Okay, so open the screen. So this is an audio format, so we do have to be very clear about what we're saying. There is a chart, and on the chart it says, which animals could you beat in a fight? And I can hear my own voice off your screen. No, you can't. That's your own head. You're imagining it.
The echo in my brain is so loud. It was just a brief moment of schizophrenia. You should get that checked out. Do you know in schizophrenia, so in North America, I think it would be the same for the UK. A lot of it's negative. Whereas in parts of Asia and India, people with schizophrenia, the voices are friendly. Oh, they're like, oh, hey buddy, how you doing? That's why there's less incidences of schizophrenic sort of breaks in Eastern, I don't know about India, Africa, but certainly in Eastern countries. The voices aren't negative, so it doesn't drive you to this sort of extreme behavior as much, which I found really interesting. Yeah. There's got to be some cultural reason to that.
When I played Senua's Sacrifice and the voices would say nice things, I was like, oh, this isn't so bad. Yeah. And then they come, you scum. You die like the worthless maggots you are. I heard a bee sound before you cut yourself off. Yeah. That was nice. All right. So the chart on the screen, so we have to sort of read it out for the listeners. Which animals could you beat in a fight? And it says, which of the following animals, if any, do you think you could beat in a fight if you were unarmed?
I think that is very important. Yeah. But we're not going to go down the list yet. No, no. Well, I want to- Introduce them one by one. Yeah. Yeah. And just say that this was a survey between Brits, British people, and Americans. I was going to say that. And then I want to read this stuff at the bottom. It says a survey of 2,082 GBs of Great Britain adults from 2021 and 1,224 US adults also conducted in April. That's the total amount of people in those countries that could read. The education system in England is much better. So there's a consistency in the chart though. And the consistency is that Americans skew to more, I could beat the animal in a fight every single time.
The Americans have got those big hairy balls. Big American balls. Everything is in American. Yeah. And English people just have those tiny little tea bags. That's it. I just imagined it like- It's pathetic. Yeah. Fucking. Yeah. That's what we do. Now, the lowest is zero and the highest is 80, but nothing ever actually hits the 80%. So it looks like the highest one, which is the first one, I say tops out in America at 72. 72. Yeah, 72. Early 70s. Yeah. Okay. So it is the common rat, I assume. And it's one-on-one. One-on-one.
Only 72% of Americans think they can be a rat. So this was a question to me of, do you understand what they mean? Because I guess people freak out. You were unarmed as well, right? So the point is you can be in a fight, but only with your hands. Well, so my first thought if I'm going to fight a rat is to stomp on it. Well, yeah. But I guess a lot of people are scared of rats, right? Oh, yeah. No, but that was my point. Like the almost 20 to some percent of people who say they can't, they're just panicking right away. They say they can't beat anything all the way down the list. Yeah. All those people would be like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. So what yourself? Have you ever fought a rat? No, no, neither of I've had a rat pet one. I had a pet rat too. What was yours called? Ricky. Oh, that's quite nice. Yeah. Ricky the rat.
Mine was Dimitri Dimitri. Yeah. Rats Kolnikov from Crime and Punishment. Rats Kolnikov. Oh, I didn't do that. I wasn't smart enough. Oh, come on. It was right there. It was right there. And you still wait and you reacted like you still hadn't thought of it all these years later.
I hadn't. Oh, my God. No, no, because I didn't name him to be clever in any way. I named him after the character of the book I just read. Oh. But now, so I wasn't. Now I'm double disappointed. I wasn't trying to make a pun. You would have been very disappointed with 15 year old. As so many people were in so many ways. I was about as disappointing as a teen could get. Oh, but you could have beaten a rat. Oh, yeah. So, yeah. I did have that North American big ball confidence. Yeah. I think if this included Canadians, there would be a lot more on the higher end. It depends certain animals.
So I have it. This is interesting because there's the animals I've necessarily sort of encountered. Yeah. I haven't that are just almost mythological to me. The feeling is different for those. Myths of my. Come on. No, no, because like I've never encountered a gorilla in the wild. Yeah, like in any capacity other than a zoo where it's like not like it's not even real. It's in there. Yes, I know it's real, but there's no interaction. It's not like it could do anything to me. Yeah. So in a way, they're not real. Whereas a rat, I've come across a rat. I said, were you particularly excited that day? You couldn't wait until you got home. I've lost track of the conversation because my wife interrupted. Because you came across a rat. Oh, good Lord. Yeah. That's one hot rat. Oh, look at it. Oh, man. Mangy hair all knotted together. Oh, God.
When I lived in Seoul in Korea, it was the late 90s and there were rats everywhere. That's that's racist. No, the rats were sort of okay. I wasn't. Ah, okay. I didn't say anything bad about the rats. It was clearly like there was a volume difference between other cities I'd been to. Yeah, no, I mean, big cities anywhere, right? The rats are going to be like, what's up, boys? And then the greatest rat movie ever, Ben. I've never seen or heard of until you mentioned before. I don't think you should see it. No, I'm not going to waste my precious time on this earth watching that movie. Ben, my only friend. Come on. All right. Number two on the list. Housecat. Yeah. I mean, what?
