Superhero Speculation

The comic mentioned in the podcast

[Music].

The name everybody knows, that’s Superman.

And it’s a question I’ve had since I was a kid, and it’s essentially how the

Superman fly.

In the early, early comics, which I haven’t read a lot of them, but I know

the very first few, just because I’ve read them on the Internet.

Superman doesn’t start flying. He starts by jumping, and that’s where you

get the leaps tall buildings phrase.

Just fine. So that’s something he’s learned how to do over time, is fly.

So it’s something he’s learned to control. It’s something he’s developed. It

‘s a skill, let’s say.

We also know that his physiology is very similar to humans. In that, he’s

got two legs, two arms, and his external body seems similar.

I did see a comic on the Internet where he was able to have sex with Lois

Lane, and his penis had pincers, and she was shocked.

It was a good comic. I’ll link to that if I can find it.

But basically, we could take that his internal systems are similar.

Of course, much more difficult to damage. He’s much stronger. But it’s never

been said that he has two hearts or four stomachs or anything particularly

unusual about him.

He’s just a humanoid. He is an alien, but basically he’s similar to us.

What I’ve always found interesting is that

he has to have some form of propulsion.

The only reason I know that is because he can change speeds. He can fly, and

then something exciting or dangerous happens, and he starts flying faster.

So there’s a push there, and it’s not coming from his arms. He puts his arms

out, and it seems more for stabilization purposes.

And his not like his legs, his legs seem to just trail behind him. He has

also been seen to hover.

And that to me was the clue as to what was going on, because then he’s

clearly not using his arms. He’s not using his legs because his legs have

actually seen images of him sort of in an almost a sitting position.

But his legs are not controlling, or his legs don’t seem to be controlling

his stable position in the sky.

So that means there is something pushing downwards to counteract gravity.

The image that came to mind was sort of those jump jets where the engines

pushed straight down, and then the wings turned and then they fly off.

We do know that one of his skills is what is referred to as super breath, so

he can blow out air really, really strong for a long time at a very, very

low temperature and freeze things.

And that would indicate that he has incredible control over the amount of

oxygen that goes into his body, which leads me to the conclusion that the

way Superman flies is by blowing air out his sphincter.

And that would also account for control speed. He could clench and it would

slow down and he could push harder and go faster.

When he’s doing his super breath, this is actually sort of a side issue. He.

does it for a very long time.

And we know that his lungs don’t have infinite capacity simply because they

‘re contained within his body, which means if he’s blowing for an extended

period, he has to be taking that air from another source, which makes me

think that he’s pulling air in through

his butt and blowing it out his mouth .

And the reverse could be true. He’s

taking air in through his mouth and nose.

and blowing it out his anus. And that is how Superman could fly.

Now, no one in the comics is ever complained about a smell because that

would lead to too many questions. I think

there are two possible reasons for this.

One, there’s the imminent threat of violence. I mean, you’re not going to

walk up to what is essentially a god on earth and telling him that when he

flies around, it really stinks.

But more logically, because it’s not really a fart, it’s not like student is

stomach, it’s just air blowing through

it, wouldn’t really have any smell at all.

Or because of his alien physiology, it smells great. It could smell like

mint. Superman flies by and there’s a nice minty aroma afterwards, which

would be great.

In one conversation, I even suggested that perhaps he farts ozone and is

therefore repairing the ozone layer as he flies around.

People have come up with counter arguments, but they always start bringing

in some pretty fantastic elements, whereas

this is a very basic solution to the problem.

And it takes into account his physiology

being similar to a human’s and does.

explain how he can modulate his speeds.

If you have a counter theory, please

feel free to post it and I’ll ignore that.

Wolverine. So he’s a mutant and that’s where he gets his healing abilities.

And we also know that in his forearms, there are sort of extra bones that

can come out and act like claws.

Later on as part of a military experiment, they decided to cover his whole.

skeleton in adamantium, which is cool because now he has like silver blades

that come out the front of his hand.

He was able to survive this process primarily because of his amazing healing

ability. It leads me to one question, which is why are his teeth not silver?

Because if they covered his whole skeleton in adamantium, why would you stop

at covering his teeth?

So we’re talking about his spine, his skull, his arms, his legs, all those.

bones. And it would seem like it would be more difficult to cover parts of

his skull rather than the whole skull, which would include his teeth.

