemig B where I
talk about the function of empathy in society,

people rising up and killing Elon Musk,
people rising up and killing the Cartier guy.

What’s his name?

Johan Rupert, very rich name.

Elon Musk, Johan Rupert.
These are very, very rich names.

People rising up and killing them. You’re
not going to get any sympathy in media.

It’s just going to be people
going like, “Ah, they killed

Elon. What a big surprise.
Ah, they killed Rupert.”

And that is the downfall
of this billionaire class.

Is they are failing to see that
they are actually part of society.

And as they separate themselves
from society and destroy

the society around them,
they cannot escape that.

And that’s what they want
to do. They think they have so

much money they should be
able to escape any consequence.

The consequences sooner or later will come.

I actually think it’s
not going to be social

uprising. I think it’s
going to be crop failure.

So I said at the very
beginning, we had the

hottest day. We’re going
to pass that threshold.

Crops will fail. When
there’s no food to go around.

Yes, the billionaires
will have food for a while.

But when they’re the only
ones who have food, people

will come for the food. It’s
not even about billionaires.

It’s not about morality.
It’s not about what’s right.

It’s like you have food.
There’s 8,000 people

outside who want that
food. They’re going to get it.

You can have your private military
and stuff. You’re not going to stop them.

That’s just the end of the day
sooner or later. They will overrun you.

And yeah, it should keep you up at night.

And the thing is, it should keep you up at night
trying to find ways to solve the problem, which

actually would be spending some of your money
on other people and creating a better society.

That’s actually the short version.
The problem is the billionaires

have the ability to create a
better society for everyone.

And all they want to do is
create a better society for

themselves. And that’s what’s
going to destroy them in the end.

[Music].

Comedy Covid

[Music]

So I watched a lot of comedy on TikTok and it has…

The algorithms obviously figured out I like comedians and it maybe

is figured out I’m old as well so it thought I would like this

which is a very interesting choice. I was interested in it.

“MZ doesn’t know how to write a check. They don’t know how

to address an envelope. They don’t know how to read cursive.”

So she’s saying what? They don’t know how to write a check.

They don’t know how to read cursive. What was the second one?

It’s a second one on the… “They don’t know how to read a paper map.”

Oh, they don’t know how to read a paper map. Okay. What she’s actually

done is listed off a set of skills that people don’t need anymore.

I was of the age of people who wrote checks. I have not

written a check easily since I was 20 years old. I’m 50.

So in the last 30 years I have not written a check. I am basically of

the generation she’s talking about that is capable of writing a check.

I know how to write a check. I have not done

it. It is a skill that is completely useless.

As far as reading cursive, people put a lot of stock into

that. I don’t actually see the value in writing cursive.

People don’t read cursive anymore because cursive is not relevant.

That’s actually what if you take her underpinning. This comedy is so low bar.

She’s basically listed off a series of skills that

her generation has. The following generation doesn’t.

And then the people in the audience laugh. That actually was a bit that I found funny.

People were laughing at this because I didn’t laugh at

the first part because I didn’t understand what was funny.

That young people can’t read cursive isn’t inherently funny.

Young people need a paper map. Can’t read a paper map. But they do have GPS.

People try to make fun of them for that. I don’t actually see it as a problem

because I took a minute and I made a list of some other things that boomers can’t do.

Let’s actually let her finish her joke and comment on that first.

They can’t get anywhere unless there’s a GPS map

on their phone. All I’m saying is a gentleman.

The irony there though is I bet she can’t use the GPS map on her phone.

So boomers famously are very poor at using technology.

So it’s really hard. I don’t see this as a picture maybe in my brain.

It’s like how can you make fun of someone who is able to use

something and relies on that thing that you cannot even use?

So there’s kind of a weird irony there. The

next sense is if Gen Z takes over the world.

Gen Z takes over the world. It’s going to be pretty easy to get it back.

I don’t see how those things correlate because what are

you going to do to take over the world with cursive?

What skill have you just espoused that is going to help you take over the world?

So the world we live in is technology based. What are you going to write a check?

And that’s going to help you take over the

world. You’re going to write a letter in cursive.

And that’s going to be some like secret script

that the Gen Z isn’t going to be able to read.

And so you can pass your secrets back and forth. But

you can’t do a technology because you can’t use any.

fucking email or anything. Are you going to use

your paper maps to outwit Gen Z that has GPS,

abilities? I mean, this is what I’m saying. The skills you’ve listed are relevant.

Gen Z is going to take over the world probably

mainly because you’re going to die. I mean,

you’re not going to be taking it back because you’re going to be dead.

The audience laughing at this. I didn’t

laugh because to me there was no actual joke.

They’re laughing hard. So this relies on the

audience agreeing with your sentiments having had

this kind of conversation in the first place in

their life. I do like, if you can watch the video,

in the front row there’s a dude. He’s got the American flag shirt on.

The irony there. There’s actually really big irony.

People who wear the American flag have not read

the rules about how you treat the flag. You’re

not supposed to wear the flag as clothing. So like

American flag pants and underwear and bikinis,

American flag shirts, bandanas and stuff.

You’re actually not supposed to do that. That

is technically disrespect them to the flag.

According to America, and that’s the irony. So

I wanted to get some of the better feel for her

comedy routine. I want to let her start from

the beginning, get a feel for her comedy,

and then see if I could maybe replicate the power of this in my own way.

Gen Z doesn’t know how to write a check. They don’t know how to address an envelope.

They don’t know how to read cursive. They don’t know how to read a paper map.

They can’t get anywhere unless there’s a GPS

map on their phone. All I’m saying is that Gen Z

takes over the world. It’s going to be pretty easy to get it back.

Man, they laughed really hard at that. Like way harder than they should. That is.

insane that they found it as funny as they did.

All right, so I went and found some things. So.

boomers can’t be a galley roller. Boomers don’t know how to use a knocker upper.

Boomers don’t even employ caddy butchers

anymore. Boomers don’t know how to use a beam of

test. They can’t operate a lino type machine and

they couldn’t even set bowling pins manually.

I’m just saying if boomers try to take over the

world, it’s going to be pretty easy to take it back.

Just so I what I did as I went and found a

list of jobs that don’t exist anymore. A galley

roller in a large, large ship they used to have

hundreds and maybe even thousands of people

hacked as rowers. They used to row the ship and

then they invented sales. And the sailing ships

were much faster, much more efficient than the

rowing and people didn’t have to die doing it not

as much. I mean people did die in sailing ships

but for totally different reasons. A knocker upper.

takes on very different meaning in modern parlons

but a knocker upper is someone who wakes you up.

So they come to your house, they knock on the door

and you get up and you get up. So a knocker upper.

A knocker upper was replaced by the alarm clock.

A caddy butcher was a very interesting job.

A caddy butcher is someone who is basically a

butcher for horses but because people don’t eat

horses anymore, like they don’t use caddy butchers.

A beam attest is a person who used to count steps

physically to measure distances. That was replaced

by the paper map. So an entire job industry

was replaced by paper maps. Boomers can’t operate

line-on-type machines. That is when you should do

type-setting basically. You have to take the

letters and put them in place and then it’s like a

heat thing. It was replaced by digital technology.

Oh big shock. And they couldn’t even set

bowling pins manually because that actually used

to be someone’s job. They didn’t have a machine

that picked up all the bowling pins and then put

them down. They have a big claw now that picks

them up, puts them in place and puts them down

physically. So the irony there is everything she’s

talked about has replaced some other technology

that was proceeding it. There are a dozen versions

of that joke. They all rely on you saying things

to your audience that your audience always

already agrees with which is not a joke. So first

of all if you have a listicle that’s not a joke.

and then going, “Ooh look at us, aren’t we better?”

I do remember the one of the videos I really enjoyed

and it was they gave a rotary phone to a couple

of teenagers. When they were laughing and laughing

and laughing as the teenagers couldn’t figure out

how to use the phone. And it took about 10 minutes

but then they figured it out. Whereas if you

gave one of these older people a smart phone,

a brand new smart phone and told them to do some

basic settings, I guarantee they wouldn’t be able

to do it. And that’s the difference. You’re talking

about young people not being able to do something

because they’ve never done it before. That doesn’t

mean they can’t do it. It doesn’t mean they

couldn’t figure it out. It doesn’t mean they’re

adaptable because they are. We’ve had some jokes going

around lately. Primarily about language. My coworkers

are old. My friends are old. I’m old. And they are

starting to rip on things. My wife specifically is

angry at the fact that my kids spend so much time

on their tablet. Now I didn’t really want to point

out but then felt obligated to point out the fact

that while she was complaining about kids being

on their tablets, she was watching TV. And she was

probably watching TV for the exact same amount of

time the kids were on the tablet. So the kids aren’t

watching television in the traditional sense. They’re

watching videos on TikTok, on YouTube and stuff.

They don’t watch traditional TV. And she in her

mind has demonized the tablet when the TV is just a

big less useful tablet that she is one step

away from being addicted to. And I pointed out,

so you have people now complaining that kids

are addicted to their phones and tablets.

My generation, the kids were addicted to TV.

Previous to that, kids were addicted to music.

Previous to that, kids were addicted to

music. All these complaints have not changed.

They’re generational. You’re not doing the thing

I did. And the new thing that you’re doing is bad

and addictive. It will make you sick and dying. Now

social media is engineered. So I think there are

risks to go along with it. TV is bad. It’s addictive.

But it was more passive. Whereas the algorithm,

what not is coming for your children, I am aware

of that and do caution my kids. We do a limit time

and stuff. But it’s because I know that modern

technology is manipulative in nature. I don’t blame

the children for that. I mean, the conclusion

to that is that first of all, that wasn’t funny.

From an objective point of view, what she did

was make a list and the only reason the people in

the audience were laughing is because they agreed

with her. So that wasn’t humor. That was agreement.

If I could be specific, I don’t want to define a

joke. A joke is something that makes you laugh. But

they were just like, oh yeah, I hate young people.

Therefore, this lady hating on young people is funny.

to me. Whereas I don’t, I personally don’t think

that’s a joke. If I was going to try to make a joke,

I would try to do better than that. There should be

an examination of something. Because her joke falls

flat when she says we could take it back. I don’t

think you could. I don’t think you could take it back

from the millennials. They would lock you out of

your email and Facebook. And then you wouldn’t have

be able to do anything. And you’d be spending time

calling the millennials or Gen Z or whoever you’re

talking about to come and fix all that shit for

you. Do you remember when people got really upset

about Miles Morales, the new Spider-Man and the

new Spider-Man wasn’t white? Remember that? I just

wanted to point out that no one gives a shit anymore.

So Miles Morales was introduced as a half-black,

half-Mexican kid from Brooklyn. He got bitten by

a different spider and got different spider powers

and became the new Spider-Man of Miles Morales.

Everyone who was racist lost their mind.

And fuck those people that’s so stupid. Because here

we are now, a few years later, I don’t know when

Miles Morales was released anymore. And no one

gives a shit. They came out with that movie in the

Spider-Verse. Fucking awesome. I watched it again

a week ago. That’s why this popped into my head.

That movie’s great. I almost cried at the part

where they’re supporting each other because I guess

I’ve never had any real support in my life. But that

is something I clearly clamor for. The interesting part

was like, I was like, “I’ll watch this because the

new movie’s coming out. I’ll watch the old movie.”

So I’m kind of like, kind of remember exactly what’s

going on. That’d be really nice to go into the

theater knowing that. Fucking mosquito. I am

not Spider-Man. I miss that mosquito twice.

I forgot to do me a fucking mosquito. It’s because

mosquitoes hate spiders that are racist too. And so

he hates Spider-Man. He’s trying to ruin my Spider-Man

thing. I was watching it on the train and then

I just right way, midway through the trip. I suddenly

went, “No one cares that Miles Morales isn’t a

white Peter Parker anymore.” Peter Parker is white

guy. Peter Parker’s Peter Parker. Spider-Man’s Peter.

Parker. Fucking is the calling man. No one gives a

shit. And no one ever did. They just were racist.

That’s something you just keep in mind. Those massive

controversies are just distractions for nothing.

They’re not even distracting you from anything. But

that got me thinking about other distractions we’ve had.

We’re not coronavirus. COVID-19 is not finished. It

still exists. It’s still something to be concerned

about. I still know people who have gotten it

recently. So still be careful. I want everyone to be

careful. But we are maybe just living with it

now or we’ve got it sort of under control. People

who are vaccinated, things like that. I wanted to

take a look at some of the conspiracy theories that

came out. Just remembering, this is kind of like

reminiscing of the history of a couple of years ago.

So Miles Morales, fucking awesome Spider-Man. No one

gives a shit that he’s Spider-Man anymore because

he’s fucking great in Asia. So I can really only

speak for this stuff. I read online and the stuff I

knew in Asia. So in Asia, the first conspiracy theory

about COVID-19 was that COVID-19 was engineered

to kill off old people because China, Japan, and

Korea have too many old people. It’s a graying

populations. So they engineered this disease that

would attack old people. Now the reality is that

anything virulent like a virus or a disease or

something is going to have a bigger impact on older

people regardless. It’s going to have an bigger

impact on older people because they are weaker. They

have more underlying problems. They’ve lived a

longer life. They are closer to death already. So a

devastating disease, respiratory disease, someone

who’s not already healthy, it’s going to kill them.

So yes, it was killing older people at a higher

raise, but any disease would. So the Spanish flu,

I’m assuming killed older people at a higher rate.

The bubonic plague probably killed people at a higher.

rate. I mean, I don’t know. I don’t know about the

stats back then. It’s a job that went away with

the boomers. So who knows? But I’m betting any

disease that is powerful, kills older people at a

higher rate than younger people. I do remember

also in the paper they were saying maybe people who

smoke are more resistant, which was a weird maybe

like smokers lobby that they threw out there.

I don’t I think that one was pretty much debunked

pretty quickly. So that corresponds to the virus

was engineered in a Chinese lab. Then there was

a conspiracy theory and it got out from the lab.

Then there was a conspiracy theory that the US

imported COVID to China so that they could blame China

for the breakout of coronavirus. That turned out

to not necessarily be true. And it really was

devastating way more in America than it should

have been because of the incredibly poor rollout

of vaccines and the anti-vaccine movement in there.

In Italy, I didn’t know this one. I just started

looking up some some basic ones so I could remind

myself. In Italy, they were blaming GMO, so genetically

modified organisms, basically virus resistant

or bug resistant fruit and vegetables and things

like that are the most common ones. They try to

grow more perfect fruit that is healthier and

harder. They were saying coronavirus came from that,

which I thought that was an interesting one I’d

never heard before. So there you go, even now I’m

picking up stuff. I actually there was someone I knew

who was on the coronavirus isn’t real. It’s not

a real virus and there will be lawsuits. This was

at the beginning of 2019, 2020. It’s three years

later and they were like there’s going to be lawsuits

in the world of court and it’s going to be coming and

you’re going to be regret taking all these precautions.

I actually that was an interesting argument

because they’re like you shouldn’t take precautions

against this thing that may or may not be real. So

let’s give them credit. Let’s pretend for a second

that coronavirus was not real. Taking precautions

against it doesn’t hurt you. So this is like I’m going

to take vitamins so that my immune system or

my body is healthier as a precaution against

catching the flu or a cold or just getting sick

in general. That isn’t specific towards anyone. I

take vitamins every day. I actually find that if

I don’t take vitamins, I think I have a single

vitamin deficiency that’s very small. If I don’t

take a multivitamin over the course of a couple

months, I get really worn down. I take vitamins

that doesn’t seem to happen. So I don’t know what

vitamin it is. I don’t know what mineral it is. It’s

something in my body, but I take the multivitamin

because it fixes this problem. But then I’m like

it also will help me any other deficiencies I might

have. So I’ll be healthier overall. Protect

me against disease and whatnot. Non-specific.

But then it was like wearing masks. Well, I basically

know what I know during the period we were wearing

masks. Got the flu. I started sanitizing my hands

against coronavirus. Maybe multiple times a day.

I’d probably do it once or twice a day now. But

my chances of catching other diseases, not even

coronavirus, has gone down because I sanitize my

hands more often than I used to. Taking precautions

against anything isn’t necessarily a bad idea. I

see people wearing a mask. I might even feel like,

oh, you know, in this particular situation, it’s

unnecessary. But they’re taking a precaution

against stuff is going to protect them more so

than if they didn’t. So the anti-mask movement,

I always thought was really weird because,

okay, if you don’t believe coronavirus is real,

you do believe that flu is real. You do believe

that colds are real and it will protect you from

the flu and cold. So what is the problem with

protecting yourself against these other things?

And then it maybe will just, you know, that

protective ability will roll over into coronavirus.

If it does turn out to be real perchance, may

have. And that was a little bit of an aside.

So yeah, there was the group of people who said

that coronavirus doesn’t exist, that it’s just the

flu. Now, I always found that to be a very confusing

argument because you’re admitting that there is a

flu and the flu is virulent. The flu is going around.

It’s very communicable. The flu is killing people.

The flu is putting people on respiratory machines

and the bit you’re angry about is that we’ve called

it COVID-19 and said it’s something else. COVID-19 as

far as I’m concerned is the flu. It’s just a really,

really strong flu that mutates and attacks your lungs

and puts people on respirators. You can call it a

flu. It’s just as dangerous. It’s killing just as

many people as if it wasn’t the flu specifically.

So that argument, I actually had someone use that

to me that don’t be silly. It’s just the flu.

Someone, I think it was on Twitter or something.

Someone kind of came at me with that one.

And I was like, that argument doesn’t mean anything

because if it’s just a flu and it’s still killing

people and still really communicable, then it’s just

as bad as if it is coronavirus. So protect yourself

from this flu just as much as you would protect

yourself from coronavirus. It was a globalist plot

to take away our freedoms. So lockdowns and stuff,

of course, we couldn’t do whatever we want. We

couldn’t go get haircuts. We couldn’t go out and drink

and have parties and stuff. And that’s my freedom.

You’re taking away my freedom. Again, I was a little

torn on that. I did. I agreed with lockdowns. I

thought they should have happened. Japan didn’t lock

down in the same way as let’s say North America’s

the one in the news. So it’s always the one I

end up talking about because Corona in Japan,

they have written into their constitution freedom

of movement. So you’re not allowed to lock people

down, but they made the recommendation in Japanese

people generally being quite sensible. Most people

did stay home and they only went out when they had

to and they just didn’t do things to try to catch

coronavirus. But interfering with your freedoms, the

thing is the freedoms came back. So that actually

in historically that was undermined because the

freedoms didn’t go away forever. We aren’t still in

lockdown. And again, the economy suffered greatly

and the globalists are the ones who want to keep

the economy working. Maybe they want to control

it, but to control it, they need people passively

in place in their cubicles to do the jobs that need

to be done so that there is an economy to run the

globe because the way we’ve set up the economy

in the world right now, it is economy based. So

the globalist taking away your freedoms and destroying

the economy in the same hand is not beneficial

to the globalists. So that one again logically

falls apart the more you think about how the world

works, which is actually how a lot of these conspiracies

fall apart is when you think about how the world

works. And then the last one was Big Pharma. This

was the best one from me. This was the one Big Pharma

wanted to make some money. The engineer disease

put it out in the world that disease kills lots of

people. We have the vaccine. It’s a science

fiction, it’s a science fiction plot as old as time.

It’s a good one. I mean, I don’t think… Actually,

it is the most reasonable of the conspiracy theories.

Is that a corporation decided to get evil. The

thing is multiple places came out with multiple

vaccines. I actually had the… I forget what

they’re called now. That’s how long it’s been.