I can't believe that people less people think they could be a house rat. House rat. I mean, basically house cat in a fight over a rat. Yeah. I mean, a feral cat jacked that number up a little bit. Yeah. But still, I think, again, an animal you can stomp on is not particularly threatening. Like I know they can do damage and it is scary. Yeah, but it's so superficial, right? Yeah. It's going to scratch you and stuff. What particularly amazed me about this one, looking at the chart, is that the drop from Americans is quite large, really. Like it's like 68, 69 compared to the 72, 73 for a rat. Whereas in the UK, it looks like a percent drop. Like one. It's consistent.
Yeah. So everyone in the UK, the people who think they could beat a rat pretty much think they could beat a cat as well. Yeah. Whereas Americans like, oh, I don't know, it's way bigger than a rat. Cats are like two, three times larger. Oh, God. Cats are probably way more than that. Plus, if you've seen the way they look at you, fucking psycho. Because if it said cat, the house cat is domesticated. Yeah, it's domesticated. Yeah. Useless animals. Pretty much. Like if you didn't hand them food, they die. No idea what to do.
They only hunt to toy with things. That is actually something I respect though. Did you hear about the, I read somewhere it was like a British thing where they're responsible for the deaths of like two and a half million birds a year. House cats. Yeah. And they don't kill them or anything. They just. No, they don't either. They just fucking kill them. Like toy with them while they die. It is awful. But I did see one of my cats when I was a kid jump up into the air and nail a bird out of the sky. It's impressive.
Yeah. It's, you're just like, what I'm watching now is horrible, but that was awesome. It like basically back flipped up into it. It's like, and you've never seen a cat like your pet cat do anything. No, he's just like stroll around with his butt hole winking at you. So I think, I think this is more interesting one, the next one, because we have them and I have encountered them and they are scary. Well they're everywhere aren't they? And that's why they've had this horrible reputation. So the next one on the list for the listeners is a goose. So the Americans dropped down to just over 60, so maybe 61%. The British, they know what they're getting into. Yeah. Fuck that shit. It has dropped below 50%, 45%. Like this is a common problem in the UK. A goose. They're everywhere and they are territorial AF. Yes. And I didn't even know how bad it was until I saw a picture of inside of their beaks. Yeah. That is a horror show. So it's essentially barbs. I don't know how to describe it. Yeah. It's all barbed and serrated and just, Oh God, it's like, it's a war crime. It's designed to like, if you pull it would, you would tear your skin.
Yeah. So the only way to actually do it properly is to push your arm in until it opens its beak more and then like wrench its mouth open. Yeah. Oh God, but they just come at you. Yeah. They have no fear. Such ferocity. No God. That's I think the thing that changes the attitude because like a rat, it's fighting for its life. It's scared. A cat probably would be similar. A goose is not afraid of you. Nope. A goose will come at you first. Yeah. Have you ever fought a goose? I have never fought a goose. No. I had a goose chase me away when I was a kid. I never, I didn't fight it. I can't take any, like I'm not, I'm not going to have any sort of fake bravado going on. I ran away. No, I think I would too. I was not a little kid either. I was a pretty big, like I wasn't full grown, but I was still young, but I took off. I ran away. Yeah. I was terrified. Absolutely. But okay. So now you're in a room and you got to fight the goose. What are you going to do? I'd go for the neck. Yeah. It's pretty big, obvious. Yeah. Yeah. I'd go for the neck and just keep it.
I think it's the same with like a snake, right? Yeah. I don't know. I try and get it beneath its head. Yeah. And then I'd be like, okay, I can deal with it from here. Pretty good. Yeah. Yeah. You too. I have, yeah, there's no, I don't think there's another choice. You have to go for the neck and you just punch its face. But then I think you punch his face and then try to grab his neck. Yeah. And like it'll flap. Yeah. I remember hearing, oh, you know, their wings are so strong they could break your arms. I don't think that's true. I mean, I don't know. Like not all of them are that big. Maybe there's some breeds that are pretty. Probably some giant ones, but we're not, again, we're not dealing with those I don't think. I mean, they'd be in your neck as it would. Because if you go down two notches, I think that's what they're talking about. I don't want to after this. No. All right. So I'm pretty confident about goose to be honest. I wouldn't be happy about it. I wouldn't be happy about it.