So it seems to me that Wolverine should have

silver teeth. And that’s pretty much it.

The Hulk’s rapid expansion and contraction when he changes from Bruce Banner

to the Hulk. And the first question is when he goes from what seems to be an

average sized man to essentially a colossus of sorts, where does all that

material come from?

Now I actually came up with an interesting answer for this because it

actually what I really want to talk about is the second part.

But I have two ideas. One, it’s a form of photosynthesis, which is why he’s

green, which ties that in together really nicely because it gives him a

reason for being green as opposed to

the fact that that was just a cheap ink .

Or he just absorbs the water and material in the air around him. So he’s

just absorbing oxygen and hydrogen and water and anything that’s in the air

to convert that rapidly into new material,

which is what his body is composed of.

Most of our body is composed of water anyways. So just taking water from the

air and expanding your muscles and stuff would actually make a certain

amount of sense.

That’s great. So I could actually accept either of those answers. I’m sure

there’s some other ones to be great, but material just doesn’t happen. It.

just doesn’t exist out of nothing.

That leads to a slightly more disturbing secondary question of where does

all that material go after he shrinks down again.

The process of him going from being the Hulk to Bruce Banner again takes

only a matter of seconds. So that extra material has to be flushed out of

his system really quickly.

And that is sort of my first clue as to what should happen. Because to me in

my head, because it’s probably water or something like water, amino acids

and stuff, it’s liquid.

And we don’t see him vomit, although I think that would actually be really

appropriate.

To me, it seems that when the Hulk shrinks down into Bruce Banner, he should

almost instantaneously take a massive pee. Or probably more realistically,

he should take a massive liquid poop.

Now no one wants to see that. No one wants to draw that into a cartoon. And

that’s fine. But my thinking is that the

matter has to be absorbed into his body.

He becomes huge when he shrinks down.

That matter has to be disposed of. And.

that’s again, it’s something really gross that one of the things that they

don’t want to add into a column for kids.

Now one of my co-workers actually started discussing quantum states and the

distance between atoms and how that we are made up of mostly nothing.

Which is a fair claim. I didn’t like it

because it wasn’t as funny as taking.

a poop. But I brought that as a question

to a friend of mine who studied physics.

And he brought up the issue of if that’s how he expands and contracts, there

are two issues. One is the massive instability it would create.

And that would basically mean that he could be when expanding. He could just

keep expanding and explode. It would be like a nuclear bomb.

That would be an interesting story because it could be if he gets too angry.

So he gets angry and that sets off this process. If he gets too angry, it

just keeps going and he gets bigger and bigger and bigger. I actually don’t

know if that’s what happens.

So does the level of anger change how much of a hulk he becomes? It doesn’t

seem that way. It seems he becomes just state A gets angry and then state B.

The more terrifying aspect of this is when he shrinks down, he should

generate a massive amount of heat and just burn the whole area around him

because all that all that energy has to go somewhere because as he contracts

that the problem occurs that that energy has to go somewhere.

So it’s the same problem as I have earlier. Only I was using sort of

physical matter. If you do it with just

energy, that energy still has to go somewhere.

So yeah, every time he shrinks down, just a massive burn whole around him

and anyone close to him dies. Kind of interesting, to be honest.

Or, and this was the most interesting part to me was that if he collapsed

and just kept collapsing, he could actually become a singularity and develop

into a black hole.

So, this stability becomes a big issue when you start messing with quantum

space. And again, my coworker said that he’s a unique individual but humans

by nature change over time.

And that’s what my physicist friend said, which means yes, he was stable

when it happened at first, but over time his state would change, therefore

making him more unstable.

Which, to be honest, he’s a great storyline. So if Marvel wants to pick that

up, you know, just all I want is a finder’s fee. I don’t really, I don’t

expect a huge payday for this.

But again, if you have any theories as to what happens when the Hulk

particularly shrinks, it’s a bit I’m more interested in. I’d like to see it

in the comments.

[Music].