I had the AstraZeneca, I think it was one of

them. And then I had the Johnson and Johnson

one. That’s weird. They put… Maybe the

vaccines, maybe forget what vaccines I got. I got

three or four. I remember the last one was… So

I actually got coronavirus. It was bad as a cold.

because I had been vaccinated two or three times

already. The vaccine did its job. So I got coronavirus.

It was like two days. One day I was like really hot

and uncomfortable. And then the second day I was

kind of bad and I slept all day. I went into

one of those hotel isolation situations.

And then it wasn’t bad at all. I didn’t feel

good, but like I wasn’t going to go exercise or.

anything. But basically I slept a little more. The

fever kind of took a while to go away, but that was it.

I was actually in really good shape. So I actually

think the vaccines worked. I got the fourth vaccine

for 12 hours. I was just knocked out. I was in

physical pain. I had that sort of joint pain you

get from the flu and stuff. It was way worse than

coronavirus. But then if I needed to get a fifth

vaccination, if they said Peter, you won’t want,

I absolutely would because the disease didn’t do

anything to me. If the vaccine is the worst part,

I’ll take the vaccine and take that eight, 10-hour

period of pain and frustration just so I could

survive the actual coronavirus with ease, no less.

Bill Gates wants to implant everyone with a chip. So he was talking about Ebola virus.

And he predicted that there was going to be another pandemic in the future.

Scientists have actually talked about this. Climate

change has done it. Just more air travel and

interacting with people makes it more communicable.

So the disease is going to spread around more quickly.

Things like that. So there are basically lots of

people who are saying there’s going to be another

pandemic. It’s coming soon. After coronavirus, they

were like, it’s going to speed up because we had

Spanish flu. And then they said, once in a hundred

years, a hundred years later, we got COVID-19.

And they said, oh, then the next one will be a

hundred years later. That’s not how it works.

Because of climate change and stuff, it’s going to

speed up. So we’ll probably get one every 50 years

that is this bad. And then it’s going to be every

25 years. Unless we get to a level of technology

where we can take care of it, that’s kind of what

Bill Gates was talking about. We need to learn

to protect ourselves from ourselves because we’re not

going to stop air travel. And we’re not going to stop.

mutations of diseases and stuff. And people

are going to mix in, it’s going to get worse.

And so they thought, because he didn’t want to be

proven wrong, he created coronavirus. So a computer

guy suddenly, like I’m going to say, yes, Bill Gates

is probably very good at computers. I don’t know

if he is anymore because he got into that position.

Like he created computers. He made windows and

stuff like that. But then he got into a position

where he didn’t really make stuff anymore. He told

engineers how to make stuff. He probably understood

what they were talking about. But could he do it?

I don’t know. Steve Jobs gets the same deal.

Like did he make anything? No, he told engineers,

you have this. I want these features. Here’s a

list. Go make that happen. They’re off. They go and

they get it. Bill Gates is the same. I’m sure he

understands computers and he’s very good at computers.

But at the end of the day, he was like, well,

here’s a list of features. Here’s things to make it

go work better off you go, go make that happen because

I pay your money now. So he might be high level,

but he’s certainly not going to be like, well,

I’m going to just switch to biology now of

virology and create some diseases to go make sure

that I am right in the world and the things I’ve said.

Looking back is valuable because all the things we

freaked out about conspiracy theories, especially.

It’s we’ve you hear the conspiracy theory. You

have a good time talking about it and then it

disappears because you don’t think about it anymore.

When something new happens and it’s tempting to

believe, oh, we didn’t even talk about 5G in the

UK. The people in the UK thought that 5G towers

caused corona virus because it ate the oxygen and

like infected you. And they were setting them on

fire. Like they were setting 5G towers on fire.

These are these are again, the very reasonable

people, the boomers from the first segment, not

understanding how technology works or radio waves

or 5G or any of this other stuff. And then just saying

like, they put up this tower, bad thing happened.

I’m going to burn down this tower. I’m right.

You can’t tell me otherwise. I had an interesting

experience when I was sick in the hospital a couple

years ago. And I would take a pill in the evening.

And then about two hours later, my neck would get

tight and my shoulders would hurt and I’d feel

some sort of pain. And so I told the doctor like

every time I take this pill, it actually causes me

pain. Is that normal? Is that a side effect? Is that

something that’s happening? He’s like, oh, that’s

not what’s happening. What’s happening is you get

like a steroid in the morning. And then you feel

stronger and better. And then when we get to the

evening, sort of when you take your evening pill,

that’s when the steroids wearing off. See, because

I didn’t understand medicine or the things that

were happening. I was thinking there was a causal

relationship. I’m taking this pill and then very

soon afterwards, I start to feel pain. I was

thinking the pill caused me pain. That’s exactly what

these people were thinking about 5G. What was actually

happening is the pill I was taking in the morning

wasn’t working anymore because it’d been 12 hours.

And I was taking a different pill for something else.

And then I wouldn’t that pain was just going to

sit there anyways. They could have given me pain

killers now that I think about it. But Japan, they

don’t give very strong pain killers and they don’t

like to give out pain killers too much. You need

to suffer a little bit to make you a stronger,

better person. Did it work? No, not stronger,

not better. Still stiff shoulders, to be honest.

So what I’m saying, conspiracy theories, we forget

about them. And what we actually should do is take

a look back at, again, we just have to be history

like three, four, five years ago. What were people

talking about? What were we thinking? Were those

things important? And are they important now? And

then the next time someone comes up with, superhero

has changed color or superhero has changed gender,

or it’s like a non-gender conforming version

of a superhero. And people flip out, be like,

dude, we don’t even remember the fervor over Miles

Morales. We don’t even remember people getting

freaked out about Lady Thor, which was a great

storyline, by the way. I wish the movie done it

better, but Lady Thor was fucking awesome. And

I could have done me with some more Lady Thor.

I had a second part. So then when you get, then

when you hear a conspiracy theory and it starts to

sound logical, think back to, okay, coronavirus,

what were the conspiracy theories we heard?

What do we now just don’t even remember? Nevermind,

right off is not true. What do we not even remember now?

And that will hopefully keep you more even tempered going on into the future.

[Music].

Marvels Guardians of Galaxy game made me so angry I reviewed 6 Underground

(upbeat music)

All right, I’m about to shit on Guardians of the Galaxy,

via shitting on one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen.

This, all right, let’s start again.

So this is the closest I’ve come to writing a full script for a podcast in years.

When I first started making podcasts, I wrote a script

and I recorded it three times and edited those together.

It was shit.

And then I went to bullet points.

And bullet points seemed to work for me.

This is full sentences.

So I’m wondering if I’m going to sound more scripted.

But there are my ideas, there are my words.

Maybe I planned out jokes better, but then I never,

the jokes I make that I’ve planned out don’t land.

So today I wanna talk about Marvel’s Guardians of the Galaxy.

But I want to talk about it via the worst film I think that’s ever existed.

You might be like, oh no, what’s going on?

He didn’t like Guardians of the Galaxy, which is 100% correct.

But let’s take a look first at Metacritic score for Marvel’s Guardians of the Galaxy.

It has a Metascore of 80, generally favorable.

We all have the Metacritic thing where it’s like, 80 is not generally favorable.

That’s most people loved it.

The user score is 8.7.

I thought Marvel’s Guardians of the Galaxy was dismal.

And I hated every moment playing it.

And that’s unusual.

Mr. Warmhands sent me the game.

He said, you’re gonna love this.

You like story-based adventure action games, which is true.

This is a very heavily story-oriented action

adventure game, which is also true, I just fell apart.

And this takes us to Six Underground.

Marvel’s Guardians of the Galaxy is the Six Underground of video games.

And Six Underground is the worst movie that has ever been made in the world.

First, I need to talk about a bad movie and a bad movie.

So there’s two kinds of bad movies.

I watch a lot of movies.

I watch probably a film every single day.

I have a one and a half hour train ride to work,

and then a one and a half hour train ride home from work.

I’m listening to podcasts, I’m watching TV, I’m watching movies.

That’s my media time now.

So I’ve watched hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of thousands of movies.

I love action movies.

I love funny movies.

I love goofy stuff.

I enjoy film.

Now, the first category of bad film is a film

where they didn’t have enough of something.

It’s not enough money.

It’s not enough talent.

It’s not enough time.

But there is sort of a heart there that makes you end

up going, it wasn’t a great film, but I enjoyed it.

There’s a kind of bad film that is still in the first category.

That is so bad that it sort of goes through the nature

and comes back up and is actually good again.

It’s still entertaining.

Because that’s all a movie or a video game really needs to be.

To be successful is entertaining.

It can be entertaining in the wrong way and still be successful.

I watch a lot of Steven Segal movies.

I hate him so much.

Oh, he’s the one who named Sean Nupi, said his name.

The curse has come back.

But my pleasure and enjoyment comes from

picking apart those films and how bad they are.

I would never recommend those films to another person.

I would never say watch them unless you had the same sort of mental state as me.

That’s also a very important part for criticizing media.

It’s understanding the way your brain is working

and the way other people’s brains are working.

There’s lots of stuff I would watch that I would not recommend other people watch.

There is the second kind of bad movie, which is bad bad.

So there’s bad, so bad it could be good.

There’s bad yet still entertaining.

There’s bad, but just bad.

And it comes from sort of two major issues that I’m gonna talk about.

But the primary thing is you have to have

all the things that those other movies lack.

You have to have the money, you have to have

the talent, and you have to have the time.

So you have to have all the things in place

to be successful and still find a way to fuck it up.

See, this is the problem without running a

script is I have to actually follow the script.

Let me introduce to you a film called “Six Underground.”

It is a Netflix movie.

Netflix has money up the wazoo.

This is a pre-pandemic.

Think it was toothed, anyways.

Maybe mid-2000 teens.

So they have enough money to make a good movie.

They have Ryan Reynolds as the lead.

He’s a very expensive actor and he’s actually quite good.

I like Ryan Reynolds.

He’s talented, he’s charming.

He’s made some good movies, made some bad

movies, but he has it in him to make a good film.

“Six Underground” is directed by Michael Bay.

Michael Bay has a very inconsistent career.

He’s made the rock, which was quite good.

He made bad boys, which is good.

He made painting games, which I actually thought was very good.

I’ve made Transformer movies.

Now, I believe that Transformer movies, I’m not the target demographic.

The most respect I had for Michael Bay is when he said,

“I make movies for 13-year-old boys,” which is a fair statement.

So he’s saying a lot of people complain and don’t like

my films because they’re not the actual target audience.

“Six Underground” in this case, there’s a couple of heads

explode and a lot of bodies get thrown around and stuff.

That means that I was the target demographic.

I had to be adults.

But it’s almost like his juvenile humor still

stayed and then his inconsistency in tone

is what infected the film, which made me so negative.

“Six Underground” had two writers that I remember.

And it’s two douchebags who should be ashamed of themselves because this movie–

I don’t know where it went wrong.

Because it might have been written really well.

And then Michael Bay changed it.

It might be Michael Bay took the material and actually elevated it.

I actually don’t know because I’m not part of the process.

I don’t think it was Ryan Reynolds.

I think Ryan Reynolds was doing all the things he was told to do.

He was being very Ryan Reynolds Z in this film.

You don’t even have to watch the whole film.

The opening is a car chase escape scene and it by itself will illustrate to you

all the problems in the film in the first 10, 15 minutes.

And I was thinking to myself, if I ever ran a film class,

if I ever got any sort of respect, and people were like,

Peter, teach us about all the films you’ve absorbed,

and you’ve taken, you’ve analyzed, and you

thought about, put that back out in the world.

Teach these young and up-and-coming people who want to make movies.

What is the right and wrong thing to do?

I think I could do that.

I think I could help some people make better films.

So this is for young and up-coming people who want to,

oh my god, I got a mosquito bite on my bicep, and it is massive.

Like I said, at the beginning, as soon as I got

into a flow, something would go horribly wrong,

and the horribly wrong part was, I looked at my own body.

All right, we can dispense with this stupid joke thing.

I’m not gonna ever teach a film class.

That’s fine.

So we have the opening car chase,

and it’s demonstrative of where the movie went wrong on every aspect.

The primary issues for me are inconsistent tone and too much noise.

And this is visual, it’s action oriented.

The opening of your film is teaching the audience

what they’re supposed to feel and think throughout the rest of the film.

The opening of the film, I would say,

is probably more important than the actual climax of the film,

because it tells me what I’m supposed to know,

and what I need to know about the world we’re inhabiting for the rest of the movie.

It sets up the film.

First, there is all the visual noise.

Then Michael Bay is famous for incredibly fast cuts.

He was a music video director before he became a movie

director, and that clearly has infected his style.

There are rarely moments where you actually get

to look at anything for more than a few seconds.

But the problem with constant quick cuts and penning cameras all the time,

it means no single image will have any real sort of impact.

Your brain, it’s your subconscious is taking things in,

and I actually think that makes it worse in this

case, because my subconscious brain is going,

oh, I don’t like that, I don’t like that, what’s that?

What’s that? I don’t like that.

And so I don’t have a comprehensive feeling for everything that’s going on.

There’s always dirt, spark, it’s inconsistent

lighting, there’s things flashing all the time.

It is visually a mess.

And it’s always shot from a thousand different angles.

And angles are very important for giving audience a sense of where things are.

One of the complaints about the Batman movies, the

Christian Bill Batman movies, was during action scenes.

It was very dark and the camera changed angles constantly.

Now, the director said, I wanted you,

the audience to feel what it would be like to fight

Batman, which would be disorienting and difficult.

The problem is, I’m not fighting Batman.

I’m trying to enjoy a Batman movie.

I want to see Batman do cool stuff.

So I can’t see him and I don’t know where he is.

That’s a problem.

And then there’s the famous trucks driving down the road

and the Joker opens any shoots like, I think a RPG

or something out of the truck at the other truck.

It’s actually very difficult to know which side of the road the trucks are on.

And you might be like, it’s a movie, that doesn’t matter.

But it does spatial awareness is very important for consistency.

Inconsistency in film makes it very hard for the audience

to stay with you because if something feels disjointed,

they feel disjointed and then you lose tension from the action scene.

We’re going to watch some clips.

And I’m going to talk about each clip now.

For the podcast listener, I’ve chosen clips primarily with audio.

But if you want to watch the bright neon green Alpha Romero drive around, I don’t.

It’s an interesting thing.

One of my first complaints was about the Alpha Romero being bright green.

And this is like a getaway scene.

And then Ryan Reynolds actually makes a joke

about the lack of subtlety of the choice of car.

But that said, let’s take a look at the first clip.

I have about seven clips of Underground Six.

Six Underground.

I say it wrong every time.

That’s also another weird, very small problem.

I always say Underground Six, not Six Underground.

That’s bad.

I’m safe.

Get in the car.

She’s bleeding.

I’m aware.

Just drive.

I’m going to smoke these mother’s eyes.

OK, so what has happened is we have been introduced to our characters right away.

They’re in a car.

She’s bleeding.

You can feel it’s very tense.

That’s the initial setup.

This is a tense scene.

It’s very serious.

We have a big problem.

One of our team is bleeding.

Then he says, I’m going to smoke these mother fuckers very aggressively.

That wasn’t too bad.

I was like, that seems like his concern is

less on the survival of his teammate and more

on revenge of the action of what’s coming up next.

So what I’ve been taught as the viewer is that that

woman’s life is less as important than I thought initially.

At first, I thought, oh no, this is a big deal.

She’s been shot.

One of their team is going to die.

That’s clearly a big deal.

His concern is immediately switched off.

And then we get to scene two.

I was covered in the door.

I was shot through a window.

I was too sure.

I went amateur shot.

Yes.

I know you got shot through the window.

God, that’s so bad.

What kind of lawyer are you?

Definitely going to die.

I don’t know a lawyer with friends in high places.

Maybe mafia friends or something to point us.

We got this.

That’s all that matters.

OK, so we’ve learned a few things in this scene.

Complete– like I’m saying, inconsistent tone, a complete change in tone.

It was very serious a few seconds ago,

because this is all part of the single car chase.

Now we’ve got Ryan Reynolds doing Ryan Reynolds.

He’s like doing quips and he’s talking really fast.

And he’s stating obvious things in a very uncouth way.

You’re bleeding a lot.

You’re definitely going to die.

But there is zero concern for her life.

And he says, out loud, we got this.

This is the only thing that matters.

So what I’ve been taught again is that the actual

life of the person in the back seat does not matter.

So if they die, it’s not going to be a big deal.

It can take a moment to thank you.

There is nothing else I’d rather be doing with my life.

I don’t care.

[SIRENS]

All right, so there we have the driver– again,

mid-car chase, person bleeding to death in the back,

saying, hey, let’s just have a little aside.

I want to tell you how happy I am to be on this team.

I love this.

This is my life now.

It’s great.

And then Ryan Reynolds turns around and says, I don’t care.

And so I’m learning that this team does not care about each other.

And that could be fine.

If the team is disposable, then that’s fine.

But of course, then we’re going to get to some other stuff.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

OK, so what has just happened for those who are actually

listening to the audio version of the podcast

is a big truck just scraped the bright green Alpha Romero.

OK, now they’ve hit a black car.

Now a black car would usually imply the bad guys.

I actually don’t remember if these are bad guys or not.

But there are two guys in that car.

They get exploded.

OK?

So now I know that at least the bad guys’ lives

are not worth anything because of the reaction

of the driver of the bright green Alpha Romero.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

So he’s enjoying this.

So people dying doesn’t matter.

Enemies dying doesn’t matter.

Again, so this is all contextual for what

I need to know going into the rest of the

film to understand how I’m supposed to feel.

This didn’t bother me yet.

I did feel like this was, again, the sort of the visual cuts and stuff.

I don’t think Michael Bayes really the best director for me.

But I wasn’t annoyed at the film.

That’s coming up very soon.

Let’s get through the rest of the scene, though.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

So we have the heavy bass drum kind of sound to give it some intensity.

They’ve just killed some bad guys.

He’s wooed his way into the next party.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

So he almost hits some– he almost hits some nuns.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Don’t forgive me.

So that’s just so they could throw a joke in.

He says, the nuns will forgive me.

I knocked them all off their bicycles.

And then the nuns give up and they start flipping them up.

It’s a joke.

I was kind of a throw away.

It seemed unnecessary because, again,

it’s lowering the sense of intensity of this scene.

If it’s a comedy, you could actually go lighter than

this and just have several of these things happen.

But then the next thing that happens– [MUSIC PLAYING]

Watch out for the gun.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Oh, I still had the right of way.

OK, so that was a pedestrian.

So the previous car that got exploded

by getting hit by the truck, there were two guys in it.

They died with a wound.

They had a great time.

That’s actually fine.

If you screw up with ’80s and ’90s action films

like I did, killing bad guys is a good thing.

They’re just fodder.

It’s a visual thing.

You kill as many as you can.

To show how great the heroes are, how capable they are.

Killing innocent people is bad.

Now, I know it’s bad.

Now, in this movie, what’s happened is he’s just hit a pedestrian with a car.

And he’s equipped.

He said, I definitely had the right away.

He’s shown no regret, no remorse.

Because he’s shown no regret, no remorse,

I know that in this universe, no one’s life has any value.

And that becomes very important for the end of this scene.

[MUSIC]

Oh, it was just the music bug.

We had, again, inconsistent.

We had this heavy-based drums and it was really intense.

And now it’s kind of actually got a bit of a light feel to it.

[MUSIC]

One for four.

Yeah, go ahead, but four.

We need you.

Cool, she need a bit.

Come here.

And then they have this, again, light introduction of another character.

No one gives a shit.

[MUSIC]

All right, so what has just happened is the driver has slid out and

he has crashed the car into a loader of some sort with like a fork lift.

