Maybe I should buy Tommy
and Mike for his birthday.
Well next year.
No last year.
I don’t get him any.
I don’t, this is the thing.
Everyone’s all shit like birthday’s all.
But this is my whole point.
Like how many of his
birthdays have I missed?
Like 30.
Yeah.
So I just get him one
for his eighth birthday.
His eighth birthday.
Here you are.
It’s a bit late son.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But I mean, he gets a present.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Actually, because I’m from
Canada, my interactions
with police have all
been incredibly positive.
Yeah, you have to shout up
at them from like the horses.
I actually got pulled over
by a mountain on a horse.
Yeah.
It is the weirdest thing.
So like, because you could
hit his horse with your car.
Yeah.
And he and the horse would be fucked.
So I was a, there’s
Stanley Park in Vancouver.
So which you would be too though, right?
Only, okay, hogs.
But only if he gets like, but this is it.
I’m assuming if I hit
his horse and him hard
enough, he wouldn’t
remember my license plate.
Yeah.
So there’s Stanley Park.
It’s this giant park in
the middle of Vancouver.
And there’s a road that goes around it.
And I think I was going 50 in the 30 zone.
I was going too fast, fair enough.
And he started riding his
horse slowly out in front of me.
And I went around his horse and kept going.
And then I just heard this, stop.
Like in the loudest voice
I think I’ve ever heard.
And I just stopped my car.
Like I easily could have just kept going.
It was, it was a very interesting
effect I thought about afterwards.
He said it was such authority.
I did what he told me to do.
Shit.
Yeah, that guy’s, that guy’s the boss.
And then he, he, he
treindled up on his horse.
I don’t know what slow.
I guess it’s not, trotted.
He, he, he.
Driesaged.
He just sized to my car.
And, and then he like leaned down.
He had to lean down past
the horse’s head to talk
into my car and be like,
you’re going too fast.
Don’t be an asshole.
And I was like, I’m sorry.
Oh, sorry, sorry about that.
Sorry, sir.
I won’t do it again.
And then he just let me go.
He let me go with him warning.
It’s quite nice.
I think if I kept going, I would
have been a lot of trouble.
But I think because I stopped he
was like, oh, he didn’t mean to be a dick.
He was just a dick.
That was, oh, that was me the other day.
Went 7-11 and I bought
one of the buy ice-caffey lati.
But I picked up the ice coffee
cup and didn’t think about it.
And just paid for it, went
to the machine, put it in.
Ice-caffey lati.
And then the, the dude that sold
to me, what were our new site?
That’s a nice coffee lati.
And I was like, yeah.
And he’s like, this is a nice coffee lati.
And I was like, is there a
problem with the machine?
I don’t, what, yeah, what are you doing?
Why are you talking to me?
He’s like, what is going on?
And he’s like, you bought ice coffee.
And I was like, oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
I’m really sorry.
He went, ah, it’s all right this time.
I think obviously like he could
see the realization in my face.
Yeah.
Yeah, I’m sure they get people to do that.
No, no, that was an interesting story.
Really?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There was this guy who consistently
bought the cheaper drink and fucked off.
And then the manager like confronted him.
It was one of those ones
where like the manager
ends up on the top of his
car and he’s driving away.
Oh my God.
It was fucking ridiculous.
I don’t know how long ago
it was, but I remember that
story because it ends up
like in a near death situation.
Over over over, like, excuse me.
Less than 10.
Yeah, yeah.
Like a ridiculously small amount of money.
And my wife was like,
well, how would he know?
And I was like, well, he
sold me the coffee cup
and then I assumed on
the back of the machine.
It’s telling them.
Yeah, I’m sure there’s something.
It has to be.
There has to be
something that’s going like,
hey, this guy is
buying the good coffee.
Well, I mean, if it was busy, I doubt
that they would have chance to notice.
It was like night time and it was quiet.
So yeah, I felt like a dick.
And he’s like, I don’t worry about it.
And I saw a guy when I
bought like a nice latte and just.
And then got another one.
I was like, did that fix it?
I don’t think so.
But I just bought one and got another
drink anyway because I’m saying, I’m sorry.
But one of those ones
where no one gets killed.
So I was all right.
Because that’s it.