Fantastic Poops

  • Music CMcB is an examination and so what I like to do is to sort of find a topic and issue and get deeper into it and what we’re going to get deeper into today is superhero butt holes. You might not have thought that’s where that sentence was going but that’s why.🎙 00:00:00.00000:00:30.600
  • You see me? be as always a magical rainbow of joy, because you’ll never know what’s coming at the end of any sentence, poop. See? And this was weird because we, I started talking to some friends about the Fantastic Four,🎙 00:00:30.60000:00:47.631
  • which is a comic I never read, and I actually know very little about the Fantastic Four, except for the characters therein, who they are. I used to read Spider-Man, the comics, and the Fantastic Four lived in the same city.🎙 00:00:47.63100:01:02.751
  • and there was only one I remember and it’s because Spider-Man encountered a space fire oriented hero, anti-hero, and he couldn’t beat him. And so it was a three comic arc where Spider-Man was running away🎙 00:01:02.73800:01:20.098
  • from this, I think it was Fire Star, but the idea was that he needed to not engage with him so that Fire Star wouldn’t hurt innocent civilians and he tried to get them to this area. He lured him into a building and then collapsed the building, but it didn’t🎙 00:01:21.21800:01:38.103
  • kill him and he knew he’d just like power level wise he couldn’t beat him. And then in a final act of desperation, Spider-Man just like literally just starts physically punching him beating the shit out of him. Firestar never having actually been punched in the face before🎙 00:01:38.10300:01:54.083
  • couldn’t take it. And Spider-Man puts him down and then the fantastic four show up. So I think it’s some earlier point he’d called them for help. That’s that’s all I know about the fantastic four is their kind of friends with Spider-Man.🎙 00:01:54.08300:02:04.643
  • man. I mean, that’s that’s literally it. So there’s the thing. Now, the thing is covered in rocks. Now, I don’t know much about that. I think he has like enhanced strength. I don’t know if it’s because of the rocks. That’s that’s actually a question, but he’s very tough exterior because🎙 00:02:04.64100:02:25.041
  • his exterior is now covered in orange rocks. I don’t know what those orange rocks are made of. He’s not happy about his life. I know that that he doesn’t want to be covered in rocks. And it’s it’s made his life more difficult. And I think.🎙 00:02:25.04100:02:38.001
  • one of the ways he’s made his life more difficult. And this is what set off this conversation is he has to poop. He still is a human inside. He has to eat and he has to poop. But if I have a dog that I clean up his poop🎙 00:02:37.67600:02:51.356
  • and you pick up the poop off the rock, it’s usually concrete or cement. We’re on the road, let’s say. It’s very easy to pick up. You don’t wipe. Now there are two possibilities here. One is that.🎙 00:02:51.35600:03:08.316
  • his butt is covered in pebbles or rocks or something. And that means it’s relatively smooth and the poop would come out without much trouble. So you wouldn’t have to wipe that much. But more logically speaking,🎙 00:03:08.69900:03:25.459
  • because if you have to squeeze poop out as we all do, he would have to clean up afterwards. Now, this would imply to me that the thing does not wipe. He must bidet. Now, if you’ve ever bideted, it’s not particularly powerful.🎙 00:03:25.45900:03:42.059
  • It’s designed to be comfortable for a human butthole, but again, this is a human who’s covered in orange rocks, or in this case, maybe smooth pebbles. So I’m wondering if a bidet would be strong enough.🎙 00:03:41.17300:03:56.013
  • We know the absolute minimum, the thing must bidet. But realistically speaking, to really get sort of all the crevices and whatnot, he probably has to power wash, which would mean either he has a uniquely created bathroom which Mr.🎙 00:03:56.01300:04:12.613
  • Fantastic could say. He’d set up, he’d been being a genius inventor and scientist. He could create a bidet that was powerful enough to clean up the things but, or he has a jet set up in our special room that’s sort of just like a shower room where he can like🎙 00:04:12.61300:04:31.736
  • kind of position himself and just set it off. Or he has a very friendly associate who is willing to do this for him and actually just power sprays his butt hole. There is another alternative. There is another possibility is that the things digestive system has been changed.🎙 00:04:31.73600:05:09.876
  • So again, not knowing enough about the characters. I don’t know what he eats. So maybe he eats rocks and poop dust or pebbles Which would be very easy to clean up then. I don’t know Maybe he eats rock and then with the pressure of🎙 00:04:50.00800:05:06.848