And the tines were up and one has gone through him and it is killed the driver.

So we now know that this is important.

The driver is a member of the team, but well, again, what we’ve been

taught the entirety of the film so far is that he does not matter.

No one’s life matters.

And then we get to the burial scene.

So they’re on a boat, they’re going to dispose of the body.

They’re sipping up a plastic bag with his body in it.

One guy is crying, a guy who has just introduced

quite recently, they’re drinking and eating pizza.

Are you crying?

I didn’t even know his name.

We don’t know any names.

What was his name?

It doesn’t matter.

Now what you’ve done just there with one sentence is remove any impact.

So I thought we were going for a tonal shift.

We were going to be like this team cares about each other.

The death of one of the members of the team is important.

He says what’s his name?

They keep each other’s name secret as part of the whole

system that they’ve created within the film itself.

But fuck me.

This guy is dead right in front of you.

Ryan Reynolds faces telling me he’s sad.

The music is telling me I should feel sad and he’s just said who cares?

And if he says who cares, then it’s going to be hard for me to care.

He’s a good man.

Was he a good man?

I mean, he was kind of a dick.

He hit a guy with a car.

I actually see some inconsistencies in the lines that have been

written, which is where I start to blame the writers of this,

not necessarily Ryan Reynolds, because he’s doing what he’s told.

In this next part is the part that pissed me off more than anything else, I think.

While I manage the risk, I’m sorry.

Did he have a family?

I think you’re looking at it.

So did he have a family?

I think you’re looking at it?

Fucking none of you have demonstrated that you

care about each other in any way whatsoever.

How the fuck are you guys, his family?

And I’m supposed to feel emotional right now.

I feel nothing.

This kid dying meant nothing to me when I watched this film.

And it set it up for the rest of the film.

I don’t care if any of them die.

It doesn’t matter.

And that’s what they’ve established with this

opening car chase in these opening scenes.

What this should be doing is having impact on me.

I should be like going, oh, that team was really tight knit.

They care about each other.

This is a really important moment.

Tears are completely appropriate.

Nothing.

Because what we do know is that no one gives a shit

about each other unless you get to make a quip.

I don’t know if this is a comedy.

If it’s an action movie, it’s a serious movie.

I don’t know.

I’m pretty sure what it wants to be is all three at the same time.

And I’m actually finding that’s why it fails

along with so many other movies because they

actually haven’t decided what they really want to be before they start the movie.

Because you need a main tone or a main theme.

Comedy movies do need serious moments.

They make the comedy sort of more poignant.

Sad movies.

Action movies need breaks in the action to let you breathe and take in a moment of

the scenery and then understand the characters better.

Call a duty the video game.

You’re never going to feel anything about any

of the characters living or dying in a call

a duty because it’s essentially non-stop murder.

What they teach you is that human life has no value.

You’re there to kill, kill, kill, kill, kill.

So if you die, it doesn’t matter.

That’s okay.

Call a duty is a good game because it said like we’re focusing on one thing.

We’re going to do that one thing really, really well.

You go there.

You go there for the action.

You don’t care about the story.

You go to a movie.

You care about the story.

You go to a story driven video game.

This is me slowly dropping in that we’re going

to be moving on to Guardians of the Galaxy soon.

You care about the story.

Otherwise, you wouldn’t be playing a story based game.

Moments break up the film.

But if you have two tones fighting each other throughout the film.

So what we just had was serious action and lighthearted

comedy like ribbing each other back and forth.

Neither can it has a chance to sort of be the

big one and be successful because you need that big feeling to be successful.

Do you remember the movie Handcock?

So Handcock was Will Smith, pre-slapped.

He was a superhero.

He kind of had lost his way in the world.

He was drinking a lot.

It had two mini movies.

It had the first half of the film.

Was a film.

It was a comedy.

It was about this guy who was down and out but had superpowers.

The second one, it was supposed to be a redemption story.

But it changed tone.

It wasn’t funny anymore.

It was a completely serious action hero movie.

If they had stayed with any one of those themes

throughout, I bet they would have had a good movie.

If they’d stayed comedy the whole time, you would have had a good comedy movie.

If they’d stayed serious the whole time, maybe

with quips and stuff, every now and then, it probably would have been, I would say a

massive movie because that’s actually what Marvel does right now.

Marvel movies.

Everyone talks about how like Quippy and Funny They Are.

But if you actually watch the movie and like

take in the overall tone is almost always quite serious.

If I watch the Guardians of the Galaxy 2 movie,

volume 2, pre this podcast so I could have

a sense, how does the game relate to how the

video, to the movie, how does the video game

relate to the movie in their tone and do they have the same problems?

Guardians of the Galaxy 2, the movie, has very little comedy in it.

It has some standout scenes.

Those are all the scenes you’ll see in the commercials.

If you watch the commercials, you will actually

take in the entirety of the comedic offerings

of the second Guardians of the Galaxy movie.

And then I was also thinking about all my friends

have started playing Diablo, the new Diablo 4.

And I have never played Diablo, but I know that

one of the older games has a sort of easter egg.

It goes, there’s a side mission like a portal.

You can go to this other place.

Diablo is a very dark, heavy video game.

The tone is very depressed, it’s very heavy, everything is ominous.

Then it has this portal you can go through

and it’s level, it’s all cows and rainbows and green grass.

And it’s just a joke, it’s a little easter egg.

It came from a joke from a previous game.

That didn’t ruin the game because it was an

easter egg, it was a side bit, it was extra.

You actually could have passed right by it.

The only reason you would have gone there is

if you went their own purpose for a little surprise.

And a little surprise taking you out is awesome.

If that had become the second half of the

game, people would have hated it because it was inconsistent.

Then I thought, okay, what is a movie with

a consistent tone that’s trying to do a very similar thing.

And then I got to John Wick.

The first death of Six Underground demonstrates that nobody cares about anybody.

The world is unfeeling towards human life.

Human life does not matter.

But John Wick is the introduction of John Wick,

the character, he’s very sad, he gets a puppy.

The puppy represents the last vestige of hope

he has because it’s a gift from his recently deceased wife.

They spend nearly 20 minutes setting up that relationship.

It takes a really long time before any action

happens in John Wick if you really think about it.

Because they want to impress upon you the

audience, the incredible value of the life of that dog.

And it’s because that dog’s life in itself has a certain amount of value.

He’s showing that he cares about it.

I mean, at first he’s a little reluctant.

He doesn’t have dog food and stuff.

He doesn’t want to sleep on the bed.

Then of course he wakes up, it’s sleeping in the bed.

It’s all very cute and funny to be honest.

But what’s actually happening is they’re

saying, look, is the only person he’s ever loved is deceased.

She gave him this postmortem.

This is the thing that is pulling him out of

this state of depression and demise that he has fallen into.

Then the guys want to steal the car and then they kill the puppy just to be shitty.

But we as an audience know the value of that puppy to John Wick.

We know the value of it and therefore the impact of that death is more significant.

Therefore, the rampage he goes on for the rest of the film makes perfect sense.

He will not stop because you’ve taken away the only thing he cares about.

It’s just a puppy.

This, 600 grand, is supposed to be a team of

elite people who are all really good at their

jobs and they clearly don’t give a shit about each other.

So when someone dies, it’s like, I’m really the fuck cares.

There is supposed to be a redemption arc

for Ryan Reynolds where he cares at the end.

He starts out saying just leave him behind

but then at the end he’s got a new member who replaces the guy who died.

That guy’s like, I’m never going to leave

someone behind and then he goes, I don’t leave him behind.

I didn’t care.

Because the whole movie taught me that, yeah, does it really matter?

Because it doesn’t.

Because he’s just going to replace someone anyways because they’re just going to die.

Who gives a shit?

I’ve already mentioned 90s movies but it’s Quips and Death.

The only thing that was consistent in sort of 80s, 90s action movies was maybe, if the

hero wasn’t alone, he probably had a best friend.

That best friend died.

What they had done, sure, thousands of other Minion enemies had died around them.

But they had built up the relationships.

So if one of the main characters died, it was going to be significant.

They often didn’t do it in the first film.

It would have been the second film where a main

character, usually best friend or something

dies and that sets off the impetus for the

second film where it’s like a revenge fantasy kind of thing.

But they spent an entire film setting up that relationship.

Again, because back then in those films, they

understood that the relationship between those

characters has to be taught to the audience

as valuable so the break in that value becomes

meaningful, which is where six underground

fails in every aspect because nothing they did was meaningful.

Similar vein, last week I rewatch “Hurt

Locker” and in “Hurt Locker”, the first opening

scene has one death in it, but that sets up for the importance and the stakes of death

in that movie for the rest of the film because

they are very worked up about trying to keep

him alive and then they are very shattered when the first character dies.

And that teaches us as the audience what we are

supposed to care about for the rest of the film.

I have to pee.

You know there’s an average speed at which mammals pee.

It’s like 11 seconds is really normal.

So like an elephant pees on average for 11

seconds, a human pees on average for 11 seconds

and like certain dogs and stuff pee on average.

It’s not, I don’t remember the number exactly, but it’s something like that.

It’s an average, so of course you pee longer

and shorter sometimes, but the average amount

of time for almost all mammals is the same amount of pee time.

Science, someone studied that.

It’s kind of amazing.

Alright, so now we get to another sort of

complaint, again, teaching the audience what you’re supposed to care about.

Solo.

If you’re a Star Wars fan, solo is pretty offensive.

It’s offensive for me primarily because fuck

those writers who clearly did not understand

what they were talking about when they wrote this film.

Throughout the entirety of all the Star Wars

franchise, there is one consistent and is that Han Solo and Chubaka love each other.

They are best friends.

And this pissed me off so much.

This is supposed to be the solo story and of course

within that first story is how he meets Chubaka.

He gets thrown in a thing with a wookie and

they’re like, “Haha, the wookie is going to kill that guy.”

And then he speaks a little wookie and then

the wookie doesn’t kill him and then he helps

the wookie escape and they have a blood oath.

You save my life and therefore I will serve you.

That is not friendship.

That is slavery.

Now you can grow friendship out of that because

solo maybe he doesn’t think about, he doesn’t

have any sort of regard for blood oaths because that’s not part of his culture.

And he just treats Chubaka like an equal.

That actually seems to happen right away from the beginning.

But there is no moment where they demonstrate

that Han Solo and Chubaka love each other.

That Han Solo is willing to risk himself and

his life and all his choices for his friend.

Chubaka is very selfless.

But if he does selfless things what we’re actually

seeing is maybe he’s just doing it because of a blood oath.

There is one scene and it ruined the entire film for me because they’re in a mind.

There are wookies being forced to do work the

minds, they’re slaves and then they have a mission.

They have to go left to go finish the mission.

I don’t know, steal some data.

You go right and go save the wookies.

Han Solo and Chubaka in that film.

Chubaka is like, I gotta go save my people and then Han Solo

is like, we gotta finish the mission or they’re gonna kill us.

And then Chubaka is like, nah man, I gotta do this.

And then Han Solo is like, okay let’s split up.

You go save the wookies.

I will go get the data and finish the mission.

This was the singular missed opportunity to

establish the love between these two characters.

What you need to show is Han Solo being really, really torn up.

Like I have to finish the mission or they’re

going to kill us but my best friend here needs help.

What he should have done was said, fuck it.

Let’s go save your people.

And then if we have time we’ll go get the data together.

So you rewrite that scene where it’s like

Chubaka goes, hey we gotta go save the wookies

and Han Solo goes, no we gotta finish the mission

or they’re gonna kill us and wookies, Chubaka

is like, nah man, fucking wookies are being enslaved right now.

I’m not, I can’t stand for that.

And Han Solo going, we gotta get them, they’re

gonna kill us, we gotta do it, we gotta do the thing.

And then, fuck.

Okay, let’s go save the wookies.

He has that emotional tear where his love for Chubaka

overwhelms or is more valuable to him than his own life.

They go save the wookies and then the wookies

help them take over the data center and then they all escape together.

Good scene, good movie.

We’ve established for the rest of the film.

You don’t even need to do anything else.

You’ve established that Han Solo cares more

for Chubaka’s values than he does for his own life.

And that is what best French is all about.

So, to seem like being a little less than for you what French are up is all about.

So we’re gonna get to the Guardians of the

Galaxy game and everything I’ve said so far, fucking mosquito.

It’s the one who bit my bicep, you motherfucker.

Sorry, the distractions are running hard and fast today.

I need to give you sort of my gamer resume to start.

I think, I think that’s fair because you could

say you just don’t like video games and stuff.

And again, sort of my thing at the beginning

where Michael Bay makes movies for 13 year old boys.

And I think that’s a good thing.

I think that’s a good thing.

Suddenly has to go into the water because there’s

this whole sort of subplot of rocket hates to get wet.

He overcomes that fear for the team and stuff.

But I was like, this doesn’t make sense.

If it’s water and I have just been given

freeze powers, I should be freezing the water.

So again, inconsistency makes it difficult for me to care about what’s happening

because what I’ve been taught and what is actually happening don’t match.

Can you just shut the fuck up and do it?

So that is… Is everything about this sucks so much?

That you can hear… This is past the midpoint of the game, I’m pretty sure.

You can hear the despair I have at the fact that they are still talking.

One of my biggest complaints, again, messy.

Now, messy can come in a lot of ways.

There’s visually messy.

There’s a… Orally messy.

Guardians of the Galaxy, to me, is an orally messy game.

I care about what characters say.

I want to hear what the characters say.

I turn on subtitles even when I’m watching, even when I’m

playing a game, so that I don’t miss what characters say.

Because this game is a constant barrage of lines.

It means that the lines get mixed up so much that you actually

start to lose track of what they say is it important or not.

Because so much of what they say is trash, the

little gems of necessity in there get lost.

And all I can say at the end of this is, let’s see if I can hit that part again.

Can you just shut the fuck up and do it?

And to me that was almost my whole experience in Guardians of the Galaxy.

Is they spent so much time talking.

It was so unnecessary.

It was so laborious.

And they just never actually got to the fucking point.

No idea what the darn amount.

That’s fine.

These scenes are so long.

So I have no idea what they’re talking about, but that’s fine.

It’s not the reaction I should be having as a player.

I should care about what’s going on, but at this point, we’re chapter 13.

They’ve lost me completely.

I think I say in the next part what’s important.

Okay, we’re on chapter 13.

There are 13, 14, 15.

So there’s four full chapters left.

That’s how you know a game is good.

You start counting down the chapters to the end.

So what’s happened now is I’ve gotten past the midpoint.

So the point of no return.

I’m going to finish the game.

I’m now actually spite playing it.

I’m playing it because I want to find all the things I hate.

Because I knew I was going to do something like this.

I knew I wanted to do.

By the midpoint, I was like, I need to analyze why I’m

having such a negative visceral reaction to this game.

Because I actually have not hated a game as

much as Guardians of the Galaxy as in my life.

And remember, this is a game that everyone else seems to love.

It has a medocratic score of 80 and a user score of 8.7, which is 87.

That is ridiculous.

Why do I hate it so much?

That’s what I’m trying to get through.

The story itself gets lost in the amount of noise they make and it is constant.

During battles they’re talking, during cutscenes they’re talking.

And it becomes unnecessary to listen to them when they talk.

So you get into this problem where I don’t

care what they say even when it’s important.

Oh, okay.

No, I completely nonsensical once again.

You should never sigh like that when you’re playing a video game.

You should never be exhausted at the beginning or the end of a cutscene.

I was annoyed and tired when a cutscene started

and I was annoyed and tired when a cutscene ended.

Please lost track of what I’m doing to be honest.

Okay, this is, if you’re able to see the screen if you’re

watching on YouTube, a fairly low-key combat moment.

They have, on the screen right now, they have up in the corner.

It says marvelous. They have my health bar.

That’s all pretty normal standard stuff.

They have some green lights that’s health coming back to me.

They have neon flashes.

They have a health bar above the enemy.

This is only two enemies on the screen right now.

I punch him, he punches me.

There’s some guys battling the background.

And what I found very annoying is the visual noise on the screen all the time.

It made it very difficult for me to focus on enemies and what was going on.

You’re supposed to be managing your team as well.

And I found the team management to be laborious

because you had to basically step out of the game.

Click a button and step back in.

The screen was covered and shit the whole time.

And I remember when the first Destiny came out, it bugged me.

It was particle effects.

It was flashing lights.

It was all bright neon.

The screen lit up constantly.

This was clearly, I think this might have been designed for a new

generation of gamer who can take in all that visual information.

So this might be me admitting I’m old.

And maybe that’s where I’m wrong and the game is actually okay.

So all those people who love the game, they’re younger

people who actually like don’t care for all of your stimuli.

But I found that I wanted a better visual understanding

of what was going on on the screen all the time.

And you had to use the right weapon to take down certain shields and stuff.

Flashes, the whole screen turns green.

I’ve lost the ability to remember things.

And there’s one more actually.

Which takes us to the second last boss fight.

The second last boss fight happens in pitch black.

So they actually take everything off the screen.

It’s the exact opposite of what’s been happening the entirety of the game.

The entirety of the game.

Everything’s lit up.

Everything’s bright.

Everything’s flashing at you.

So I think the intent was that we’ll take all that away.

And then you’re going to be like you’ll lose track of the enemies.

It’ll feel very claustrophobic, something like that.

What I actually ended up happening was it was felt exactly the same.

Because overwhelming light and complete lack

of light end up being the exact same feeling.

I’m just trying to finish the game.

I just want to fucking get it over with.

I am waiting for the end of a chapter so I can stop though.

So I would have stopped like 10-15 minutes ago.

Jesus Christ.

Can these scenes go longer?

Can they fucking go longer?

If we just add another 30-40 minutes of this, be great.

And there it is.

A very sincere expression of frustration with

the fact that the cut scenes go on too long.

Because they’re just talking constantly.

Everyone has to have their say.

Everyone has to have their quip.

The Guardians of the Galaxy movie by comparison.

Because you could say maybe Peter, what you hate is Guardians of the Galaxy.

That’s not true.

I enjoyed the first movie.

I enjoyed the second movie.

I watched the second movie in preparation for making this video.

And what I found was there was significantly less dialogue, quipping,

and jokes in the Guardians of the Galaxy movie, then you would think.

Because the bits that stand out are the comedy.

The bits that stand out are the comedy because they are chosen.

The time is chosen.

So we’ve just had a very heavy scene.

We’re going to do this and then put in a scene with jokes.

And then we’re going to go out from that and go back

to honestly a very straightforward, serious film.

It’s primarily about man’s relationship with

his father, family, who you choose to be with.

It is heavy stuff.

As I said earlier, if you watch the commercials, if you watch

all the trailers for the second Guardians of the Galaxy movie,

you can watch the entirety of the comedic content in the trailers.

Everything else in the movie is relatively straightforward and serious.

This game failed at that part.

So I ended up clearly in the last part, incredibly

frustrated, because I care about what people say.

So I really want to hear what people say and I want it to be important.

And that is good writing.

You need to actually have people say things that mean stuff because it’s

telling me the audience what I need to think and feel going forward.

I regularly couldn’t hear or it was filtered out because there was

so much noise or it was filtered out because it was so constant.

There was so much constant talking that I actually didn’t hear what anyone said.

Too much is just as bad as not enough.

An inconsistent will mean there is no impact.

They were consistent in the volume, but not the quality.

The good bits and the bad bits, they were just all shit together.

Now I’m going to say that Guardians of the Galaxy, the video game is bad.

And I know people are going to say that your opinion is subjective, but

my opinion in this case is objective and if you disagree, you are wrong.

Let’s just see what Ryan Reynolds has to say about this.

None of us will be remembered.

None of us will be remembered in six underground

because it was an inconsistent shitty movie.