If you’d like run out of this punch
him in the face and run out of the store.
I wasn’t like, I wasn’t aggressive.
I was just like, what?
Because you’re confused.
This is actually the
problem is he thinks his
initial thought is you’re
ripping him off on purpose.
Your confused so your
reaction is almost the same as
someone who’s pretending
they don’t know what’s going on.
Because you’re trying to rip him off.
But then the clarification of like, no, I
actually have no clue what’s going on.
He’s like, oh, okay, then it’s fine.
I saw him the next day and I said,
I’m really sorry about the other day.
I went, oh, I’m sorry.
I don’t speak English.
Oh, that was like the word about it, bro.
And then you saw him some English lessons.
I made millions off this guy.
And then went and stole another coffee.
Oh, wait, what?
No.
Then I fucked his life.
All right.
So the podcast, I
found an article and I
thought it would be fun
to go through together.
I was going to do it by
myself, but I thought a second
point of view would make
it just that much better.
So a better point of view.
Yeah.
Ah, not necessarily better.
More just just an
alternative slightly different.
Maybe slightly worse.
Yeah.
Who knows?
We’ll find out second rate.
So I’m going to read bit by bit.
And then we can just have a little chat.
So this is an article
about some history
history happened in
the history of bit by bit.
No, the history of the French impotence.
I got to say that word right if I’m
going to do it for the rest of the podcast.
Just as intimidating to many
men were the French impotence
courts of the 16th and 17th
centuries in France when
husbands could be charged
with erectile dysfunction
were obliged to prove the
virility before witnesses.
Oh, okay.
So you can see where
this is already starting.
Yeah.
It was very difficult.
It would be the French.
Of course, it’s the French.
But this was it seems like
this was constructed to give
women an Avenue to escape
a marriage through divorce.
Because there weren’t
in a 16th, 17th centuries.
It was really hard for a
woman to get a divorce.
Yeah.
So this was this was
something they could charge
their husband with and
therefore then get a divorce.
Okay, I’ll do the first paragraph.
A husband’s inability to perform
was one of the few reasons
that the church would allow
a marriage to be annulled.
So disgruntled women
who could afford the legal
costs could right would regularly
charge their husbands with.
This is in quotes.
Injurous nonconsumption.
Injurous.
Before ecclesiastical courts.
Like illegal tradition dated back to
the 1300s when theologica, theological,
Jesus Christ, theologica,
theologica, theologica, jogged, jogged.
Can you say it?
Theological, theologica guns,
guns, theologians, theologians.
Fuck me.
Agreed that.
Can I maybe?
Maybe.
Theologians.
Can I not read?
Self-realization at the same time.
I do.
I do.
You know, those words
you’ve read your whole
life and then you’ve
never said them out loud.
Like I know the word.
Yeah.
Theologians, I can say, but theologians.
Seems weird.
Anyways, agreed that the true
aim of matrimony was procreation.
This is a very American.
Tommy just jumps in the chat
because you’re both saying it wrong.
Well, I guess one of us isn’t
here to pronounce it properly.
I guess fuck that guy, right?
Theologians.
Theologians.
Theologians.
Theologians.
Oh, he jumped to the chat.
They say it’s aologians.
Theologians.
Theologians.
Theologians.
No, no, no.
No, gians.
Just theologians.
Theologians.
Why didn’t they spell it right then?
Yes, seriously.
Take that eye out and
I would have got it right.
I would have theologians.
Oh, theologians.
That’s my chance.
It’s theologians, but.
Oh, that’s awesome.
He fucked in to fuck us
off and then fucked off.
Yeah.
All right.
So theologians, thank you.
Thank you, our friend for correcting us.
Theologians agree it was the truth.
I’m going to start this whole bit again.
Okay.
A husband’s inability
to perform was one of
the few reasons that the church
would be allow a marriage to be annulled.
So disgruntled women who could afford
the legal cost would regularly charge their
husbands with injurious
non-consumation before a cliche.
Ah, fuck.
A cliche elasical.
Oh, the church people.
Yeah, before the church man.
Yeah.
The legal tradition dated
back to the 1300s when
philosophy people agreed that the
true aim of matrimony was procreation.
This was a very, to
me, actually interesting.