No, but I think I'd stand my ground now as an adult, but when I was younger, I think I'd probably be just running through the front and then run away. Just laughing. Yeah. Yeah. Not like terrified, but like, yeah. It's a goose. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So here's an interesting one. They chose this very specifically medium sized dog. So I'm trying to think of a breed. Like a cocker spaniel. I think medium. I think they're small. Nah, they're medium. I think it's a small labrador. Nah, labradors are big. They're bigger than spaniel. Like they're not terriers are small. A collie. Yeah, like a collie or a spaniel. Okay. Okay. So what do you think? Oh, the chart says that Americans were solid on 50%, maybe 49. And the Brits were dropping below 40. So we're in the 39% range. Yeah, a medium sized dog, I think is no big deal. I am actually very confident about beating a dog, even a large dog. See the thing is I've been attacked and bitten by three dogs. And they were all larger dogs. But I wasn't prepared for them. So I think this is also the second part. It sounds like beating a fight, it's almost like organized as formal.
Yeah, this is like, promoters, ring girls, referee, everything. But yeah, I think the surprise attacks from these other dogs has just put some doubt in my mind. Even though I could probably do it, because I think it's very similar again, you just go for the head. Well, my understanding, and I think this is universal, is that a dog will basically attack the thing that's sticking out. So the strategy is you stick out your arm, and when it goes for the arm, you like sweep its legs or try to hit its neck and push it down on the ground. Once it's on his back, you're pretty much over. You're trying to kill it. This is not like, I'm trying to subdue the dog, you're trying to kill it. So you're in a really good shape there. Oh, and just in case Peter, like not you, P E T A is listening, this is all hypothetical and for self defense. We do not condone. Nope. We do not condone the murder of animals. I don't actually really like animals. Dave's sleeping in the background. Unless they're delicious. And they all are. Chicken. Human. What? Oh, the next one down is an eagle. Wait, do you not want to hear my dog story? Yeah. No, I thought, I thought, I didn't, I didn't want to trauma. You just, you skipped over them. Like they meant nothing to you. I'm really, I'm offended. I'm not going to tell you now. It's not for me. It's for the listener. Oh, okay. Well, I care about them. Yeah. You can go fuck yourself.
Yep. Yep. I'll put my mic on mute now. You can go ahead. Yep. So one of them was this Dalmatian. I really liked this dog. I knew it. It was a friend's dog. And then just one day I was going around the friend's house. I opened the gate and the dog was outside in the yard, the back garden. And I closed the gate, started walking up and it just looked at me. It just ran at me and just bit into my thigh. Oh, like a territory thing. Yeah. I was like, what, 11? So an 11 year old kid with a Dalmatian, like they're pretty big. Yeah. That's, that's, that's the large end of a medium sized dog. Yeah. And I was totally freaked out cause like I knew that dog. Yeah. Cause you thought it was a friend. Yeah. I have no idea what happened. Another one was, uh, I can't remember the breed of it now, but I was in the park playing soccer football. I almost said soccer. I've lived in Japan too long. You son of a bitch. My English has been corrupted. I was playing football with some friends and I just felt the sharp pain in my butt cheek and a dog had bit me. It just run up and on my butt. I was like, what? Yeah. That's insane. Yeah. And just all this old lady was like, Oh no, he's got off his leash. And I was like, what? Cause they're useless about getting their dog under control.
Yeah. My mother, we had a black lab that was overweight because my mother fed it and it had been sunny. So in a warm summer day. Yeah. It was super hot for the dog. Uh, and saw a squirrel or something, got up and ran and immediately fainted. Oh God. My mother lost her mind. And I'm like, you're useless. You're absolutely, if this was a real emergency, that thing would be dead. Cause you are, you are garbage. It, it was just so funny. Cause I was upstairs and all I hear is, and I'm like, that is not the appropriate reaction. You need to deal with the issue. And the dog was by that time already woken up and fine. Yeah. Cause the blood curdling scream woken up from its fat coma. Better than the smelling salts. And then the last dog that bit me was, uh, it was a Staffordshire Terrier, like fairly big muscular dog. Yeah. And, uh, it bit me on the ankle. That's like a kind of pre pit bull, isn't it? Yeah, it is. Yeah. Yeah. And this guy who lived on the, the same neighborhood as us, um, had, uh, three of them. And one of them just had jumped out of the yard. And again, just me happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. And this dog just bit my ankle like big old bite. Yeah. So, uh, I've got a few scars from, from dog teeth on my body, physical and emotional. I mean, I still love dogs. Yeah. That's good. It's good you haven't taken it personal. No, like I get it. Like sometimes dogs are just, they're having a bad day. They need to take care of someone. What was it? Uh, the Australian dude, he said, like, if you've got bit by a stinger, he's like, what's what they do. It's what they do. They're animals. Yeah. Like, you'd be angry at them for doing the thing that they do. Yeah. I mean, I guess you can to a point because like all of these dogs were clearly not normally like that.