And I think Marvel’s Guardians of the Galaxy is going to

be very forgotten very soon because it’s a bunch of noise.

It’s a terrible game and I hate it so much that I

actually hope that developer doesn’t make another game.

I don’t know how to finish now.

I don’t think I wrote an ending.

I think I don’t wish anything bad on actual people.

Whoever was sitting down writing that game and

said, “So there must have been a production day.”

And they were like, “We need to have them speaking nonsensically,

constantly because that’s the nature of the character.”

Those guys were wrong and they shouldn’t be allowed to write anymore.

I don’t want them to not have jobs and not be able to eat and stuff.

I do want them to never write another script.

[Music].

Superhero Speculation

The comic mentioned in the podcast

[Music].

The name everybody knows, that’s Superman.

And it’s a question I’ve had since I was a kid, and it’s essentially how the

Superman fly.

In the early, early comics, which I haven’t read a lot of them, but I know

the very first few, just because I’ve read them on the Internet.

Superman doesn’t start flying. He starts by jumping, and that’s where you

get the leaps tall buildings phrase.

Just fine. So that’s something he’s learned how to do over time, is fly.

So it’s something he’s learned to control. It’s something he’s developed. It

‘s a skill, let’s say.

We also know that his physiology is very similar to humans. In that, he’s

got two legs, two arms, and his external body seems similar.

I did see a comic on the Internet where he was able to have sex with Lois

Lane, and his penis had pincers, and she was shocked.

It was a good comic. I’ll link to that if I can find it.

But basically, we could take that his internal systems are similar.

Of course, much more difficult to damage. He’s much stronger. But it’s never

been said that he has two hearts or four stomachs or anything particularly

unusual about him.

He’s just a humanoid. He is an alien, but basically he’s similar to us.

What I’ve always found interesting is that

he has to have some form of propulsion.

The only reason I know that is because he can change speeds. He can fly, and

then something exciting or dangerous happens, and he starts flying faster.

So there’s a push there, and it’s not coming from his arms. He puts his arms

out, and it seems more for stabilization purposes.

And his not like his legs, his legs seem to just trail behind him. He has

also been seen to hover.

And that to me was the clue as to what was going on, because then he’s

clearly not using his arms. He’s not using his legs because his legs have

actually seen images of him sort of in an almost a sitting position.

But his legs are not controlling, or his legs don’t seem to be controlling

his stable position in the sky.

So that means there is something pushing downwards to counteract gravity.

The image that came to mind was sort of those jump jets where the engines

pushed straight down, and then the wings turned and then they fly off.

We do know that one of his skills is what is referred to as super breath, so

he can blow out air really, really strong for a long time at a very, very

low temperature and freeze things.

And that would indicate that he has incredible control over the amount of

oxygen that goes into his body, which leads me to the conclusion that the

way Superman flies is by blowing air out his sphincter.

And that would also account for control speed. He could clench and it would

slow down and he could push harder and go faster.

When he’s doing his super breath, this is actually sort of a side issue. He.

does it for a very long time.

And we know that his lungs don’t have infinite capacity simply because they

‘re contained within his body, which means if he’s blowing for an extended

period, he has to be taking that air from another source, which makes me

think that he’s pulling air in through

his butt and blowing it out his mouth .

And the reverse could be true. He’s

taking air in through his mouth and nose.

and blowing it out his anus. And that is how Superman could fly.

Now, no one in the comics is ever complained about a smell because that

would lead to too many questions. I think

there are two possible reasons for this.

One, there’s the imminent threat of violence. I mean, you’re not going to

walk up to what is essentially a god on earth and telling him that when he

flies around, it really stinks.

But more logically, because it’s not really a fart, it’s not like student is

stomach, it’s just air blowing through

it, wouldn’t really have any smell at all.

Or because of his alien physiology, it smells great. It could smell like

mint. Superman flies by and there’s a nice minty aroma afterwards, which

would be great.

In one conversation, I even suggested that perhaps he farts ozone and is

therefore repairing the ozone layer as he flies around.

People have come up with counter arguments, but they always start bringing

in some pretty fantastic elements, whereas

this is a very basic solution to the problem.

And it takes into account his physiology

being similar to a human’s and does.

explain how he can modulate his speeds.

If you have a counter theory, please

feel free to post it and I’ll ignore that.

Wolverine. So he’s a mutant and that’s where he gets his healing abilities.

And we also know that in his forearms, there are sort of extra bones that

can come out and act like claws.

Later on as part of a military experiment, they decided to cover his whole.

skeleton in adamantium, which is cool because now he has like silver blades

that come out the front of his hand.

He was able to survive this process primarily because of his amazing healing

ability. It leads me to one question, which is why are his teeth not silver?

Because if they covered his whole skeleton in adamantium, why would you stop

at covering his teeth?

So we’re talking about his spine, his skull, his arms, his legs, all those.

bones. And it would seem like it would be more difficult to cover parts of

his skull rather than the whole skull, which would include his teeth.

So it seems to me that Wolverine should have

silver teeth. And that’s pretty much it.

The Hulk’s rapid expansion and contraction when he changes from Bruce Banner

to the Hulk. And the first question is when he goes from what seems to be an

average sized man to essentially a colossus of sorts, where does all that

material come from?

Now I actually came up with an interesting answer for this because it

actually what I really want to talk about is the second part.

But I have two ideas. One, it’s a form of photosynthesis, which is why he’s

green, which ties that in together really nicely because it gives him a

reason for being green as opposed to

the fact that that was just a cheap ink .

Or he just absorbs the water and material in the air around him. So he’s

just absorbing oxygen and hydrogen and water and anything that’s in the air

to convert that rapidly into new material,

which is what his body is composed of.

Most of our body is composed of water anyways. So just taking water from the

air and expanding your muscles and stuff would actually make a certain

amount of sense.

That’s great. So I could actually accept either of those answers. I’m sure

there’s some other ones to be great, but material just doesn’t happen. It.

just doesn’t exist out of nothing.

That leads to a slightly more disturbing secondary question of where does

all that material go after he shrinks down again.

The process of him going from being the Hulk to Bruce Banner again takes

only a matter of seconds. So that extra material has to be flushed out of

his system really quickly.

And that is sort of my first clue as to what should happen. Because to me in

my head, because it’s probably water or something like water, amino acids

and stuff, it’s liquid.

And we don’t see him vomit, although I think that would actually be really

appropriate.

To me, it seems that when the Hulk shrinks down into Bruce Banner, he should

almost instantaneously take a massive pee. Or probably more realistically,

he should take a massive liquid poop.

Now no one wants to see that. No one wants to draw that into a cartoon. And

that’s fine. But my thinking is that the

matter has to be absorbed into his body.

He becomes huge when he shrinks down.

That matter has to be disposed of. And.

that’s again, it’s something really gross that one of the things that they

don’t want to add into a column for kids.

Now one of my co-workers actually started discussing quantum states and the

distance between atoms and how that we are made up of mostly nothing.

Which is a fair claim. I didn’t like it

because it wasn’t as funny as taking.

a poop. But I brought that as a question

to a friend of mine who studied physics.

And he brought up the issue of if that’s how he expands and contracts, there

are two issues. One is the massive instability it would create.

And that would basically mean that he could be when expanding. He could just

keep expanding and explode. It would be like a nuclear bomb.

That would be an interesting story because it could be if he gets too angry.

So he gets angry and that sets off this process. If he gets too angry, it

just keeps going and he gets bigger and bigger and bigger. I actually don’t

know if that’s what happens.

So does the level of anger change how much of a hulk he becomes? It doesn’t

seem that way. It seems he becomes just state A gets angry and then state B.

The more terrifying aspect of this is when he shrinks down, he should

generate a massive amount of heat and just burn the whole area around him

because all that all that energy has to go somewhere because as he contracts

that the problem occurs that that energy has to go somewhere.

So it’s the same problem as I have earlier. Only I was using sort of

physical matter. If you do it with just

energy, that energy still has to go somewhere.

So yeah, every time he shrinks down, just a massive burn whole around him

and anyone close to him dies. Kind of interesting, to be honest.

Or, and this was the most interesting part to me was that if he collapsed

and just kept collapsing, he could actually become a singularity and develop

into a black hole.

So, this stability becomes a big issue when you start messing with quantum

space. And again, my coworker said that he’s a unique individual but humans

by nature change over time.

And that’s what my physicist friend said, which means yes, he was stable

when it happened at first, but over time his state would change, therefore

making him more unstable.

Which, to be honest, he’s a great storyline. So if Marvel wants to pick that

up, you know, just all I want is a finder’s fee. I don’t really, I don’t

expect a huge payday for this.

But again, if you have any theories as to what happens when the Hulk

particularly shrinks, it’s a bit I’m more interested in. I’d like to see it

in the comments.

[Music].

Elden Quiz

Quiz available at : https://chunkmcbeefchest.com/other/Eldenringquiz.pdf

What you’re about to watch or listen to is a quiz done by Mr. Warmhands for

me about the video game,

Elden Ring, Elden Ring, part of the Dark Souls universe. It is known for its

esoteric storytelling.

I spent more than 130 hours in this game. There may be spoilers. I just want

to be aware of that.

But probably not because most of the time I don’t know anything. That’s

actually kind of the point

of the quiz. I spent a huge amount of time in this world, took in everything

and yet took in nothing.

The quiz is going to be made available at chunkmobvchest.com. If you’d like

to download it and

play it with your friends, we’re absolutely

welcome to. These enjoy the quiz .

So we are bidding everyone a welcome to Stamina Day. May 14th is of course

everyone knows Stamina

Day, where you dodge roll out of bed and enjoy the first eye frames of the

day and then go and

praise the sun. I have my estus flask full of isoom estus. What is the

liquid they put in it?

I don’t actually know. Mr. Warmhands is with me. Hello. Hello. Hello. Do you

know that estus is

your calories? I did not. Wow. She drink more. Yeah. I mean, you drink it

all the time. He

don’t gain any weight. It’s great. I’m always worried about running out

though. I don’t know if it’s.

it. I’m just gonna wait. To wait for the bonfire. We celebrate. On Stamina

Day, we celebrate all builds.

Be they decks or strength or magic. Not so much arcane. You must collect

your souls, your echoes,

your runes. They’re all the same thing but they’re all different. I

celebrate souls more than anything

else because I am orthodox. Mr. Warmhands, what what what what what den

omination are you? I am of

the blood echoes. Oh blood echoes. Yes. There’s also the room room

collectors but of course on Stamina

Day, all are welcome. We all celebrate the

same thing. It needs to challenge ourselves.

And my understanding is that you, brother Warmhands, have prepared a game

for me today.

Challenge me. Is it challenging? Oh yeah. Okay. Oh yeah. Get ready to resp

awn many times.

Fuck. Because okay, we can establish one thing beforehand. I’m not I’m dumb.

Well, I’m not dumb.

I think I think the way my brain stores information is different. Right?

Because like I remember,

so we’ve talked about many games and many many movies. I have I understand

everything but I also

understand nothing. Is that makes sense? You’re like a skim reader of life.

Oh maybe. Yeah.

But I do I do. I have noticed that I recontextualize everything so that I

can remember it.

So the classic being when you talked about

the lady in the library, the big tall lady.

Yeah, but let’s not bring that up yet. Oh, I was because this was a one of

Mr. Blumentkats.

We’re not going to get to it. Okay. We’re going to get to it. Before we

start, drag just dropped in.

Hello, drag. I don’t want to ignore you. But we’re going to play an Elden

Ring quiz game.

Feel free to drop your answers in. I bet drag. He’s like new game plus 75 or

something.

Yeah. What denomination of the soul’s faith

is he? Yes. Are you orthodox dark souls?

Are you sort of one of the newer denominations? Are you bloodborne? I assume

you’re Elden Ring.

Because he seems to have played Elden Ring like a billion times.

He literally could walk me to things when I was playing and I got lost.

Yeah, I worship at the healing church. Oh,

the healing church is pretty good though.

I do love some. So because I started and it was the whole process for me

started with I played Dark Souls

two, one and three in that order because I got Dark Souls two super cheap

and I heard it was

essentially the worst one. So I played it first and if I figured if I liked

that, I would like the

other ones even more. And then I played Dark Souls one and then I played

Dark Souls three.

Oh, drag says he is Elden only. So he is a room collector.

Well, please, if you have time to hang out, please hang out and enjoy Mr. W

ormhands has made a quiz

and we’re going to quiz my knowledge of Elden Ring knowing that I at this

same time know everything.

and nothing. I’m very zen. Yeah. It’s very yin Yang of me to know everything

and nothing. So.

what format is the game? Is this multiple choice? There are five rounds.

And they are based on categories. It is not multiple choice. But there are

multiple answers that you

can give and you don’t have to give all of them. Oh, excellent. Oh, I might

actually have a chance then.

Yeah. So this is challenging but fair, much like the more life that we live.

And oh, I have just realized I do not have a method of keeping your score.

You can drop it into chat. I can drop it into chat. Well done. I do have a

method of keeping score.

Yeah. And then it’s public too. So everyone

can see how shit I am at everything.

Which is what we’re here for. Again, we’re celebrating the constant deaths

you have to experience

before you succeed. And that is how I live all life. That’s right. If only

you had that super power.

Yes, actually, that is the best one. Do

you know that in all the Soulsborne games,

your death is actually permanent? It’s like a alternate. Well, yeah, they

established that you live

in a multiverse. So when you die, that is the end of that story. And then

when you’re reborn,

you’re reborn in a whole new universe from the same point, which is why

everything is the same,

but slightly different. And then you can move on to succeed. So think about

every single death.

in a Soulsborne game is actually the end of that universe in a way. Because.

that universe does

not succeed. You don’t get to the final challenge. However many deaths I had

in Elden Ring,

the fate of those worlds is in jeopardy.

Yeah. Are you ready? I am full of estus.

Full of estus. Vigged up. I’ve buffed myself. All right. I’m ready. Then let

‘s begin with round one.

Oh, nice name. Row, what? Name already failed. I know. Okay. Before we start

, I think I know two names.

Wow. Well, we’re going to put two names. He’s not going to get you very far,

my friend.

Shit. All right. Let’s go. Let’s do it. Question number one. Name three. Sh

ardbearers.

Shardbearers are those. Okay. Okay.

No, no, no, no, no. There’s, there’s, uh ,

dude in the castle. Dude in the castle. Dude in the castle. So there’s,

there’s, there’s, uh, I think

is God freed. Is he stand outside or he’s in the castle? No. Fuck. Uh, there

‘s the dude in the castle

has one. There’s the dude stands outside

the door of the castle. He’s a twat.

. He’s, he pulls, he

is a twat. He pulls his arm off and puts a dragon on and he was just

absolute disliked him a lot.

There’s Rani. Yes. Does she not have a shirt? That’s literally like the kids

of the Elden God.

All right. So you’ve given me two attempts so far and failed on both. Okay.

I’m going to tell you

there are seven. Sh, fuck. You haven’t named, you were close with one of

them. God, no, Rani. No. How

was Rani? No, how can I be close with one if I only named two? It’s God

something. God, Rick. Oh,

okay. We got one. Oh, that is actually better than I expected. I know, I

know a lot of the naming

conventions use G and M for, for George R. Okay. Um, God freed. God, Rick.

God, Rick also.

No, two names. That’s one. The chicken library. The chicken, the library.

Okay. She’s, she’s big magic

baby. Yeah. Okay. What’s a real name? I know, Clue. I, because I know what

you’re trying to say when

you said it earlier, but you’re not quite there. Not big magic baby. No, but

you still got five more.

There’s no way I don’t have five names from the game. No, no. Final answer.

Yeah. God, right. So God,

Rick, you get, you get one point out of three. Okay. One point out of three.

Your answers could have been.

I’m already in fractions. Renala, who is big magic baby? Big magic baby. Yes

. Renala, I knew that.

General Radan. Oh, he’s big man, small horse. Big man, small horse. Yes.

Okay. He’d have had

Reichard. Oh, I kind of know who he is. Yeah. Snakey, body, boy, shelter.

Okay. Yeah. Yeah.

Snakeman. Yeah. More God. More God is a name I have heard many times. Is he

the, the castle?

He’s the dude who stands outside the castle, the first like big boss you

fight. Yeah. He’s called

Marget then. And he is not the Shard bearer. It’s more God who is in the

throne room of,

oh, it’s the same dude outside and inside. Yeah, but it’s, yeah. No, yeah.

Okay. Then you have

Malania. Or Malania, I know, but I keep calling her Melania for Trump’s wife

. Melania. Yeah.

Melania is right. I think Melania. Melania. Melania. Okay. Whatever. And

then you also have Mogue.

Ah, Mogue is the big, the big dude. Corns. Essentially the devil, yeah. Yeah

. The blood guy. Yeah. Okay. Okay.

So those are the seven you could have had. Okay. It’s three I wanted. Yes.

No, no chance.

All right. So question number two. Yes.

Is that round one? There’s still round one.

Fuck. Still round one. Name three areas.

Oh, Kaly. There are so many. There ‘s Kaly.

Kaly. Okay. Good. There’s a Lauren. The run. No, there’s the volcano castle.

It’s an area. No, I’m gonna take it. Oh, okay. The volcano manor is the,

okay. There we go. The volcano manor.

Is, is on the snowy giant area. So there’s a giant peak.

And snowy giant’s peak. It just sounds

weird. These extra snowy giant’s peak .

It is the giant plateau. It is, there is a plateau. There is a plateau. It’s

not giant.

There is, there is the capital city.

Okay. What’s its name? Capital city. No .

The capital, the, the capital, the, the, the capital. There’s the, okay. You

start out in the planes.

This is, oh gosh. Show you how my brain works. We start out in the planes

and we go to the area

off to the left is the, the, the swamp. And then there’s sort of that like

wet area with the

university. And then you go up to mountains at the top and you have like the

, the very nice,

when you get up that, that big elevator that I didn’t go up, I actually went

around behind.

That’s the plateau. Atlas plateau. Oh, we found three. I’m excellent. We got

three. I don’t even know

why I remember Atlas all of a sudden. It’s not like I ever used that name.

Well done. I’m pretty proud

of myself. So once I thought you might have remembered where like Limgrave,

which is the planes

that you were talking about. Then the swampy

castle areas, Learnia of the lakes. Okay.

Farum Azula. Oh, so Learnia is probably Laurent in my head for some reason.

Then the capital is Lindell. Lindell. Okay. Yeah. And then you’ve got like

the deep root depths.

Where’s kind of a popular area? Like, wow. Very low underground. Obviously.

Oh yeah, no, no, no. Okay,

I spent a lot of time there. The eternal city. The eternal city. It is. It

is that last forever.

Yes. Then there was Ansel River. I thought you might remember too. No. All

right. No, it’s just

the river. Well, but I’m impressed. Okay. Three. Well done. Oh, no, I’m

pretty happy about that.

All right. So last, last question in round

one. Okay. I’m ready. Name three NPCs.

Millicent. Millicent. Okay. Because she was the last one. I actually really

cared about trying to

finish her mission. A quest, yeah. There’s

the salesman, no face guy at the beginning.

I finished his questline too. He was just sales dude. Well, don’t drag, drag

through it.

Ronnie, she’s not an NPC though. She’s like a quest giver. She’s like big.

Maybe the way I think

about NPCs is different. There’s the Chiku eats eyes. There’s Millicent.

There’s the Chiku sits

around the wolf. There’s the daughter who dies. She wants you to go in and

say hello to the jelly

fish and shit. She turns into a jellyfish later. Her dad, there’s the guy

you meet. He’s a nobleman

and he kind of looks down on you because you’re tarnished and then you go to

his castle and his

castle is all like wrecked. Okay. I’m not getting any names here. No, no, no

, no, no, no. I’m working on

it because maybe one will come to me. This salesman. They’re the one that

drags mentioning at the

church and the one that you mentioned that you first meet. Then you do his

quest, not the same person.