This is a very American
idea at this point
because the church in
most countries to me has
diminished its power and value.
And so like marriage
for procreation isn’t as
much of a thing, but
in America with their,
like, let’s roll back the abortion
rights and things like that.
I think this is now an American.
This is a talking about like a 1600s
European sensibility and it’s modern America.
There’s some interesting
parallels there that I pulled out.
Yep.
So why, what do you
think this was like, I
want to do some questions
every now and then?
What do you think the
purpose of marriage is?
Why would you get married?
Because you’re married.
I’m married.
We got married not to
each other unfortunately.
Fortunately, yeah.
Yeah.
What is the purpose
of marriage to you to
spend your life with a
person that you want to?
Like, there’s no purpose
beyond that for me.
No, okay.
Because for me, it’s just taxes.
Because you can spend your life
with someone without being married.
Yeah, common law marriage.
Like that’s a thing.
So for me, marriage
is to bind your finances
together for tax reasons
more than anything else.
And you would only do that with one
person and it’s the person you truly love.
So it’s a weird romantic financial idea.
But for me, marriage
is a financial institution.
It has nothing to do with love.
I don’t know.
For me, I never thought
about anything else apart
from like, I want to spend
my life with this woman.
And like, everything in my culture told
me that I should be married to do that.
I’m not, yeah, okay.
And so I did it.
And like, I might get married as fun.
I enjoyed watching her enjoy it.
Yes.
Fuck.
Yes, I agree with that as well.
I did not give a fuck
about getting married.
Not the ceremony or
anything or any level, but
I enjoyed seeing her
dress up like a Princess.
And I did.
I actually did.
Yeah, no, I agree.
I think I took more
pleasure in the pleasure
of my wife getting
married than I did myself.
I think that’s fair.
Because this goes
to the argument of gay
marriage of like why
they shouldn’t shouldn’t.
If the purpose of
marriage is procreation,
then you could say that
gay marriage is wrong.
But if you take sort of my
philosophy that it’s really about
finances and taxation, then gay
marriage is not an issue anymore.
Because you’re just binding
your finances together so
you have certain rights
that other people don’t have.
Because it’s definitely changed, right?
Marriage wasn’t about taxes in the past.
It was about like ownership, right?
Yeah, I think that’s true.
Yes.
Yeah.
Because especially, especially in
modern times, I think it’s about the taxes.
And again, like the rights, so
like your partner’s dying and the
right to go see them, that being
denied is like I, that’s just cool.
I guess that’s why like prenups
is such a big deal in, in America.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
There’s a soccer player.
Fuck it was awesome.
So they make tons of money.
So European soccer player, he’s
like Premier League’s top level.
He’s making millions and
millions and millions of dollars.
He has that salary go to his mother.
He gets married.
His wife doesn’t know.
So they get a prenup or
they don’t get a prenup.
I guess they don’t get a prenup.
And after X-Men years, they get divorced.
And all of a sudden, she’s like, I
should be getting millions of dollars.
Like, well, no, he doesn’t have any money.
His mother has all his money
and she just gives him an allowance.
And he just, she just pays for everything.
It’s not boy.
It was, it was a very interesting thing.
We are at the legal traditions, they
dated back to the 1300s with theologians.
Philosophy.
I know I did.
Philosophy people agreed that the
true aim of match money’s procreation.
Statistics are vague, but by
the 1500s says French historian
Pierre Darmal, Pierre
Dormal, in his detailed account,
damning the innocent courts were
faced with a tidal wave of accusations.
So in the 1500s, suddenly women realized
they could do this and started doing it.
The honest was, yeah, I know
that’s actually pretty insane.
Do you agree from it, but reverse?
Well, it’s, it’s actually, yeah.
The, the interesting thing to me is
it does only rich people could do it.
Yeah.
So that was interesting.
The honest was placed on the husband to
demonstrate his powers of erection before
an expert team of priests,
surgeons and midwives.
These learned observers would carefully
examine his equipment to reach an opinion
on its elastic tension
and natural motion before.
demanding proof of ejaculation.
Did he have to Jack in
front of a group of people?
So yeah, but I mean, it
looked like the group of people.
Priests, surgeons and midwives.
I would say not the
hottest group of people.