  • The things powerful digestive system that is now rock oriented Poops diamonds And that is actually a very real possibility So this is something this is something that again and when you watch superhero movies🎙 00:05:07.32800:05:19.788
  • stuff. You follow your favorite Marvel heroes. Do they poop? How do they poop? So Spider Man is just a kid. He’s gained super powers. He poops completely normally, I assume. Daredevil, just a guy, has like echolocation of sorts. Poops normally. Now the Fantastic🎙 00:05:20.08400:05:42.644
  • Four also has a character called the Flame. I don’t actually know if that’s his name. I know he has fire based powers. This was interesting because really if you think about it, you are… flame and you poop.🎙 00:05:42.64400:05:58.138
  • You don’t have to wipe. So he’s in human form. He goes to the toilet and then he just goes, flame on. I know that’s the only thing I know. He says flame on. Flame on and then he would burn any poop particulate away🎙 00:05:58.13800:06:12.278
  • because it’s outside his body. It doesn’t explain what happens internally which leads me to an interesting secondary question because let’s say the flame gets coronavirus or a flu or something. A fever is designed to kill the…🎙 00:06:12.27800:06:56.798
  • virus in your body. If he flames on, does that immediately kill all the virus within his body? Is he’s not immune? He can catch it, but he can catch it every single day. Flame on. He’s burned it. He’s killed all the virus in his body because we don’t know anything about his internal temperature🎙 00:06:31.01300:06:51.933
  • because logically speaking, if his internal temperature gets that high, it should actually like burn his heart. So his heart and all his internal organs must be somehow immune. to this incredibly high temperature.🎙 00:06:51.93300:07:03.836
  • So it would say to me that he cannot get a fever because his body’s immune to high temperatures, but he does have the ability to flame on, turn his body into a human torch. Oh, it’s the human torch, not flame.🎙 00:07:03.83600:07:22.396
  • I would like to point out that I did not do a significant amount of research before I did this. You think if I had done any sort of research, I would know the names of the character. factors, which I do not. I did look up one, and it was the laziest name I’ve ever come🎙 00:07:24.15600:07:39.932
  • across in all of history. But the human torch must be immune internally to high temperatures, which means he can’t get a fever to fight the virus, but he could flame on and then burn it out. I know that there’s an interesting thing if you get syphilis. What you can do🎙 00:07:39.93200:08:01.332
  • is get malaria, and the fever from the malaria is so hot. it actually kills the syphilis. And then hopefully you survive the malaria. You can go off and get syphilis again. I don’t know why it’s a weird loop. When I learned about🎙 00:08:01.33200:08:15.970
  • that fact, it was a weird loop that stuck in my head that if you get syphilis, go get malaria and then you can go get syphilis again. You just loop that forever. And no problem. So do all firepower people, people with firepower have this ability? Or there is the second🎙 00:08:15.97000:08:34.710
  • dairy alternative. that once the virus, if it’s strong enough to get into the human torch’s body, that because he cannot generate a fever physically, that he’s actually really, really susceptible to diseases,🎙 00:08:34.71000:08:51.728
  • which I would be very surprised by. So that’s something to take into account when you think of the human torch. Then we move on to Mr. Fantastic. No, Mr. Fantastic. Stretchy powers. Let’s look okay in comics.🎙 00:08:51.72800:09:08.689
  • I’ve actually never been impressed by stretchy as a power. So we have Mr. Fantastic and then the wife from The Incredibles. A Last a Girl, I believe is the name. Again no research done at all before him.🎙 00:09:08.68900:09:22.689
  • But our poop themed questions. The last of persons, the last of people, Mr. Fantastic has the ability to stretch his body in all kinds of almost magical way. So stretches arms really far stretch really wide and block bullets🎙 00:09:22.68900:09:42.694
  • Become incredibly flexible. I assume we also become rigid Which almost makes me not want to talk about when mistering fantastic poops He’s able to there’s two choices again. I came up with Able to flex the internal organs and body in such a way that it could come out in an incredibly🎙 00:09:43.41400:10:07.974
  • fast single powerful move that maybe there’s no wiping needed necessary. No wipes needed. Or, and this was to me the grosser one, could descend to such a degree that the fecal matter would just drop out and no🎙 00:10:07.97400:10:29.574