I mean, I was on the Dalmatian, the, the dupe, my friend's dad got it put down. I felt terrible. Because of that? Yeah. He put it down. He's like, no, he's like this, this dog lives with me and my son who's same age as like you. And he's like, it's unacceptable. Like this, he's never done this before. And where's it going? I can't trust this dog anymore. That's awful. Okay. I know like as an adult now, I fully understand what he was saying. Well, I understand what he did. Yeah. But I felt, I felt terrible as a kid. I'm like, it's my fault. I'm like, why? I did something. And he's like, no, no, you didn't. Don't think we never really hung out anymore after that. Cause I felt really bad that I killed his dog. Yeah. I felt like my got my friend's dog killed, but the dad was right. He's like, you know, why did he snap? I literally had done nothing. I just opened the gate to walk up to his door. Yeah. Anyway, what's next on the list, Peter? Is it something else that's bitten me? It is not. I hope not. I think it's an eagle. So the Americans put it at 30% and the Brits were at just under 20. So maybe 18 or 19.
I think people don't really, I think eagles are another one. Like you said, mythical kind of. Yeah. I've never encountered, I've seen an eagle at a great distance, but I've never seen one of those. Yeah. Like I can't even picture how big they are. No. And I know they're probably massive. I don't think they're as big as that. Well, so eagles actually quite big cause I'm sure there's tons of eagles cause there's like the little ones that, you know, dive really fast. But let's just go with the American eagle that's on every picture from America. Yeah. Does not sound like what you think it sounds like. It actually sounds like a seagull. Yeah, no, I remember. I remember finding that out too. Yeah. I thought it was interesting. That noise is not an eagle. A different bird. I soundly at zero almost for me. I could not beat it because I have no idea what to do. I mean, it's coming down at you from the sky. It's got claws and talons. But again, it depends on the context. Like if this is where like in a room in a perfect situation where it's contained in an area, just get its feet or its wings and just hold its wings back. I don't think I, yeah, I don't know. I, this is, this is, you can see the difference.
I'm just like, I have no idea what to do. I have no strategy. So like, I mean, I just thinking about bird, like what, what's a bird? A bird without its wings, right? Yeah. Like, and if you're behind it, like what the fuck is a bird going to do? It's a dinosaur. Well, yeah. I tell you what I wouldn't want to take on is a fucking cockerel. What's a cockerel? Oh, like a, like a parrot? Male chicken. Oh yeah. Yeah. Okay. No, no, no. I saw a video of a falcon or something and it was a, it was a hen with like three or four chicks. Yeah. The, the, the falcon type bird came down. It was just going to take one and fly away. This hen went ape shit. And yeah, if I know we, we sort of put our emotions on animals, but the look on this thing's face was like, this is not how this is supposed to go. Yeah. It's a bird. It's like, what the fuck is going on? I'm looking at the hen going, you are not supposed to be scaring me right now. I'm supposed to just take one and leave. This is not the deal.
And it's just like, cause it's the hen can't really hurt it, but it's like, fuck me. This thing is going to, this is way out of hand. But if the hen could, those things can do some fucking damage man. When chickens go mad. But it'd be like, it's like chicken versus like higher, higher level predator. You just assume the chicken's going to lose. But it was just, it was an amazing video. Cause I was just sitting there going like, yeah, you're just going like, whoa, this is not what I was ready for. Like, I thought this was going to be an easy lunch. We're out. It's crazy. So I actually put my number for Eagle way, way down because I am just so unsure of how to handle the situation. I just think they go for your eyes too. I think that's like a thing. But I don't know what they would, I mean, what would they know what to do against a human? Yeah. That's what I mean. Just go for the eyes. I don't think it matters what animal. I think they just go for the eyes.
Yeah, maybe. I think I just keep my arms out grabbing its wings. Like if I could just keep it away from my face, I'd be fine. I think. Okay. So your number is higher than mine. I'm not going to say an actual number, but it's no, but I'm more confident than you are on that one. Definitely. So I'm confident against medium sized dog. You're me too. I'm confident against medium size. The next one, however, yes, we have next one is large dog. Is it like 22 for Americans and we're down like 13, 14 for the Brits. No, I'm around there. No. Yep. I think I would just be like, no, your jaws are powerful. I think I'll just respectfully back away. My strategy stays the same though. That's what's like, that's because the way dogs think is the same throughout is why I have some confidence. Yeah. Unless they're trained differently, right? Like just a dog would be very predictable.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Since we went with house cat, I'm just going to go with regular dog, regular dog, regular domestic dog, not some fucking like army trained attack hound, which would like juke you to death and then rip your eyes out. Actually knows how to fake you out too. Yeah. All right. So we can move on to this one. Now, I think everyone who's answered this question has probably overestimated their abilities. I think so too. Okay, good. So it's a chimpanzee. The Americans were sort of high teens. So let's say 18 and the Brits are solid on 10%. Yeah. I think to beat a chimpanzee, you would have to get lucky. I don't think you could beat it. Because it's not a monkey. I think people like chimpanzee and then they just picture a little fucking spider monkey or something. Yeah. But chimpanzees are ripped. Like in the fact that they don't do anything and they're ripped. It's just this weird genetic thing.