No.
I mean, yeah, not if I would have
been young, they would have been old.
Yes.
So like, I’m, and so
that they’re saying is like,
okay, you get a bowler
and we’re going to look at it.
Now.
Now.
Now.
So now you do in the next
two minutes, get a bowler.
We’re going to check elastic tension.
I have no idea.
This is it.
You’re going to touch it.
What is it?
Do you think that means touching it?
I have no idea what that means.
We have to get like,
they could just like, I
think a life that they
could just look at it.
And that would be enough.
But I bet it isn’t the
last attention to me.
Okay.
So maybe they like push
it down and what to get.
That is closer to what I was thinking.
I was thinking like if you like,
yeah, moved it, if it bounced back.
Yeah.
So like, essentially elastic tension
to me sounds like, is it hard hard?
Not is it like floppy?
Like, yeah.
Like you get like a semi semi.
I think we need to just
mispronounce everything going forward.
I’m okay with that.
I mean, because I do it naturally anyway.
Okay.
So what do you think?
So we have elastic
tension and natural motion.
What do you think natural motion means?
Natural motion is it hard?
Not as in the previous part.
I so, so when you get
a boner for anyone who
doesn’t have one or know about
them very well, you can move them.
They can, you can flex
your sort of like, he goal.
And they will, and they
will move back and forth.
So that to me was natural motion.
Unless they’re talking about hip thrusting.
Maybe yeah.
Which is insane.
Oh, actually put this on screen.
Like like just like like air humping.
I guess.
So natural motion.
Yeah, to me was was a crazy.
I don’t know what that that’s it because
they, we have these phrases and stuff,
but there’s no explanation
of what they mean.
So elastic tension.
I don’t know what that means.
Natural motion.
I don’t know what that means.
And then.
The last one we do is very clear
what it means proof of ejaculation.
Yeah.
And like the first one
you can like elastic tension.
You’re like, okay, I can.
Oh, you know, you know, you
know, you know, you’re pretty good.
Yeah, that has to be humping.
Oh, yeah, I’m just saying anything.
Like show us your technique.
Reif ejaculation.
So that means you have to ejaculate in
front of a crowd, which I do not want to do.
Like honestly, this is
the serious question.
So you are stood in front of a priest.
It sounds like a joke.
A priest, a surgeon in a midwife.
And they’re like, okay,
ejaculate for us now on command.
I couldn’t do it.
I’d give it like if
I can scout, try.
Oh, I don’t think I would even get halfway.
I don’t know something
about someone telling me
with the I don’t think I
would even get halfway.
I don’t know something about
someone telling me with pid out Jack off.
I’ll be like, oh, the
priest does it for you.
Okay.
Can it be the midwife?
Nope.
Nope.
I get your British.
You have that British background.
So the priest, the priest is
the one who’s getting it for it.
No, it was a proof of ejaculation.
I think it’s impossible.
Fine.
I think just maintaining a direction.
If I could go, this is one of those things.
You’d be like there you’re like
community leaders or, you know,
and they’re like, come on, show me.
Show me where.
Yeah, it’s weird.
Now get it hard.
I need to blame it.
I need to blame it.
Can we need to see you pretend
hump and then you have to.
And then I want you to see you.
Yeah.
I think I would fail this test.
That’s all.
That was my first thought.
Can you see that being a thing?
If I could go away to a little
room and come back with
a cup, I bet I could
manage it, but I still don’t.
I’m not on percent.
That’s tough.
Anyway, so like his next
next part, many men found
their powers would
fade on first examination.
So this is again, your first time in
only fans, I bet your show isn’t very good.
Yeah.
I think that’s fair.
All right.
Just looking at you makes
me shrivel one humiliated
husband, moan to his
tormentor, which fair enough.
That’s again, that’s
my thinking is like just
seeing you guys makes
me not able to do it.
Any man who failed this test had one
recourse to avoid becoming a laughing star.
He could demand trial by Congress.
Great.
Carry on.
Carry on.
Okay.
I think he’s a part of
his conjugal duty before
a team of experts as 100%
proof he could perform.
So basically, if you couldn’t get
it up and masturbate in front of a.
priest, a surgeon and a
midwife, and to completion,
you could then try to
have sex in front of a group.