No, they’re not. Yeah, I’m pretty sure he’s talking about one that begins

with K and you’re

talking about one that begins with a different letter. Not K. Yeah. I’m just

trying to get a list of

NPCs that I, oh, oh, there’s a wolf boy. He’s like big. He’s important. He’s

runny’s dude. She’s

like a piece of her soul is all in him or vice versa. He’s made for her. But

the truth is I was made

for her and he, he’s just second here in the way. Yeah. Yeah. Oh god damn.

He’s not Wolfenstein,

which is what I was going to do. When I played the game, it was like go find

Wolfenstein and I,

I had it locked in. You’ve got one so far. There are many. I’ve been like

eight down, but there’s so many.

Yeah, no, no, I bet I know them all. I just don’t know their names. There’s

big round dude. There’s

the big jarhead guy. Yeah. A patch is in there. Okay, I’ll take, because he

‘s in every game. So I can

always just say patches. Yeah. You’re on two. I got two and I got to get one

more. And I’m not

going to say runny because drag put it in the chat. But ranny is an NPC.

Absolutely. Yeah, she,

I, because I, I considered her more important than an NPC. Only because, oh,

and then there’s,

there’s fade in fade out chick who talks to you at the, at the fires. She

legit fades in and

fades out when you talk to her. Oh, can you don’t remember her name? She

tries to give you a car.

Yeah. Yeah. No, she does. She does give you a car. Yeah. And the cold sir,

sir, sir canter’s a lot.

Second is a lot. Yeah. I do know his name is Torrent. Is Torrent an NPC? No,

he’s, I wouldn’t count him

as an NPC. He’s got any with you the whole time. That’s not. No, Mildred. M

ildred. I feel, oh, I

didn’t write her down, but I feel like Mildred is an NPC. I just remember

that name, not who she is.

This is literally the opposite. I remember everyone else in not their name.

I remember this name,

but not who that is. No, I think she is the one who does your, no, no, maybe

not, no, I’m not

finding it. Elder Mildred. Well, if Ronnie’s

an NPC, then Chubby Sorcerer is also an NPC.

There is an invader who’s called Manita Mildred. No, okay. So that’s it.

Because I remember her,

I’ve been here. Because you have to fight her three times to get something.

I’m not counting her.

Okay, fair enough. Because MPCs, you generally kind of don’t fight, right?

Yeah, the shithead’s

Sorcerer who works for Ronnie. Oh, yeah. I’m just going through all the ones

I kind of dealt with.

There was the Sorcerer who, the lady who teaches you magic underground. Yeah

, she gets killed. There’s

a guy hunting her. Oh, there’s the Dung Eater. Oh, okay. That’s a name I can

‘t even think of a name

because he is just the Dung Eater. Less his name. Yeah, the Dung Eater. I

know. I know. But I couldn’t

have made up a better name because that was literally sort of my name and

convention. He actually

follows it. It’s not a name. It’s like a description of what he is. Yeah.

The guy I think you were talking

about at the beginning with the white mask. Yeah, he wears a mask and he’s

the first person you talk to

when you get in. His name’s Vare. Oh, yeah.

Then Wolf and Stein is Blife. Bl ife. Blife?

It’s Swells. It’s spelled B-L-I-D-D, but it’s pronounced Blife. Oh, okay.

Then… Never caught on to that. Smithing

Master Hug. I thought you’d remember him.

Smithing Master Hug is

pretty… I really liked him too. And then there’s also that big tall black

Smith who EG. Yeah, who also

works for… Yeah, it’s like a Japanese name. Yeah. I actually, I might have

remembered him if I

remembered. Okay. So these are the ones I thought you might remember. And

then the Ieating Lady was

Hayata. Hayata. Now that you’re saying the name, I’m like, yes, that’s

correct. Then there was the

deathbed maiden who’s called Fia. Yeah, and you hug her. Yeah, and there was

D. Who’s D? D

we had the Wiyadama with the body on it. Oh, with the head on it. Oh, yeah.

I never interacted with

him in any real way. Oh, and then standing across from him was the other

sorcerer dude who got

kicked out of school. No, that’s from a church. There’s a there’s a sorcerer

you can meet and he got

kicked out of the university and he couldn’t get back in because of the

shield. And then you can

let him back in. But I never met him again. Yeah, that’s not… He’s not in

the roundtable hole.

No, no, I’m confusing to people because there’s another sorcerer and then he

like starts wandering out

in the world. You can meet him a couple times, but he never… He’s called

…Ops. Yeah, he never did

anything significant that from in my playthrough. Well, if you’re in the

academy, you can find another

key into the academy. You can go back and give it to him. What to him? Yeah,

I gave it… I got the

I got the guy who was who was locked out. I got him back in. Yeah, and then

you find him dead inside

the academy layer. Oh, yeah. If you give him the key. Yeah, I’m kind of glad

. Oh, well, I never saw him

again. There was Roger, sorcerer, Roger. Yes. Yeah, there was Bok. Seems,

seems, seems to Bok.

I like him. Yeah. He’s the Harry Potter guy, the little like… The little

ratty. Yeah, yeah, I like

him actually quite a lot. And then there was floaty, it disappearedy lady.

Come on. Melina. Melina.

Then I think the names are too similar, maybe, is one of the issues. I think

you just skimmyed life.

I do my own my own short form of existence.

So round one total, you got seven,

about a nine, not bad. That’s a past,

though, yeah. I mean, we’re just going on…

This is whatever. Yeah. We’ll just say

how many points you get. It doesn’t …

Oh, I know. It’s a game. It’s fun. Yeah. All right. And this one, I had a

lot of fun making this one.

I had a lot of fun making this one. And I don’t know how you’re going to do.

I guarantee poorly.

Round two is enemy or metal band. I’m

ready. I’m so ready for this. So number one,

Miss Begotten or Pig Destroyer.

Yeah.

Am I supposed to say they’re both enemies

or ones in enemy and ones in metal ?

One is an enemy, one is a metal band. And you have to tell me the enemy.

Miss Begotten is a metal band. You are incorrect, my friend.

Fuck. Pig Destroyer is the enemy. It’s the metal band.

And Miss Begotten is… Okay. Okay.

Yeah. You’ve got those Leoni Miss Begotten who jumps around, gives you that

sword with the big swords, like the Game of Thrones reference sword.

Yep. Yep. Okay.

All right. Number two.

Ready. I am ready now. Okay. Black tongue or mad pumpkin head.

Mad pumpkin head is an enemy.

You got that one. Correct, my friend. I’ll put some dings in as well.

Yeah. It’s a celebration. Celebratory sounds or something or some dings.

All right. Number three. Oh, I did my ad. That’s fine.

Number three. Warhawk or hate beak.

That’s tough. Warhawk. Yeah. Or hate beak. Yes.

I think warhawk is an enemy. My friend, you are correct.

Yes. Okay.

I am not a parrot.

This is pretty good. I’m enjoying this. I’m having a good time.

I’m enjoying this. This is a… I’ll type this up afterwards and we can post

it on the Internet for people other

people to do. Okay. All right. Number four.

Vale of Maya or Miranda Sprout. Vale of Maya is an enemy.

My friend, you are incorrect.

It’s tough. Vale of Maya is a metal core band. Okay. Metal core.

As in… they’re all metal cores.

Okay. As in the center of them is Isian.

Yeah. Yeah. I sent you that dwarf metal.

I’d already heard it, but yeah. I loved it. Yeah. Okay. You can’t surprise

me with metal.

I didn’t think I could. I just enjoyed… I discovered it.

No, it’s fun. There’s a lot of subcategories

Ginned Up Hearing

Back last February 15th, I did an episode called 5G Flat Coke.

And in that episode, I talked about the

conspiracy theory behind the TikTok algorithm.

The conspiracy theory behind the TikTok algorithm was that it serves up

different content to different regions.

So in China, the algorithm serves up science and technology to make Chinese

kids think that’s cool,

but they’ll pursue those things, it’ll be popular, and then make Chinese

culture like sort of raise it up.

The alternative to that was in America, it serves Booty shaken and dumb

stuff to nullify any positive effects and bring down Western culture.

Now that actually was before I realized that the TikTok app is not available

on mainland China.

So I didn’t actually know that when I was actually doing that thing.

So we’re talking about TikTok and

congressional hearings, which is peak content.

Actually right now TikTok congressional hearing problem, I’m probably a week

late for that.

You got to be like on it and I’m not because I actually want to see all the

stuff and then talk about it.

So the conspiracy theory that it’s serving different content in China and

America can’t be true because the app itself is not available in China.

Therefore, that element cannot be true.

My theory was that different regions have different likes and stuff, so the

algorithm is altered for each region, which makes sense just from a business

standpoint.

And a lot of the things I talked about in that episode of Seeming B was that

a lot of conspiracy theories can either be explained by economics or the

impossibility of having that many people just keep their mouth shut.

That’s actually the other issue that comes up.

So before we get into it, TikTok itself.

So the TikTok ban, this congressional hearings about like, is the apps

buying on people trying to ban it from America essentially is what they were

talking about.

Why is this come about and what do I think about it?

Well, it’s come about primarily again because of economics.

The thing they’re not saying is TikTok is taking all the ad revenue away

from other companies like Google and Facebook

and all these other sort of competitors.

It is just undermined them significantly.

And no one’s actually going to come

out and say that part, this is about money.

Four years ago, there was a congressional hearing about Google.

What was the problem with Google?

Google was making all the money.

So they talk about national security and stuff.

Realistically speaking, I don’t think any of that’s true.

They’re talking about this company is taking too much of the market share.

This company is making too much money. We need to sort of claw some of that

money back to make sure it stays in American hands.

That is really all this congressional hearing is about.

So if your company is too successful and it’s not American, I think that

might be the primary issue.

Does TikTok the app spy on you?

Yes, but so does every other app that exists.

So if you have Facebook, Facebook tracks you, if you use Google, Google

tracks you, if you use TikTok, TikTok tracks you,

there is no situation where a social media based company or a company that’s

relying on the revenue via information is not trying to track you as much as

humanly possible.

So in the clips I’m going to play, they talk about how you know they they it

‘s all sort of user based stuff.

They are trying to talk around the issue that yes, we’re trying to get as

much information in these humanly possible without actually letting on to

people how much information we have collected.

That’s sort of the issue. So opting out is always one of the first issues.

Like when you’re given a new service, usually you’re automatically opted

into certain tracking systems.

And then you have to opt out, which makes it that much harder because people

don’t read those things.

They just click yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, move on.

I want to play with my new app.

Usually agreeing to have everything on your phone tracked.

And that’s not a TikTok thing.

That is a computer company thing.

Does it spy?

Does it?

Can it be used by the Chinese to spy on people?

I don’t know.

I mean, honestly, it could.

I know that your microphone can be turned on remotely, incredibly easily by

almost anyone.

I know pretty much every government has a legal system to make that happen.

Like basically in America, I think you just get a warrant and then if they

can get the right warrant at the right time, they can turn on your mic.

They can turn on your camera.

They can see all this stuff.

You see it in movies all the time, like

they start listening in on conversations.

That’s not actually a hard thing to do.

I couldn’t do it.

I’m not that technologically adept.

But I know that the people who do know these things, they know how to do it.

Should TikTok be banned?

Is an interesting question because I

think if you have a government issue phone,

I don’t believe there should be any social media apps.

I actually think if you have a government issue phone that you shouldn’t be

allowed to put any app on it that isn’t already put on by the government,

essentially, you as a user shouldn’t be allowed to use those phones.

You shouldn’t be allowed to alter those phones.

That to me would be the most basic level of security.

I read an article about a week ago and was talking about how the Pentagon is

struggling because people in the Pentagon are so horny,

they keep putting Tinder on their government issued phones.

Is Tinder tracking you?

Absolutely.

It’s got to use your location to be able to

tell you where the other horny people are.

So that’s sort of the first problem is

users keep putting stuff on their phone.

I don’t think it matters if it’s TikTok

or Tinder or Facebook or anything else.

Every single one of those apps tracks you in some way.

Every one of those apps could be exploited in some way.

God damn it.

There he is for you.

There he is just looking mighty in the background.

So I should actually change my shift so that I work in the evening more and

then stream in the morning because everyone just dropped in real quick.

It says I only have one viewer but like three or four people have already

dropped in and out.

Dave looks like he’s trying to think of what to do next.

Well, dude.

I got to do the podcast.

I actually believe if you work for the government you probably shouldn’t be

bringing your personal phone with you into government buildings.

But that’s a bit extreme on my side.

I know you do probably need to have stuff for like personal emergencies and

things like that and contact information.

So that’s all very important for businesses.

And look at that.

That peak I just hit for businesses.

For businesses, I think again, if a company

says don’t have TikTok on your phone.

If it’s a company issued phone, it’s their phone not yours.

I think that’s a fair agreement to make.

Companies saying that you can’t bring your personal phone

into the building or whatever.

Again, I think that’s kind of their prerogative.

You as a company or you as an employee could agree and or disagree

with the actual policy.

That’s to be worked out between individuals and the company.

But I can understand a company taking that stance.

Like say we have some R&D or something.

We don’t want phones that are going to be tracked.

It could be put on or any sort of security in that room in that building.

I think that’s a fair thing for them to make.

Now should TikTok be banned nationally in America?

I think the core issue there is America

has based all of its ideas and policies

on the idea or the concept of personal freedom.

So turning around and saying that you cannot use this app

because the government doesn’t like this app is counterintuitive

to what a lot of these government officials say America stands for.

So personal freedoms dictate that if I want to use a Chinese-made phone

tracking system, oh my god, look at this,

what I have right here, it’s my phone.

It’s actually a Huawei.

China is probably listening right now.

So once they give me that boost and actually get me the audience in China,

that one billion people will be fine, I’ll be making tons of money.

But the premise is that if this is what I want to do as an American citizen,

then I should be allowed to do it.

That is personal freedom.

If I want to carry an AK-47 with a smartphone

tied to the end that has TikTok on it,

should be allowed to do it.

That is the premise.

Jade has just put that law in the US is actually nightmare fuel.

It could restrict so many freedoms.

I mean, the irony is the clips I’m about to play as examples for how bad

these congressional

hearings are is that it’s mostly Republicans

who talk about freedom the most ,

but then spend all their time trying to restrict others’ freedoms.

I think we all know that’s true as an irony.

We’ve all watched a daily show and all these other shows.

But why am I focusing on this?

And it’s primarily because in Japan, about four years ago,

it had the Minister for Cybersecurity.

And then he was put into place and then it came out in the news that the

Minister for Cybersecurity didn’t know how to use a smartphone.

Not that he wasn’t good at it, did not know how to use it.

Basically, I don’t know if he didn’t know

how to use like the fingerprint scanner,

didn’t know how to use a touch panel, something like that.

Basically, he could not use his smartphone. And when this came to light,

everyone’s like, well, how can you be in charge of cybersecurity?

If you don’t know anything about technology,

he said, I only have to make decisions.

So if I want someone to use the phone, I tell them to use the phone.

So essentially saying, I’m so important.

I don’t need to know stuff to be able to govern effectively.

But the problem is he’s supposed to be in charge and governing technology

and making rules about technology, but how can you make rules about

something you don’t understand?

So I went back and I watched the TikTok hearing, not the whole thing.

It’s like five hours long.

But the highlights showed up really quickly.

I went back and thought, like, there’s other congressional hearings with

similar things have happened.

So I went back four years ago and watched the Google technology hearing.

And I wanted to see if there was sort of

any overlap or similarities between the two.

So let’s get to that because that’s

really the entertainment we have for today.

So we have Mr. Jordan, I believe he’s a Republican.

And this is back four years ago when they

do, they’re talking to what’s his name?

Chai. Yeah.

They’re talking to Sundar Pichai, who is the CEO of Google at the time.

I don’t know if he is now or not.

But they’re basically trying to find out like what Google does, how the

algorithm works.

Basically, they’re very angry that when you search for things about Trump,

all this negativity comes up.

So the premise of this isn’t about freedom.

It isn’t really about doing things the right way.

This is primarily about the fact that

every time we search stuff about Trump ,

a whole bunch of negativity comes up.

And why have you not fixed that for us already and made it so that Trump

only looks good?

Iliana Marillo is Google’s head of multicultural marketing.

Does Ms. Marillo do good work?

I’m not directly familiar with her work, but she’s an employee of Google and

, you know, we are proud of her employees.

Your head of multicultural marketing said

you were pushing to get out the Latino vote,

paying for ride to the polls for the Latino vote only in key states.

And you’re saying that’s not accurate?

Yes, that’s right. We haven’t found any evidence to substantiate any.

So she just made it.

Okay, so that’s the first thing.

Is this is you swear an oath when you join one of these congressional

hearings that you’re

going to tell the truth, the whole truth, all that stuff. But if you lie

under oath, that’s perjury. So he’s

going to be committing a crime if he lies.

And this is the CEO of Google. He’s not

a dumb man. He knows what he’s doing .

He knows how this works. He knows if he lies and he gets caught, he actually

could get in trouble.

Now, I think the reality is congressional hearings. I have never heard of

anyone getting arrested

as immediately as they walk out of the door. But you have our friend, Mr.

Jordan, at the speaker,

he said, is this true? Now, Mr. Pichai has just said, no, that’s no true.

They haven’t found any evidence to substantiate that she made it up.

Well, so he was interrupted.

Google looked into this and they did not find any evidence that what the

congressman is saying is actually true.

I did up out of thin air the day after the election, wrote this email to

your top executives, and it’s not true.

Congressman, I’m happy to follow up, but I think employees today do their

own activities.

No, what’s the follow up? I want the

real answers right here in this committee.

He’s actually laughing at him like he’s caught him. But what is actually

happening is Mr. Pichai

set up a pretty interesting dichotomy. He’s like, we looked into this, we

didn’t find it.

Mr. Jordan did not accept that as an answer, just might the fact again if he

could prove it was

perjury. But Mr. Pichai has also gone and said, look, these are people and

they do stuff outside of

Google. So maybe they did something outside

of Google that we have no control over.

Again, that sort of takes you back to the personal freedom thing. What they

do at the company,

what they do outside the company are necessarily the same thing. This isn’t

the dumbest thing, but the guy

has, again, they’ve been fed information. And the guy is just Mr. Pichai has

just come out and said,

that’s not true. There’s really nothing you can do to follow that up with.

As I said earlier, we have looked into it, we didn’t find it.

Did you push to get out the key vote? And I would say the two most

populous states for Latinos would be California and Texas. Did you push to

get out the Latino vote and pay for people

to go to the polls in California and Texas?

We as a company didn’t have any effort to push out votes for any particular

demographic.

Basically, he says no. I mean, and of course, Google isn’t going to go and

push the vote on one side

of the other primarily because that would be a massive problem for them if

they actually got caught

doing it. He knows this, so they’re not actually going to do it. We against

our principles.

We participate in the civic process in a non-partisan way, and we think it’s

really important. We do it that way.

I have an iPhone. And if I move from here and go over there and sit with my

Democrat friends,

which will make them real nervous, this guy is already weird. This guy has

just said, I have an iPhone.

And he has failed to realize that iPhone

and Google are not the same companies.

And this is again sort of an example of my point. We have people in charge

who don’t understand the

fundamental nature of different things. So he thinks Google and the Internet

and phones and all of

this is just one thing. He doesn’t understand that it is different. Now, to

me, the sincerity with what

Mr. Pichet responds to this thing. He says, just Google track my movement.