If anyone wants to really know how scary a chimpanzee is, just look up hairless chimpanzee. Welcome to your future nightmares. Oh God, yeah. And then there's just the story of that woman whose face got ripped off by a chimpanzee. And it was so famous because everyone's like, what? That oh, there you go. There's the picture I actually remember. Oh, fucking man. It's like a horror. Look at his shoulders. Like he has never worked out. Yeah. Look at those delts. Like imagine if like this is this was this next step for me. Imagine if a monkey worked out. Yeah. Holy shit. I'll check out that one. He's got like his his his triceps are bigger than mine and he's never never exercised. It's amazing. Yeah, that's a good one. That's good. Oh, God. No, he's just a British dude in a pub. Yeah. Yeah. Just a Saturday night.
Yeah. Typical Saturday night. No. Yeah. No, I would not. I would not place myself very highly. I'm down under five percent, maybe again, if I got lucky. But what's this five percent like five percent chance of you winning winning? Oh, OK. Like I'm still thinking that's pretty generous. I know I give I give myself like because remember, we he might have the musk, but we've got the bulk like we got we got size on our side and length of limbs. So we do have advantages where he doesn't. So I don't know if I can five percent. I definitely would put him like higher odds than me. It's just it comes down. I think a lot of winning a fight in any situation comes down to confidence. Yeah. Confidence against a chimpanzee would be very low. That's true. Yeah. If you go in thinking fuck, then you probably lost already. Yeah. Yeah. That would be the biggest problem. Yeah. All right. So all right. We both are not very confident.
I'm I'm way down on the chimpanzee scale. King Cobra is an interesting one. The Americans are still 17, 18. The Brits are sitting on 10 percent. Well, I think Americans are more confident because snakes are probably more prevalent there. Like we just have fucking like adders and shit like nothing, nothing to worry about. And so we're like, I have no idea how to deal with an aggressive, poisonous, venomous snake. So King Cobras don't spit. No, but they they bite. Right. And it's like, well, all snakes bite. Well, I guess constrictors sometimes don't. But if it's a biting snake, it's going to rear up and then it's going to lash out at you. So, yeah, this is where I would I'm actually way more confident because I understand how to sidestep. I'm not saying I could win, but it's way higher than the other animals. I don't know if I don't think I know I'm not confident at all about that. I don't trust my reaction speed. I think if it bit me, I could get it. But then the snakes already won.
So I mean, there's no there's no like do we have side team? Do we have like a medical people? There's no criteria for how this this organization was laid out. Let's assume that this fight is in the middle of a jungle. OK, then the snakes already won in India. In India. And I would just call on my friend Beam who would charge out of the jungle. Oh, he carried me on his shoulders and give me some shotguns. Yeah. Oh, OK. All right. I know that's a triple R reference. I've not seen that movie to see that kangaroos an interesting one. So, yeah, Americans are about 15, 14. The British are we're getting down to five. Maybe. I mean, I've seen a few videos of Australian dudes punching and fighting kangaroos. So the kangaroos rear up and kick. And yeah, it can break your ribs. But I was like, yeah, a lot of things can break your ribs. Yeah, like falling in the basket, breaking your ribs, using really hard. It doesn't mean I'm not going to get in a bath. So I my confidence against a kangaroo is actually quite high. I think again, after watching some of these videos of these guys, I saw one where a kangaroo is attacking his dog and this this dude is like, fuck that.
And he just went at the kangaroo and the kangaroo was like, what? That's the one where he walks up, punches it and then takes on like a boxing stance. Yeah. I love that video. And the kangaroo is so confused and just takes off. No. So again, I think I think it doesn't want to fight. So I think it wants to fight less than we do. Yeah. I think I think a kangaroo would be more likely to just like, fuck this, I'm out. Yeah. So my confidence is high. I think I feel more confident against kangaroo, too. Yeah. Then even more than a king cobra. Oh, way more than a king cobra. Again, I don't think they I don't think kangaroos bite. Like they can punch and kick and the kick is like their arms aren't that strong. No, but yeah, they can lean back on that tail, right? That big just like chunk of muscle that's a tail. Yeah. I think I think strategy wise, I'm again, I'm pretty confident. Yeah, no, I think we can move on from that one. Then we both sound fairly.