I mean, I maybe you’d
be better, but I don’t know.
So the only difference here, right?
I had stories of lots of dudes
who just can’t perform the first time.
So I’m thinking that the only changed element
though is that there is a woman there.
The problem is this is the
woman who is angry at you.
Yeah.
So like if it was like, okay, let’s get a
hot woman and have sex in front of a group.
I think there’s a possibility,
but let’s get your angry
wife in here and have
sex in front of a group.
I think that is almost just as bad.
[laughs]
Yeah.
Like, especially like wives, right?
There’s a lot of…
Well, there’s a lot of
psychological issues that
go in there beyond to
just sheer raw sexual alley.
That’s what I’m saying.
Like, if it was just sex, I think
you have a better shot than you.
have now had this relationship
that’s clearly gone sour.
And that makes it 10 times harder.
All right.
So as recounted by a string of
contemporary accounts, this astonishing
piece of legal pornography
would take place in
a neutral territory
agreed upon both parties.
That, again, what do you
think is neutral territory
to have sex in front
of a group of people?
In the courthouse?
It has the park.
Oh, you just look at a park.
Yeah, okay.
Let’s get everyone around and watch.
Like, in town center.
[laughs]
I swear it has to be… My
guess they would have to have…
They would like, let’s get a bed.
So it must be like an inn, a local inn.
Yeah.
Glin’ yeah.
Okay.
So the married couple
were examined by the court
to make sure they were
not concealing any devices.
So this was like, I don’t have a fake
heinous with fake ejaculate in it, I guess.
Oh, we’ll keep reading.
Men were known to smuggle
tiny vials of blood into the scene,
which would fool observers
into thinking that the wife’s
maiden had been taken
without actual penetration.
So this is also assuming
that the wife is a virgin.
Mm.
And so basically you get into
bed, you spill some blood on the bed,
and you’re like, look, I
have taken her virginity.
It doesn’t say.
The cause of the time, yeah, this is hot.
Like she’s not going
to let it happen, right?
She’s trying to get out of this marriage.
And he’s trying to like
prove that he’s done it.
This is like legally sponsored or like
state-sponsored rape at this point.
But she has to agree to it as well.
So I guess it’s not.
Just to agree to participation,
to prove that he can’t do it,
and he has to agree to participation
to prove that he can do it.
It’s insane.
So then ordered to the conjugal bed.
So they actually have a bed.
They go to the bed, and
they’re supposed to try to do it.
The male surgeons and
priests repaired behind
a partition to enjoy
discrete observations.
So they went behind
like a sheet of paper, her?
Okay.
And the female midwives, purchased by
the pillows, watched every move like hawks.
So this is like mid-summer.
You see that movie?
Oh, but this is the
drug a guy, and then the
he’s like in like almost
like a zombie state,
and they bring him into this
room with all these old ladies
and a young lady who
wants to get him preginated.
And they he just does what it.
So there’s a scene of one of
the old ladies like pushing his butt.
back and forth to make him hump the girl.
Oh my god.
It was that movie is very weird.
I do like that movie though.
But yeah.
So you’re trying to do
it to prove that you can.
She doesn’t want you to be successful.
And there’s like old women perched along
the pillows watching what you’re doing.
Yeah, like with a magnifying glass.
Yeah.
And they’re like, “Okay,
you’re not very good at this.”
Mm-hmm.
So with the husband
and wife longest dreams,
the wrestling beneath the
sheets would be far from amiable.
So this is kind of my actual point.
That psychological element
is the biggest barrier to me.
Yeah.
Beyond physicality.
She’s like, “I don’t want this to work.”
Oh my god.
Yeah, I hope he can’t get it out.
So there was bickering in
harsh words with one wife crying
that her husband had
put his fingers there in
to dilate and open her
by such means alone.
So to basically like he’s
faking it with his fingers
as opposed to actually doing it.
Is he?
I mean, I’m not going to interpret that as
he’s trying to at least like get it open.
So get her started.
Yeah.
Okay.
My base assumption is
that he can’t get it out.
My base assumption is that she’s resisting
with love free fiber of her being.
I guess both are probably true.
Sure.
To be honest.
Okay.