Now, it’s an iPhone.

So iPhone, Apple absolutely is tracking your movements. It probably has a

map app on it in GPS and stuff,

so it is 100% tracking your phone. He’s also inadvertently held up a picture

of his granddaughter

on the phone. It’s his background wallpaper. Unless like, that’s like a

default one that he just

doesn’t know that kid. When he’s saying, if I move from here over there,

will Google track me? Now,

the answer is Apple, probably the answer is yes. Maybe not over 10 feet or

100 feet, but it’s going to

certainly know you’re in this building. It’s going to know the other phones

that are in that building

if their iPhone’s for sure. But since it’s not a Google product, Google

technically has nothing to

do with that phone. Does Google track my movement? Does Google through this

phone know that I have moved

here and moved over to the left? It’s either yes or no. So the answer in

this case is no. I mean,

if we’re being really honest, the answer in that case is no. Mr. Pichai is

actually going to respond

to this more appropriately by saying like, there is the possibility that you

had, let’s say, Google maps

on your phone and Google maps attract you because you would have let it. But

he can’t get that far

because the guy just starts demanding yes or no answers. When these are not

yes or no answers,

and if he is going to do yes or no answers, the answer is no. It’s not

because it’s an iPhone.

Not by default. There may be a Google service which you’ve opted into use.

So Google knows that I

am moving over there. It’s not. See, and he keeps saying like this is like

not a trick question, but

it’s because he doesn’t understand the question or the answer. It’s not a

trick question. No, and he’s

not trying to give you a trick answer. He’s trying to actually explain to

you if you put a Google

service on your iPhone and you allow that Google service to track your

movements, then yes, Google

will track your movements. But right now what you’re saying, the answer is

no. Not a trick question.

You know, you make a hundred million dollars a year. You ought to be able to

answer that question.

Does Google know through this? This

man’s hand is now shaking because he’s so

getting so angry that he’s not getting what he wants is the answer is to be

yes. That’s what he wants.

But he’s not getting the answer he wants because he’s actually doesn’t

understand the question he’s asking.

Phone, that I am moving over there and sit next to Mr. Johnson, which would

make him real nervous.

Why would sitting next to your coworker make them nervous? This is a whole

different thing.

He’s making it sound like he’s either going to intimidate that guy or that

guy thinks he’s really creepy.

I don’t understand why him moving across the room to one of his coworkers

would make his

coworker so nervous because Mr. Poe is not that intimidating to me. He’s a

he’s a pudgy older man.

He’s got a little less hair than me, but you know, we’re on the same path

than that one.

But I would not find him intimidating in any way. I don’t understand why he

‘s making his

coworker so nervous unless it’s the way he behaves like a fucking psycho. It

‘s his question.

It’s yes or no. I wouldn’t be able to answer it. I’m looking at it. I can’t

say yes or no.

He’s saying I can’t say yes or no without looking at your phone because I

have to know what

services are on your phone. But this guy doesn’t understand that the apps

and the phone are actually

different things. He thinks it’s just

one thing. Without knowing more details.

So anticipating what took place in 2016 happening again and this is

specifically regarding

what Russia did to foment racial tensions in the United States and wanting

to know how you are

responding to that. Were they called for fake protest either to get African

Americans to turn out

to protest something that was fake or to have white supremacists be ginned

up to attack communities

of color. I think can I just say that I have not heard the phrase ginned up

in a very long time and

I really enjoy the use of the phrase ginned up. I would like to see a lot

more ginned up talk in

my life. So specifically what is Google doing to respond to that? We mainly

saw with respect to Russia

limited improper activity on our ad platforms. But in general we are not a

social networking company

across the products we do. So what Mr. Pichai is kindly trying to explain is

the thing you’re talking

about the Russians in 2016 trying to foment revolution trying to you know

incite protest and riots and

stuff. That was done on Facebook. So this congresswoman maybe doesn’t

understand that Facebook and

Google are different things, different products, different services. She may

not understand where that actually happened

in the first place. It’s really hard to

understand.

In India we haven’t done well as a company. So we typically are in

connecting groups of people

and that’s not how Google mainly works today. And so we haven’t seen that

kind of activities on our

platforms. But we are vigilant and you know and happy to share any findings

which come through as

we look into it more. I do like that they keep bringing up China. Google is

not a Chinese company.

TikTok I didn’t know wasn’t a Chinese company until these actual

congressional hearings where I

found out that they’re headquartered in Singapore now. But we’ll get to that

in a second because we’ve

got a couple more of these to get through. So again this is trying to

connect Google to China.

And so what he’s trying to do is find a way for Chinese spies to get through

Google to America so

that he can say that Google is now an enemy of America. In China has

deteriorated with respect to

surveillance censorship and the likes since Google first made the decision

in 2010 to leave. So I

want to ask very specifically are any employees currently having product

meetings on this Chinese project

and if not when did those end? We have undertaken an internal effort but

right now there are no plans to

launch a search service in China. So that’s it that’s actually the answer.

So the guy said like are you

going to create a product specifically for China and what he’s saying is are

you working with the Chinese

government? Mr. Pichai just said no no we’re not. But of course that’s not

the answer he wants so they

have to keep going. I said oh dear. Are there any current discussions with

any member of the Chinese government on

launching this app? Currently we are not in

discussions that are on launching a

search product in China. Are there any current discussions with members of

the Chinese government?

How many different ways can you say the same thing and how many different

ways can you get this

due to say no dude we’re not we’re not working with China. We’re not working

with China. We’re not

working with the Chinese government. Can we move on about this? This effort

currently is an internal

effort and you know I’m happy to consult as well as we transpire into the

action we take steps towards

launching a product in China. And who

at Google is leading the Dragonfly effort?

It’s a you know our efforts around building search you know it’s it’s

undertaken by our search

teams but these are distributed efforts. It’s a limited effort internally

currently. Will you Mr. Pichai

rule out launching a tool for surveillance and censorship in China while you

are CEO of Google?

Congressman I come into engaging one of the things which is important to us

as a company.

We have a stated mission of providing users with information and so we

always we think it’s

an our duty to explore possibilities to give users access to information and

you know I have that

commitment but you know as I said earlier on this we’ll be very thoughtful.

Okay so he just goes on

and just talked about how like like if we make a product for China and you

want to look at it we’re

actually going to let you look at it that’s basically all you say. We do get

some more entertaining

one. This has to do with very specifically I did enjoy this interaction.

Right now if you Google.

the word idiot under images a picture

of Donald Trump comes up I just did that.

Now this is it she thinks this is this is them manipulating the system which

I do enjoy.

How would that happen? How does search work so that that would occur?

So for me the problem here is that you have someone who needs to ask how

search works. Now I again

I’m not a technology expert but I do have a fundamental understanding of how

search works. Basically

the more something gets popular the more I get shared around the more I get

seen on the Internet

that moves it up the ranks to the top of the search. So basically because

everyone keeps talking about

how stupid Donald Trump is when you search the word idiot his reference is

getting pushed to the top and I’m sure

that week he did something really stupid.

We provide search today for any time you type in a keyword. As Google we

have crawled we’ve gone out

and crawled and stored billions of billions of web pages in our index and we

take the keyword

and match it against web pages and drag them. She’s nodding along this whole

time. She has no

fucking clue what he’s saying. When he starts talking about like they go out

and they crawl the Internet

and spiders and stuff. She’s like thinking of actual spiders crawling around

in the Internet.

You can tell she’s kind of already shut off just by the look on her face.

She’s like nodding but I

don’t think she’s paying attention at all. Based on over 200 signals things

like relevance,

freshness, popularity, how other people are using it and based on that you

know at any given time

we try to rank and find the best results for that query and then we evaluate

them at external

radars to make sure that and they evaluate it to objective guidelines. This

is still part of the

same hearing and then iPhone has come up multiple times because you know all

these congress people

are using iPhones. So because they’re using iPhones again they don’t

understand that there are different

phones. They think there’s only one product called phone and it is the

iPhone. I have a seven-year-old

granddaughter who picked up her phone before the election and she’s playing

a little game kind of

game a kid would play and up on their pops a picture of her grandfather and

I’m not going to say into

their record what kind of language was used around that picture of her

grandfather but I’d ask you

how does that show up on a seven-year-old’s

iPhone who’s playing a kid’s game.

Congressman iPhone is made by a different company and that’s it that’s all

you need right there is

they they keep running into the problem of these guys just don’t know what

they’re talking about

in the first place so how can they ask real and relevant questions he’s

saying like how is it possible that a picture

of me shows up with negative language my

granddaughter sees that don’t you

feel bad about my granddaughter being told that I’m a piece of shit but

maybe if you weren’t a piece of

shit that wouldn’t show up on your iPhone the thing that Google has nothing

to do with.

So you know I mean I might have been in

Android it was a hand me down to some guy.

So he’s he’s now like okay well maybe it wasn’t an iPhone maybe it’s an

Android bad or no

you know as long as you the problem is you’re not saying the thing I want

you to say so say the

thing I want you to say. I’m happy to fall open I understand this specifics

there may be an application which was being

used. So he goes back because it’s not

necessarily Google it depends on

what apps are on your phone this is again one of the fatal flaws that these

people just don’t seem

to understand. Then we’re going to move on to the actual tick-tock one so

this is this has happened

like about a week ago or two weeks ago of course it was really big on tick-

tock because all those

people thought you know this is unfair. I don’t think a lot of the people

who are talking about it

actually understood the issues at hand but I think really more than anything

else this is about

tick-tock undermining the monetary value of the competing services which has

pushed Congress

into action. Can you say with a hundred percent certainty that tick-tock

does not use the phone’s

camera to determine whether the content that elicits a pupil dilation should

be amplified by the

algorithm. So what he’s saying is that and I love this this to me shows that

he’s been fed information

that information is conspiracy level stuff he has no fucking clue what he’s

talking about. So he’s

saying when I look at tick-tock and a juicy Booty comes onto the screen my

eyes will dilate and tick-tock

is using my camera to watch my eyes and it’s going to see if my eyes dilate

and when I see the juicy

Booty my eyes dilate and it goes oh we better serve up Chong with Veef Chess

more juicy booties

and that’ll get him addicted to this and then we will have full control over

Chong with Veef Chess

life and future and all his money weirdly accurate though the response to

this again these are CEOs

they are much much more classy people than me my response to this would have

been no and just left

it at that and if you ask follow questions ask follow questions these guys

are very generous in their

answers that’s because they’re not really on trial I would have treated this

like a trial and just

said no and not explained it unless he asked more questions that and then

answered those questions

specifically and not explained anything can you tell me that we do not

collect body face or voice

data to identify our users we do not the only face data that you get that we

collect is when you

use the filters to have say sunglasses on your face we need to know where

your eyes are so what he’s

saying that if you are going to use a filter which means you’re already

using your camera they use

facial recognition to find out where your eyes are so that they can put fake

sunglasses on your

eyes they need to know where the top of your head is so they could put like

bunny ears on your ears

so we need to use any of those filters they need to know what a head is and

what it is so they can

put things on the right part of your head this guy again of course that’s

not the answer he’s looking

for therefore it’s completely unacceptable why do you need to know where the

eyes are if you’re not

seeing if they’re dilated because the dilation of the eyes is irrelevant to

anything because that

actually probably if you’re holding the phone the wrong way it’s not going

to pick up that information

anyways but why do you need to know where the eyes are we need to know where

the eyes are so there are filter works if

they’re not being dilated because that’s

irrelevant to what we’re talking

about and their dilated and their data is stored on your local device and

deleted after use if you

use it for facial again we do not collect body face or voice data to

identify our users I love

when they start demanding yes or no questions yes or no questions are

awesome because usually the

question is not sincere or and then the answer cannot be new is more nuanced

than what they’re

expecting but they just want people to say yes or no because they know if

they force them to corner

it’s probably a yes but not really the way you think it is as was pointed

out by chairwoman

Rogers you have regular contact with Chinese Communist Party Secretary Mr.

Zhang Fouping who is

your boss at bite dance correct no so you can see uh Mr. Chu is now gotten

into sort of my like his

own now is what I am all the time she says this is your boss and he goes no

this is not true and her face

is just like blowing away she’s like how is how is that possible and they

they would they constantly

during this congressional here remind him about like perjury laws despite

the fact that he’s completely

aware and let’s face facts that’s probably not his boss no Mr. Chu does

TikTok access the home Wi-Fi

network okay so that’s to me one of the classic questions that demonstrates

what I’m talking about.

does TikTok access the home Wi-Fi network whereas any device you have you

choose whether or not it

connects to the home Wi-Fi network and if you connect to the home Wi-Fi

network it has access

to everything you give it access to TikTok by itself cannot access the home

Wi-Fi network without

the user saying or turning on the Wi-Fi or something like that this guy uh

Mr. Hudson from North Carolina

does not understand how home Wi-Fi networks work only if the user turns on

the Wi-Fi it’s the best answer

because he can’t answer that question if you connect it then it’s connected

yes but if it’s if you

don’t connect it then it’s not connected and I do like that Mr. Chu looks so

confused by the question

I think that’s actually where he goes next I’m sorry I mean I understand uh

so if I have

so yeah he’s like I actually don’t even understand your question because it

‘s so weirdly basic

TikTok app on my phone and my phone is on my home Wi-Fi network does TikTok

access that network

it will have to to get access the network to get connections to the Internet

if that’s the question

is it possible then that it could access

other devices on that home Wi-Fi network.

co-cogasman that we do not do anything that is beyond any industry norms um

I believe the answer to

your question is no it could be technical let me get back to you okay I’d

appreciate if you can answer that

so basically what he’s saying is I have to maybe take you to a class and and

teach you about the

fundamentals of how um Wi-Fi and devices work again because I I don’t know

like I okay I know how

Wi-Fi works it’s a magic beam in my house that connects to the Internet

which is another set of

magic beams uh it’s it’s one in the air and then my phone connects to that

magic beam and through

that magic beam I can get to the Internet uh that is my fundamental

knowledge but I do understand

that I have to tell it to connect to that A so that it can connect to B so I

can get my Booty shaking

picks that I’m looking for so desperately actually right behind my head on

the on the video it’s actually

two gigantic booties I’m actually really glad that my my little face cover

is covering up because

that would be weirdly embarrassing uh this is one of my favorite uh no no no

no no no no okay the

Internet Jay just put in the chat the Internet someone else’s computer

either connected to you but

with a magic beam were very very long very expensive ocean cable ocean

cables are also magic

because how did they get there I mean you

can’t put a cable on the bottom of the ocean

so how did it get there it was it was there god made ocean cables and we

just connected to them

that’s what happened anyways it’s it’s so this this first part of the clip I

‘ve actually played

previously it’s what he says after this

because he didn’t get the answer he wanted

because again he doesn’t understand uh what

he’s talking about we get to this point

I find that hard to believe it’s our

understanding that they’re looking at the eyes

so this is it he didn’t get the answer he

wanted so I’m he’s just gonna I disagree

it’s our understanding so he’s been told information he said I’ve been told

this I’m going to take

my information is true what you’re telling me now again perjury I’m not

going to accept that answer.

how do you determine what age they are then so now he’s switched topics this

is something that

happens in a lot of arguments not just necessarily congressional hearings

but a lot of arguments

where you’ve made a point that point has been proven incorrect so they

change what they’re talking about

and they make it seem like it’s sort of the same deal so they’re not

actually wrong we’re just shifting gears

we rely on age gating as our key age of share age gating which is when you

ask the user what

age they are we have also developed some tools where we look at the public

profile to go through the

videos that they post to see whether that’s creepy so he’s basically again

the congressman here

does not understand what age gating is so uh Mr. chew is quite generally

about to explain it to him

but basically you put stuff on a public profile we look at that public

profile and see if the age you

put into the app so I said them I told him I was 18 years old but my

pictures are only 12 then they

can actually say maybe that user lied about their age so they’re actually

this is a safety measure

that tick-tock the company is put into place trying to make sure that young

people are not using the app

incorrectly let’s say or posting or seeing content they’re not supposed to

see but the guy because

he said we look at people’s faces he throws out that’s creepy to throw that

sort of tinge of color on

the answer tell me more about that it’s public so if you post a video that

you choose that video to go

public that’s how you get people to see a video we look at those to see if

you it matches of the age

that you talk to that that is the end of that it is a pretty simple

conclusion and I think it’s

self-evident to be to say that the problem with congressional hearings on

technology is the fact

that none of these people understand technology the problem with politicians

in general as the politicians

cannot understand the nature of every industry there is supposed to govern

and that is problematic

in that they are often talking about things they don’t understand

oh Dave Dave look at look at the okay you cannot have simply for Dave the

heart wipe is pretty good

though yeah look at this I found that the other day I was going through some

of my settings I really

enjoyed the heart wipe uh the Dave he got a walk this morning as soon as I

finished the podcast I’m

going to take him for a second walk uh and then I’m sorry this dog has one

of the best lives I know of he

he gets up he walks he has breakfast he sleeps he walks he sleeps he walks

he has dinner and he sleeps

he’s a pretty happy animal but okay what

was I saying now there’s way more important.

so it actually calls into question politics not just politicians but

politics in general

should people who don’t understand a subject be in charge of the subject so

should I if I become

a politician be in charge of economics when I don’t really understand

economics other than the

most fundamentals should I be in charge of technology or making rules about

the Internet when I

don’t honestly understand the Internet I clearly with my incredibly shallow

knowledge of technology

because I do enjoy technology I play games I stream I have a lot of devises

I like make this podcast

and it’s it’s all bits but if you actually ask if you actually ask me how

any of this truly functions

it how does my voice go into the microphone into the computer through twitch

onto the stream and

out into the world I mean it’s magic electricity I have no clue should I be

regulating that I actually

don’t believe I should be should I be in charge of economics and the world

bank absolutely not

because I don’t understand anything about it and that to me maybe is one of

the fundamental

flaws is we keep voting in people who are politicians to be in charge of

things that they don’t understand.

I am talking about a gigantic shift in just how everything should work and

basically we would need

not just technology people because technology people might not be the best

people to be in charge

of technology we need altruistic technology people to govern technology we

need altruistic economics

people to be in charge of economics those kind of things we would need altru

istic border patrol people

to be in charge of the borders and I think that maybe is where it all falls

apart because politicians

by their very nature are not altruistic certainly I can be bought and sold I

keep putting it out there

Doritos you want a sponsor the podcast I am absolutely available it’s not

going to say you very

much money considering how big your empire is so like let’s get corrupt and

yeah Magnus how do they work (upbeat music)

(upbeat music)

Talk Funny Podcast

[Music]

Okay, comedy. Do you like comedy? No. No, me neither. End of podcast. Yeah,

thanks guys. Bye.

Like and subscribe. So perfect example of British comedy right there.

Actually pretty good.

So I want to tell you a joke that I learned in Korea and it was illustrative

. Illustrative? Illustrative.

Illustrative. Illustrates. It’s I don’t know how to say the word that is in

my head. It’s a real word.

Illustrates. Illustrative. No. Illustrates. Yeah. What are you talking about

? No, there’s another way. There’s like a fancier way to say it.

This is a high class podcast man. All right, we got to use the word. We got

to use the three dollar words man.

So illustrative. Illustrative. Illustrative. No, illustrative makes it

sounds like it’s shiny. Yeah, it is shiny. This joke is shiny.

So I was I lived in Korea and they told me a joke and the joke made no sense

to me until a year after I left I talked to a Korean friend and I asked them

about this joke and they’re like, oh that’s a really famous joke and it’s

really funny.

So the joke is there’s a father and a son walking on a mountain side and the

father’s walking ahead and the son’s about you know 10 feet behind.