Okay, wolf. Oh, God. So the British or the Americans were at just over 10% and the British are still sitting around four or five. Yeah, I'm with I'm with I'm with my my compatriots. I think I think the people who think they can beat a wolf in a fight have no idea how big a wolf is. Yeah, it's not a dog. It's not a dog. It's not it's not a husky either. It's so so much bigger. Like the biggest dog you've seen. It's probably that big. Like a maybe bigger again. I think the biggest dog you've seen plus maybe 20 30% for a lot of people, I think because the biggest dog let's say you've seen a Great Dane, but Great Danes aren't actually bulky. No, they're just tall. A wolf would be bulky. Yeah, wolves. Yeah, actually kind of terrifying. The wolves are scary. I want I read about this guy and they have wanted a wolf. It's probably for like a Jeep commercial or something like, Oh, we want to get it to do to bear its teeth. We want to go like that kind of thing. And then the guy's like, Okay, you have to clear the set. We can do this once. If you don't get the shot, we can't do it again. And they're like, What do you mean? He's like, because that's it. Like once you make a wolf that angry, we got to put it away for a couple of days. For a really long time. And I was like, Oh, man, I didn't know that. That made me think about like the nature of a wolf. Yeah. I'm just like, yeah, that day would fucking destroy me. There's no chance. No, I don't think I know. Not unarmed. Unarmed. No way. From this point on, except for the next one.
My thinking is if you get its eyes by accident, you might have a chance. Almost all the rest of them. The next one's interesting, though. So I'm almost zero for wolf. Maybe I win by accident. Even then it would be a survive by accident. It wouldn't be with Yeah, maybe like a flail that accidentally knocked the wolf out or something. Yeah, I think you accidentally hit its eye and now it can't really see. Maybe I'd have Yeah, but I think even then just on primal instinct, it would take you Yeah. The next one, though, I think is interesting crocodile. So Americans are sitting just under 10. So maybe eight, 9% and the British are two or three. Yeah. What do you got with that? I'm actually pretty confident about a crocodile if I have some control over this situation. I see. I feel kind of the same as you. I've just seen so many things of people wrestling crocodiles. If you aren't taking it on from the front, I think you got a good shot. Like because they're big and powerful, but they're not like they have so many weak spots and blind spots.
Yeah. They don't strategize. Yeah. I feel like if you can just get away from that jaw, you're kind of okay. I think you could get on top of it. Because when you talk about a wolf, a wolf will think and come up with, it's like, oh, it's doing this. I'm going to do something else. No, yeah, they're hunters. A chimpanzee would think to a degree. Crocodiles just like, oh, it's in my mouth. I'm going to bite now. Whereas if you can just like, I just keep going around to the side. My friend grew up in Florida and they learn you run serpentine because crocodiles are animals and alligators can't turn very fast. Whereas other animals, you just run straight away if you're going to run.
In Canada, you'll learn the lighter the bear, the more dangerous it is. So black bear, there's this little song I don't remember, but there's a black bear will do a false charge. It'll charge at you. If you run away, it'll keep going. If you just stand there and go like, rah, it'll actually turn around and run away most of the time. Yeah. Because they're not that big, right? Black bears? Yeah. Yeah. The biggest black bear is probably my size. Yeah. And then the lighter the color, though, the more dangerous it is. So like the brown, like a grizzly? Brown bear. Yeah, brown bear. Yeah. A brown bear is more dangerous. So you just try to like make yourself big and make it so that like, I'm too much of a problem to fight. Just, I know. Yeah. It's not worth your time. Yeah. Yeah. Bears are generally relatively, they don't actually want to fight. Yeah. But like a Kodiak, which it is a lighter, they're bigger. They're going to be at like six, seven feet tall when they stand up. Oh. Yeah. They'll just, they're angry animals. Okay. And then like a polar bear just kills you for fun.
Yeah. I heard about them that if you've seen it, then you're basically dead. If you have seen the bear, then it's already on its way. Yeah. It's on its way to you to kill you. And you just should just give up now. Yeah. I'm, my confidence with a crocodile is pretty high. Probably I overestimated my ability. No, I think I'm with you there too. I would be fucking oiling myself up, stripping to my pants going, come on. Tarzan. Yeah. Okay. A gorilla. Nope. Dead. I'm dead. Zero. Yeah. Okay. We're on the same page there. Yeah. There's no way. If I don't think I could be a chimpanzee. No. Come on, a gorilla. So I used to, I don't, I haven't checked my grip strength lately, but doing judo, you have really good grip strength and I used to be very proud of it.
So I think over 50 was really strong. It's cause it's like pounds per square inch. Oh, okay. So there was a machine in the arcade and you squeeze it and I got like 60 something. I was like, Ooh, I'm really manly. Yeah. Basically I was like living off that for a couple of weeks. They threw, they put one of those machines in with a gorilla and it broke it. Like it just, it wasn't even trying though. Yeah. It was just like playing with it. Like, ah. The physical strength of a gorilla is one of something that we can't conceive of. No God. No, their muscles are way denser than ours too. Yeah. Crazy. Yeah. It's crazy how strong they are. So yeah, I just think it's zero. Like I could even like I could hit it as hard as I want. It wouldn't even notice. No, I like even if, even if like I could go somewhere and they'd be like, this gorilla is completely tame. You can go up to it.