One critic of the trials noted
that it would take only a marvelous,
marvelous determined man and
even brutish to not turn flaccid.
So yes, you have to not care about
your wife, not care about the person
you’re having sex with, not
care that there are old ladies
perched on your bed, not
care about there are other
men in the room listening
to be able to perform.
One hell of a kinky bust.
Impossible.
Yeah.
Just a guy who just does not
care about anything or anyone.
After one or two hours hours, the
experts approach the battle scene.
I do like this.
Whoever wrote this pretty good approach
the battle scene with candles to establish
whether or not there have been
penetration and suitable emissions.
So you have to have
like a sufficient wet spot.
Yeah.
One defeated husband, a
certain most yield to Bure,
although his member had been
declared by the doctor’s big stiff red and
long in place and in good
order lost his case as
he only scattered back
we see it upon the mattress.
So his ejaculate was too liquidy
for him to be considered a man.
Oh my God.
So he was able to get it up.
It was some turgid.
I’m actually thinking in the place
because the examination before they said.
it’s big stiff red and long, which
means he got it up in good order.
And then like, I agree.
Oh, he’s got it.
Yeah.
And then he does it with his wife and
they’re like, Ah, but the semen is pretty.
Come on, buddy.
Oh, can you see more cucumbers?
Yeah, a bit more protein
than you die at buddy.
Oh, so that’s it.
So he even like seems to have passed
the first test and failed the second one.
Okay.
The women who had the
funds to start impedance
trials were almost all
from the restocracy.
Almost said that wrong as well.
So it’s not surprising
that each new charge.
How did you see you did say it wrong?
I was a vistocracy.
I was a vistocracy.
No, I’m not sure.
I was a Christi.
I was a Christi.
I was a Christi.
I was a aristocracy.
I was a aristocracy.
I was a aristocracy.
I was a aristocracy.
A aristocracy.
There was some word we
were doing the other day.
And it was the British people and
the American people said it differently.
Really?
I can’t remember the word no though.
It was lost.
Okay.
Rooster, Chrissy.
No.
I was talk.
I was talk.
I was right.
The accent is on the O.
Yeah.
Oh, there’s another word coming up.
I’m not excited to hear pronounced what?
Salacious?
Nope.
Pen for the tears.
Oh.
I’m having that’s a weird
struggle I’m having right now.
Anyway, is he trying to read it fast?
I am.
And I had a quarter ball
of B-feeder for lunch.
Oh.
Okay.
Anyways, the women
who had the funds to start
the impotence trials
were almost all from the
aristocracy.
aristocracy.
Fuck off.
aristocracy.
So it’s not surprising
that each new charge
provoked a salacious
scandal that was disseminated.
who disseminated by
Parisian pamphletiers, the
predecessors of the
modern tabloid press to
a bemused wider audience
by the mid 17th century.
Oh my god.
This would be like just the average focal.
What the fuck are these?
Fuck are these people doing?
And we get to read about it.
Yeah.
Oh my god.
Like this is like the most famous,
what’s the most famous couple to you?
What would you mean like now?
Yeah.
Modern couple.
Like most two famous
people who’ve gotten together.
Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds.
Okay.
There’s no judgment.
I’m just interested
because for me it’s excellent.
I think of.
Yeah.
The first one that comes to mind for
me is Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez.
Because they’ve been together and then
they got made fun of these two together.
They’ve broken up and
gotten together a couple times.
And I think they’re together right now.
But the only reason they come to mind very
much like this is they went to have sex in
a trailer and one of them still
had a hot mic on or in the room.
And then Ben Affleck starts
going like, are you sure you’re okay?
I don’t want you to poop
on me again like last time.
So she had had some
some diarrhea or something
while they had sex in
a previous encounter.
Oh my god.
I hadn’t heard about that.
Oh, it’s pretty funny
because the guy it’s
just like a sound
engineer is like, oh my god.
His mic is still hot.
And then he realizes they’re
about to get down and dirty.
And then they start
having this very, very
personal conversation about like, are you
okay to have sex because you pooped on me?
No, I’m purpose.
No, but still.
Wow.
But used wider audience.
Yeah, that was me in that moment.
I was the bemused wider audience.
Yeah.
Okay, so by the mid
17th century, a carnival
atmosphere was attending
the trials as that should be.