  • wiping would be necessary. Once I started thinking about this, this is the problem is once you have the thought, I started thinking about the things poop, wiping, and how problematic that would be. It then led me to extrapolate on every character in that team and then of course expand into🎙 00:10:29.57400:10:48.202
  • the greater superhero pantheon. I hate stretchy abilities. I actually, as soon as you start thinking about what they can and cannot do, it’s really gross. Everything they do is kind of gross. And I know they’re in planning a new Fantastic Four movie, but stretchy powers just don’t🎙 00:10:48.20200:11:07.242
  • look cool. And that’s a problem with Mr. Fantastic is even if Mr. Fantastic is. is a cool character, stretchy powers don’t look good. Now we get to the final member of the Fantastic Four, the fourth member, Invisible Woman, which I actually looked up to check, because I🎙 00:11:07.24200:11:24.457
  • was like invisibility girl or something. It’s Invisible Woman, which is the laziest name. So you have the thing, the human torch, Mr. Fantastic, and Invisible Woman, which is like an afterthought. So I feel really bad calling her Invisible Woman. We need a better name. Even like…🎙 00:11:24.45700:11:43.897
  • invisibility girl. No, that’s still pretty lazy. I think when you put woman and girl in it, it’s a bit. Yeah, the thing, human torch, Mr. Fantastic. You could have a Mrs. something. That would be better. I feel like the writers dropped it on this one.🎙 00:11:44.18800:12:04.988
  • So perfectly normal human being can turn invisible. When they poop is the poop invisible. It’s really the question, the only question. We think all the other functions must be normal. You got a YAP.🎙 00:12:06.02800:12:33.708
  • you got a bidet, you want to do whatever you want. So we actually don’t have to talk about that, which is weirdly good, but I had an extended conversation with my friend, Mr. Warmhands, about would the poop remain invisible🎙 00:12:19.45600:12:35.496
  • or would as the poop left the body become visible as it left the body if an invisible woman decided to be invisible while she was pooping? Now I realized really quickly. Invisible woman doesn’t have to take off all her clothes to become invisible.🎙 00:12:36.61600:12:55.558
  • She can wear those clothes, which means that the invisibility isn’t limited to the skin of the person with the power. It’s not the only person to have invisibility powers. But it does mean that it’s a surface level thing that you almost generate a field around🎙 00:12:55.55800:13:15.198
  • you that creates invisibility. So it’s like I’m wearing my clothes. the bubble goes around my clothes. So I think of it as a bubble that goes around you, that creates invisibility, which would mean🎙 00:13:15.19800:13:29.219
  • that the poop is invisible until it leaves the bubble. Now that could mean, again, so let’s say, if you just look at the, well, again, you know, in a video, this is a podcast. I can’t talk about it like on video.🎙 00:13:30.11900:13:41.399
  • But right now I’m wearing a t-shirt and a jacket, and a very light jacket, but it has a hood. Now I don’t want the jacket to be invisible and the hood visible. So, the bubble must encompass everything around me that is in contact with my body completely.🎙 00:13:41.39900:13:59.281
  • I’m wearing glasses. I don’t want when I go invisible just my glasses are floating in the air. So, anything that’s in contact with my body, which would actually just be the sort of horns in the nose bit, but these edge bits still need to be invisible.🎙 00:13:59.28100:14:13.001
  • So, the bubble has to be almost aware enough to cover the entirety of my glasses, the entirety of my t-shirt and jacket. I don’t want just a jacket because if it has to be touching my body, t- Technically, my jacket right now, if I’m wearing a long-sleeve shirt, isn’t touching my body,🎙 00:14:13.00100:14:28.741
  • you would just have a jacket floating in the air. So the bubble, I don’t know if I would be conscious of it as the user or if it’s just an intelligent bubble that covers anything that is on my body, which would mean the poop🎙 00:14:28.74100:14:42.361
  • remains invisible until it disconnects from the body and in this case falls away. So then it would become suddenly visible when it’s in the air. and no longer connected. So that would be like, I’m invisible🎙 00:14:42.36100:14:58.098
  • until I take off my jacket and I throw my jacket away. As soon as I let go of my jacket, the jacket would become visible, I think is what we’re talking about in this situation. Now I started extending the pantheon a little bit🎙 00:14:58.09800:15:10.458