Yup, I'll stand very, very far away and look at it between me and a big barrier. Thank you very much. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Okay. God no. The next one is a lion. I'm also dead. Yep. Zero. Okay. I'm also dead. Anyone who's saying not zero, I'm concerned about. It's a lion. It's a lion. It's a lion. It's a one thing. It's a killing machine. Like if you give me a spear or a gun or something, I have a chance. But since I don't know how to use a spear or a gun, I mean, but you still have better odds than unarmed. That's what I mean. I would have a chance. Whereas without those, I have no chance. No chance at all. No. The next one is interesting. But do you think you could use judo moves against it? You know, like you use people's momentum. Like yeah, if like, cause a lion pounces and stuff, right? Like could you like roll and throw it? Theoretically, because the problem is how heavy is a lion? Actually, I don't know.
Like there's got to be pretty hefty, right? Like 100 plus kilos. How heavy is a lion? Okay. The weight of a lion is 330 to 575 pounds. So 150 to 260 kilos. Yeah. Okay. Holy shit. So we're talking I'm 88 right now. Wait, but that was a female lion. Female lions are lighter than male lions. On average, female is between 265 to 375 pounds. So that's a big male lion is 575. A female lion would still fuck you up. Oh, yeah. Yeah. No question. Oh, they only live 14 years though. So maybe I could outlive it. Just keep running for 14 years. An interesting thing it was about what humans were designed to walk. So like we can't outrun a horse, but we can out walk a horse. Humans can out walk almost any animal on the planet. And so if you think about it, it's actually one of those terrifying like the animal runs away and it's exhausted and then the human like an hour later, it comes up over the horizon and it's just walking at a steady pace and then they run away again. But they can only run a little. They run less quickly because it's tired. Each time a human is still just like it's like we're the stalking animal. We're the terminator. We're Michael Myers. Yes. Just never stops. Never stop coming.
I could walk briskly away from the lion for 14 years. It doesn't work the other way around. So yeah, I would love to find out what the people I don't think it would work. All of these people are from Florida. Yeah, they're all Florida man. That's that's all it is. The sheer weight and the power. Like again, if I if I could train up to it, maybe. But no, no, even then, like there's no amount of training. You start with the house cat. The house cat around. I've got this one. All right. Oh, wait. No, I know you could do call up call up beam. I'll get beam. I'm just holding a lion with just two tusses on actually. Yeah, I saw that. All right. The next one. Inconceivable to me because what are you doing? How are you taking this down unarmed? So the Americans, it's still not zero.
So the Americans are sitting at again, eight, nine percent. I think maybe the British actually for these last four or five are all sitting at zero. It's not I mean, I guess it's not it's not on zero. It's like one or two percent. There's one guy in a pub for just one guy. Yeah. You take it. Yeah. How much have you had to drink today? Well, like 15 pints of cider. Enough to kill a fucking elephant. Yeah. So I was looking at this and I was like, OK, you would have a better chance of beating a gorilla, even though that zero because you could try to do something. I was like an elephant. It's inconceivable that you with your body could do anything is the way I think about it. There's no way I could hit or injure.
I feel like I disagree there. Like I don't I think there's no way that you would have more chance to be a gorilla than an elephant. Well, OK, because a gorilla's face is within reach. Yeah, but you're never getting close. I know. I know. I agree. But an elephant is a big animal. And you've got some scope to like run around it. You think it's a Dark Souls boss? Well, kind of. That's where I'm going with it. You walk around and you just start slapping that booty. Punching him in the nuts. Punching him in the. Yeah. My understanding is they just stomp on you. Yeah, they stomp at you. They scoop you up with their tusks and slam you down. And I've seen I've seen an elephant like destroy an alligator.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because that's what rhinos do. Not rhinos, hippopotamus. Hippopotamus grab you, pull you into the water and then just stand on you until you drown. Or you either get crushed to death or drown. Probably both at the same time. I'm not saying that it's feasible. I think you could put up more of a fight against an elephant than a gorilla. I think you would still lose. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm agreeing with that part. You're going to lose either way. I'm like, again, it's like I'm thinking sort of like the eagle. If I could get his eyes, maybe I could do something like just the fact he's got arms. I know an elephant's eyes are kind of out of reach for an average human. I can't reach them to do anything. So what am I going to punch him in the tusks in the in the in the trunk? And it's just like hurt my hand. Yeah. I'll make that sound. Yeah. I mean, I would already be making that sound the second the fight started. Tell my family I love them.
I find this last one very interesting. Grizzly bear. So yeah, again, the Americans, they're not at zero. They're like five percent and they have like one or two. The British haven't moved since we hit gorilla, I might add. Yeah. It's just the same. It's the same people all the way down. Or yeah, because it was it was it was two thousand British people. Yeah. And it's like two twenty. No, two. Two hundred. Two hundred. No, no. Twenty. Twenty. Like twenty. Twenty is one good pub. Yeah. Let's take twenty people that have all just gone. Yeah. No, I've done it. Yeah. Yeah. Did it. Did it last night. Yeah. Just came back from killing one. No, it was. What do you think it was the last one is grizzly bear. Now I again, I would put grizzly bear under gorilla and elephant even though I'm going to lose.