I shown by the case
of the handsome young
nobleman, René de Carl
Dio, the Marquis de Langlé.
I can do the French bits.
Okay.
I mean, La Re.
I’m courted in detail by the contemporary
chronicler of the Parisian life, Tlemo de
Rieu accused of impotence
by his wife of four years in 1657.
So he was pissed.
But so the assumption is that they never
had sex or that I think that’s what I mean.
Like this actual part doesn’t make sense.
Maybe it’s that they had sex,
but they hadn’t procreated.
And if the purpose of marriage is
procration and he can’t do it now.
Okay.
She’s like, carry on though,
because they kind of aren’t.
The Marquis appeared
to have an open and shut
case when the first
examination suggested
that his wife was not a virgin, but
there was lingering doubt and innuendo.
So the Marquis decided to restore his
sullied reputation through trial by Congress.
Trial by Congress.
This is so good.
I know because like I’m so used to hearing
like American Congress and then it’s like,
okay, so they’re going in front
of like a meaningful of senators.
Yeah.
In just for the case.
No, no, it’s just a bunch of the old
French men to watch some people.
Fuck.
Yeah.
And then like judged them for it.
Yeah.
Oh, he was he was in there and
doing okay, but not vigorous like me.
You know, his natural
emotion disappointing.
I was disappointed in his natural
emotion and his semen was acquiesced.
You know, I don’t like it very much.
His wife should be free from him.
So I can treat her right.
This might be like a weird kind
of like white nighting going on.
Oh, God.
It’s the beginning of the
the nice guy movement.
I might be the guys judging her like,
oh, I can save her can save her in Paris.
Betts were laid on the outcome of the trial
and dirty songs composed because people in
Paris were like me.
Because I would bet I love.
Yeah, but I 100% would have bet on
the outcome and sit there, et cetera.
I’m writing dirty songs.
Oh, it was so much fun.
What was his name again?
The Marquis de
la He likes to party.
I need a friend who plays
guitar and who I can write
shitty songs to who I actually
like play the guitar form.
Because I would do that.
I would if I had that, I
would write a song for this.
Okay.
Okay.
I don’t have friends with talent.
Yeah.
Um, society like no.
Oh, society ladies,
fairly with the Marquis.
So this is a handsome dude who’s
attracted like women are attracted to him.
Society ladies for
flirted with the Marquis
with a certain madam
de l’olle declaring openly.
I would so like to be
condemned trial by Congress.
You saucy slot.
When the feuding couple appeared
at the site, a luxurious bath house.
So this is now we’re actually getting
the details we didn’t have before.
Servants had to add neutral neutral.
Neutral territory is a bath
house and luxurious bath house.
It’s pretty awesome.
It’s couple.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Servants had to force a path
through the crowd of curiosity seekers.
So not even a walk of shame.
This is the walk up to the deed.
You had to walk through
a crowd, which is insane.
Is that, is that still a walk of shame
if everyone knows where you’re going?
The walk of shame, my understanding
is, I guess you’ve done it in your walk.
Because my version of that,
you’ve got the same clothes on.
Yeah.
Kind of leaving someone’s everyone
knows what you did is the shame part.
Yeah.
But everyone knows what you’re going to do.
It’s like pre-shame.
Yeah, but like they all show you.
You must still feel
shame then at that point.
You feel, yeah, you feel shame
before you’ve even done it.
This is like, this is like in Game of
Thrones where you’re walking up and they’re.
like, shame, shame, shame.
All right.
The mob sympathy was squarely
with the dashing de la Jay.
So the guy’s got everyone
on his side right now who
was thought to have been
falsely accused by a heridian.
I don’t know this word.
So the other words, I know and cannot
say I actually don’t know this word.
So I want to look that up actually later.
Heridian.
Heridian.
The wife was loudly booed against
her performance is not on trial.
So that’s actually annoying.
The wife is loudly booed while the marquee
strutted arrogantly before his admirers for
all the world as if you were
already in such a great quote.
Haradin is Haradin is a strict
bossy, belligerent old woman.
I can now use that word at
the office and walk away, smugly.
Yeah, you are a giant.
John, telly.
Ter, as if I were already in.
Okay.