And they’re going to take their wares to the town to sell them and up on a

cliff there’s a giant Boulder. The giant Boulder gets shaken loose and rolls

down the side of the mountain and crushes the old man flat. He’s dead.

Guts everywhere. It’s horrendous and

then the Boulder continues on and rolls.

all the way down the hill. The rest of the hilarious. Nice. Well done.

No, the punchline. Oh, sorry. The son says. Dad look out. Oh, that’s it. And

then like in then Korean people thought that was really funny.

Now I learned like a year later. So I heard that joke. I was like, I don’t

get it. There’s something missing.

These people came from this town where they are famous for speaking slowly.

So it was like the massive pause was part

of the joke. But that to me was very clear.

It illustrates that culture and context make humor. So the instant you’re

outside of that, things that other people are just losing their minds on you

like I don’t to get it.

No, yeah, shed experience, culture norms. So if you ever had a similar

experience or like because we talked before about not on the podcast we’ve

talked before about when you meet someone who just doesn’t get jokes.

Like they don’t seem to have a sense of humor. Like there’s lots of stuff

that maybe I don’t find funny, but I get it to joke and I get there.

Maybe there’s stuff that’s technically funny, but I don’t laugh because I

don’t find it funny. But I wouldn’t be like that’s not funny. I’d be like

that’s not funny to me.

Not funny to me, but I’ve met a few people who just don’t seem to get any

jokes. Like you make a joke and they just look at you.

And then some people will analyze the other girl like that doesn’t make

sense. Yeah, like something meant to.

I tell you it’s so weird to me because I’m always looking to laugh. It’s

weird to me that that’s someone’s life. Yeah. Wow, how depressing.

It is to us, but to them it’s fine. Like they just, they don’t, that’s it.

They just live without humor and that’s how they live.

Yeah, I know. I can’t, I can’t actually can’t think of anyone really that I.

‘ve met that didn’t have at least a sense of humor. Even if it’s one that I

didn’t understand.

Yeah, one that I didn’t get. That’s fine. I understand that. There was one

time someone came at me because I post a lot of stuff on the Internet.

So sooner or later people try to like take shots at you and it was I made a

joke and it was sort of on the border of being dirty and gross.

And they came at me and they were like, so the story was like it’s the in

Japanese high schools part of the dress

code is you have to wear white underwear.

But that ignores the fact that that means sooner or later someone has to

check the color of the underwear. Yeah. And so the joke is that you know

gross pervy men they want to get in this job so they can check underwear.

So essentially it was a story and then exaggerated premise as the joke. So.

what is the worst extreme you could take the situation to and that that

exaggeration is supposed to be the humor.

And I get that that’s not for everyone. And I think this person came at me

like is that your solution? I was like no, that’s a joke. And then they kind

of like repeated they came at it again.

I was like do you understand the joke?

It’s like I understand the joke. It was very simple. But that’s not a good

solution. And I was like well actually your statements right now just

contradict each other because it’s not a solution.

The solution was about two minutes prior to this. Yeah, this was a joke. And

then they kept saying like they get it

to joke but then they could talk about it.

I was really tempted to keep this going and go like can you explain the joke

to me so that I actually believe you but then I just gave up.

Yeah, because they were actually that they do not get it. They were not

going to get it at any time soon.

Yeah, but that’s interesting again because that is a type of humor that I.

find fascinating and like very funny where you insert absurdity into a

situation to laugh about it.

Yeah, to me it’s the more serious the thing you extrapolate the more egreg.

ious example is funny.

Yeah, it’s funny because it’s absurd but it’s also funny because you can.

imagine that maybe somebody out there

is thinking that and that is also funny.

Well, in the news, Japan a lot of it is based on creepy dudes. There’s a lot

of creepy dude stories and that’s the stuff it’s fun to talk about but it’s

fun to talk about because it’s like how do these guys navigate society?

Yeah, how do they get to this world where but then they do they end up in

these jobs like they’re like oh you have

to check girls underwear. I want that job.

Yeah, like even if it’s like a fringe thing that they do every now and then

that’s like the whole purpose, the whole reason that they got there.

Yeah, and it’s like what how does that drive you mad? And that’s funny

because it’s not normal.

Yeah, and the thing I think it’s funny because they’re dead serious and

everyone else would be like that is a ridiculous idea.

Yeah, but that’s not really comedy.

That’s just an example of humor.

Yeah, talking of like stuff that I never really got like when I moved lived

around the world a lot moved.

I was too young and I didn’t really experience like jokes in those cultures

because I was living with like other forces kids so it was mostly English.

But since living in Japan I’ve definitely

bumped up against not getting humor.

So to describe Japanese humor, I say like they still do the duo team like

they have the straight guy and the guy who makes the jokes and then they

slap his head.

Which I’ve always hated. I don’t understand that.

And then that to me has an old almost 1950s feeling to it.

These duo groups.

And the other to me primary form of humor in Japan is repetition.

So they’ll say one thing funny, it becomes a catch phrase and that’s all

they do for an entire year to the point where everyone hates it.

There is a lot of catch phrasing in Japanese humor.

I cannot stand it.

Yeah, there’s a lot of…

And it’s also very child, they do a lot of like child, if you were?

Yeah, it’s kind of like a very physical humor kind of gross like people call

it toilet humor.

The stuff that’s on TV, like comedians

and stuff, I just don’t find funny at all.

So I find it a bit.

Like because I have no problem with like toilet humor but I just don’t find

their brand of it interesting or engaging.

Yeah, so it’s just very crude, it’s stuff about weight.

There’s lots of like physical appearance stuff.

Lots of body shaming stuff.

So we both teach classes, we both teach English classes and then I have

found that if I want to make my Japanese students laugh, I make a joke about

my receding hairline.

Yeah.

Anything body shaming oriented is really funny.

So overweight is funny, two skinnies funny, losing your hair is funny, kind

of being ugly is funny.

Funny, yep.

And so they… that again, it all feels

very old to me, like it hasn’t developed.

Which is in line with my thinking about like Japanese music is still stuck

in the 60s or 70s.

Their pop music is just not progressed beyond… I would actually, I guess,

the 80s is where they were stuck.

If you have a song from 1980 in a song that was on the radio yesterday is

brand new, it would sound exactly the same to me.

But when it comes to like person to person and like general life, there’s

actually a lot of funny stuff in Japan.

Like I love the Oyaji Gagu, but they’re just puns, they’re that jokes.

Yep, like what we call, and they are pretty funny, like word play.

Word play is good in Japanese.

It’s really good.

And they can do a lot of it.

Yeah.

And then there’s a thing, I don’t know if you know it, Daku-Go.

No, I have to explain it for the audience anyways, even if I did.

I actually don’t.

I probably have heard of it, but I don’t realize it.

But we have to explain everything just to be safe.

It’s just a tradition in Japan, telling long, comical stories that have like

foolish characters and like, like, they make social faux pas.

They’re actually kind of funny.

But that kind of stuff isn’t like the modern media.

It’s not there, like they’re just more like traditional, like, you go and

see someone in a small town hall, like they don’t put it in.

Yeah, they do have like hotels and stuff.

Yeah.

My wife watches, or she used to, I actually hasn’t watched it recently, but

they do do this like essentially comedy competition.

They get like two or three comedians on, and they have categories.

They have like, “Mine, so do it without seeing any words.”

They have like improv skits and stuff.

And you had to make X amount of audience members laugh to succeed.

And they would focus the camera on one person.

If you make that one person laugh, you get like a point or you win.

Yeah.

They fail so often.

Yeah.

And my wife, I don’t think I, she watched it every week for a couple months

at least, or maybe a couple of years.

I don’t think I ever saw her laugh once.

And I was like, “Is this funny? Like, I

don’t get it, so I don’t want to judge.”

But you’re not laughing.

She goes, “Yeah, most of this is not very funny.”.

And it’s because they’re asking people to do it on the fly.

And then, if you’re a funny person, you should be able to do it.

It should be.

Because I agree with you.

When they do stories, when they talk about just daily life stories,

it’s sometimes really, really funny.

Because they’re so concerned in Japan about

etiquette and social full pause and stuff.

And they get into situations, usually trying to do something so they don’t

get in trouble.

They get more trouble. It’s a pretty common story.

Doing something trying to not embarrass yourself and therefore embarrassing

yourself more happens a lot.

Those storytellers are good.

Yeah.

But funny.

Yeah, really, really funny.

The puns, the puns are great.

I find those really, really fun.

But just the stuff on TV and like the stuff that people see, like in the

world, from a Japanese humor, I’m like, “Oh, it’s so poor.”

Some of it is because when they do weird stuff, and people find it really

funny, that usually gets like viral on the Internet.

People will talk to me, “Oh, Japan’s so weird and funny.”

And I’m like, “Well, actually, it’s weird and funny in Japan too.”.

Like, it comes from here, but it is weird.

And Japanese people, it’s not like they think this is normal humor.

They think it’s weird too. That’s why it’s funny.

All right, so you okay?

But overall, Western humor, again, I kind of had this conversation with my

wife, so it was interesting because she was like, “What do you like?”

Because I watch a lot of comedy on the Internet.

And I’m like, “To me, peak comedy is now storytelling. That’s funny.”

And so it loops back and it has callbacks and it has things, but it’s like a

five-ten-minute story that takes you on this little journey.

It’s not jokes anymore.

I actually think modern comedy actually

isn’t jokes as much as it used to be .

See, for me, that’s an American, like an North American comedy style.

Because Jimmy Cot.

He’s not. He’s like spit-balling.

Yeah, I don’t find him funny unless he’s talking to people.

Yeah. So when he does a comedy special, I’ll watch it and be like, “Oh, it’s

just one-liner.”

And it doesn’t do it for me.

But that’s what I can watch it once and laugh my ass off.

And then I’ll never watch it again.

And then the second, third time, I see it coming, so it’s like, “Yeah, it’s

non-has funny.”.

Because to me, Eddie Isard put on some of the bass comedy shows.

He tells full stories and then comes back and drops things back in.

And I can’t remember his name.

There’s this one comedian from England and he just…

He will literally tell a 20-minute long story.

And then it just altifies him.

It’s not Ross Noble, is it?

He does that shit. He’ll tell a story

and it basically starts at the beginning.

And he finishes the show with the end of it.

And everything in between is just him getting sidetracked.

Seems like tangents, even though it’s probably out of planned out.

Now, I watched a couple of…

He talks about the craft of comedy a lot.

And there was one and he was talking about someone eating and going,

and he did it for way too long.

It’s one of those things where it’s funny, it’s not funny, but it’s going to

be funny again.

But then he stopped and goes, “He looks at someone in the audience, he goes,

“Every time you look at your watch, I start again.”.

And then he kept going.

So he was literally at that point making fun of one guy in the audience.

And that’s actually next level stuff.

Yeah.

I guess I don’t know.

So what do you think about British comedy?

What do you think if you’re going to kind of define it?

I don’t know.

I think there’s a lot of self-degradation.

Yes.

The “butt” the joke is usually the person telling the joke.

But there’s also a lot of…

I don’t know.

We all like to pull each other down, but in a friendly, fun way.

That’s why heckling is such a big thing in the UK.

When people want comedians to rip them.

Yeah, because they think it’s funny.

They think it’s funny.

“Take the piss out of me, man.”

Yeah.

So funny.

Because Jimmy Carls, essentially, that’s part of his show.

Yeah, he just plays the floor.

Everyone tried to shout something and I’ll rip it.

Yeah.

So there’s a lot of that.

There’s a lot of like… denigrating each other.

I don’t know.

Denigrating is the wrong word.

Well, putting yourself down.

Self-denigrating.

Yeah.

And then I find a lot of satire, irony and sarcasm.

Those are very British traits, I think.

Like satire…

For me, there’s always been in the UK.

But I feel like it’s the last decade or so

in America that started to take off more.

But I don’t personally know, because I never really watched American TV

comedy and stuff like Daily Show.

Like this week tonight or whatever.

Last week, this… Is it the day you did?

Last week tonight, yeah.

Then I was like, most of them are hosted by Brits or Brits adjacent people.

Yeah.

Trevor Noah is not British, but he was

clearly spent so much time in England .

He had basically a British accent at times.

The guy I was thinking about, I just looked it up.

It’s stewardly.

For example.

That’s how you know we’re heading into

a fairly tight-y written bit, isn’t it?

Use of the phrase, for example, that’s the giveaway there.

Anyway.

For example, what?

Something you’ve written?

Yes.

So… Anyway.

So, for example, I know it seems to contrived now, doesn’t it?

For example.

What?

You know, anyway.

For example.

Yeah, he says that.

It’s like, you dad, isn’t it?

For example.

Put that over there.

Anyway.

Stuart Lee is… Yeah, he’s really dark.

I love him.

Yeah.

But he does.

Yeah.

He’s like, “I love him.”

Yeah.

He’s like, “I love him.”

Yeah.

He’s really dark.

I love him.

Yeah.

But he does, he does like, full on 10, 15-minute stories with jokes in them.

And I really enjoy that.

It’s funny, because his start was just a sketch show on TV.

Like, the… The… Oh, he was his partner.

But I remember them.

They had some real, like, when I was like a kid.

They had this really weird TV show, and there was a lot of like, catch

phrases and stuff in there.

I guess only ran for a couple of seasons.

So, who is your favourite British comedian, man?

Bill Bailey’s up there.

The… The minor key?

Scales.

The… The building blocks of music.

The minor scales, much more evocative.

The beautiful melodic minor.

The hopeful accent.

The depressing decent.

Things are looking happy and joyful.

No, they’re not there to praise again, please.

It’s a harmonic minor with that little Indian ragga at the end.

It’s impossible to play that without playing this.

Bill Bailey’s good.

Sean Locke.

Yeah, Sean Locke.

I… I don’t really like his stand-up.

Yeah.

I like him on TV.

Him talking was way funnier than any stand-up he ever did.

Do you in skiing gear?

So, I’ve got a beard and a Viking horns.

And this is kind of my look.

So much more comfortable.

And it’s warm.

And you just don’t have to have that awkward social, is that you?

Is it not?

How’s Jimmy?

That kind of thing.

That’s a challenging wank.

I think so too.

And so he was clearly just always funny.

But it’s almost like when he organized it, it was less.

Yeah.

His stand-up was planned out as I was like, no, knowing that he’s saying

stuff on the fly in the moment and it’s so funny.

To me, it was impressive.

It was so much better.

Yeah, no, I love him.

Like I said, Jay must be rectum of the year.

Not really, yeah.

No, no, it’s different.

This is rear of the air with the gloves off.

I knew I’d run when I heard three of the judges throwing up behind me.

I thought, I’ve got this in the bag.

Sure.

I’ve been… Sure.

A big phone call.

There it is.

Let me tell you, hers is pretty messed up.

I’m speaking.

I mean, of course.

That got me through to the world.

So, I got to the… Went to the world finals in Cancun.

Cancun?

I thought I was going to win.

I thought I was going to win this.

And then, Jay, go Maradona beat me.

We need to bend over, set the sprinkers off.

There’s a lot, though, I like, for different reasons.

I like Simon Anstel.

He used to host Nevermind the Buzzcocks

and he was, like, bitingly sarcastic .

Like, hammer to the face sarcastic.

Like, he had people walk off the show.

I think I’ve seen clips on the Internet.

I think he had a guy in his show and then the…

That guy’s ex-girlfriend wrote a book.

And he started reading, like, bits of the book to him.

But it was so sarcastic away.

Well, because, of course, she was like a… Like a model.

So, she’s lazy, yes.

Even the book is bad as it was, was

probably ghost-written and it was still bad.

The parents’ Hilton work was a low point for me.

It wasn’t what I wanted to be doing.

And on top of that, it caused me some real problems with my hair.

[Laughter]

What?

So good.

Haven’t you read it?

I don’t want to spoil the ending for you.

[Applause]

The photo shoot was for the Daily Mail,

which made me feel really posh and upmarket.

Are you going to see it like I’m… What?

Oh, no, pressing.

No, seriously, I don’t.

Press, we’re having fun!

Come on, press, don’t.

Oh, no, we can’t lose press, don’t.

Yeah.

I know.

And the dude who walked off wasn’t particularly smart, I don’t think.

No, it was clear that he almost wanted him to leave the shot.

And I like the absurdist stuff.

I really enjoy the mighty bush and the…

Like, Vick and Bob, but as the older they got…

Like Reeves and Mortimer, they got less funny.

I think they just had to force it more.

That’s another thing with humor, right?

You can’t force it.

Yeah, and you also have to want to do it.

I bet comedians at times, it’s like this is a job now.

And then there’s also the problem with getting rich.

Is you kind of get weirdly out of touch.

Yeah, same with actually, that’s really similar with music, I find.

When they start and they young and passionate and they’ve got a fire.

And then they start making money.

Well, that’s essentially what happened to George Lucas.

Because he made Star Wars and he got super famous in everything he’s genius.

And then he made the prequels and there’s like, what is this?

And I thought it was interesting because I saw a documentary.

And it was showing them making the original Star Wars.

And they got models and they’re running

cameras and they’re in the desert and stuff.

Like, it was hard.

And then they showed him making the prequels the first one.

And he’s sitting in a chair in front of a giant green screen drinking.

He’s fat and he’s drinking Starbucks.

Yeah, being fined by naked Swedish models.

Yeah, but it’s just like at this point, he’s not.

The passion that was in that first project is not in this project.

It was interesting.

Who’s your favorite British comedian?

Oh, Sean Locke.

I could watch him talk to anyone about anything for hours.

And when he died and the compilation videos

came out, I watched the whole of them.

And the comedians would talk about their favorite moment.

He was clearly a comedian’s comedian.

A comedian.

Which is weird because I’ve heard that a couple of times.

There’s like musicians.

It’s a musician who musicians like but normal people don’t as much.

And then there’s comedians that comedians love but everyone else is like, oh

yeah, it’s funny.

But it’s like, we as just normal people, civilians are missing something

that comedians who do this for a living get.

And it was a…

Yeah, I think Katz, when Sean would go

and everyone was just crying on the panel.

Yeah.

And he just doesn’t stop.

Jimmy Carr was talking about him after he died and he was talking about like

how it was just constant and it was relentless.

And he was like, if he had an idea, he would go.

And then one of the ones that revealed to me is it was one of these panel

shows and he’s got a partner.

And then his partner starts laughing really hard and then Jimmy Carr goes

like, what are you doing?

And he goes, well, I can’t sit next to Sean.

And he goes, why?

And he leaned over and he goes, you know, Hitler wasn’t all bad.

And he’s like just to make this guy not be able to concentrate on what he’s

supposed to doing.

On to our first numbers round.

Okay, John and Sarah go to pick the numbers.

Sean, Miles.

Sean and Miles, I wouldn’t say it again.

Fingers on lips.

Hands on heads.

Pay attention, it’s the numbers round.

Yeah, ready. I’m ready.

What are you ready?

No.

He’d brought up Hitler.

He was whispering to me about Hitler.

Why was he whispering to you about Hitler?

He said, I don’t know about you, Miles, I’m on the fence.

I’m not saying it.

What is wrong?

I don’t know if it’s him, no, Sean.

I’m afraid I’d just Swiss during the second round walk, okay?

I could see the good side and the bad side.

I’m gonna say neutral.

Okay, on to our first number.

Oh no.

It’s so good.

There’s another dude who I could just sit and listen to his Richard Ayawati.

Yeah, he’s amazing.

It’s funny because in the IT crowd, he’s fine.

It’s just like a comedy show.

It’s like an mediocre.

But then when he talks about anything, it’s amazing.

And then he just sand pouring from his mouth.

It’s so dry.

And he did an interview on the BBC about, I think he had a book come out.