You know what I mean? Oh, as in. No, I don't know. Like I'm like there's a store in where I live that has a moose, like a life size model of a moose and a life size model of a grizzly. And every time I walk in there, I think, thank fuck, I've never seen one. Oh, because those things are terrifying. Yeah. Yeah. And I know if I saw one looming over me and I'm six four and I feel like a child next to that thing. So grizzly bears, though, again, they're very simple in the way they fight. So again, this might come from having even some semblance of understanding. Of course, it's not real. It's that they basically only do a couple of things and they sort of lumber at you and then they try to bite you. When they rear up, they're just trying to hit you with their paws and stuff. So they have claws, right? As well. Again, I'm still at zero, but I'm like, because I understand something, gives me that 1% of confidence. Gives you an edge, right? Yeah. I got an elephant and a gorilla, I got zero. Got nothing. I'd love to see a gorilla fight for real. Just to see what it does. Did you not watch that documentary where he fought that big, one fought that big lizard? Oh yeah, I did see that. That was really good. Yeah. I was impressed that they managed to capture that in the wild. What was amazing was Hong Kong. They just smashed the whole place and it was fine afterwards.
Yeah. Was it Hong Kong? I think it was Hong Kong. I don't know. I was just too focused on the raw, primal action. So for you, what is the one that is again, the most mythical to beat? Because for me, it was pretty much elephant. No, I think it's gorilla. Ever since I saw that hairless chimpanzee. And then I just worked up to, well, gorillas are huge too. Yeah, they're bigger than that. Again, I think a gorilla would just grab you and squeeze and you're done. Yeah, it could do anything. It could pick me up and just overhead press me for days. It would never let go and I just die of dehydration. The scene in the measures where Hong Kong is smashing Loki into a ceiling. Oh, he smashes him into the floor, then picks him all the way up over his head and smashes him to the floor on the other side and he goes back and forth like three, four times. Yeah, a gorilla could do that to me. He could just pick me up and just smash me into the ceiling repeatedly. And just yawn. Yeah, it's not breaking.
No, I can't even think about it. So you did mention moose. Moose is not on the list. I have seen moose multiple times in real life. They are- They're like the size of a truck. People don't understand. So this is it. People don't get moose, their legs are usually about six feet. So my height, like I could probably walk under a full grown like bull moose. And then they've got a tree on each side of their head. I think if a car hit them, everyone in the car is dead. And the moose goes, what the fuck, man? Because moose will get angry and they're angry animals because you got to imagine anything that lives in a forest with big things on its head is bumping into trees. He's pissed off. He's like, fuck man, why? Oh God, I hit a tree. Fuck. All the time. Yeah. So- That's like me, I bump my head every day and it puts me in a bad mood. And that's what a- I don't understand why that animal's in the forest. I really don't. They should be on planes and stuff. Because they look like trees.
They can disguise themselves as trees. To avoid what predator? I have no idea. A whole pack of wolves might take them down over time, but I bet half the wolves die. Just of old age. Yeah. It's like 14. So for me, moose would be interesting to put on the list because I bet the number would be really high because most people don't get how big a moose is. No, they're ridiculous. So what animal would you put on the list? I think I could be, or that I definitely couldn't. Just an animal to see what people would say. Yeah. Because I would like to add moose to the list to see what people say. Because I think every- this was like chimpanzee. I think everyone's wrong. Like you just don't know. You just don't know. Yeah. And again, I guess like, if are we fighting these animals? Let's say all of these fights take place in the animal's natural habitat. Yeah. And then it's an orca. Tuss threw in the chat, you can take on a whale.
Wow. Like not if it's an orca. I don't- yeah. Like those things amaze me. They are psychopaths. And they hunt for fun. They hunt for fun. There's a bunch of animals that actually hunt just for entertainment and orcas are actually the ones- that's how they got the name killer whales because they would go around and just kill stuff and be like, huh. Huh. Killed it. Yeah. It was a good Friday night, lads. Yeah. Apparently they're all British too. That's weird. Rugby. Rugby lads on tour. Yeah. Cool. No. Well, that was an entertaining ride through a really weird poll run on it. That is one of the weirdest poll runs. Ugov website. Yeah. So, if anyone has comments, you can send to speakpipe.com slash chunkmcbeefchest or an email to chunkmcbeefchest.com at gmail.com. I would like- yeah, I fucked that up. That's okay. Yeah. Or if you want to know who'd win between me and Peter. Yeah. Yeah. It's not who you think. It's Dave. It's Dave. Fuck. It's Dave. It's Dave.