  • and talking about it, thinking about other people. And Superman is the ideal superhero. I find him very boring because of that. Superman technically is powered by the sun. It’s almost like a form of photosynthesis.🎙 00:15:10.45800:15:26.298
  • Photosynthesis is very… efficient, there is no sort of waste matter connected to photosynthesis. But I have actually never seen Superman eat, like canonically. So does Superman eat? So does Superman have any waste products?🎙 00:15:26.29800:15:44.267
  • Is actually the first question. There is the possibility that Superman eats, but his body is so efficient, because again, that’s supposed to be sort of a God super level person, that there is no waste matter🎙 00:15:44.26700:15:59.427
  • every bit gets used. But because the primary source of energy is the sun, it would actually lead us to the question, does Superman have a butthole? Because it’s completely unnecessary. And we also know that when something is unnecessary, generally evolutionary speaking, it sorta🎙 00:15:59.42700:16:19.314
  • disappears. So Superman, by extension, I believe does not have a butthole. Now, I did watch, I have a comic I read once, and it was Superman. It was sorta to play on the idea that Superman is an alien.🎙 00:16:19.31400:16:57.754
  • and it was the first time Superman and Lois Lane were going to have a sexual intercourse. And he takes off his shirt, he has the perfect chest and body and Lois Lane’s like, ooh, she takes off some of her clothes and then he takes off his pants and then she reels back in shock🎙 00:16:34.53000:16:48.770
  • and says, why does it have pincers? And he says in response to grab you because of course Superman is an alien and therefore his genitalia, his physiology is all very different. But we do know that Superman’s species reproduces.🎙 00:16:48.77000:17:09.463
  • We didn’t don’t know exactly how. We’ve never seen it like a sex scene from Krypton. But because everything else is human-esque, there is an implication that Superman has a penis and could reproduce that way.🎙 00:17:09.46300:17:21.943
  • So let’s just give him that. But if he’s powered by the sun, there’s actually no reason for him to have a butthole because he doesn’t expel any feces because there’s no feces to expel. I did like the idea, though.🎙 00:17:21.94300:18:07.503
  • He’s so efficient, he doesn’t poop. So he eats a pizza. Every bit of the pizza is used perfectly within the body system, but then that also would imply that there is no poop. That actually offsets old theory I did🎙 00:17:38.76600:17:58.406
  • in the old podcast, Velocipodcast, is how does Superman fly? And one of my theories that it was that you’d need something pushing away from the body, a jet stream. which I think would be an extended super fart.🎙 00:17:58.40600:18:12.549
  • Now, I could just be a single system where Superman opens his mouth or brings Aaron through his nose, goes straight through his body and pushes it out. So it’s not like a stinky fart because it’s not sort of fermenting in the body at all.🎙 00:18:13.74900:18:27.309
  • But that’s actually how Superman would fly. He pushes himself through the air on a jet stream that comes out his butt. That’s why he flies in that way. Like you always see him. He does float like he hovers like a.🎙 00:18:27.30900:18:41.709
  • Osprey, but that just means his butt is aimed downward. And he’s always got his legs in a sort of odd position, and that’s to make sure that he can be like, but of course Superman being Superman doesn’t make fart sounds.🎙 00:18:41.62200:18:55.742
  • It’s just a perfect jet stream shooting down. And then you notice when Superman takes off, there’s always like a away from his feet. Something’s creating that force. No, it’s not a jump. Jumps don’t do that.🎙 00:18:55.74200:19:11.142
  • There’s just be some sort of jet and that jet, there’s only one thing in that area, and that’s his butt hole. That means the fart actually makes a lot of sense. But then it sort of contravenes what I just talked about where he would have no butthole.🎙 00:19:11.14200:19:23.891
  • But he could have a butthole just for flying because that is again evolutionary, very useful thing for someone to have. If you would like me to talk about the buttholes of any of your favorite superheroes, feel free to send me a message. You can send an email to chumpoficechest at gmail.com🎙 00:19:23.89100:19:45.331
  • or you can send a message. I do prefer this system because I get to hear your lovely voice. type.com slash Trump and beef chest. Leave a message. Do you believe your favorite superheroes have buttholes? Would you like those buttholes examined because let’s face it at C. McBe🎙 00:19:45.33100:20:04.332
  • Podcasts, I am more than happy to take a deep look into your favorite superheroes butts.

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