The guy started asking me these questions and he goes, this isn’t real.

This doesn’t matter.

And he just started deconstructing the interview.

So this is an advertisement.

So, you know, these heavy questions are irrelevant.

Like you just started like destroying what the guy was putting out there.

In a way, the books are comic book about film really.

It’s not a deconstruction of the idea of interviews, particularly.

Hopefully it’s a container for jokes that is themed around film.

So it’s not about Richard Ayawati at all?

No.

Any more than the most story by Woody Allen

is about his grappling with Wild land.

And he’s like making it almost impossible to interview, which was awesome.

I think I’ve seen that.

Yeah, that was good.

Now he’s fascinating, man.

Because he holds it together so well.

Yeah, he never breaks.

He never seems to.

Yeah, I bet making him laugh is really satisfying.

Because just people who don’t laugh.

If you can make them laugh, it’s just better.

Because I was watching some interview show probably like Conan or something.

And it was a comedian who worked with Ice Cube.

He’s like, Ice Cube never breaks.

He’s always just like at that dead scowly face on.

And he goes, “If the day you make him…”

And he would come in every day and say, “I just want to make him laugh once,

just once.”

And that was like his goal.

And he’s like, “If you can make him smile, it’s like your whole day.”

Yeah, he’s awesome.

All right, well then let’s move across the pond.

Yes.

North America.

It’s harder.

It’s so much harder.

I actually have more favorite British comedians than American ones.

There’s always American stuff I like, something they’ve done, but I don’t

like everything.

Yeah.

So probably the most famous comedian right now is Dave Chappelle.

He has bits, jokes, and stories I like, but actually often his whole thing.

Now, I actually like him less than I used to.

I think he’s kind of lost touch in a weird way.

He used to be funnier to me.

I don’t know if I’ve changed or he’s

changed, but he has gotten like wicked rich.

Yeah.

No, yeah, definitely.

I find him interesting.

I like the way he does tell stories as well.

But Bill Burr is probably the most

legendary American comedian at the moment .

Yeah.

Yeah, and I don’t think, even if I disagree

with what he says, I still it’s still funny.

He just has this angry, mad delivery that is captivating at times, but can

be a bit too much as well at times.

Yes.

You’re like, “Oh, stop shouting.”

But what he does though is he tries to push everything to this edge where

the audience is uncomfortable, and then he somehow still brings it back.

Like, Dave Chappelle has people who hate him.

Bill Burr actually doesn’t seem to have that.

No, I think you’re right.

Like, yeah.

People hate Chappelle, but people go, “No, Bill Burr is.”.

He just says things, and then I don’t know how he does it.

Dude, there is an epidemic of gold dig and whores in this country.

And every night I put on the news, and I wait for someone to address it.

Every night, you never see it.

You know?

Every night I bring up gold dig and whores, and the whole crowd pulls back,

like I’m up here talking about Bigfoot.

Right?

Like I’m saying, the moons made out of cheese or something.

Talking about whores, people.

They’re everywhere.

How many?

How many more great men are going to get

chopped and half before we do something?

Why is it so quiet in here?

Well, he goes. He goes. He goes. He goes.

And then he’ll either turn around and come back, or he’ll come at it from a

different angle and show you the exact same story or something.

And he’s like, there’s always like two, three ways to say it.

I watched an interview with him, and he said like one of the most concerning

things is when he comes out of a club or something.

And somebody goes, “You know, you think

it, I think it, but you say it out loud.”

And he’s like, “Oh, that guy doesn’t get it.”

He thinks like all this, like I hate women stuff is serious, and he thinks,

“Yeah, that’s not a guy I want to be.”

Because so he knows it’s a show, whereas some of his audience maybe doesn’t.

It’s the problem.

It’s hard, isn’t it?

It’s comedy.

Well, it’s hard because you’re supposed

to be pushing boundaries, but modern.

society is in a place where pushing boundaries is wrong.

So like you can’t make fun of pronouns, you can’t make fun of stuff because

it’s really important to social issues.

It’s like, “But that’s the stuff you should be making fun of.”

And then like that’s on the liberal side, and then on the conservative side

you should be making fun of them.

And like it should be both sides.

Yeah, because comedy is a great way to process stuff with e-links.

Because what are terms with things?

Yeah, Tim Jeffries.

Jim Jeffries.

Jim Jeffries. There you go. Jim Jeffries is correct.

Yeah, Jim Jeffries, I saw him in Tokyo.

How did you?

Yeah, I paid like $500 or $600.

I got a ticket, and I had to buy the shinkansen and stuff, and I went and

did a day trip out there.

It was awesome. He was awesome.

It was the audience was all disgusting.

I hated everyone in the audience.

It was all these foreign people, and they were all doing their best to drink

as much as possible in public right before the show,

and then sneak alcohol in.

And it was just disgusting.

It was the worst of Western behavior.

Maybe I’ve been in Japan too long.

I was just looking at him going, “You shouldn’t be doing that.”

You should pick up your bottle.

If you’re going to drink, you should at least carry your cans up.

But they were all putting them on the floor and just walking out.

And there was a lady, two rows of infirmity, who would not shut up.

I almost threw something out.

But his show was good.

His show was good.

And he’s one of those guys.

He just pushes boundaries as much as possible.

So maybe that’s what I like.

I like people who are like pushing.

Yeah, it’s interesting to see how far people will go.

Because I wouldn’t be that brave yet.

I don’t have enough money.

You have to be financially secured to really push boundaries.

Really push boundaries.

I remember with Jimmy Kars’ new show came out and he went,

“This is the one that’s going to get me canceled.”

And it’s like, “But why do you care? You’re rolling it.”

That dude, isn’t he?

Yeah, how much money?

Because he had, if you looked at British, he was like,

“Have five or six shows he was hosting?”

Yeah.

He was getting a ton of money for that.

He wasn’t paying any taxes on it.

Yeah.

I’ve never been to a live comedy show.

I’ve only been to a few.

Because there’s no, being in Japan for so long, there’s no comedy clubs.

I did five minutes of stand up at an open mic night once.

Did you?

Yeah, it was funny.

Not good, funny.

It was funny for you, not for everyone watching.

Actually, no, I got a fairly positive response.

I’m not going to say it was like, “obrurious.”

But I have a friend who, his whole deal is like,

“Let’s find what you’re uncomfortable with and make you do it.”

And I went back to visit Canada and we were in Vancouver

and he’s like, “You do this stupid podcast.

Why don’t you go up and do five minutes of just your podcast material

and see if anyone laughs.”

And I was like, “Okay.”

So I took the Hulk stuff and I tried to make a five minute set out of it.

And then I was sitting at the bar and so nervous.

Like, this was terrifying.

I’d never done anything like this before.

And there’s a guy who is talking to me.

He’s being really friendly and polite.

So I’m talking to him.

He’s like, “He’s going up after me.”.

And he, I realized about halfway through,

he’s trying to undermine my confidence.

He started like, “Oh yeah, man.

Everyone bombs the first time and you’ll get past it.”

And I was like, “I haven’t bombed yet, so maybe that’s not right.”

So then I did, I don’t know.

My friend said that it was a very Peter thing to do.

I just threw out all the material I prepared,

walked up and started making fun of that guy.

So I was like, “Hey, I was just sitting down there and that guy just said

this and this and this.”

And he basically just said like, “He’s an asshole and stuff.”

And everyone actually found that really funny.

I didn’t get massive applause or anything,

but there was only like 20 people in the club.

So I do my fail five minutes come down.

He comes up after me.

He goes, “That guy is a bit of an asshole.”

And then this dude in the audience goes, “Nah, he seems all right.”.

So I was like, “Oh, I kind of won that one.”

I mean, I didn’t, again, my comedy career didn’t take off,

but at least I beat one guy.

Yeah.

Got it, yeah.

But that was, yeah, that was the,

I was so angry when I realized what he was doing to me.

Because it was just such a shit thing to do.

Like he wanted me to– I don’t think that, like, “Oh, I don’t worry.

Everyone fucks up the first time.”

It’s like reassuring.

And it’s like– No, you’re saying.

Yeah, you’re saying.

Like I’m talking about– Yeah, if you fucked up.

Yeah.

If you actually went up and you bombed,

which honestly with the Hulk material was very likely.

Because these weren’t, these were like bits that I thought were funny

that I’ve tried to craft into jokes.

And I’ve never written a joke before.

So probably if I’d gone with my original thing, I would have bombed.

But because this guy set me off, I just shit

on that guy, which I was pretty good at.

And since that felt more natural and in the moment,

everyone else was laughing along with me.

And I think that’s real key to humor as well, right?

Yeah.

Again, it just coming naturally.

Because I do– You would have forced that Hulk stuff,

and everyone would have gone, “Oh, well,

maybe I probably would have gone, “I get it.”

They wouldn’t have laughed.

Like I get where the joke is.

He just hasn’t done it yet.

He hasn’t made enough jokes in his life to make that a joke.

But I get that the premise is solid.

Like I think everyone would have been like,

“That’s a good idea.

I don’t think anyone would have laughed.”

But yeah, like we do–

In our company, we do the annual meetings.

It’s like 100 people, and I got to go up and say stuff in front of them.

And a couple of times people have heckled me.

Like said stuff, and I just tear them apart.

And it’s just because I’m not going to look bad here.

I got my bosses, I got my co-workers, I

got all the other people who work with us.

I can’t let you make me look bad right now.

And then I’m like, the problem is not going

too far, so that I become the bad guy.

Yeah.

Do you think humor is appropriate in almost any situation?

Well, it depends on the type of humor.

Let’s separate that personally.

Yeah, it can be.

I think you can make a joke anytime anywhere,

but it has to be appropriate to this.

Like you have to know the other people,

you have to know what they find funny.

So like if I’m making a joke at work in front of 100 people,

it’s got to be pretty innocent, to be honest,

they can’t because there’s 99 people could be offended.

Yeah, no.

I can innocent joke in a work situation.

Yeah.

But like would you laugh?

Like I don’t know, like if someone in my family died,

and they were at the funeral,

100% it.

I would make a joke because I knew that that would be the right thing to do.

Yes, like yes.

Because I would…

I would absolutely hope that in my funeral people were making jokes.

Yeah.

And I think everyone who would maybe attend

would know that that, I would feel that that was appropriate

and the best thing to do.

One of my podcasts was about eulogizing everyone I know.

Yeah.

And I was like the closer you are,

the more you like someone, the easier it is to write their eulogy.

Because you have things instantly that you would love to say

to share with everyone else.

And then some were not, again, comedy,

but it was borderline amusing or it was good stories or stuff.

The goal would be like, here are all the positive, funny memories we had.

We can laugh at them together.

Yeah.

And then like other people it was really, really hard

because all I had was like, they were a kind person.

And like even saying it, like you just

like, I clearly don’t even believe that.

Yeah.

So I think, yeah, if you… It’s rapid

water, but you can navigate it for sure.

And come through unscathed.

I would much rather be surrounded by people who would prefer to be commemor.

ated in comedy rather than teased.

100%.

I don’t want people sad at my thing.

I just want them to sit down and have to watch every podcast I’ve ever read.

Like, ah, God thinking about it.

The stuff I would do, well this is 10 weird.

If I was like, I’m going to die soon.

I would start taking really weird portraits to have like, like, on around,

like with me, like doing stupid shit.

Or like, I don’t know, like pencils, up my nose or whatever.

Oh, they have a couple of websites where you set a picture of your dog and

they put your dog in like a Renaissance picture.

Yeah, I’ve seen those.

Yeah, I actually wanted to get one of those of Dave, but I was like,

actually me and a military uniform, you really funny.

And have that as, because you know in

Japan, they have the big shrine like thing.

And they put a picture up there and I don’t have it.

It’s a really dead serious picture.

I’m like, where do they get those?

Yeah.

Like, how did they take that picture?

So I was like, ah, actually, I could, if

I made the picture in advance of me .

I’m just in a lobster outfit.

Oh, I was thinking in general’s uniform, like, look really like I had been

in like an Napoleonic war.

And something like that.

And everyone would look at it and like, you know they could end up in the

100%.

Yeah, yeah, 100%.

And realistically, no one would really say anything, but everyone would be

like, ah, fuck, he did that on purpose.

Like, everyone would know he did that.

And I think I would think that was funny.

Yeah.

Doing stuff on purpose that other people can’t laugh at in the moments,

pretty funny to me.

It’s really funny.

And I make a lot of jokes that other people don’t get because it’s a

reference, it’s actually a reference for myself or something.

Or like, I’ll make a joke in a group that only one person will get.

And to me, that’s almost funnier because they laugh and that’s it.

Yeah, I never know what I was saying.

Like, what?

That doesn’t make sense.

So, I guess inside jokes, but that’s the nature of inside jokes is just

showing sort of your, your together.

Your relationship.

Yeah.

All right, so, what we talked about like Japan and like Asia and UK and

America, like the separation of comedy.

But what do you think connects comedy?

What do you think the things that connect all comedy are?

Do you think that is anything?

Yes.

Because we’re all humans.

Yeah.

Fundamental desire to do something right and failing is universal.

So I think every joke, like universally, if you’re going to do universal

jokes that everyone could get,

it’d be like, I tried really hard and failed is universally pretty funny.

Especially if you, or like, I did it wrong.

Whatever I was supposed to do, I just did it wrong and through my own inept

itude or I was an idiot jokes, are you pretty universal?

Yeah.

And then, yeah, because every culture has you make funnier friends, but you

‘re making funnier friends, quirks or foibles and stuff.

So, that kind of all works out.

So the other one for me is, is language.

Whilst we might not understand jokes from other languages, the fact that

language is something that people find humor in,

like subvert and get and switching, like meanings.

So I know one Japanese jokes that translates to English perfectly.

So it makes the same amount of sense in English and Japanese. It’s kind of a

kid’s joke.

So it’s a mother and a child are on the train and the door is closed and the

child looks at the mom and says,

“Mom, I have to pee.” She goes, “Why didn’t you tell me faster?” And he.

looks at her and goes, “Mom, I have to pee.”.

I’m going to have to pee.

And you can do that in Japanese.

And it’s the exact same joke and it makes the exact…

Yeah, so it was like, “Hi, kuyute.” So

it’s like, you should have said it faster.

And then the kid, then you just say the last line faster.

And it’s…

Let’s push that.

The exact same joke and it’s just as funny. Like, it’s not an awesome joke,

but the fact that it 100% translates.

I was like, “Ah, I bet you could do that joke in a lot of languages.”.

Yeah.

No, that’s true.

Yeah, like that, like…

I think that’s another thing with humor,

right? It’s subverting expectations .

Because everyone’s like, “Ah, you should have told me faster.”

Yeah.

And then the kid just says it faster.

And that’s not what people were expecting, right?

I think that’s pretty universal in all humor too.

This is that you have to subvert an expectation somehow.

Like the Korean joke you told earlier.

Yeah.

Everyone’s expecting you to care about your father being crushed by a rock.

Yeah.

Just says, “Watch out.”

Dad, watch out.

You have to say that part really slowly as well.

Dad.

Watch out.

I guess just dunking on other people is kind of universal to them.

Yeah, but it’s a Korean joke.

And I know like people do that in Japan.

They dunk on people from other parts of the country, right?

But it’s also punching up and down is also universal that I’ve seen.

So like, you can make fun of people who are on higher positions and stuff

and it’s okay.

If you are bullying or punching down on people, most cultures that I’ve…

How many of my experience actually not that many?

But it’s frowned upon.

Like it’s not only bullies find bully jokes funny,

but everyone finds making fun of people stronger than you funny.

And self-deprecation is pretty universal.

You can make funny yourself and everyone will be like, “Ha-ha-ha.”.

Because that’s safer.

I don’t think that is universal.

I disagree there.

I don’t know enough.

Like I know the places I’ve been.

And basically everywhere I’ve been, if I

make fun of myself, people think it ‘s funny.

Do you have a favorite joke?

A favorite…oh man, come on.

No?

I mean, I don’t know.

Some of my favorite jokes are just like the really shitty ones.

Yeah, give me one.

Even if it’s one, you would tell your kids.

Since I was a kid, I’ve really liked this one.

What’s brown and sticky?

Oh no.

What? A stick.

Oh yes, I actually heard that.

Of course I heard that one.

Yeah, I don’t know. I’ve always liked that one.

Remember my mum’s reaction.

She’s like, “Ugh, I don’t know. It’s a stick.”

And she’s like, “Ugh.”.

So you can have a joke about having sex with sheep or a joke about having

sex with camels.

Oh, just do both.

Okay, so I’ll do them fast, which probably isn’t as good.

There’s a sheep researcher going around from country to country and doing

research on sheep and health and stuff.

And then they have this sort of subsection of research they want to do about

do Shepherds actually have sex with sheep.

So they kind of pull the Shepherd aside.

So he’s in England and he goes…he

goes to the Shepherd and he’s like, “Ugh .”

So just, you know, I’m down low.

Do you have sex with sheep?

And he goes, “Yeah, yeah, yeah.”

And he kind of happens. He goes, “Well, how do you do it?”

And he goes, “What do you do is you take their hind legs and you stick them

in your boots.”

And then you can have sex with them so they can’t run away.

And they’re like, “Oh, okay, they’re worth that deal.”

Went to Australia.

Our New Zealand New Zealand has more sheep.

Went to New Zealand and does all the research and then says to them, “You

know, on the down low, do you want to enjoy

some sort of sex with sheep a little bit?”

And it happens. And you’re out here

on the paddock. It’s very lonely. So you.

grab the sheep by the back legs and you put it in your boots and you can

have sex with the sheep that way.

“Oh, okay, so that’s maybe that’s universal.” And he goes to Wales and he.

talks to a Shepherd and he goes, “So, do you go through all his research?”

So on the down low, do you take the sheep’s back legs and put them in your

boots and have sex with them?

And he goes, “Well, how do you kiss them?”.

“I really enjoy the idea of people kissing sheep.”.

And the other one is the French foreign legion and they’re in the desert and

there’s a new recruit and they’ve been out there and they’re in the fort.

They’ve been there for a while and he goes, “So, when you guys get your man

ly urges, what do you do?”

And they go, “Oh, we got the camel.”

He goes, “Oh, it’s disgusting.” He like.

ignores, walks away and he’s offended by this.

And then a couple days later, they’re sitting around the fire and he goes,”

No, no, seriously guys, you gotta take care of yourselves. What do you do?”

And he goes, “Well, we got the camel. Just take the camel.” And he’s like,”

Oh, it’s a terrible horrendous idea.”

And he’s like, “I’m really offended.” But now we’re like, then it’s like a

month in and he’s like, “No, I really gotta take care of some stuff.”.

What do you guys do? The camel is there. Just use the camel.

And so the guy’s like, “Okay.” So he

goes and he gets like a step ladder and.

he gets out behind and he comes back the

next day and he’s like, “Really relaxed.”

And he’s like, “You know what, that’s not the sex with a camel. It was a

really good idea.”

And they’re all like spit their coffee. I’m like, “What?”

And he’s even telling me to have sex with a camel for like a month. He goes,

“No, no, we ride the camel into town.”.

The minute you start telling that one, I always say, “I’ve heard that one.”

Yeah, I think everyone’s like, “Those are two very old jokes.”

I’ve never heard the kissing the sheep one.

No, no. I just like the idea of someone thinking like, “Well, you gotta kiss

the sheep.”

I like it. It’s almost like a little romantic, which I quite enjoy.

I like absurd ones as well. Actually, I just think of some more. There’s two

frying eggs and a frying pan.

One looks at the other and says, “Hot in here.” And the other one goes, “Ugh

, talking egg.”.

That’s pretty good.

[Music].