As he slipped beneath
the sheets with his wife,
the long age jauntily
yelled at the doctors,
bring me two fresh eggs that I
may get her a son at the first shot.
Oh, I do.
Okay.
Yeah.
He’s this is the pre fight where the guy
gets cocky and then gets his ass kicked.
So as soon as he
started talking too much,
you got to go in and be
like, I’m going to do my best.
I mean, I hate the guys who are like, I’m
going to kill them in like the first round.
I’m going to knock them
down and then get wrecked.
But disaster struck.
The marquee was heard by the doctors to be
grunting, cursing and finally praying after
two hours to Langley
gave up crying, I am ruined.
Dude could not perform in front of a
crowd and that to me is the core issue.
Yeah.
Whether you could do it or not at home,
put a bunch of people out there, scrutiny.
Yeah.
You can’t do it.
Like trying to have sex in
front of your grandparents.
Oh, God.
That’s what it would be like though.
Yeah.
Oh, no, it would be terrible.
Okay.
We’re in the last paragraph.
The chalk waves rippled
through the crowd outside
the female admiration and the female
admiration for Delongley to discord.
So because he couldn’t do it, they’re
all like, oh, he’s gross and pathetic.
His request for a
retrial was denied and in
France, his name became
a byword for flaccidity.
Imagine that.
So we got whiskey dick and
they got the marquee Delangi.
Yeah, he turned all Delangi on me.
Marquis retired to the provinces where
he married again and fired seven children.
Huh.
So he was capable when Delangi boasted
of this to a former enemy, the man, Archley
replied, but sir, nobody has ever
had any doubts about your wife.
Oh, like again, these these high, high brow
fucking one line is totally evading me.
Really?
Yeah.
So what the fuck does that mean?
Like he’s he’s bragging
that he had seven
kids and like, dude, no one ever
doubted your wife could have kids.
We all doubted your ability to get a boner.
Yeah, but he clearly did doesn’t make
any sense because they have seven kids.
So he clearly because this
has nothing about reality.
This is about reputation.
Oh my God.
No, but it is sexual prowess.
Yeah, yeah, it is though.
Oh my God.
All right.
Let me get some credit to
the guy who actually wrote it.
This is Tony Petrolte.
I don’t know if that’s actually, I said
that right, but just make sure someone gets
some credit for
actually writing this thing.
This is taken from a book
called Napoleon’s Privates.
So, amen.
Two thousand five hundred
years of history unzipped.
Oh, interesting.
I actually am vaguely
interested in this book now.
So in conclusion, I could
not pass a trial by Congress.
I don’t believe.
No, glad shit like that doesn’t exist now.
Yeah.
And there was a TV show in the
UK called the box or something.
Oh, it would go on and then have sex in
this box with like Mariela Fostrop, like sat
outside and then they come out
and they talk about the experience.
But they were couples or
they didn’t know each other.
No, they were couples.
Okay, who wanted to
go and have said like,
I’m like, like, A, the premise
is just asking for exhibitionists.
Yeah.
And B, I bet most people
didn’t actually even fuck in there.
Oh, yeah.
I guess I mean, maybe
someone tried and
couldn’t and then just came out and lied
because they didn’t want to look bad on.
I don’t know.
There’s a whole lot of
like, it’s weird TV show.
I mean, and this naked
attraction, you know, that one?
Yeah, you walk out nude.
It’s just one of those ones where
they’re like, are they all your covered?
And then they start
like your feet and then
they slowly go up and
up and reveal your body.
Hmm.
When the face being
the last thing you actually
see, so you made a
ton of judgments before
them, which is weird.
On TikTok, you see
a lot of clips of these
like dating shows, but it’s from
like a bunch of different countries.
They had one in Korea and it
was two incredibly attractive people.
And then like 10 seconds
and like they want to fuck.
Like just looking at
each other like he got
his shirt off as quickly
as humanly possible.
And then he had an awesome body.
Like he had like the eight pack and
like the the cum gutters and stuff.
And then she was
like, Oh, they’ve, I’ve
pulled a card that I can
go change my clothes.
She’s come back in a made uniform and
he’s like trying not to stand up and stuff.
I guess human nature hasn’t really changed.
[MUSIC].